45. Gwyneira

45

GWYNEIRA

S aying we needed to rest was one thing.

Actually doing it was something else entirely.

Lying on the bed I’d shared with Niko and Roan, I stared at the cobwebs dangling from the mottled tiles on the ceiling. It was quiet in the temple now. Most of the giants had retired to various abandoned rooms to sleep after the madness of the day. The sun had set some time ago, and barring the few candles we’d found to break the gloom, most everywhere was shrouded in darkness. In a room down the hall, Clay and Lars were talking with Brock and his family, getting to know their niece and sister-in-law and trying to make peace with the brother they’d long thought was dead. Niko and Roan were still in the main area of the temple. From what I’d heard of their conversation before I left, the two of them were piecing together stories they’d heard of King Archerias, along with what little they knew of their mother. Meanwhile, Ozias was keeping watch over this wing of the temple, while Dex and Casimir met with giants who Ignatius and Brock said were trustworthy.

All while I spent the past few hours pacing this room or lying in this bed, racking my mind for what in the world to do now.

We couldn’t be the Nine, whatever that truly meant. I knew what I’d heard and seen, but truthfully, the idea that we were some prophesied collection of warriors just seemed absurd. Yet, regardless of labels and fanciful names, I knew we still needed to stop my stepmother. We had to keep her from destroying whatever was left of my nation.

Or, at least… I did.

Apprehension gnawed at my stomach. Niko was safe, and despite all odds, we’d gotten him out of the mines alive. My seven giants had returned to Erenelle, and even though the duke eventually did try to kill him, we’d come out of that with Niko as king and with new allies instead.

My men were safe. Maybe safer than they’d been their entire lives. Clay and Lars had a chance to rebuild with their brother, and Roan and Niko had discovered they were blood as well as family. Dex was already stepping into the role of general for the new king, and the gods knew Casimir would be an incredible help in advising Niko about ruling as well. Byron now had a chance to return to the Order of Berinlian and even to restore one of their temples, while Ozias?—

A questioning feeling came from my mate, one that said he knew my thoughts were spinning me in circles and he wanted to know why.

Quietly, I cursed to myself before silently trying to reassure him I was fine. The last thing I wanted to do was distract him.

I was distracted enough for both of us.

Because I didn’t know how to save my nation and make sure the men I loved survived.

Huffing out a breath, I glared up at the ceiling tiles. In books it seemed so easy for generals and soldiers to come up with battle plans. For kings and queens to wage entire wars. Every textbook and tome I’d read laid out each grand strategy as if it had been handed down by the gods. Worry, doubt, and second-guessing never seemed to cross anyone’s mind.

Being a leader was easy, if the books were to be believed. Funny how they never talked about what happened if your plans went poorly, and the people who mattered to you died.

I squeezed my eyes shut. This whole time, we’d just been surviving. Running from cabin to mountain to forest to temple without any chance to slow down—and certainly never reaching a place where we could stop for good. That we’d face my stepmother and the Voidborn together had been a given, even if I’d struggled to know how we’d manage that on our own. But now that we were here and, for once, no one was trying to kill us, it suddenly seemed cruel to ask these men to go to battle.

When they could stay here and have a home.

The bed rocked slightly. I opened my eyes, alarmed because Ozias hadn’t left the hallway and I hadn’t heard anyone come in.

Ruhl stood on the mattress watching me.

I let out an irritated breath. “What?”

The wolf’s eyes narrowed, turning into glowing green slits.

“Please just leave me be. I don’t…” Gods, why was I talking to him? It wasn’t like he’d ever replied.

Shaking my head at myself, I looked back up at the ceiling. Any other allies I might claim were scattered, to say the least. Valeria and her people were most likely dead—a fact that hurt all the more because I’d hoped one day to call the woman a friend. Meanwhile, Lord Thomas only had farmers for soldiers all the way on the other side of Aneira, and whatever allies I might have among the Jeweled Coven were on the opposite end of the Wild Lands.

Really, scattered was a laughable understatement. I didn’t even know how to communicate with them, let alone gather them together to mount an offensive military campaign.

