39. Maddy

Chapter 39

Maddy

H is words make my heated blood freeze. He can't have just asked that.

"What did you just say?"

"I asked you if you were going to store that memory."

I swear my heart has stopped. "What?" I don't know what else to say. How can he know? It's impossible.

"With your memory magic."

I shake my head. "I don't know what you're talking about."

Panic is swamping me. It's starting in my stomach and spreading out through my whole body, making my skin feel numb.

He can't know about my memory magic. Nobody can know about my memory magic.

"I've been watching you for long enough. I watch you go into your head, literally. You leave this world. There's something there, and I've seen how you use it. I think you can store and access memories." His voice is soft and calm and logical, and it's a complete counter to the anger and fear that is overtaking me.

My clothes are barely on but my feet are moving, rushing me toward the curtain of foliage.

I have to get out of here.

I have to get away from him.

He's guessing. I don't have to confirm anything he's just said. He knows nothing. Nobody's told him. He's putting together what he's seen of me.

I need to get away.

"Where are you going, princess? We need to talk."

"You used me!" The words erupt from my lips, the intense emotion from just a few moments ago spilling into the hatred I'm now feeling for him, and causing me to whirl back to face him. "You used me, you arsehole. You waited until I was vulnerable, then threw this at me. What's the plan, blackmail me into getting you into the vault? You're the fucking coward, Kain."

Hot tears burn my eyes, but not one spills. Rage and humiliation flow through me so hot I feel like I could burn up. Snow falls over my head, and I hiss through my teeth. If Thyrvi shows up now, I might let her rip him limb from limb.

He holds both hands up and shakes his head slowly. "No, princess. I'm not going to tell a soul."

I glare at him, hope clawing through the rage. I want him to be honest. He's the only one who has been. I can't take him betraying me. Especially not after…

"Whatever you choose to do about the vault has nothing to do with your secret. It's safe with me. I swear."

"Then why did you tell me you know? If you're not going to use it against me, why tell me?"

"Because I think it's why you can get into the vault and nobody else can. I think Featherblade knows that only you and your very special magic can get in. That's why it's showing you. That's why it's leading you there."

I stare at him. I came to the same theory myself, but I'm not stupid enough to blindly trust him.

Am I?

"You're really not going to tell anybody, even if I don't help you into the vault?"

"No."

"Why not?"

"It's not my style, princess."

"But you're… you're the villain of Featherblade. You told me so yourself."

The corner of one side of his mouth lifts slightly as his eyes narrow. "Perhaps I'm a selective villain. If you ever betray me, you'll see."

My head is spinning. I'm trying to work out how I feel about this, but I know how untrustworthy my instincts are around him. He makes me stupid.

I know that he's never lied to me, so why would he lie about this?

I believe him.

I take a deep breath and draw what I can from the cool flurry of snow falling over me. He knows.

Do what you can, ignore what you can't.

I can't change him knowing.

I remember Sarra's words. But I can try to take some control.

I can't get into the records room without him. If I faint whilst I'm climbing, I'll die. It's as simple as that. And I don't think I'll recognize anything in the vault without his help. He knew not to touch the door when we went into the first one, and if I'm being honest, if I were alone, I would have died.

I need his help.

I'm sure as fuck not going to just tell him that, though.

"I found something out this week," I say, keeping my voice as calm as I can.

He tenses, his huge shoulder muscles hardening. "You did?"

"Yes. Sigrun took me to the Gryphon's Nest."

His eyes bore into mine. "I know. I saw you leave."

"Well, Sigrun, who is essentially a warden of death, says that she'd know if I was marked with any kind of terminal illness." I see his eyes widen as he realizes what I'm going to say next. "And I'm not." I shrug my shoulders, lifting my hands. I can see his mind working. "I don't know if they lied to me, or if it was a mistake," I say. "And right now I don't care. The point is, there's nothing in that vault that will cure my blackouts and save me from dying. So that bait is over. You can't use it anymore."

"So, you're not interested in the vault now?" he asks quietly .

"Oh, I'm still interested in the vault. But we need to get something straight. I'm the one who is getting in. I'm the one Featherblade wants in there. For all you know, the rest of the helm isn't even in there. So if we do this, I'm in charge."

He blinks. "You're in charge."

I flush, given the circumstances we were in five minutes ago. "Yes, and you're not coming with me unless you tell me who you want revenge on."

"The people who punished me," he says, his eyes glinting.

"I already know that," I say. "Who? Who are the people who punished you?"

"I'm not telling you that."

"Will you tell me why they punished you?"

"Absolutely not."

"Do you believe it was an unfair punishment?" I push. I assume that he doesn't, but I want an answer all the same.

"Yes," he growls, and there's a flicker of fire beside him. "It wasn't just an unfair punishment. It was a completely unjustifiable punishment."

It's what I wanted to hear. I didn't want to believe he sought revenge on people who justly forced him to pay penance for a crime he deserved to suffer for. But I also don't believe that it was completely un justified. The gods can see all. They wouldn't have taken away his wings and cursed his skin with no evidence whatsoever that he deserved it, surely.

"Are the other Valkyrie part of this punishment? "

"I'm not answering that," he says. His eyes are fixed on mine, but something in them has shifted. Uncertainty, I realize.

He doesn't know.

"You believe you were framed, and you don't know who by," I say slowly. I see him tense, but he doesn't answer me. "If you manage to complete the helm of embers, will it return your wings?"

"Nothing but Featherblade or the gods can do that," he says, his voice tight.

"Will it remove the curse on your skin?"

"No."

"Then will it give you your magic back?" I ask. He says nothing. "Allow you to leave Featherblade?" I try, although I can't see how that will happen without wings. Again, he says nothing. What does he want the helm for if it is none of these things?

I let out a long sigh. "Then tell me this. Will your retribution wait?"

He raises one eyebrow. "What do you mean?"

"If we get in there and the rest of your helm is there, will you let me become a Valkyrie before raining fiery hell down on those you believe deserve it?"

"You know, my raining of fiery hell should not be treated so casually," he says.

"Kain, I'm getting into that vault with or without you, and if you give me nothing, then you're not coming with me."

I see indecision flash across his face. I can't decide if he's about to tell me what I want to know, or grab me by the throat and tell me I'm taking him regardless.

"I swear to you, princess, that I will wait until you have received your full Valkyrie powers before embarking upon my revenge." His words are slow and clear and sincere, and I believe them.

"Fine." I put my hand in my pouch and pull out the key.

His mouth opens slowly, and his eyes narrow.

"I believe we have a record room to break into."