7. Roan

7

ROAN

I hadn’t lied to Gwyneira when I said I would try to help Casimir, and “not lying”—for anyone keeping score—wasn’t exactly my strong suit.

I just couldn’t think of what to do to help him.

Or anyone.

The demon rolled beneath my skin, making the horses whinny with anxiety. The poor animals were miserable with me in the driver’s seat of the black carriage—and I didn’t blame them. I suspected they were wondering why this terrifying giant was here and Niko was not, and when they might get the nicer, kinder giant back again.

If only I had an answer for that.

I scanned the prairie, my eyes aching. I wasn’t the only one looking out of them, assessing our safety and seeking any clue to where the ones who’d taken Niko had gone. Even though the demon had relinquished control of my body when we left the forest, the damned creature hadn’t gone back to sleep in the slightest.

My head ached with the pressure of us both in it.

“You need to switch?” Clay asked.

I tensed, only to belatedly realize he wasn’t talking about my situation with the demon. “No, I’m fine.”

The horses suddenly tried to start trotting. Wincing, I pulled them back under control. We were pretending to be servants and guards protecting a minor noble on their way to the capital. It was imperative we seemed naturally comfortable around the beasts and not like a collection of giants who’d barely been within a hundred feet of the things in their lives.

Seconds ticked past. Atop his own horse, Clay didn’t attempt to ride onward.

His presence gnawed at me. When I shifted back as we set off after Niko, the others hadn’t spoken much, and although I appreciated what Gwyneira had said, I also knew why they maintained their silence.

This was my fault. Niko would be here if not for me.

“I’m sorry,” I said, keeping my voice low so the humans riding ahead of us wouldn’t hear. True, they seemed intent upon remaining near Valeria. Since none of them were soldiers, they often appeared less like any sort of military unit and more like baby chicks staying near their mother hen in the hope she’d tell them what to do.

That didn’t mean they weren’t dangerous.

Clay glanced over at me. “For what?”

“This. All of it.”

He gave me a confused look. “This isn’t your fault, man.”

Oh for the gods’ sakes, did he think me a fool? I knew that wasn’t true.

At my disbelieving expression, Clay scoffed and motioned to his brother. Lars rode closer, followed by Dex and Byron.

Which was just lovely. Maybe they could all act like I was an idiot, and then this could get even more fucked up.

I struggled to bury my frustration. Regardless of what they did, I knew damn well that I owed them all an apology and a promise this wouldn’t happen again, even if that meant leaving once Niko was safe.

Might as well get it over with.

Clay beat me to it. “Roan here thinks this shit is his fault.”

Well, I supposed that saved me any preamble. “I know I caused all this trouble to?—”

“This is the Aneirans,” Byron cut in like it was obvious and he couldn’t understand how I’d missed that. “ They took Niko.”

“Yes, but?—”

Clay made a rude noise. “What, like you helped them?”

“No, but he was in the forest because I?—”

“None of us went after him when he stormed off,” Byron pointed out. “Would you prefer we blame ourselves for that?”

“Of course not.”

“Then you’re being illogical, my friend.”

My mouth opened and then closed, words failing me. “I… I’m not being illogical. I know this happened because I?—”

Dex cut in. “Things went wrong because we didn’t talk to each other, Roan. That’s it. We didn’t trust each other.”

And gods, if that didn’t cut like a knife.

I winced, ashamed.

“But we don’t fix that by focusing on the past,” he continued. “We fix that by taking different steps in the future. Right?”

The others nodded, and I swallowed hard, doing the same.

“Well, okay, then,” Clay announced. “You hiding any more secret monsters inside you?”

I shook my head.

Lars gave me a smile, the expression filled with all the familiar optimism that I’d never understood how he possessed. “Apology accepted, then.”

“I…” Oh, fuck, I was getting choked up. I swallowed again and pushed the words out as evenly as I could. “Thank you.”

Clay shrugged. “We’re family.”

My chest ached at the words, the sensation sharp and painful and yet warm. There was no way in hell I could trust my voice if I tried to speak again.

Family…

It’s all I wanted. All I thought I’d lose if the truth came to light.

And here they were offering it to me anyway.

Settling for a grunt of agreement, I nodded tightly.

We didn’t speak much again as the hours slid onward, but the silence wasn’t anything like before. Or, really, it was like long before, when the seven of us lived at the cabin and everything had been simpler.

Except this time, I wasn’t lying to them.

That made it sort of amazing.

By nightfall, the terrain had started to change, becoming rougher, with stony hillsides shoving past the rolling prairie grass. Trees clustered beside a winding river, alternating between shielding the water from view and letting it peek out at us like a glistening ribbon in the darkness. The moon shone down from the black sky, but the lack of a single cloud let any residual trace of the day’s warmth escape, leaving a bitter chill on the wintry air. As we passed a bend in the river where a collection of trees had fallen, providing a clearing and wood for a fire besides, Dex finally motioned for us to make camp.

When I pulled the carriage to a stop, Gwyneira followed Casimir out immediately.

“I heard everything they said,” she told me in a soft voice the moment I climbed down from the driver’s seat.

I hesitated, but her grin made her thoughts more than clear.

“Told you it could be okay,” she murmured, arching an eyebrow at me.

Gods, I wanted to tie her up, kiss her silly, and then spank her for that teasing look in her eyes. I’d never tried such a thing— hell, I thought I’d die a virgin just to stop the demon from killing any bed partners. But now that I could keep that side of me contained, there were all kinds of things I wanted to try. Tying her down and turning that beautiful ass of hers pink was only the start.

