1. Chapter One

"You're taking him so well, princess," Casmir's gravelly voice slides over my ears as Emrys pounds into me from behind.

The prince uses his magic to hold my shoulders and head into the mattress. I sob a moan, my legs shaking from the two orgasms they've already given me. Em knows exactly what he's doing from this position…and I'm about to force them off me because I do not think my body can handle much more pleasure.

"Cas," I plead with my prince, knowing his captain won't listen. "It's too much. I can't do it agai—" My words end on a scream as another orgasm shoots through my core. I scrunch my eyes and grip the sheets, not able to do anything else with the way I'm being held down.

I've recently realized that I enjoy being forced where they want me and taking whatever they wish to give. They could hold me completely against my will, fuck me until I'm numb, and I would get on my knees and thank them for it. What does that say about me?

The girl who gets off on being fucked in the same way her kidnapper raped her.

There's probably a name for that, but I don't really care. I was in such an awful place that I nearly ended my life, forcing the males to live with my absence and taking Xamira with me. That was selfish. Wrong.

This? Being held down and taken in any manner they want me? It's the better choice.

"Repeat that for me, love." Emrys pulls out, rolling me over to face him when Casmir lifts my invisible chains. He crawls over me, his face hovering above mine. Sweat creates an iridescent sheen on his skin, and his curls hang slightly at the angle of his head. I bite my lip to hide the new wave of arousal coating my thighs. "Tell me again how you can't." He's watching me with an intensity only he could manage, causing my cheeks to heat.

I give him my sweetest smile, tilting my head slightly. "I. Can't." His gaze hardens, and I writhe under him, tingles working their way through my flushed skin. He looks to Casmir, my bonds sharing a silent conversation before he smirks and sits back on his knees.

Okay, I lied. I need more. They are staring at me with such hunger in their eyes that it makes me clench my thighs together. Before they can execute their sinful plan, I roll, swinging my leg over my prince and straddling him. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. He is so beautiful.

I lose myself to the art that is Casmir Vaintera. Prince of Anloria, and my soul bond. The markings on his body accent his muscles so nicely. The black, swirling pattern under his left arm curves inward at just the right angle, highlighting the lines of his waist. The marking circling his right arm angles under the muscles, shadowing them and making them appear larger than they are.

Not that he needs it.

I trace my fingers over his abdomen, following the line that leads up through his sternum and ends below his collarbones. I continue my perusal, tracing his jaw and brushing my sensitive skin over his delicious lips. I take my time admiring his hair, running my fingers through the dampening strands.

When I meet his eyes, my breath hitches. He's looking at me like I'm the most precious treasure in the realm. Like he sees nothing but perfection, and I could never do any wrong.

He's looking at me like he sees me. Like he knows how fucked up my head is and doesn't see it as a fault. He understands my mess and dances in it. He covers his soul in my dark, sticky trauma and praises me for letting him in. Like he wants nothing more than to worship every dirty part of me. Like he would gladly let my past consume him as he lies in the horrid memories and allows me to use his body as a stepping stone so I never have to touch them again.

Marry me, Anellah.

The unanswered proposal flickers through his eyes every day. He and Emrys want to tie me to them in every way possible…but I'm so fucking conflicted. I want to say yes so badly that I have to physically restrain myself from answering. But at the same time, declining them is a muddied cloud always in the back of my head. I can't seem to rid myself of its torment.

Maybe it sounds ridiculous, but there's a large part of me that is loyal to my purpose. The reason I was born. I've spent the last seventy-five fucking years training to be sanctioned as the Goddess of Nature…is it so wrong of me to not give that up easily? Even as I think that, my stomach turns. If Andras was out of the picture, I would never have met Cas and Em. I wouldn't know what it was like to truly be loved. Cherished. Wanted.

Sure, Calix loves me, but he's the only one I could ever stand to be around. Our friendship was just a matter of proximity and circumstance. My father loves me…well, at least as a father should. It feels forced sometimes. Like he isn't capable of such affections, but believes that's how he's supposed to act toward his daughter.

But everyone else? My mother, the other gods, my instructors, and peers that I grew with? I've always just been a tool to them.

Push Nell harder. Add extra lessons to Nell's schedule. Give Nell a more rigorous academic setting.

