Chapter 35

CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE

Cain

"Tell me again."

I'm sitting propped up in my bed, and Violet's laying with me, her head on my chest. She doesn't know it yet, but the door's locked up here. I kept my guards here just in case, and I've commanded the deadbolts be drawn downstairs.

Everyone thinks I'm taking extra precautionary measures now because we've been attacked by the Castellanos. I'm not. I don't fucking fear the Castellanos.

I want Violet to stay here, with me.

Right now, she's lying on me as if she's exhausted and I'm her pillow, and I'm not ready for this to end. I'm not ready for the inevitable that happens next.

"Armand came around the corner, pulled out his phone, and I swear he was calling the Castellanos when they blew up our car."

"I heard it, and didn't know what it was at first. What a terrible sound."

I nod. "That's all I remember. Joe doesn't remember much more than that, but Henri's footage is pretty clear. A Castellano blew up the car, likely as a distraction. They saw me get in with Joe. When you came to rescue me, that was their chance. They came to get you."

She nods. "And dude, that was the wrong time to try to kidnap me. He'd have been better off trying when I was asleep or something."

I growl low, making her laugh. "I love it when you go all alpha on me."

"I know, baby."

This time, she doesn't tell me not to call her baby.

There's scratching and a whimper at the door. Violet grins.

"Let him in!" she shouts to the security guard. Seconds later, a freshly cleaned little Cudgel vaults himself onto the bed, sporting a bright red ribbon. He laps furiously at Violet's face until she pulls him up to her and rolls him over so she can rub his belly.

"You little rascal," she says with affection. "You missed mama, huh?"

She gets him busy with a chew toy on the floor. I marvel at her grace, the simple lines of her body like the expert sweep of an artist's brush. She tucks her hair off her forehead and behind one ear, and when she catches my eye, she gives me a gentle smile.

She sits on the edge of the bed, bends, and kisses my bandaged arm.

"You've kissed my owies like ten times today," I say, but I'm hardly giving her shit for it. I love that she does this.

"And I'll keep doing it."

Suddenly, something outside the window catches her eye, and she leaps to her feet. "Cain!"

"What?"

"Who… how… it's my truck! "

"Motherfucker." Again, they screwed up the timing. "I gave specific instructions for them to wait to give this to you until I told them. Until after everything had blown over. I didn't want you to think…" I stop myself before I say too much.

She tips her head to the side. "Didn't want me to think what?"

"That I… was trying to buy your affection."

She smiles sadly. "I wouldn't ever think that."

"Why not?"

Her eyes meet mine, and for the thousandth time, I'm struck by the brilliant beauty of the violet hue. "Because that's not the man you are. You don't demand affection. You don't coerce love out of someone. You love them, fiercely, just as they are." She blows out a breath. "Just as you are."

My throat feels tight. I nod.

"So, I need to hear everything," she says, returning to the story. I don't miss how she skirts away from the discussion of love. "Henri's footage shows that the man that tried to grab me was a Castellano."

"Yes. And my sources say that he was the very same man who killed your parents."

My sources being my men who captured and interrogated Armand until he begged us for mercy, but I'd rather spare her those details. She's likely figured it out anyway.

She sits on the chair, dressed in nothing but my T-shirt, and it puts me in mind of the first day we met. A storm had been coming in, and she'd ripped her dress as she was trying to convince me to work with her. I gave her my own shirt, right off my back, and being the ballsy, fucking amazing woman she is, she slipped it right on like it was a dress.

I wish I could go back… no. No, I can't. A part of me wishes I could go back and tell her everything, but I still fear, even now, that she'd have run from me if I had.

She pushes herself off the chair and walks over to me. I hold my breath, uncertain of what she'll do next, when she sits herself on my lap and drapes her arms around my neck. She rests her head on my shoulder.

I hesitate for a second, before my own arms encircle her, holding her close to me. If only I could keep her here, just like this.

"Tell me like this," she whispers.

"With you on my lap?" My voice is thick with emotion. I clear it.

"Yes, Cain. Just like this."

No more "Mr. Master."

I nod. "You killed him, Violet. Team Alpha's disposed of the body. He won't kill another soul."

She's quiet for long moments.

"Will they… his group. Will they come looking for him? For retribution?"

"I've seen to it that they won't."

"Do I want to know how?"

"I'll tell you if you want me to, but no. You don't need to know." It involved two point four million dollars, an oddly specific number from the superstitious Castellanos, a convincing argument made by Joe, Claude demonstrating that Violet acted in self-defense, and the second-in-command in the Castellano family admitting that their man had gone rogue.

It might have helped that I made it fucking clear that they don't want to take me and my team on and that a mutually beneficial relationship would be more fortuitous for both of us. They agreed, and promised we'd never see Armand's face again.

"Alright, then," she says in that calm, graceful way of hers I've come to love. "Don't tell me."

