3. Chapter Three

Zipping my fitted black sweater, I take one more look in the mirror before turning to pick up Xamira. Emrys insisted I wear leathers, since we're going to train at the north army camp today. I think this outfit will be just fine; plus, it's getting warmer outside, and I am in no mood to sweat under leathers. My nose scrunches at the thought.

"Okay, my girl," I say out loud to my sorid. "Ready to go fuck with some males?" She nods, and I laugh. She enjoys tormenting them just as much as I do. Even in her species, they're arrogant and condescending. Emrys told me there were only two females at the north camp, which is hard to believe when there are thousands of soldiers.

I lift Xamira, holding her to my side and leave to find my bonds. They're both waiting in the common area, ceasing their conversation when they see me. I bite back a smile when Em narrows his eyes. No one has ever made my abdomen flutter the way these two do with just one look. Cas has also forgone leathers, standing confidently in black, light-fitted pants and a deep blue jacket that accentuates the golden flakes in his eyes. He smiles at my approach.

Emrys wears his leathers, of course; though I quite enjoy the deep color of the ones he chose today. The contrast to his skin and caramel eyes is very alluring. Even if he is looking at me like I've done something wrong.

"Why are you not wearing what I set out for you?" His clipped tone gives away his rising frustration.

"I told you," there's a smile in my words. "I don't want to."

"And I believe I told you that the soldiers at this camp will fight dirty. They will not hold back in their sparring." I belt out a laugh, throwing my head back and pressing a hand to my stomach. Xamira makes a noise and pushes off me, jumping down to walk ahead of us.

When I contain my giggles, I step up to Emrys and rest a palm on his cheek. His leathers must be new. Their scent is strong, but mixed with his muskiness? Delicious. "That's sweet." I pat his cheek and move to grab a hand from both males in mine. Deep-rooted heaviness lifts slightly when our fingers intertwine, and I can tell it affects Cas and Em too, because they both visibly relax at the contact.

As we're walking to the castle entrance, Casmir's voice breaks the peaceful silence. "I don't know if you should be concerned, Em," his voice teasing. "I think the soldiers will be more focused on looking at her ass rather than kicking it."

"Wh—excuse you!" I bump him on the arm, laughing and shaking my head.

"That doesn't make me feel better," Emrys mutters quietly. I'm suddenly yanked backward as he stops in the middle of the hall. "That's it—you're going to change. He's right. Your ass looks way too good in those."

"Oh my gods, you insufferable male! Come on!" I pull him back along, and he reluctantly starts walking again.

We reach the stairs and make our way down, but my mind is elsewhere. I feel…strange.

It's like a light breeze caresses my soul, pushing away the raging storm that hasn't stopped in years. My chest isn't so heavy anymore; it doesn't feel complete, but there's light filling some of the cracked edges. And each time I start to panic, one of my bonds is there to pull me out. They help ground me.

I'm not sure how to explain it. I just feel, I suppose, sort of…happy. Even with a war coming and a good chance many of us will die. Even with everything else there is to stress about. They are the light guiding me through, showing me it's possible to have someone love you because they want to, and not out of perceived obligation.

"You okay, princess?" Cas's quiet voice coats my ear, and I can't stop the smile that crests my lips. He places a light kiss on my cheek, wrapping his arms around my torso to hold me against him. I may be warm already, but the heat from his body tantalizes my every nerve. I bite my lip, nodding lightly and leaning into his affections. Warmth races through my chest, claiming space in my abdomen and fluttering around like the soft hum of a distant melody.

His ability to suppress my every worry is remarkable. It's as if his soul creates a dome of safety that begs for my presence within its intangible walls. It yearns to carry me through the worst of times; being the shelter I desperately need when my own mind betrays me.

These last few weeks have been hard. Exhausting. I want so badly to be healed, not having to rely on my bonds for help or pause my life to get through the next bout of panic. But nothing is ever so easy. At least I have them and Xamira. They are what keep me fighting when the urges to end my existence overtake all rational thought.

I shouldn't complain, though. Each day is a little easier. Before, visiting one of the army camps would have been impossible. Fuck, I don't think I'd have been able to even get dressed for a visit. I am doing better…it may not always feel like it, but the slight improvements are there. And thank the gods for that.

Actually, no. Fuck the gods. They're half the reason I'm struggling and have done nothing to earn gratitude from me. No…I should be thanking my three bonds. I need to remember that in the future.

Spinning in his secure hold, I meet the prince's electrifying gaze. He watches me with the intensity of an impending storm; where the air is charged with energy and anticipation, promising an all-consuming impact. I love him and Em. No, love is too weak to describe how I feel for my soul bonds. I am utterly consumed by them. The feeling is a force beyond love; a fusion of souls that transcends mere affection. It's an unbreakable connection that anchors my very essence…a deep-seated unity that defines my existence. They are the missing piece to my emptiness; the only ingredient needed to fill the hollow cave inside my chest.

They are everything.

Casmir's brows furrow, and I'm pulled from my consuming thoughts, noticing the blur to my vision. I blink several times, giving him a smile that says they aren't panic-induced tears.

I place a kiss on his cheek before we mount our horses and travel to the camp.