5. Gwyneira

5

GWYNEIRA

I n the end, Valeria and her companions ended up stealing a carriage.

Not that I was entirely certain it counted as stealing anymore. The village where we found the black wooden carriage had been abandoned—and quickly. Doors stood open to the elements. Belongings lay scattered in the streets, rotting amid the cobblestones and mud. There were no bodies to speak of, nor any signs of what transpired to leave the place so silent and eerie.

But my imagination was only too eager to fill in the blanks.

Seated next to me on the cushioned bench, Casimir reached over and took my hand, giving it a gentle squeeze. “Your people will be avenged, princess,” he murmured so quietly that I doubted the bound soldier seated across from me could hear his words. But my vampire senses had no such difficulty, nor did Ozias where he sat next to the prisoner, holding the man’s bindings. Support radiated along my mate’s connection to me, silently echoing Casimir’s reassurances.

Obviously, any training I possessed that allowed me to hide my reactions was failing, at least where two men who could hear the tense pounding of my heart or feel my aching emotions were concerned.

By the time we reached a place to camp that night, I’d started to feel as if my nerves were like the strings of a minstrel’s instrument, tightened to the point they were about to snap. Wherever we went, there was only destruction. Never mind that the soldiers transporting Niko should have stopped to investigate it. No, they only dragged my sweet, kind giant farther north, bringing him back to the queen with no care for what was happening around them.

And I could do nothing to change that.

Seated by the campfire, I breathed slowly as I watched the flames. I was being self-indulgent, I knew, in letting my emotions get away from me. What would my father think if he saw me sitting here, worrying instead of planning?

That thought didn’t help much at all.

I looked away from the flames only to find Valeria sitting on the other side of the blaze. Her eyes were on the night beyond our small campsite, where the orange glow of the fire played against the tall grass.

Sadness lingered in her eyes.

Curious, I rose. My men and the guards from Duteliera glanced over. The humans and my giants had finished their dinner some time before, and while Lars and a few of the guards were preparing places for us all to sleep, Dex, Roan, and several humans were keeping watch by the edges of the camp.

None moved to intercept me as I circled the flames.

When Valeria spotted me, her expression closed down, but I didn’t let that deter me. “Are you okay?” I asked quietly.

The murmurs from the others fell silent for a second before returning, as if the humans wanted to pretend they weren’t listening and my men wanted to give us space.

I wasn’t fooled. Neither was she, if the way her attention flashed across the others was any indication.

“Of course,” she said flatly.

“It’s just… you seem sad.”

She regarded me for a moment. I doubted it was my imagination that she seemed to be deciding how far to extend her trust.

“My lord is putting himself at risk, sending me here,” she explained at last. “I worry for him.”

I nodded. “You don’t have to stay. Gods know we could use your help, but?—”

“I have my orders, princess,” she cut in sharply and then caught herself, blanching slightly. “Apologies, Your Highness. Thank you for the suggestion, but with your permission, I respectfully decline.”

I smiled at the tight propriety. “It’s okay. We’re all on edge. And I prefer honesty to decorum, just so you know.”

A heartbeat passed, and then she nodded, just once. She never looked at me.

I watched her, debating. I didn’t want to make things worse than they were already, but I also didn’t want to treat her like furniture, present to support us but not worth acknowledging beyond that.

If our lives were going to be in her hands, I wanted to know I could trust her. And regardless, everyone deserved better than to be treated that way.

Gently, I continued. “You’re close to Lord Thomas.”

I heard her breath catch ever so slightly.

“He is a good leader,” she said, her voice carefully neutral. “All our people are fond of him.”

I made a noise of acknowledgment. She didn’t move, her eyes on the middle distance between us as if she wouldn’t quite let herself look at me to see what I thought of her words.

Because gods knew, the lords in Lumilia would have plenty of opinions about what I suspected existed between the two of them. Not one of those opinions would be kind. A soldier and likely a commoner by birth in any sort of formal relationship with a man of Lord Thomas’s stature would reflect badly on him in their eyes. And an informal relationship wouldn’t be much better. It would change his reputation, at a minimum, and likely hers as well.

