21

A week later, I was meeting with Neldor and the commanders at one of the safe zones I'd set up for any fairy or supe to be able to come to if they were in need. We always had a squad of Guardians stationed there, and so far it had been a few minor incidents of a family thinking their house was being burglarized or worried they were discovered as not being human.

That was fine and exactly what it was meant for, so I was glad that people were accepting there was a safe option for them no matter their species.

We were talking about having more fae produce grown there but the wild stuff that we didn't eat but the animals did. If we wanted to have more livestock and wild animals, they needed more food. And there was a limit as to how much we could overgrow a forest before it became dangerous.

Or the animals didn't have a spot to live.

I was midsentence when my stomach went sour. An image flashed in my mind and instantly I dropped what was in my hands and teleported the coin to my hand.

"Tamsin?" Neldor worried, but I ignored him.

I studied the coin with my magic and felt like it would melt in my hand.

No, not melt like it was hot… Disappear.

Like die.

"Luke," I gasped and opened a portal to him, flipping on my telepathy, and walking through without even thinking about it. I blocked out the people shouting my name and probably trying to stop me… With good reason considering I walked into a building where a man had Luke on his knees with a gun pointed to his head.

"Well, you both failed," the man chuckled darkly.

Instantly, I knew what he meant, the connection to months ago made.

Luke gave the slightest shake of his head and cut his gaze to the left, letting me know there was more to consider.

Like I fucking cared right then if someone was recording me. He was dying.

I slid the coin in my pocket as I held out my other hand and focused on the gun. "I dislike guns, Cousin," I greeted as I shattered it.

"Which of us were you speaking to?" the man shot right back.

I smirked at him, not about to play the game. "Luke already knows I hate them."

"Idiot," Luke bit out.

The man threw back his head and laughed. "Bold, but that bites people in the ass. In another life, we might have been friends instead of enemies."

I blinked at him a moment, my magic reacting weird to him and amped up for a fight. I snapped out of it fast. "No, I don't think we would have been." I looked at Luke. "Is his magic linked to you?"

Grief filled his eyes. "It's already done. He killed my wolf."

I closed my eyes as too much filled me at once. "You fool." I knocked out the man without letting on I was going to make a move. "Do not let him kill himself. He's got a charm as a failsafe. Clamp down his magic. He's born of a fairy and was draining witches to get that powerful."

"How do you know all of that?" Neldor asked, the commanders who had followed after me looking just as confused. "He's not someone I saw—"

I cut a glance towards where Luke had indicated to remind him we were being recorded. Then I went for Luke. I knelt in front of him and pushed his hair off his forehead. "Say the words."

Regret filled his eyes. "It's done."

"Damn you," I breathed but nodded. I used my magic for balance but picked up the huge shifter and opened a portal to get us out of there. I ended up at my house but then shook my head. "Where do you want to go?"

He swallowed loudly. "I want to see it."

"Done." I teleported us to the portal to Faerie and nodded to the guards there watching the portal. They activated it for me and I walked right through. Then I teleported us to a hill on my family's land with the best view of my castle and the water. I gently set him down and leaned him against a tree.

"Do I get three wishes too?" he joked before grabbing his side and coughing.

Coughing up blood.

"You fucking fool," I seethed as I blinked back tears.

"I feel the same, Princess," he mumbled as he slumped against the tree. "You're going to have a mess you can't handle. He was livestreaming that. Everyone knows you were friends with a captain of the Underground now."

"A lot's changed and opinion of me has too. Plus, it's not like a new thing to work with an enemy to take down something bad. Spies aren't just a human thing or—"

"Tamsin!" Neldor bellowed as he came through a portal. His gaze locked on me, and he was suddenly in front of me, grabbing my shoulder. "Baby doll, please, please don't do it. You can't connect to Faerie and try to save him. I called healers and—"

"She's not saving me," Luke chuckled and coughed again. "She granted my wish of where I wanted to die."

Neldor glanced between us so fast that my neck almost hurt for him before focusing on me.

"You can't save those who aren't willing," I whispered, blinking back tears. "I don't know a shifter who would want to live with only half of themselves. I've heard from Geoff and other wolves that they couldn't live…" I swallowed loudly and glanced away.

"A ghost life," Luke mumbled. "I could live without a leg or arm or—it's like missing half of your soul. I can't feel—it's not my beast gone but my humanity without him."

I pulled away from Neldor and sat by Luke. "Lucca said the only way he would give up and leave me was if his bear died. He said he wouldn't burden me as his soulmate with a broken soul."

