Chapter 13

If I wasn't trapped in this room, I might have enjoyed the bed and the way I just sank into it all warm and cozy. Yet I found myself falling into the oblivion of sleep that I couldn't avoid. My breaths grew deep and even and suddenly I was gone . . . drawn into the world of dreams.

He took my hand and tugged me toward the edge of the cliffside. "Come along, love. I want you to see."

He was so beautiful, my Avalon, with his long hair and strong smile. I could gaze into his eyes for the next thousand years and never tire of him. His touch was light in ways I couldn't imagine, and yet he looked at me like I was something to be cherished, when so many others looked at me as property. He was a lord, but I was nothing. My life was devoted to taking care of my little sister . . . the things I'd done . . . the things I'd endured had been for her. But for stolen moments in time, I was Avalon's, and today I'd give him the only thing I had . . . me.

"Lily." He gave my hand a little squeeze. "I want you to see all the world can offer."

We stepped out from the trees and into the open. I sucked in a sharp breath. High above the city, I could see everything. The sky went on forever, and below, the city looked so small—like all my problems were just as little as the buildings. The rocky cliffside let us look out far enough that the white foaming waves of the sea line were visible. Here the world smelled fresh and clean, not filled with the odor of sweaty men that'd linger around me. If my mother had known such a place, such beauty, she might not have given herself so freely after the death of my father. But now I gave my body the same way she did for a bit of coins to give my sister the nectar she needed to survive. She was too young to live this life. I wouldn't let her.

"I wish my mother could've seen this." The wind brushed over my face, sending my hair flying back.

"I would give you this all the days through." Avalon took my hand and pulled me toward a blanket he'd laid on the ground. He arranged a picnic with all the trimmings, complete with a basket full of food. He reached down and pulled up a bouquet of flowers and handed them to me.

"I've never gotten flowers before." I held them close to my face and sucked in a deep breath of their sweet fragrance.

"Just a taste of what could come, Lily. Allow me to take you home with me to The Court of Shadows. You will be cared for there."

His words were like a light at the end of the tunnel, but there was no tunnel for me. He was a lord and I the whore who caught his attention for a time. Threads of exhaustion assailed me daily, and I found it more difficult to rise each morning. Pains racked my body, and deep down, I knew the life I'd chosen would claim me the same way it'd claimed my mother. But with him, I had my moment of love . . . no matter how fleeting it was.

"Let's not talk of the future. Allow me to enjoy you now."

"Very well. But I speak honestly."

He sat down on the blanket and offered me his hand. I took it and he guided me down to sit between his legs. I dropped down and let my back rest against his chest. He lifted his knee and tucked his arms around me. There in that moment, I felt safe from the world, like nothing could touch me. Not the men seeking their own pleasures, not my stepbrothers, not the pains of starvation. With Avalon, I was safe for a time. At least until he came to realize that I wasn't worth his adoration. I leaned back into him, feeling his warmth and the way I fit so perfectly against him. I closed my eyes for a moment, letting the fresh air fill my lungs. The only sounds I heard were his steady breaths and the rustling of leaves through the trees.

"We could have a home of our own out there with views of mountains and the sea." He pointed toward the Court of Shadows. "No one would know you there."

"And what would you do? Leave me each time you are to do your runs?" With each time he left, he would find more comfort in being away from me. Soon he would learn I wasn't the excitement he thought I was.

He chuckled. "Who says I'd leave you?"

I never told him about my family or my sister or the things that weighed on my mind. He didn't even know my real name. It wasn't for him to fix because I didn't believe in being saved. No one saved my mother, no one would save me, but my sister would have a chance to survive. I'd built up my savings and made provisions for her. He laced his fingers through mine and brought my hand to his lips. He pressed a light kiss to my skin and warmth spread through my body. He always made me feel like I was the only one in the world to him, but how could that be? He was perfect, and I was . . . so far from it.

When I didn't respond, he sighed. "Lily, love, do consider what I'm offering."

I'd dreamt of his offers on a daily basis. I saw our home in my dreams, the life we could lead, the way he could make me happy. But the world I came from meant that dreams were just that . . . dreams. I loved Avalon with everything that I was, and his words, dreams of him, saw me through the darkest of times. When another breeze blew across us, this time more chilled, he held me tight, and there was nothing but the two of us overlooking a world that was so small but felt so big when I was trapped in it.

"I'll think on it."

"You know when you say that it means no." He grunted with frustration. "Yet I will keep trying."

I turned around in his arms to press my body against his. I leaned up and took his lips. Kissing was such an intimate thing. It was something I kept just for Avalon. He wound his fingers in my hair and toyed with the tips. Our tongues wound together, and I wound my hand into his coat, pulling him closer. I would take all the stolen moments with Avalon I could. I cherished his taste on my lips and the feel of his body against mine. He was everything I needed in a world that'd shown me no kindness. He twisted to the side, taking me with him and laying me on my back. His lips never left mine, and I relished the feel of hands running over my body and the way he felt my curves. He cherished me, wanted me, and I felt it in his every move and touch.

His lips were firm yet tender against mine. His tongue was gentle yet seeking. There wasn't anything I didn't adore about Avalon. I wanted him more than I wanted anything else in the world. But I didn't deserve him. For now, I would pretend. For now, he was mine. For now, there was only us and only the love I felt for him. My heart ached each day I didn't see him, and when he came back again, I felt complete. With his lips on mine and the way we fit perfectly together, all was right with the world . . . as long as I was with him. I sucked in a breath, trying to burn this moment into my memory. He set me free. He made me feel . . . alive.