If she loved him, she wouldn’t want his position to suffer. If he loved her, he wouldn’t want her viewed as an opportunist sleeping her way to authority.

Secrecy was their best defense.

“I swear you’ll find no judgment from me if it’s more than that,” I told her in a quiet voice. “For him or for you. I only mean to say that I will do all I can to make sure your orders are fulfilled and you can return to him soon.”

Now her gaze flicked up to me, assessing and cautious. Her head bowed just a tiny bit.

Moments ticked past.

“If I may, princess?” she murmured.

I nodded for her to go on.

“You are not what I expected.” Her eyes skimmed over the others. “None of you. What you are to one another is… intriguing.”

I tensed at the realization she knew about me and my men. She was dancing around it, yes, but when she looked back at me, there was no question of her true meaning.

She gave me a small smile. “You will find no judgment from me either,” she continued, her voice low. “Love is a gift. I know that well. But I have to ask, how did you come to—” She seemed to search for words. “To see the world as you do?”

“What do you mean?”

Her mouth tightened briefly. “I meant no offense. I?—”

“And I took none.”

She hesitated. “I only meant… some people in your position would seek to uphold what came before them. To regain power and then hold on to it by reassuring everyone nothing under them would change. But you…” Her eyes darted around the camp. “You’re changing everything. And from all I can tell, you’re not doing it out of some grand gesture, but out of love and belief that it’s right, and that is…” Her tiny smile from a moment ago returned. “Not what I would have expected.”

I blinked, taken aback. “I suppose…” I thought about it, and then an amused sound escaped me at the truth. “When it comes to things like—” I nodded at her rather than state the nature of either of our relationships out loud where others might hear. “It’s because I read stories I wasn’t supposed to, growing up. Stories of true love and other pleasures that were tucked in the back of the castle library, and that would never have been considered ‘proper’ for a young lady of my station to read. Books were the start of everything, I guess. And then, later—” I smiled at Clay when he sat down on the other side of the fire, and he grinned back. “I met people who showed me the world was more complex and nuanced than I’d been led to believe. More beautiful too.”

Valeria was quiet for a moment. “The day Lord Thomas showed me his libraries, I thought I’d died and found the afterlife.”

I glanced at her in surprise.

She shrugged. “My mother taught me to read. She was a tutor in one of the border cities before I lost her to the war.”

Sympathy made my heart ache for her. “I’m so sorry.”

Silent, she nodded.

“When this is over,” I continued, “perhaps you’d like to see the libraries in Lumilia too?”

She appeared startled. “It would be a great honor, princess. Thank you.”

I smiled, and she returned the expression, suddenly looking younger and much less like a hardened soldier. More like a woman being offered something she adored.

Maybe even like someone I could eventually call a friend.

Silence settled between us again, companionable where before it’d felt tense. I didn’t make a sound to break it. I’d never had many friends at the castle. There’d been a handful of children of various lords and ladies when I was younger, but most had gone to live elsewhere by the time I was a teen. Beyond them, the person who had come closest to being my friend was Fironia, my maid—and even I could see how sad that was.

Never mind how her proximity to me had gotten her killed, thanks to my stepmother.

Guilt dulled the edge of my mood. Valeria and the rest would be in danger, too, if they stayed with me.

And that thought only made me feel worse.

With another smile to Valeria—one that, this time, hid how strained I felt inside—I rose and walked away from the fire, heading for the far end of the camp. I didn’t want to give in to sadness, but it was hard when Niko was still missing and the gods only knew what was waiting for us closer to Lumilia—to say nothing of the destruction we’d seen already.

“You okay?”

I flinched. In the shadows, Roan leaned against the side of the carriage. His dark eyes were on me, and between his black hair and pale skin, he looked like a ghost in the night.

At my alarm, he shrugged away from the black lacquered wood, straightening. “Sorry. Didn’t mean to startle you.”

I shook my head. “It’s fine.”

“You’re distracted.” It wasn’t a question, but it also didn’t carry the note of angry accusation his words had always possessed before his secret came out.

I shrugged. “I’m worried.”

His brow furrowed briefly, and then he reached out, gesturing for me to come closer.

