54. Chapter Fifty-Four

Holy Hel, that sound.

That fucking sound.

Arken almost immediately leapt up off of my couch after the whimper left her lips, her cheeks flaming with embarrassment. I had to take a few seconds to blink, trying to process what had her so clearly horrified with herself.

Oh. She thought I had just been teasing her.

“That was so inappropriate, gods, I am so sorry,” she said quickly, one hand still covering her mouth. She couldn’t look me in the eye.

Inappropriate? Oh no, sweetheart.

This was probably the most appropriate thing that had ever fucking transpired between us, no matter how long we’d both been running from it. As she started to try and take a step back, perhaps to put some distance between us, I caught her by the wrist.

“Arken,” I said, trying to keep my voice calm, though my heart was pounding. “Don’t… Come back here, please.”

Please don’t run away from me, Arken. Not now.

I would beg, if she asked me to. I needed her to stay. I needed her, period.

She was staring at the carpet now, looking somewhat pained, conflicted and still clearly mortified. When she finally peered back at me through those thick, dark lashes, I could see hints of shame lingering in those golden eyes.

I let my own smolder in her direction, finally letting her see just how fucking badly I wanted her. I licked at my lower lip absentmindedly, reveling in how it had swollen after she’d kissed me.

She kissed me.

“Stay,” I requested softly.

“I—We… We really shouldn’t do this, Kieran,” she whispered back.

I knew that, I did. I just didn’t care, not anymore. I had carried her weak, lifeless body out of the woods last night and almost lost myself inside the terror that I had been too late. What I was about to do would surely complicate things between us, but I didn’t fucking care anymore.

“I know,” I said, tilting my head. Studying her. Searching for what she really wanted. “I know we shouldn’t. But since when do we always do what we’re supposed to, Ark? Please, just come back here and kiss me again.”

My voice had dropped so low that it nearly matched her hesitant whisper, and my mask crumbled. Because this had never really been a game. Not to me. There was no hiding the pleading behind my words, no way to disguise how much I wanted her or the fact that I would kill just to hear that she wanted me back.

I knew she did, but this was her decision to make.

“Would it help if I begged, sweetheart?” I asked with sincerity. I would much prefer to hear her beg—and hear that fucking whine again, for that matter—but I would beg for this.

“Maybe?” she said the word with indecision, as if it were a question as she pinched at the bridge of her nose with her free hand.

I still held her other wrist, and started to rub gentle circles against the inner skin there with the pad of my thumb. The small shiver it earned me was all it took for me to take my chances. I rose up from the couch, and started to gently tug her towards the hall.

Please.

I kept my pace slow and deliberate, giving her time to think. Her breathing was erratic, her chest flushed, the telltale signs of arousal there, but I also knew it could be anxiety. As utterly feral as the taste of her mouth had left me, hardly able to think about much else—I did distantly recall that there was a reason we had kept things platonic for so long.

In the grand scheme of things, though, all of those reasons felt like paper-thin excuses to avoid this, the most explosive chemistry I had ever experienced in my life.

My heart was beginning to pound as we passed by the doors of each of my spare rooms. I had probably fucked somebody in every last room in this townhouse, save one.

My own.

I had never let anyone else in that far, into the room where I slept every night. It felt too personal. Too intimate to sully with someone who meant little to me outside of flesh and release. It could only ever be her.

I swallowed hard, leaning gently against the open doorway and suddenly terrified as I met her golden gaze.

“Consider this me begging, Ark. I want this. I want you. Gods, you have no idea how long I’ve wanted this, how many times I’ve…”

I exhaled slowly as I trailed off, reaching out to trace her jawline with a fingertip, bringing her gaze back to mine. There was so much I wanted to say, but I didn’t want to pressure her, either.

Her chest was starting to rise and fall faster, and she was biting her lip. Fuck. Was it anxiety, or arousal? For once, it was hard for me to tell—my head spinning, my keener senses still clouded by the taste of her lips.

She kissed me.

I cleared my throat. “Please also let me be transparent: I only want this if you do, Ark. You can say no, and I will drop it. Immediately. I can walk you home, and we can pretend this never happened. I promise you, I will.”

But please say yes.

“So before I kiss you again and lose my ability to be the gentleman you deserve, Arken, I need to know. Would you rather go home?”

Please say no.

“No,” she breathed, and elation shot through my veins for a moment before she stammered. “I mean, wait… Yes?”

My heart sank, but I gathered up as much self-control as possible to keep my expression indifferent.

“Okay,” I replied, voice neutral. This was her choice.

She groaned, suddenly exasperated. “Fucking Hel, Kieran. I can’t even think straight when you’re looking at me like that.”

I felt my heart skip a beat.

“No, I don’t want to go home,” Arken confessed. “Yes, I want this. I want you.”

“Thank the gods,” I swore, wrapping an arm around her waist to close the distance between us that had grown unbearable.

Thank the fucking gods.