Make sure Nell is the strongest and most powerful god in the realms…because my mother couldn't handle anything else. Even meeting those expectations wasn't enough in her eyes. Nothing ever is.

But to have Xamira and these two males? It's all I've ever wanted…the only thing in my life that I craved. It's why I was so quick to trust Andras when I first arrived on Earth; I was desperate for the attention. He gave me one smile, and I felt like I was floating on clouds. Of course he turned out to be the worst of them all, but that's not the case with my bonds. They love me for me. They saw me at my ugliest, meanest self and leaving never crossed their minds. To them, I am it. I'm the answer to all the questions and struggles they've had over the years. The longing in their souls that they couldn't explain.

The thing is…they are that for me, too. I'm so in love with them that my soul aches when I even think about saying no. The two missing pieces stick out like a neon sign at the thought of leaving them. What it would be like to feel complete…

Let us make you our queen, Nell.

Let us worship you in every way you deserve.

Gods, I want that so fucking bad. I want to complete our bonding and feel whole for the first time in my life. But I'd be the only god to ever make that choice. What would they think if I did? What would they do?

Jasmine clouds my rampant internal war, and I blink to see Casmir sitting up, his lips pressing against my cheek. I am so selfish for allowing this to continue when I haven't decided yet. It's completely wrong of me.

At least I'm self-aware enough to admit it…especially since I'm too much of a coward to walk away.

Casmir presses his forehead to mine, and I can't help the giddy smile that takes over my face. His eyes are pools of the sweetest song. I imagine laying in a field at dusk, watching as the streaks of golden light rush through the horizon.

I love you.

He grins at my internal declaration. I open the bond so wide I could walk through it and nestle in their bodies. I let them feel every bit of love I hold for them. All the possessive thoughts I normally keep to myself and each strand of warmth and happiness that they've woven into me. I let them have it all.

Emrys's breath hitches behind me, while Casmir's hands grip my waist tighter. I keep myself closed off to them most of the time; they shouldn't be forced to live with my darkness. They're both still working on how to close off from me, though. I've had my entire life to practice with Xamira, and they've only just begun. I expect it will take a while before their presence under my skin dampens.

Not that I want them to hurry. I feel safe with their emotions. Protected. Even when those emotions are dark or upsetting…they're still a part of me, and I'm not sure I ever want to stop feeling it.

But that's a worry for another time. Right now? I need my males.

I grab my prince's face and devour his lips. Our tongues meet and the groan that vibrates through him has my back arching. My arms encircle his neck and I pull him impossibly closer, trying to consume everything he's giving me. A deep shiver runs through me when Em's tongue lightly traces up my spine. His fingertips brush the crest of my shoulder, and I suck in a shuddering breath, my sensitized skin showing me no mercy.

Cas breaks our kiss, working his mouth down my jaw and over the tender flesh of my throat; at the same time, Em pushes my hair to the side and lightly runs his lips just behind my ear. My abdomen contracts, and I'm trembling. The prince sucks my breast into his mouth, swirling his tongue over the nipple. I moan deeply at the sensation, and my head falls back to Em's shoulder. His hands slide around my ribs to my front, cupping the underside of my breasts to hold them for Cas.

"Let's have some fun, love," he barely whispers in my ear. I roll my head, taking in the smirk on his face and fire in his honey eyes. I nod. Of course I want to play with my prince.

I put a finger under Casmir's chin, lifting him back up. He looks confused for only a moment before his captain's mouth descends on his over my shoulder. I slide to the side, waiting for Emrys to push our other bond onto his back.

Oh. My. Gods.

I'm certain I'm drooling. The sight of my two males holding tightly onto each other, lost in the other's taste? I could watch this every day for a millennium and it still wouldn't be enough.

Em guides Cas down, leaning over his side so that I have access to my prince's beautiful cock. I have no time for teasing. I want to taste him. I grab his shaft and lick him from base to tip. He jerks, looking around Emrys's head, who is now tasting his neck. I smirk at him and stare into his eyes as I slide his length inside my mouth. He hisses at the sensations, gripping Em's hair to drag him back up. He captures his captain's mouth once again, and I watch intensely as I so slowly bob my head over his cock, deeply satisfied when he shudders each time.

Emrys pulls back, giving Cas a hard look that says "stay down, or else," and turns to join me in the fun he suggested.

"Oh fuck, I can't watch this…I'm going to come just thinking about it," Casmir groans, rubbing his palms over his eyes.

