Chapter 10

NATALEE

I snuggledagainst Knot underneath the covers, supposing I should kick him out soon. Though I’d enjoyed every minute of our time together this evening, I couldn’t ignore the fact that he’d paid for it. Just because I’d liked being taken by him didn’t mean it was anything but a business transaction. No sense romanticizing it.

My heart felt heavy. Don’t get sweet on the customers.Stop it, Natalee. Stop it right now.

What was I supposed to say to Knot now? Thank you and have a nice evening?Please get going so I can find another customer to bring upstairs?

I stiffened when he started stroking my back. The awkwardness became unbearable, as did the weight in my heart, and I pushed away from him.

Yes, he’d spent fifty gold pieces on me—a positively outlandish sum—but did he really plan to stay all night? He’d already completed. Surely he wouldn’t remain here until he was ready to go again. Logan had never taken me more than once a night. He had always fallen fast asleep after the act, holding me close in his arms.

Tears burned in my eyes, and I blinked hard, forcing thoughts of my late husband from my mind. I wasn’t Mrs. Natalee Oakbees anymore. I was Julianne. A strumpet at The Sweet Siren. In a few short years, after I earned a large enough amount of money, I could become Mrs. Natalee Oakbees once more and start over again in Jathaway. I would take the secret that I’d worked in a brothel to the grave.

“Well, I think we’re finished here.” I cringed at my uncertain tone. How did I politely transfer from one customer to the next? I hadn’t thought to ask Floura or Madame Sage for that sort of advice.

A look of amusement crossed Knot’s handsome features. One dark eyebrow shot up. “Finished? Natalee, darling, I’m not planning on leaving anytime soon.”

Heat engulfed my face, and I found I couldn’t hold his gaze for more than a second. My confidence in working as a siren fled. I’d thought I could be a pretender without any trouble. Julianne. Not Natalee. Julianne, Julianne, Julianne. I would return to being Natalee when I boarded a ship bound for the Northern Isles. I swallowed past the burning in my throat.

“You mean to stay the entire night, then?”

“Yes, Natalee, and then in the morning, I mean to take you home with me.” He propped himself up on one elbow. “I mean to make you my wife.”

His what?

He reached for my hand, but I flinched as if I’d just been slapped, and his hand froze in the air above mine.

“You don’t even know me,” I blurted, taken aback by his suggestion.

“We spent time together, Natalee, by the river. I realize it was some weeks ago but…”

“A few conversations don’t count. Besides, folks around here seem to think you will eventually come to your senses and take up orating again. The temple is just sitting there empty, waiting for you. The rectory, too. You might change your mind, but you most certainly won’t be able to follow your calling if you’re married to a siren.”

“I want a wife, Natalee. I’ve been alone for long enough. My calling is to take a wife and start a family.” He ran a hand across my stomach. “You don’t belong here. I saw how nervous you were up on stage when those miners were bidding on you.”

“I wasn’t nervous!” I said defensively. “The auction was my idea. I wanted to show Madame Sage that I am serious about working here and being a siren. And the more I drum up business for myself, the sooner I’ll have enough money saved to return home. I don’t plan on staying in Faircross for the rest of my life. I belong in Jathaway, with my family. I never should have traveled here in the first place.”

“If you want to return to your family in Jathaway, why do they not send you the funds you need to return home?”

I pressed my lips together and closed my eyes, fighting back tears. “Please leave.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Natalee.”

Opening my eyes, I stared at Knot, thinking he looked most handsome with his dark hair disheveled from our lovemaking. No, not lovemaking. Fucking. That’s what we’d done. He’d paid fifty gold pieces to fuck me. To use my body for pleasure. Never mind that I’d shared in that pleasure. My whole body still tingled in the aftermath of the intense releases he’d drawn from me.

“If you are still so estranged from your family that you cannot ask them to pay your way home, what do you think your life will be like when you return? What if they won’t accept you?”

I sniffled and wiped at a tear, cursing myself for crying in front of him. “My oldest sister and her husband will probably take me in. My family doesn’t have to know the trip to Black Dragon Island was a failure. I’ll tell them Logan had success in the mining business before he died. They don’t need to know where my money came from. I could start over then. I could find a husband and have the family I thought I’d have with Logan.”

“Natalee, I would be a good husband to you. Strict perhaps, but fair, and caring. Far as I see it, you’ve just become my wife-in-truth, right here in this bed. Say yes, and let me spend the rest of my life taking care of you and keeping you safe. We can get to know one another better after we are wed.”

My bottom lip quivered. “It could never work.”

“Why not?”

“Because of where we are. Look around, Knot. You’re lying in a whore’s bed. I sold myself to you tonight.”

“I came here, knowing tonight was your first night going upstairs, Natalee. I heard about it last week from a drunk miner, then I stopped in for a drink early yesterday and Floura confirmed tonight was the night. I came here this evening to make sure you only went upstairs with me. Because I have every intention of making you my wife. Marry me.”

The temptation to say yes was strong, but I knew it wasn’t right. Gods, how it hurt to refuse him. But I couldn’t allow him to throw away the possibility of becoming the town priest. If proper ceremonies honoring the gods weren’t held in the temple soon, especially during the change of the seasons, there was no telling what calamities might strike Faircross. I didn’t want to condemn the town to tragedy.

My heart ached. Why couldn’t he have realized he was ready to settle down and marry during his last trip to town, when he’d invited me to a picnic? Now any chance we might’ve had at finding happiness together was shot.

“I won’t have you wasting your future on me,” I said.