Which left us. Just us, with no army and no soldiers, and no plan worth?—

Ruhl’s head butted into my side.

I jerked away from the pillow. “What?”

He huffed—which wasn’t exactly an answer.

“I said just leave me be. I can’t understand what you?—”

He huffed again and jerked his head toward the door.

I froze. “Is something wrong?” I whispered, stretching out my senses for Ozias immediately.

Confusion came from my mate, while Ruhl just cocked his head at me.

A wolf should not have been able to look that wry.

“Then what is it?” I demanded.

He stepped closer, bending down.

“What are you?—”

Ruhl yanked the pillow from beneath my head.

I shrieked, startled.

Tossing the pillow off of the bed, he gave me another wry look and then hopped down from the mattress. Huffing again, he threw a glance over his shoulder at me before walking to the door.

But unlike times past, he didn’t flow around it. Instead, he just turned and sat down.

“You’re waiting on me, is that it?”

He didn’t make a sound.

“You’re not going to let me stay here and think, are you?”

A slight huff that definitely sounded amused.

And also like no.

For a moment, I didn’t move. I was being ordered around by a wolf, which was patently ridiculous. But equally ridiculous was the fact I doubted he’d leave me alone if I didn’t follow.

He jerked his head at me, practically proving my point.

“Fine.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed and got up, splaying my hands at him. “Now what?”

Another amused huff. This time he flowed around the door.

“Unbelievable.” Shaking my head, I followed.

Ozias stood at the end of the corridor, and when he saw me, another questioning feeling came through our connection.

“Ruhl seems to think we need to go for a walk,” I explained, keeping my voice low.

Ozias had no trouble hearing. Agreement radiated from him, and in the darkness, he nodded once to Ruhl like he appreciated the wolf’s decision.

Which was just irritating, really. “I didn’t say I agreed with that?—”

“Go.” His voice was barely a murmur. “This area is secured, and movement may help calm your mind.”

“I am calm.”

“Says the predator tearing itself apart from the inside.”

I scowled.

“I can feel your tension, little mate. Move .”

Ruhl nudged me.

“You’re both so stubborn,” I muttered.

Ozias chuckled, a warm and loving feeling coursing through our link. “As are you.”

Shaking my head at both of them, I buried a smile. Gods help me, I couldn’t stay annoyed, not with his love flowing into me.

What would happen if I lost that?

Biting back a groan at myself, I turned and strode down the hall, turning corners and ignoring Ruhl while he paced along at my side. Maybe Ozias was right, and I really was tearing myself apart. But who wouldn’t when everyone they loved was at stake?

And when they had no way to make sure the people they needed would survive?

My eyes swept the open doorframes as I walked, my mind too distracted to truly register what lay beyond. Decaying furniture. Broken windows. Pages from books scattered across the floor, their ink destroyed by rain and time.

Meanwhile, I was no closer to a solution than I’d been while lying in bed staring at a ceiling. Movement wasn’t helping. How was I supposed to protect anyone if I couldn’t even?—

Ruhl flowed in front of me, bringing my momentum to a halt.

“ Now what?” I demanded.

His wry look gone, he didn’t react to my sharp tone, but simply nodded his head to the side. Frowning, I followed his motion.

And froze. “Oh.”

The massive wooden door was intact, though it stood ajar, affording a view of the space beyond. While most of the rooms I’d seen were obviously the chambers where scholars slept, there was no bed or chests for clothes in here. This wasn’t a bedroom or apartment.

It was a library.

My irritation forgotten, I walked slowly past the door. Beyond the rows of dark wooden bookshelves, moonlight poured through tall windows that miraculously still had their stained glass intact. More dark shelves lined the walls multiple stories high, and every few levels overlooked the ones below by way of galleries with brass railings. Enormous chandeliers hung along the distant ceiling, dust and cobwebs dangling from crystals that glinted dully in the moonlight. Here and there, books lay scattered on the marble floor, some with their pages falling out. But hundreds more still sat upon the shelves, covered in dust but intact.

“It’s beautiful,” I whispered. I turned to Ruhl. “Did you know this was here?”

