Chapter 25

Isucked in a deep breath and tried to calm myself. I'd barely slept, and the sun was already beginning to rise. The color looked off from here. I squinted my eyes and looked toward the sky. There was a glowing ball heading right for us, and my heart hammered in my chest.

"What the hell?"

A moment before impact Avalon's eyes locked on mine and I knew he was going to take me down. He shot straight toward me, then his arm wrapped around my waist and we crashed through the corner of the hut. It exploded into shards of wood around us. We came through on the other side and skidded across the swampy waters. I smacked into the surface three times before we finally sank under. Pain exploded through my side and back. If I hadn't been wearing my jacket my skin would've been shredded. I shoved away from him and kicked toward the surface. When I came up for air, anger sprang in my chest.

"What the fuck, Avalon!? Are you trying to kill us both?" I spun around, ready to face him, but he wasn"t there. Water burned my eyes, and the taste of swampy muck filled my mouth. I ran my hand over my face trying to clear my vision.

I looked down and Avalon was unconscious, sinking lower into the dark, murky water. His hair flowed up and around his face as his arms drifted over his head. Bubbles trailed from his mouth, and he disappeared into the dark depths.

"I should let you die, you son of a bitch." But I couldn't. The memories and feelings from the past held me hostage. I had to save him. "MONTY! HELP!"

The rest of the hut exploded as a giant-sized Monty leapt into the water and dove down deep. Less than a moment later, he sprang to the surface with Avalon draped across his back. He hung there like a dead fish. His skin was pale and dark circles hung under his eyes. There was a blue tinge to his lips and skin. Strands of his hair covered the side of his face and stuck to him in wet tatters. Monty tilted his head to one side, then another, looking at me as if asking what we should do now.

"I have no fucking clue, dude." I swam over to him and checked that Avalon was still breathing.

His breaths were shallow and labored. I never wanted to see what it would do to a demon to be out of their elemental clan, but I was seeing it at full force.

"He'll die soon." Padonya appeared on a tiny rowboat from out of nowhere.

"I know." I should let him die but I can't. The memories and feelings were too fresh in my mind. "What do I do?"

"He knows the way." She motioned to Monty.

I rolled my eyes and climbed on his back behind Avalon. I shoved Avalon closer to Monty's neck and held on. Son of a bitch. "Monty, get us out of here as fast as you can."

Padonya waved at me and smiled like all was right with the world. "Don't forget to pray."

Yeah, I'm praying he doesn't try to kill me when he wakes up. I'm an idiot. I'm an idiot. I'm that girl. The Stockholm one who takes care of the bad guy even though he doesn't deserve it. Monty sprang from the water and took off into the air like a floating blimp.

"YOU CAN FLY?" I screeched over the wind whipping by us.

Monty gave a happy little hum and swung his legs as he floated along like a little kid kicking their legs while sitting at a chair that was too high for them. I held on for dear life with one arm wrapped around Avalon and the other holding on to the fur on Monty's back. I shivered as the warm temperature of the Swamp Lands fell away and the air cooled around me. Goosebumps broke out over my skin, and the freezing air felt like it was going right through me. My clothes stuck to me like a sopping mess. I hated the feel of wet leather on my arms and legs. At any moment I was gonna get a case of chub rub and be walking around all bowlegged. Avalon groaned and his brow furrowed. When I peeked over Monty's side, we were close enough to the mountains to land.

"Monty, let's go down." He gave a chirp and gently took us down to drop into a hidden little valley between mountains.

The moment his feet hit the ground, I leapt off of him and shoved Avalon over the other side. His great big body hit the ground with a thud and I backed away from him. Monty scampered around me with a little trot like he was proud of himself. We both stood away from Avalon as he began to come around. He drew in deeper breaths and began to move. Color came back into his face and his lips began to turn back to their normal pink. He rolled onto his back with a groan, and his arms flopped to his sides.

I didn't know if I should stay to make sure he was okay or run. I knew we needed to have it out but was here really the right time and place? I tiptoed over to him and looked at his face. He really was the most beautiful man I'd ever seen. Beautiful . . . but such an asshole. I threw my hand out and slapped him across the face. His eyes flashed wide open, and he leapt to his feet to face me. I jumped back, standing next to Monty.

He rubbed at his cheek. "You hit me."

"I should've let you die." I raised my chin even while a shiver overtook my body.

"Why didn't you?"

"I'm still questioning that." I wrapped my arms around myself.