I suspected she’d enjoy it too.

“Brat,” I murmured back.

Her eyes widened in surprise.

I grinned.

“She is that,” Casimir chimed in from the rear of the carriage where he was retrieving our bags.

Old resentment flared like a bad habit. Exhaling slowly, I squashed it down. I’d meant what I told Gwyneira in the forest, back before everything went wrong and Niko was stolen. I’d hated the vampire for kidnapping her, no matter how desperate he was at the time or how he handled himself since. I would have sooner forgiven the world for exploding than extend an inch of grace to him for taking my treluria away.

But I was starting to suspect the way I’d viewed the vampire ever since had more to do with me than with him or his choices.

Gods, I’d taken my pain out on so many people.

Time to start fixing that.

Squeezing Gwyneira’s arm briefly, I walked over to the vampire. “Casimir. A word?”

His brow rose, but he nodded. Letting Dex take over on the bags, he followed me away from the carriage to the edge of the camp. “Yes?”

Fuck, how to do this? “I… I’m sorry for what the demon did to you.”

Inside my head, the demon grumbled and eyed the vampire distrustfully, waiting for a fellow predator to take advantage of this potential display of weakness.

Casimir straightened slightly, and it took effort to hold myself still rather than make any threatening movements. The vampire was a decent amount shorter than me—and trapped in human form besides—but that hardly meant he was incapable of doing damage.

“I am sorry as well,” he replied. “Stealing the princess away as I did when we all first met… You and your demon showed admirable restraint in the face of that offense.”

I blinked. Wait, did he just?—

Casimir chuckled like he could see my shock. “I had quite a bit of time to think while we chased your demon across the countryside.”

I was speechless.

“Perhaps you and I are not that dissimilar,” he continued.

The demon twisted inside my skin, not liking that.

But, in a way, I could see the vampire’s point. “Maybe so.”

He nodded. “Truce, then? I would much rather have you as an ally than an enemy.”

The demon grumbled something contemptuous about the vampire needing that because we were stronger.

“And,” Casimir continued, “I’m sure Gwyneira would prefer that as well.”

The demon stilled. It hadn’t thought about that part.

“I agree.” I cleared my throat, trying to keep the demon from fucking this up. “And I wanted to say, if there’s a way I can help with what the demon did to you…”

Casimir chuckled, very little humor in the sound. “Yes, that is rather frustrating.”

I fought back a wince.

“Would you happen to know how to reverse whatever it did?”

The wince won. “No.”

“I see.”

I cursed internally, while the demon just gloated and muttered something about not wanting to help vampire-angel things anyway.

Which wasn’t fucking useful. We weren’t going to win anyone’s trust this way, not long term. It’d always be there, the fact we’d done something to Casimir to damage his vampire powers.

The fact that, by extension, we could do it to Gwyneira too.

The demon froze. It definitely hadn’t considered that, and though it didn’t say a word, I could still interpret with crystalline clarity what it was thinking now.

Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit…

“But I’m willing to help if I can,” I said to Casimir. “Maybe if we ask Byron, then between all of us…” I glared at the demon internally, but the creature didn’t argue. It was too busy panicking about how its mate had yet another reason to push it away.

I took a breath, silently ordering the demon to calm the fuck down. “Perhaps we could fix this.”

“I would appreciate that,” Casimir replied.

I nodded tightly and glanced around, searching for the scholar.

My eyes found Gwyneira first, and I faltered at the smile she was giving me.

Gods, it warmed me like she’d filled my chest with the sun.

Still grinning, she turned toward where the others were getting their bedding ready for the night. “Byron?”

At the sound of her voice, he paused in straightening his blanket. I didn’t have to be a scholar to read the tension that shot through him, nor to interpret the carefully controlled expression on his face when he turned. I’d likely looked the same as him for weeks—albeit while also behaving like more of an asshole than Byron would ever be. I had no illusions about that part.

But it was clear the man was trying to keep her from affecting him. And fuck if it wasn’t also clear he was failing miserably.

I suppressed a wry sound. No matter what we did, it never mattered in the end. All of us could sooner resist gravity than fight our pull to Gwyneira.

Byron rose to his feet. When the princess nodded toward us, he walked over with a hint of relief that was probably owed to the fact she hadn’t wanted him to come closer to her.

But I didn’t comment on it. I wasn’t that much of an asshole. “We’d like your help.”

“With what?”

“Whatever the demon did to him.” I nodded at Casimir.

Byron’s head tilted back, considering. “I see.” An odd sort of consternation crossed his face.

My heart sank. If the demon had permanently fucked up Casimir’s powers…

The creature surged beneath my skin. It wouldn’t allow that. Not if that meant Gwyneira had another reason to reject it.

Gritting my teeth, I fought to keep the monster contained, cursing internally. Acting rashly would scare everyone, Gwyneira included. And that would be stupid as hell.

The demon growled at me, but it also stopped thrashing around for control of my body.

“Fixing this could be difficult,” Byron said, apparently oblivious to my silent argument with the monster in my mind. “But I may have an idea.”

A breath of relief left me.

“It is complex, though,” he warned. “And risky. And…”

That same strange, frustrated look flashed over his face again like he was cursing something.

“What?” I asked.

He exhaled sharply. “And we won’t be able to do it without the princess’s help.”