A movement rolled through the wolf’s smoky body that I swore looked like a shrug.

“Thank you.”

He lifted his chin as if motioning me to go on.

Giving him a smile, I walked deeper into the library. Unlike so much of Erenelle, this place didn’t feel haunted by ghosts. There were too many books for that to happen. Too many stories and ideas and memories here, living on between the pages.

Books were immortal in their own way. Time itself couldn’t change that.

With a sigh, I paused beneath one of the massive chandeliers, turning a slow circle as I took in the beautiful space. Nearby, Ruhl sat on his haunches, his eyes on the stained glass window and the darkness outside.

I couldn’t say why, but somehow, I swore there was sadness in his bearing.

Curiosity tugged at me. Quietly, I walked over and sank down onto the tile at his side. “Are you okay?”

He huffed, something dismissive in the sound.

I didn’t believe him. “Why are you here, Ruhl? Really?”

This time, he was silent, never looking away from the window.

“Casimir told me that your pack simply showed up one day, several years after Zenirya fell. He never knew where you’d come from or why, just that you helped hold back that corrupted magic in the Wild Lands somehow. But I know you can communicate with me. You showed me your home when we were at Lord Thomas’s castle. A land of fire and darkness, yes? And you were searching for something?”

His head turned a bit, though he didn’t look at me.

“What is it?” I pressed. “What did you come here for?”

For a long moment, Ruhl didn’t move, his eyes on some middle distance like it held secrets only he could see. But finally he turned and lifted one massive paw, letting it hover above my knee almost as if asking permission.

I nodded.

Gently, his paw rested on my leg.

Images and emotions flooded my mind, transporting me into his perspective. I was surrounded by a place of endless fire and darkness, of sheer black cliffs and pits made of flame. Yet I had no need for fear. Those flames and shadows weren’t a danger.

They were home.

But as beautiful as it was, the one I longed for, the one whose essence called to my pack… she wasn’t there.

We needed her. Craved her. Everything in us hunted for her, and we dreamed of the day our search would come to an end.

But we couldn’t leave. Not home nor this place with its bitter cold and wild magic. Our oaths bound us even now.

And some nights, we feared we’d never find her.

I gasped as Ruhl’s paw left my leg. Tears burned my eyes from the overwhelming desperation choking my throat.

His desperation. And gods, his pain.

Swallowing hard, I tried to find my voice. “You could go now? Search for her?”

Ruhl sighed and shook his head like a man.

“But what oath is keeping you here? Surely we can find a way to help you fulfill it so you could?—”

“Princess?”

Gasping, I threw a startled look over my shoulder.

Byron stood behind us, staring. Half a dozen enormous books were in his hands as if he’d been in the process of relocating them. “What are you doing here?”

I hesitated. The last time Ruhl communicated with me this way, it’d seemed like he didn’t want me to share what he could do with anyone.

And this time, he merely rose from his sitting position, turned, and walked away.

Which was no help.

Trying to gather myself, I pushed to my feet and brushed my hands down my breeches to buy time. “I was just, um… talking.”

Byron’s brow twitched down. “Ah.”

He didn’t move to leave.

I fidgeted, overcome with awkwardness. “Okay, well. Have a good night.”

Ducking my gaze away, I headed for the door.

“Princess.”

I stopped. It took a moment before I could turn back and know my face didn’t reveal reluctance or the fact I was internally swearing up a storm.

It hurt to wonder if the others would go.

I already knew Byron was going to.

“Yes?”

He exhaled, taking a step closer. I tensed, fighting not to retreat.

“I should apologize.” Propriety seemed to wrap around him like a cloak. “I did not realize that what happened with our magic was—” A frown creased his face briefly as he searched for words. “How it might have been a risk to you.”

I blinked, confused. “You saved me, Byron. What happened from then on wasn’t your fault. And besides, you heard Ignatius. Maybe it’s fine.”

He shook his head. “I should have been more careful.”

I really didn’t want to argue with him. Not when it was just the two of us here, maybe alone together for the last time before we faced my stepmother, hopefully survived, and then he left for good.

“Apology accepted, then.” I turned away again.