I pop him out of my mouth, pulling Em in for a kiss before guiding him over his prince, ensuring he takes as much length as he can. Holding his head down, I watch Cas's eyes roll, and the groan he lets out will be imprinted on my soul forever. I need to hear it again.

I give some attention to his balls, sucking on each one deeply. I want to make this incredible for him. I want the other gods to hear his screams of pleasure. I want them to know exactly who I'm fucking, and I hope it pisses my mother off.

"Fucking hell. Gods, you both feel. So. Good." He murmurs between breaths, rolling his hips in the uncontrolled way he does before he comes. Yes. I want it.

I pull his cock from Emrys, sliding it into my throat just as he comes with a moan the entire castle surely heard. I drink him in, but halt as Emrys's hand closes around my throat, preventing me from swallowing.

"You better share, love," he grits out, his voice demanding. I nod slightly, and he releases his grip, though his hand stays wrapped under my jaw.

As soon as Cas is done, my mouth is full and his cum threatens to spill out. I pull off of him, and Emrys immediately pinches my chin and forces me to face him. He looks positively sinful.

"Let me taste our prince," he breathes. His gaze is piercing; he wants to give Casmir a show. And I'm more than happy to oblige.

I stick out my tongue, letting Cas's release flow freely. Em jolts forward like he's been waiting for this his entire life; he licks up my chin and over my tongue, capturing every drop that's spilled. His mouth surrounds mine, searching for everything I didn't swallow. I'm so fucking turned on that a deep wave of pleasure slams into my core, causing me to sit backward. Emrys growls, and one of his arms circles my waist, while the other tangles in my hair and holds me up against him roughly. He's feral. I fucking love it.

Casmir groans. "You two will seriously be the death of me. I cannot even explain how fucking hot this is." I giggle into Em, and he finally lets me take in air as he bites the crease of my shoulder. He sucks the base of my neck, a whimper leaving me as the taut sensation shoots straight to my pussy.

"I need to fuck you." His voice is so commanding I almost don't recognize it. With the hand still gripping my hair, he turns me and shoves me down onto Casmir, forcing my legs to straddle him. "Hold her," he barks out to his prince. Cas's arms wrap around me, and I rest my forehead against his since I have nowhere else to go.

"Breathe, princess," he murmurs against my lips.

"Why—"

Emrys slams into me so hard I scrunch my eyes closed and wince at the burn. He grabs my hips tight enough to bruise. It's painful, but also fucking incredible. He fucks me hard, taking me exactly how he wants. He uses a hand to push my pelvis down, grinding my clit against Cas's semi-hard cock.

"Oh my gods," I whimper, sobbing against the sheer pleasure and force of everything. His piercings rub against the perfect spot with every thrust, and I cry out, wrapping my arms around Cas's neck; he loosens his grip on me enough that I can bury my face next to his.

"You're doing so good, Nell." I feel more slickness coat my thighs at his praise. "Does he feel good?"

"Mhm," is all I can manage.

"How good?"

"So. Fucking. Good," I cry into his neck with every hard thrust. I need to bite down on something, but I don't want to hurt him. Heat builds swiftly at my core, and my legs tremble at their own will.

"That's it, princess. Let him feel you come on his cock." He grinds his hips, rubbing against my clit just right, and pleasure explodes through my body. My vision falters and I leave the realm for a moment, unaware of anything. When I start to come back, Casmir is rubbing my ass and rolling his hips, and I can do nothing except take it. "One more, Nell," he demands.

"So tight, love, holy fuck!" Emrys's movements become messy and Cas slides his hand back, pushing fingers alongside the captain's cock. Em's piercings press down just right and I lose it. I scream, biting Casmir's shoulder and probably ripping his hair out with how tight I'm gripping it. Em stills and heat coats my inner walls as he groans his release.

We lie in a pile, the only sounds are our heavy breathing. After a few minutes, Emrys pulls out of me and drops next to Cas. I watch him from where I'm lying across the prince's chest. There's a light sheen over his skin and his hair is damp. His muscles seem tense, though that's just his default mode lately.

Everyone's stressed. But I have a plan…hopefully.

"I can feel you staring." I try to hide my smile as Emrys's sated, tired eyes find mine.