“Natalee, please don’t talk that way about yourself. You’re a good female. You only ended up here by circumstance.” A flash of understanding crossed his visage. “You were staying with the Foxthornes directly before coming here. Why did you leave their home?”

“You must go now, Knot. Please.”

My expression must have given away some of the dark truth behind my departure from the Foxthornes’ residence, because his nostrils flared, and he tensed. “What did Mr. Foxthorne do to you?”

“Nothing! He did nothing!” I pushed at him, trying to force him off the bed.

“Don’t lie to me, Natalee. I want to help you. Talk to me.”

A tense silence stretched between us, but I finally surrendered to the kindness I glimpsed lurking in his gaze.

What did it matter if I told the truth?

It wasn’t as if I had actually seduced Mr. Foxthorne.

I drew in a deep, steadying breath and tried my best to hold Knot’s gaze. “He came into my bedroom and tried to have his way with me. I fought back and his wife appeared in the doorway when he was on top of me, when he was very close to…” I felt my face crumple, and Knot gathered me up in his huge muscular arms. He rocked me and murmured soothing words until I found my voice again. “He told his wife I tried to seduce him, and she kicked me out. And judging from the looks I got walking through town earlier today, I suspect she’s spread all sorts of nasty rumors about me. She always did like her gossip. So, you see, I am ruined in more than one way. I have no business becoming anyone’s wife in Faircross.”

“We’ll move away then, Natalee. Wherever you wish to go.”

Why was he being so nice to me?

Wasn’t this what I’d wanted, though? To find a husband, and quickly?

But it felt so very wrong, given his past. I wasn’t priest wife material. Priest’s wives were usually of impeccable character, their reputations white as fresh fallen snow. Sooner or later, he would regret his decision to marry me. I couldn’t allow him to make that mistake, not when he could have a very bright future here in Faircross. The need for a messenger of the gods here was strong. I didn’t want to be responsible for him leaving a town that clearly needed him.

“I don’t wish to marry you, Knot. I’m sorry.” The lie tasted bitter.

“I don’t believe you.” He leaned down and kissed my forehead. His masculine scent enticed me, making me want to latch onto him and never let go. I felt safe in his arms. All the noise from the tavern seemed muted in his presence, as well as the worries that ran persistently through my head.

He held me for what felt like hours. In fact, I drifted to sleep in his embrace, only awaking briefly when he crawled out of bed and tucked the covers around me. “You won’t be working anymore this evening. Stay in bed and get some sleep. I will see you tomorrow.”

“Tomorrow?”

“Yes, sweet Natalee. Tomorrow.”

I drifted back to sleep and dreamed that I lived in a cabin on the mountain. The sun was shining over the green landscape, the day hot, as I walked barefoot to a nearby stream to dip my feet in the water. Knot came out of the woods and set down his mining tools, then ran to scoop me up in his arms. He kissed my cheeks, and then my mouth, claiming me with a roughness that prompted heat to gather between my thighs.

In the morning, I awoke to find Madame Sage staring down at me. “Are you well, dear? You never came downstairs after your big spender left, after he and I had a rather odd conversation. I had Floura peek in on you, but she said you were fast asleep.”

I sat up, only to realize I was still completely naked. I flushed and reached for the covers, pulling them up to my neck.

Madame Sage laughed, a musical sound that rivaled that of the songbirds that were gaily chirping outside the window. “I own a brothel, sweetie. Those aren’t the first tits I’ve seen.”

“I-I’m fine. What conversation are you talking about? What did Knot say to you?”

“He said he planned to return early this evening to visit you again. He said to make sure you were ready for him and didn’t take any other customers first.” Madame Sage’s smile widened. “You must have made quite an impression on the male. He offered to pay fifty gold pieces for another night with you. In fact, he didn’t just reserve you for tonight, but the night after as well, and so on. He says he wants you all to himself for as long as you work here.”

I sighed. “Well, he did sort of ask me to marry him.”

“Oh, really?”

“Yes, but I said no.”

“Would you like Trevonn to toss him out on his ass if he shows his face around here again? Fifty gold pieces or not, you don’t have to see him if you don’t wish to.” Madame Sage gave me a sympathetic look.

I didn’t know what to say. My pride urged me to refuse another night with Knot. But another fifty gold pieces put me much closer to affording the trip back home. Guilt fell on my shoulders the next moment, and I found it difficult to breathe. I hated that I was thinking about the money. What was wrong with me? But I also wanted to see Knot again, to spend time with him, no matter how vehemently I’d refused his marriage proposal—never mind that we couldn’t have a future together. Oh, what a mess I’d found myself in.

“Julianne? Natalee, dear?”

“I’ll see him again. I-I want to see him again. Even though I don’t.” I laughed. “Does that sound confusing or what?”

“Do you have feelings for the orc?”

I gnawed on my bottom lip. “I’m not sure. I suppose I do, but I can’t stay here in Faircross forever, and I can’t ask him to leave either. A lot of people in town want him to become the priest here. He couldn’t do that if he married me. Ruination is contagious, right?”

Madame Sage gave my shoulder a squeeze and moved to the door. “The mayor married a siren. So did the sheriff. The blacksmith, too. Surely, you must have heard?”

“Well, yes, I know about that. But a priest… could you imagine?” Utterly scandalous! It would be the talk of the entire island.

Madame Sage’s face lit up as she stared at me. “I could imagine it very well, but only if it would make you happy. I know it’s difficult, but try not to care what others think of you. Make the choices that will bring joy to your life, whether it’s marrying this Knot fellow or traveling home to make amends with your family.” She slipped out the door and closed it behind her, leaving me to my thoughts.