“Gwyneira.”

I bit back a curse. Why did it hurt to hear him say my name?

Footsteps crunched on the dirty tile. His hand caught my arm.

“Are you angry at me?” Surprise and worry showed on his face. “I swear to you, whatever I’ve done I?—”

“It’s not you.”

It was everything.

The concern in his eyes was almost more than I could bear.

“What is it then?” he asked, his voice gentle.

And that gentleness hurt more than cold propriety ever could.

As if seeing my heartache, he looked around quickly and then strode over to a wooden chair. Dusting off the seat, he brought it back and urged me down into it. Crouching before me, he took my hands between his own. “What’s wrong? Please. Tell me.”

His emerald gaze transfixed me. Why did he have to choose tonight, of all nights, to behave so compassionately?

But it pulled the truth from me. “I’m worried.” My voice came out barely stronger than a whisper.

He only nodded, urging me to go on.

A tiny, desperate breath left me. “I’ve studied strategy. War tactics going back for centuries. My father and my tutors did everything they could to train me to be a good queen.” I shook my head, unable to look away. “And I don’t know how to begin taking back my throne. Even now, even after all these days and weeks… I don’t. Not without the risk one or all of us could die.”

Shame finally shattered the hold his gaze had on me. “And even if we do succeed, that’ll only mean it’s time for you to leave.”

He was silent.

My shame grew, burning in my chest like it would devour me from the inside. Pulling my hands from his, I rose from the chair. “I’m sorry. I should go.”

I started away, making it almost to the door before his voice came from behind me again.

“Princess, stop. Please.”

My feet came to a halt, but I didn’t turn. “The Order needs you, Byron. More than maybe they know. You’re honorable and wise and…” Gods, this hurt. “And you deserve to reap the rewards for how you’ve held true to your calling all these years.”

I started to move.

“And if I can’t do that?”

My footsteps stopped at his words.

“If Casimir’s worries were right and the tie between us causes pain if we’re too far away from one another?”

My eyes closed, a sad smile crossing my face even if he couldn’t see it. Always thinking, this incredible scholar. Always doing the right thing even if it cost him. “You’ll find a way to break it and keep us both safe. I have faith in you.”

“And the prophecy of the Nine?” There was a note of desperation in his voice. “Everything Ignatius said? What of that?”

“Perhaps it’s not what we think. Perhaps the prophecy counts Roan and the demon as two, and it was never meant to include you.” I let out a breath, clinging to my resolve. “Take your place in the Order, Byron. Please.”

I started toward the door again, my heart hurting. Niko must have been wrong on the math. That was all.

But regardless, I couldn’t ask Byron not to be who he was.

I loved him for who he was.

“Roan and the demon,” he muttered behind me, my vampire hearing picking out the gritted words.

Before I could look back in confusion at the frustration in his tone, footsteps crunched on the debris. A hand caught my arm, turning me around.

“Do you want me to go, Gwyneira?” he demanded, a pained fury in his voice I’d never heard before.

My mouth moved, but there wasn’t another answer to give. “No. But you have your vows and I don’t want to cause you any pa?—”

He pulled me forward so fast, I couldn’t react.

And then his lips were on mine.

For a moment, shock froze me. But my body caught up faster than my stunned brain, moving my hands to his sides, blurring my thoughts with desire. Shock melted, turning into heat that rushed through my blood and bones and core.

Holy gods… Byron was kissing me.

His hands gripped my arms, holding me to him with such force it would hurt us both if I tried to pull away. But I had no desire for that.

Only for more of this.

Even if it violated everything he’d sworn to uphold.

The reality of that began chewing into my desire like a rot that was determined to destroy everything about this impossible, amazing moment. Because this couldn’t last.

It shouldn’t even exist.

That reality seemed to catch up to him too. Breathing hard, he broke from my lips, his body shaking. “I…” He cleared his throat with effort and released me, taking a step back. “I’m sorry, Princess. I shouldn’t have?—”

“Indeed.”

The voice came from beside us, sending ice shooting through my veins as Byron froze entirely.

Trembling, I turned.

Ignatius stood in the library doorway.