A ball of fire gathered in his hand, and I held my hands up, ready to stop him from hitting me with it. Purple petals fell to the ground at my feet. He threw the ball between the two of us, and when he flicked his wrist, the flames grew higher, warming me.

He motioned to it. "You're cold."

"You're observant." I held my hands to the fire, and the damp of my clothing started to ease slightly.

His eyes glowed that vibrant blue as he watched me. His intense gaze made ma squirm. Why did he have to look at me like I was this puzzle to figure out? Like I was the center of all his attention? I ground my teeth together. "What the hell were you doing in the Swamp Lands?"

"Looking for you."

"You nearly killed me. Was that your goal?" I shuffled from one foot to the other.

The muscle in his jaw ticked. "No."

"Then what was? I'm not going back to Dacio." I'd fight him tooth and nail, with Monty by my side.

"I'm not asking you to." He growled and turned away, then paced back and forth across from me.

"Then what did you want?" I crossed my arms over my chest. I had so many memories of him from the past that my feelings for him were so difficult to measure. I remembered him being loving and showing me that life could be beautiful. The Avalon I knew now made me feel like I was hated just for being existing.

"You! I wanted you!" He stomped even harder. "You have driven me insane for the last fifty years! The memory of you! What you'd done to me, to us, to this world! How could I not hate you?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about, and I remember everything about us Avalon. Everything. I have no idea who you are now, but I know who you were to me." It was the first time we'd had even half a conversation, yet I felt the need to blurt out my every thought. How could he have done this to us?

He froze, seeming to hold his breath. "And what was I to you?"

I shrugged and gave him the truth. "My truest love."

I tried to make it sound simple, but nothing between us was simple, not our past and certainly not our present. He gave me a single nod. "There was that."

Was being the key word. But I wasn't going to throw myself at Avalon's feet. Sure, we'd loved each other once upon a time. But fifty years was a long time. "Was is right."

He ran his hand through his hair and yanked at the strands. They fell in damp tatters all around his face. "I need to know why."

"And I'd like to know why you hate me so much. So why don't you clarify your question and then we can go over what in the actual fuck your problem is with me. Because every single memory I have of us doesn't give me a fucking clue what the hell your problem is. It is not adding up." I threw my hands up. "Is it that I went and sacrificed myself without telling you? Because I can tell you right now there wasn't time."

He shook his head. "No, it's not that."

I pointed to myself. "Not a mind reader."

He sucked in a deep breath and closed his eyes. "That night . . . I saw you . . . in the pool with Valandril."

I raised my eyebrows at him. "And what is it that you think I was doing there? I know I used to sell myself, but let me tell you something, this body is a temple and that shit would never happen now."

"I don't care about that. I never did." His words were sharp, angry. "He showed you the root and you held his hand while he planted it. You helped him ruin us all. And I just can't figure out why you'd do it! Why would you help him?"

I blinked. No. Way. My voice grew deadly serious. Rhode would describe it as mom-voice. "Are you out of your mind? Help him? Me?"

"How can you deny it? I saw you." Pain ran across his face, and he sucked in a sharp breath. "I couldn't believe what I saw. What did he offer you to do that? And how can I trust you now?"

He actually believed me capable of such a thing. Did he even know me at all? "Okay, first of all, that's offensive. Second of all, I was in that pool with him because I was dying."

"Dying?" His eyes widened. "How? Why?"

"Avalon, I was starving. The reason I was in that brothel was to protect my little sister. Any money I had went to buying her nectar. I was too far gone. I was going to die, and my sister made a deal to marry Valandril in exchange for the ability to heal me in that pool. If she didn't, then it would've been a matter of days." I dropped down and sat in front of the fire. Monty lay behind me, curling his body around the back of mine as he cuddled up. "I let her do it because I wanted more time with you. I was going to go join you."

As if the wind had been knocked from his lungs, he dropped down to his knees on the other side of the fire across from me. The sun had begun to rise but the rays had yet to touch the hidden valley we were in. It cast Avalon in dark shadows as the flames flickered over his face. "Rhode is your sister?"

I lifted my chin and nodded. "I saved her, and she was doing it to save me."

He scrubbed a hand over his face. "Fuck, Varan is going to shit himself. He's misinformed."

"Seems to be a theme with you men." I rolled my eyes. "I wasn't in the pool to help him. But when he showed me the root from the Sacred Tree, I tried to get it away from him. I wasn"t strong enough back then. I was too malnourished and weak to wrestle it from him. I tried, you have to believe I tried. He planted it and . . . well . . . I got caught in the blast."