"Good man," Luke praised, coughing again. "You zoned out back there. You figured out what happened, right?"

"That was the test at the amusement park," Neldor answered. "Those people. They were a test to see if Luke was getting in the Underground's way or getting us information."

"I see why you keep him around," Luke complimented.

"I can't do cute and stupid," I agreed, snickering as Luke's lips twitched.

"You're such a damn bitch sometimes."

"It's my best quality," I accepted, wincing when he laughed and started coughing hard and blood came out of his mouth. "I'm pissed at you. It didn't have to be like this."

"This was always how our story was going to end, Princess."

"It didn't have to."

"Yeah, it did. I'm just fucking pissed I didn't finish it first," he admitted, getting choked up.

"Don't worry, I got what we needed," I admitted, turning to face him, nodding when he couldn't hide his shock. "I got it all."

"How?" he whispered, tears running out of his eyes.

"I don't know," I admitted. I sighed when I saw that wasn't going to be enough. I shot Neldor a glance but then put a barrier up over the three of us. "I accidentally mated Julian and since then, I've sort of downloaded a few people's brains with my telepathy. That's why I zoned out. It's like an information dump of his brain mine is still processing through."

"Ouch?" Luke asked.

"It's not pleasant," I admitted. "But worth it this time." I let out a slow breath and took Luke's hand. "There's no leader of the Underground. That's the piece that's always been missing."

He closed his eyes. "Those fuckers. The generals are the leader."

"Yes."

He threw back his head and yelled, crying out in pain that wasn't physical, and at first I thought it was at learning that… But then I realized it was because he couldn't howl. It was the first time he'd gone to howl and his wolf was dead.

I moved closer and hugged him without even making the decision to do it. "I'll finish this, Cousin, I swear it. You got it here. I'll end it. You have my vow."

"Make them suffer," he choked out, more blood appearing around his mouth.

"I'm not full of kittens and glitter," I promised, glad when that seemed to settle him. "Do you regret it?"

He didn't play stupid or ignore the question. "I don't know." He sighed and moved his arm around me. "I just don't fucking know. I hope the lives I saved were more than I took. I really do. I can't know the balance or… I wasn't enough. I was never going to be enough. But did I do enough good holding it back for you to come along? I just don't know."

And that killed him more than what the general had done to him. It was all over his pained expression.

"You'll get to see her soon though at least," I reminded him, reaching deep for anything that I thought would help.

He snorted. "We're not going anywhere to be happy together. If we share a place of suffering that's about the most we'll get."

"I don't believe that," I said firmly.

"Yeah, you're not kittens and glitter," he drawled.

I jumped to my feet and faced him with a frown. "No, I refuse to believe that. There can't just be left or right, heaven or hell. Nothing is ever that simple. Taxes aren't even that fucking simple. There has to be at least a way to pay off your crimes or a way to make amends. People…" I angrily wiped my eyes. "Yeah, you fucked up and killed.

"But you did it for a reason to save lives. How is that really so much more horrible than soldiers in a war? Yes, you killed innocents. But how many innocents did you save? You have to be allowed some redemption for that? Even the ones who are sick and kill because of that. They didn't want to be sick. Sometimes not their fault.

"You said your mate didn't start evil. She fell—it wouldn't have happened if everything wasn't so fucked up. It can't be all her fault without a chance of redemption. It can't be suffering forever because you fucked up in one life. No, I refuse to believe that. Not when life is this hard."

"Tams," Neldor whispered and came towards me, but I shoved him off when I pushed him away.

"We are not the same, Princess," Luke said gently, understanding the core of my upset. "You are good at your core and have done bad. But you would take a bullet a million times over for a strange kid. I put a bullet in the head of a strange kid and that's a sin that can't be forgiven no matter the goal. You couldn't have pulled that trigger."

"But you regret it!" I screamed. "That has to count. It hurts you. It hurt you to do." I angrily wiped my eyes. "That has to count or what is the point? It has to count, Luke. I won't believe that it doesn't matter."

"Only you would have a dying man comfort you in his last moments," he said after a moment.

I opened my mouth but then closed it, blowing out a harsh breath before plopping down in front of him. "I really am the selfish bitch people accuse me of being. Fuck. Do you want like a last meal or something?"

"Jesus, Tams," Neldor hissed.

Luke laughed though, shaking his head at me. "Not sure that's any better."