The room's grown dark, with only a sliver of light before the sun's rays fully set, but I make no move to put a light on. I feel if I move too fast or breathe too heavily, I'll break the charm that binds us together. Maybe the Castellanos aren't the only ones with superstitions.

She sighs.

"Are you sad, Violet?"

"I… I don't know," she says honestly. "I was more angry than anything for a while, as I'm sure you know. I was furious with you, Cain. I hated when I felt like everything between us was a lie."

I have so many things to say I have to clamp my lips together to let her say what she needs. It's the least I can do. I owe this to her.

"And after all this time, I wanted to kill him. I wanted to know when I pulled the trigger that he was the one that murdered my parents and that he earned the bullet that killed him. That he was getting his just rewards and my parents were avenged for what happened to them."

Her voice trembles. "And I… didn't know if I'd be able to do it when the time came. If I could intentionally choose to take a human life, even if I was justified and had good reason." She sighs. "And now I'll never know. Now I'll spend the rest of my life never knowing if I had what it takes."

"Oh no you don't. Uh uh. Nope ."

I spin her around so she's facing me, her legs straddling either side of me. It feels so intimate with her here like this, which is precisely why she's here and not sitting over there apart from me, where I can't touch her, hold her, keep her.

"What?" she says, lifting her chin defiantly. But I don't miss the way her pupils dilate. I don't miss the way she swallows, or the way her breathing accelerates. She's turned on.

But we have something to discuss.

"You don't get to blame yourself for what you did. I won't allow it." She opens her mouth and is likely planning on reminding me that I don't allow or disallow a blessed thing, but she finally just shakes her head and clamps her lips together. Good, because I'm not done yet.

"Violet." I hold her chin. God, I missed the way her soft skin feels against my rougher fingers. The way her eyes widen when I make her hold my gaze. "Just because you reacted by instinct doesn't mean it wasn't intentional. It wasn't pre-meditated, no. It wasn't in cold blood, no. But listen to me when I tell you that if it was, you might never forgive yourself."

A pained look lights her eyes. "What do you mean?"

"You don't get used to it," I say gruffly. I make myself hold her gaze. "You don't. Taking someone's life, no matter how justified, never feels right. You go to bed at night wondering who you left mourning their loss. You wonder if you had all the facts straight, if they changed who they are and really did deserve to be killed." My voice lowers as my own emotions threaten to choke me. "You start to wonder if you've mistakenly given yourself more privilege than you're allowed, and you wonder if the universe will demand more of you now that you've demanded more yourself."

She says one word, one syllable, that brings the smallest measure of comfort to me. "Cain."

I swallow again and keep going. "You talk about forgiveness, Violet. What you don't understand is that once you take a human life on purpose, it becomes almost impossible to ever forgive yourself for becoming the person you have."

She bends closer to me and kisses me. Silencing me. Hearing me. Maybe even forgiving me.

I gather her to my chest, and we stay like that for long moments.

I finally break the silence. "So… are you still leaving?" I ask in a teasing tone.

She exhales. "Leaving?" she says, as if the very idea's preposterous. "And leave that sweet puppy and truck behind?"

"They're yours, though. Take them with you."

She laughs. "Surely not. I'm not taking anything with me that reminds me of you."

She lifts her head and braces herself with a hand on each of my shoulders. "Every day, I'd remember you. Every day, I'd want to be with you. Every day, I'd fight the urge to come back." She shrugs with forced nonchalance. "So, I decided it's best to not even leave to begin with."

It feels as if I can breathe again. As if I can see again. I feel as if she's given me new life.

"Cain," she whispers. "You say that it's hard to forgive yourself. Maybe if I'm here with you… and I've forgiven you… then we can teach each other how it's done?"

"Now that is a deal I can handle." I hold her face in my hands and take my time brushing my lips across hers. I groan at the taste of her, the feel of her so close to me like this. "I'm sorry, baby. I love you."

"And I love you," she says. "No more apologizing. This is all behind us. Everything. Now we're just two people who can't stand to be apart from each other. Deal?"

I grin. "Deal. I thought you'd leave when this was all said and done. I thought maybe once you'd gotten what you needed and had no reason to be here anymore, you'd maybe leave. You're too strong and independent to be held in any one place for too long."

"Oh, you give me plenty of reasons for staying, and it has nothing to do with your dogs, your amazing team, the location of this house, or the fact that I can train whenever I want to and go to bed at night properly fucked."

I groan. "Violet…"

"I worried that when this was all done, you'd have no more need for me anymore, too," she admits. "Wow, we make quite the couple, eh?"

"Oh, yeah. Trust me, babe. I need you. You're the one that makes everything clearer. And there's no fucking way I'm letting you go." I snort. "No need for you? Jesus. You're my world, Violet. Without you, I lose my center. I lose everything."

"I love you, Cain."

"And I love you."

She grins and gets that wicked gleam in her eye I know all too well. "Then show me, baby."