He just sat there staring at me. He didn't breathe. Didn't speak. Didn't move. I wanted to tell him to stick that in his pipe and smoke it, but if there was anything this life and my job had taught me, it was to see things from the other person's perspective. I gave him a moment to take it all in.

"I get why you'd think that of me . . . but, Avalon, I swear I tried to stop him."

"I shouldn't have," he whispered. "I'm such a fool."

"Shouldn't have what?"

"Thought that of you. Lily . . ." he swallowed. "I'm sorry. Morgana. I should've known you'd never do something like that, but it seems there is so much I didn't know about you."

"I kept my secrets." There was no denying in my previous life I hadn't been honest with him. "I know it was me, but it was me from a different life, a different time. That girl is here inside, but I am who I am now. I will never be that. I will never be her again."

"You are perfect as you are." He met my eye.

"Yeah, right. You can see why I find it hard to believe that you think that way now—"

"—I've never lied to you. I won't start now," he cut me off. "At least I can claim that. I've made mistakes, been unkind, and done things that will haunt my every waking moment. But I've never lied nor will I."

"Okay then . . ."

"Okay."

More silence fell between us. It was all so complicated. I sighed. It was hard being with him and not being closer to him. In the past, I moved with such ease around him. Now, I didn't know what to do or how to be. "So, what happens now?"

"Now, I make amends. To you." He motioned to the land beyond the mountains. "To them. I have so much to set right."

And he just struck me in my soft spot . . . taking care of others. There was so much that needed to be done for the demons. "And how are you going to do that?"

"I figured I'd start by killing Dacio and putting someone in his place who will actually help the demons." He rested his hand on the dagger at his hip. I was surprised to hear this from him. Avalon was loyal to a fault and in this case a big fault. He'd given Dacio his loyalty and had served him well for fifty years. I didn't know what changed but I would take it.

"Ah, you figured out who he really is then?" Dacio had been Valandril's secret second in command. I vaguely remembered him lurking around in the shadows like a good little lapdog. This power grab was not a surprise to me.

"All this time I'd been thinking I was helping the demons by helping him. I'd been a fool. I've gotten so much wrong about the past. I believed he was a noble of the vampire court and got caught in the blast just as I had. He seemed to pull things together as best he could, but looking at it now, he made it so easy for us all to remain separate. I thought the clans cherished him. I thought he'd formed an army to protect us from the vampires invading. Now to learn the vampires never hated us, that they'd tried to reach out and he kept us all trapped like this? I see everything in a new light." He caught my eye. "I was a fool about so many things."

He wasn't wrong, but he wasn't correct either. "People can only make decisions based on their personal experiences and things they've seen. You believe the lies to be true of Dacio and of me. It isn't your fault—"

"—I should've been smarter. I should've known . . ." He shook his head and a growl of frustration rumbled in his chest.

"There's no way you could have." I understood where he came from and why he thought what he did. It didn't mean I was going to be a pushover about it, but I could give him some leeway. Besides, I tried to kill him too. "But I think you've been living in the past for too long."

"It is time to move forward."

"Yes."

"How could you trust me again? How could the other demons trust me?" He shot to his feet and began pacing once more. Frustration rolled off him with every step he took.

"Well, for us, I think we'll figure out where we stand over time." I wanted to jump in with him and see if what I remembered was truly there, but the new me, the cautious me, wouldn't allow that to happen. "And as for the demons, if you save Isramorta and free them, I'd say that's a pretty good way of earning some trust back."

"How?"

"I think we have to kill Dacio and then unite the lands." It was a simple answer for a complicated situation.

"You want to go back?" He raised his eyebrows.

"We have no army. We have no way of battling him. If we're going to take him out, it's going to be from the inside. He still thinks you're his loyal number two. It'd make sense for you to drag me back to him and put me back in the selection."

He flinched and shook his head. "You'll be in danger."

I narrowed my eyes at him. "You mean like before?"

He paused and bit his lip. "Fair point. But this time I swear I'll have your back, Lil . . . Morgana."

"I know you will." I really did believe he would this time. I was going to walk into that castle in control of my fate this time. Dacio would never have a hold over me again.

"Are you sure you want to help me?" He held his breath, waiting for my answer.

I rose to my feet and brushed my hands off. "Death comes to us all, Avalon. It just so happens that I am death. And now it's Dacio's turn to die."