I winced. "Yeah, sorry. I can't think of what else besides your last requests. I mean, I don't need to clean out your porn or toys like Mel always told me to do before contacting her parents, but like…"

"Oh, don't make me laugh again," Luke groaned, looking paler than before, slumping more against the tree. "Shit, it hurts. Just download it from me, okay?" His breathing sounded worse and I flinched, assuming something was wrong with his lung. Was it filling with fluid or blood leaking into it?

I really didn't have much medical knowledge.

Then what he said hit me and I winced again. "I don't know how to activate it. It's only happened a few times and it just does it."

"Your magic is a pain in the ass."

"You are not the only one who feels that way about it," Neldor grumbled.

I agreed with him. I moved closer when Luke's wheezing was audible. He moved his hand to block mine. I nodded, accepting that I'd been reaching out to heal him on instinct. Tears filled my eyes and hung my head.

"I never found her," he said after a moment. "I wanted so badly to find where they dumped her body, but I never found her."

"He knew," I told her. "He was the one who killed her. He was gloating. I felt it. He always thought you cared for her, and it pissed him off that he could never prove it, that you were too good, better than him even when he'd drained so many witches." I met his gaze and swallowed loudly. "That's why the Underground didn't allow draining witches."

"Because the generals did it," he whispered, tears flowing freely now. "So much was right in front of my fucking face."

"No, not this," I argued. "They did before you were even a part of it. Before fairies left—all of it. They did a long time ago, and that's how they got so juiced up. They banded together to take down the councils and build a new world order basically." I glanced at Neldor. "They actually had good intentions from what I saw from his memories."

His eyes flashed shock. "The power corrupted them." He swore when I nodded. "They were going kill innocents to get the power to reset the world, and the power corrupted them."

"They actually killed bad people like I did, like how I killed Jordan Holmes and those other students who raped and killed shifters they bought. Those are the ones they drained but yeah, the power corrupted them," I explained, meeting Luke's gaze. "But after they formed the Underground, they never allowed the practice so no one could top them."

He took in a pained breath. "You know where she is?"

"I'll get it. He knew. I didn't see where, but we'll get it," I promised. "I'll find her if I have to dig up that world, Luke."

"Bury us together?" he rasped. "Please? It's all I wanted."

"Here or there?" I asked. I nodded that I wasn't kidding.

"Tamsin," Neldor whispered.

"I don't care," I told both of them. "He's saved my life and helped Faerie. I don't care."

He shook his head. "There. She's never even been here." He gave me a soft smile as his breathing came out choked. "Somewhere where wolves are. Green. She liked green. Snow. I want snow."

"I know some good places like that," I promised, grateful when he accepted my hand. "What else?"

"Come visit?"

"Duh." I searched his eyes. "You scared?"

"Duh." He choked and coughed up more blood.

"Don't be," I said firmly. "You can't be scared of death and be such a badass. It goes against villain and vigilante rules."

"Like I give fuck about that," he drawled. "I'm too smart not to be scared."

"Fair," Neldor said as he knelt down next to me and moved his hand to my back. "Do you want me to take away the pain?"

"It's already gone."

Fuck.

"You might have done a lot wrong, but I'm better for having known you, Luke," I told him. "You made a difference."

"Be a good queen. Don't let them suffer, okay? It's gotta all mean something."

I opened my mouth to ask who "them" was, but he let out too long of a breath.

And it was his last.

I started shaking as I raised his hand to my forehead and prayed to the gods to be fair to him. "You better sedate me. This is going to be bad."

He didn't even get a chance to respond before I let out a scream from my soul that shattered the barrier and probably the eardrums of any living being around us, maybe in all of Faerie. I felt the moment he used my magic and sedated me, the war inside of me muting.

"You didn't come here to heal him," Shael whispered, glancing between all of us with confusion.

"You can't save those who don't want to be saved, Commander," I mumbled, tears running out of my eyes as I stared at Luke from Neldor's arms. "I can't save everyone. Even my magic isn't strong enough for that."

And I'd always known that.

Accepting it was another story.

The End

THANK YOU for reading this book!!

Thank you so much for reading the next book in Artemis University. I love all of you lots for your support and wanting more of my books. Please, please leave a review. It really helps me out to know which series people are eager for. I appreciate the time it takes!

Next is another Tantalizing Trilogy. I tried something very different for me—setting wise—and I'm going to have a post about it soon to kind go over what people can expect. But look out for the Mabel trilogy hopefully next month.

Welcome SPRING!! I've missed you!

All my best,

Erin