Not moving, I glanced back at the camp. It wouldn’t do for the humans to see me acting “too familiar” with any of the giants. Not when—Valeria aside—they might change their minds about supporting us if they thought I was behaving scandalously with any of these men.

To say nothing of the truth about all of us.

But none of the guards were looking this way, and though Dex’s and the twins’ eyes flicked toward me every few seconds, they made no motion to draw attention to what I was doing.

I stepped into the shadow cast by the carriage. Roan took my hand, pulling me closer, and a breath left me, some of my tension easing away at his touch.

Silence hung between us, broken only by the soft sounds of the camp and the whickering of horses. Roan’s hand stayed on mine, even as his eyes remained focused on the prairie. Tension made his jaw muscles twitch, but there was a sadness around his eyes that gave me pause.

“Are you okay?” I asked softly.

A long moment passed before he gave a small nod.

I didn’t believe that. “What’s wrong?”

He glanced at me askance. “I was looking to comfort you , princess, not the other way around.”

Stubborn man. “So comfort can only go in one direction?”

He looked away.

I sighed. He was still him. Determined to the point of bordering on bull-headed. Silent more often than not. The fact we’d learned about his demon’s existence hadn’t changed that.

“This is my fault.”

I looked back at him, confused. “What?”

His eyes remained on the prairie. “If I’d told the truth from the start, Niko would still be here.”

Discomfort swirled in my gut. “But would you be?”

“That’s not the point.”

“It matters, though. If you’d told the others the truth years ago and left after that, there’s a very good chance we’d all be dead right now.”

He frowned.

“That dragon would have killed us,” I continued. “Or who knows what else might have. Plus—” I squeezed his hand. “—you and I wouldn’t have met. And that would have been a tragedy, as far as I’m concerned.”

He put his free hand over mine, a small smile lifting the corners of his lips.

“What-ifs don’t fix the past,” I told him. “They just make the present hurt more.”

Sighing, he nodded.

Seconds ticked by in silence.

I bit my lip, wondering if I should press the question that had been lingering at the back of my mind since Niko was taken.

“About the forest…” I began.

He tensed but said nothing.

“Are you angry at me for asking you to let the demon out?”

At that, he looked over at me, obviously baffled. “What? I’m not angry at you.”

A relieved breath left me.

“I’m—” He cast a quick glance back toward the camp and then lowered his voice as if trying to make sure no one overheard. “I’m concerned I might have frightened you away from being with me.”

Now it was my turn to be confused. “Why?”

“I saw what the demon did to those soldiers. Just flashes, but… enough.”

“Oh.”

His brow rose and fell like that was a sufficient response.

Which was hardly the case. “It was shocking, yes. But I’m not afraid of you—or it.”

“It ripped out a man’s heart right in front of you.”

“Yes, but…” I wasn’t sure how to explain why that didn’t scare me without sounding like a lunatic. “The demon also saved us. Again . It’s violent, true. But only to protect us.” I hesitated. “I get the impression it just isn’t familiar with being part of anything or cooperating with others.”

He was silent for a moment. “Probably not.”

I bit my lip briefly. “What would you think of trying to change that?”

His gaze slid to me like I’d just suggested dabbling in suicidal madness could be a fun pastime.

But something else was there too. Some one else, slowly heating his dark eyes with curiosity and desire.

A shudder passed through him, and the heat faded.

I sighed, disappointed in spite of myself as he looked away. There couldn’t be anything more between the demon and me, not while it insisted on having me only to itself, to hell with what I or my men wanted.

And that didn’t bring into it how Roan felt.

But that didn’t mean we couldn’t at least get along. Hopefully, anyway.

Taking a breath, Roan seemed to draw himself out of his thoughts. “I’m not sure how to help Casimir, though. The demon… It’s definitely not cooperating about helping him.” He scoffed slightly, as if the words were an understatement.

Worry settled like a leaden ball in my stomach.

“But,” he finished more resolutely, “if there’s anything I can do, I will.”

“Thank you.”

He nodded.

Behind us, the sounds of the camp had settled down while the others got ready to rest. Roan cast a glance back at it all and then leaned over, kissing the top of my head lightly. “Go get some sleep, love,” he whispered. “Tomorrow will be here soon.”