"I can't help it. You're just so pretty." He rolls his eyes, and I close mine. One hand finds Em's chest to rub his taut muscles; my other runs through Casmir's soft hair.

"Can we just stay here and never leave…" I whisper into the silence. My prince's arms tighten around me and Emrys rolls to face us, draping his arm on Cas's. I relax into their holds. A lightness drifts through my body; almost like being enveloped in a soft blanket. The hollow of my chest warms. It's not so empty at the moment. It's telling me that this is where I'm meant to be.

My eyes burn behind my lids, and I swallow around an object that wasn't there a moment ago. What's that saying mortals use? If you love them, set them free? A small breath leaves me; yeah, I will not be listening to that advice. The humans do have strange customs…why would you give up someone just because you love them? And with their short lifespans, it makes even less sense.

Apparently, I would give my males up just because of what I was raised for, though. Gods, I really need to take some time to think about this. I'm so confused. My soul begs me to bond with them, but my head yanks me in the opposite direction. My mother has always believed emotions are weak. Especially love.

"To love is to betray your value," she would say. To her, loving someone shifts your priorities; it stains your being, and you no longer have the ability to remain objective in all aspects.

I suppose she's right…my priorities have shifted. My soul has been stained. And no, I will not remain objective in anything. Casmir, Emrys, and Xamira are my first priority. Always.

If I was forced to choose between saving them or the entire realm?

Let the realm burn. They're mine.

I groan, dragging my head up to look at my males. "I should probably shower before the meeting."

"I don't know, princess," Cas says, pushing my fallen hair behind my ear. I lean into his touch, the warmth from his skin leaving a scorched path along mine. "I kind of like the idea of you walking in there with our scents all over your body."

My eyes roll hard. "You are seriously insufferable. Both of you," I laugh, pushing myself off them and stealing one of their shirts that landed next to the bed. They both move to join me, and I hold up a finger, smirking. "Oh, no. I'm showering alone today…but you two have fun." I wink and run to my room before they can follow.

It almost hurt to wash their scents from me; I won't admit just how much I want to be constantly covered in them. Not because I want to smell like them…I just don't want to smell like him. He lingers. His scent, his touch, his words, his delusion. I can still feel him on my skin and inside my body. I will not tell Cas or Em, though. It would hurt to admit just how much I'm still struggling. Consequently, I insist on showering alone most days, which allows me to scrub my skin raw until I'm sure there's no trace of him left. Even then, I'm still not convinced.

I walk to my closet and look through the clothing, deciding what would be best to wear to a council meeting. They've all seen me before, but only once, and we were never actually introduced to each other. So it's important that I make a good impression, seeing as I'm standing next to their prince in this. I pull open a drawer to grab underwear, snorting at the crotch-less panties I have yet to utilize, when my hand touches a box. My brows scrunch. I don't remember putting a box in here?

I pull it out, and the blood rushes from my face. I completely forgot about this…the obsidian necklace Casmir bought for me. I cannot believe I wore this without knowing that it's one of the very few things that could permanently kill me, or any god. Obsidian creates non-healable wounds and spreads poison through our bodies when under the skin.

Obsidian can't be found in this realm…how did the shop owner come by this? The other gods ensured it could only be accessed on Europa after they removed all properties of it from Earth; it's just about the only way a mortal could murder a god, so they made sure no mortal could get it.

Well, I suppose if a piece is going to be in this realm, I'm glad it's in my hands and not Andras's. He could have done so much damage with this. My stomach drops at the thought. It's best if I keep this close to me, so I unclasp the chain and hook it around my neck. The oblong piece rests on my sternum, right next to my heart. I have the urge to tell Cas and Em about this, just so they know not to touch it…but that's a truth I cannot give. Yet.

The effect of obsidian on gods is our most closely kept secret. Of course it is, because besides that, the only other thing a mortal could do to truly kill us— not just our physical body—is remove our soul's essence. The place that holds onto our magic and feeds our life force. Other than the gods, only the highest ranking demi-gods have this knowledge. It's forbidden to speak of, especially to anyone who doesn't already know what it can do to us.

I'll keep it to myself, for now; but my priorities have definitely shifted, because I will bear no guilt in telling my males if needed. I laugh to myself, the sound crackling through the thick air. The things my mother would say if she knew about any of this…but for once in my life, I don't give a fuck what she'd spew. Her words no longer mean anything to me.