10. Knives

TEN

KNIVES

New Valence and New Bristol couldn't be more different. I focus on that, on the architecture and the lights and the people, so I don't have to think about last night.

Because it's a full fucking day later, and my mind still keeps circling back to what we'd done.

It wasn't a hate-fuck.

There was nothing hateful about how we'd done it. There was barely any dominance involved at all. Just us, our bodies, enjoying mutual pleasure.

And for what? For him to remind me that we aren't anything to each other, because of course we're fucking not.

I don't want us to be anything to each other.

I want to hate him.

I want him to suffer.

I want to forget him.

"You didn't tell me it was a fucking kink club!" Maddox says, staring at the entrance to the meeting place.

"How was I supposed to know?" I say, half growling. "This is the address I got. And it's not a kink club. It's just… people dancing."

Maddox turns to glare at me. "In leather, with chains."

I point to the small sign next to the door. It reads, There will be no sex on premises. There will be no spanking, whipping, caning, or whatever else your depraved mind tries to use as a loophole either.

"That looks pretty clear to me. Not a kink club." I push my way inside, and I try very, very fucking hard not to think about Maddox wearing the sorts of clothes on the advertising images plastered around the building.

The music is louder than any kink club I've been to, and I spot plenty of people not dressed in bondage gear. It's just a place for people who like to dance and get sweaty while wearing leather. No leashes, no chains.

Okay, there are dance cages suspended above the dance floor, and the dancers inside those are dressed like sexy cats. Maybe it's a little kinky.

What a great fucking way to try to not think about Maddox in a sexual manner.

"How are we supposed to find your person in a place like this?" Maddox gets right up close to me to shout. He has to brush right up against me for me to be able to hear him, and goosebumps run down my arm.

Yeah, I can definitely imagine Maddox dressed like that.

"She said she'd stand out," I grumble, but I'm starting to doubt it. I elbow my way to the bar, where the music is a little quieter. Unfortunately, it's a Friday night, so people have come out en masse to party. I pull my phone out and find a new text from our contact.

Near the VIP lounge! I'm the one in bright pink.

Great, like we haven't passed plenty of women in bright pink shirts already. I order a drink for both of us, and once those are in hand, I walk toward the VIP lounge.

It turns out, she does stand out.

Her hair is bright pink, styled in two high pigtails like she's some anime character. She's leaning against the wall next to the VIP door, checking her phone.

"Nevaeh?" I ask as I step closer.

She looks up and gives me and Maddox a dubious look. Her entire face is full of piercings—eyebrows, nose, lips, along with several in each ear. "You're Knives?" She stops to laugh. "I'd ask what kind of name that is, but my boyfriend goes by Pyre."

"And you're heaven backwards," I point out, bristling a little at her jab.

"That's my actual legal name," she says. "My parents were fucking hippies. They're so disappointed in me right now." She pushes away from the wall and waves. "Okay. Let's go somewhere just quiet enough where I don't have to shout to be heard."

She goes through the VIP doors with barely a glance at the security, and after a quick glance to Maddox, I follow.

Nevaeh is right that it's quieter in there, although not by much.

I also immediately notice that one table near has a man with a naked woman over his knee.

So much for this not being a kink club.

Maddox flashes me a glare, but I ignore it.

"You come here often?" I ask Nevaeh. We take a seat near the balcony that provides a decent amount of privacy.

"Yeah, well, when your brother runs the place…" Nevaeh stretches, and her shirt rides up, exposing her flat belly. I wonder if she gets a lot of stares from the straight guys.

"You and Thunder are tight?" I sip my drink and try not to bump against Maddox.

Nevaeh shrugs. "Tight enough. He's the one that got me interested in bikes and all. Which is how I ended up meeting Pyre—he was working at the shop I got my bike serviced at." She glances at us. "But I don't think you're here for small talk."

"No," Maddox says. "We need to know more about the… Demon Gators." I can tell he's trying not to snicker despite the severity of the occasion, and I shoot him a look. He gives me a raised brow, "what can you do?" sort of look.

"Yeah, them." Nevaeh makes a disgusted expression. "He surprised me with a bunch of really expensive gifts all of a sudden, and talked about buying new bikes and a new house. I got suspicious, and Pyre is… Well, I love him, but he's an idiot. He ended up joining the Demon Gators to make more money, and you can bet your ass I had to look into that whole situation." She pulls a small piece of paper out of her pleated skirt's pockets and slides it across the table. She keeps her hand over it and looks me straight in the eyes. "I'm trusting you because Thunder vouched for you. You use this to mess with the Gators. But if anything happens to Pyre… I'm gonna fucking hunt you both down and kill you myself. Got it?"

"We won't let anything happen to him if we can at all help it," Maddox says. "That has to be good enough. We don't know what kind of situation we're going to find ourselves in."

Nevaeh's eyes narrow. "I'm serious. Yeah, I look like some weird goth anime chick, but I've got resources."

"We won't hurt Pyre," I promise. "As long as we know what he looks like so we know who to avoid."

She meets my gaze and nods, finally pulling her hand away.

The paper has a set of GPS coordinates on it.

"Their super secret club hideout," Nevaeh says.

Maddox frowns. "And they just told you its location?"

"No. I told you, Pyre's an idiot. He used GPS to get there and I just looked it up while I was using his phone." Nevaeh gets her own phone out and extends it in our direction. "That's Pyre. I think it's easy enough to pick him out in a crowd."

I bite my lip to stifle a laugh. With his bright red fauxhawk, and equally pierced face, yeah, Pyre does stand out.

"Don't pink and red clash?" Maddox asks, and the laughter I was holding in bursts out.

Nevaeh rolls her eyes. "Yeah, yeah, laugh it up." She looks at the photo again and smiles. "He's an idiot, but he's mine. And I'm tired of waiting for those fuckers to send him into a situation he's not going to come home from."

"We'll see what we can do," Maddox says, sounding considerably more sober at that. "All right?"

I pocket the paper with the coordinates. "Let us know if we can do anything for you."

"If you manage to fuck with the Gators, that's payment enough for me." Nevaeh stands up and glances at the dance floor below us. "Feel free to stay as long as you like. I told my brother you're on the VIP list for tonight." She gives us both a once over. "The private shows are nice, if you're into seeing men and women tied up."

"Right. Not that kind of club," Maddox mutters under his breath. Louder, he says, "Thanks. We really do appreciate it." He glances at me. "I'm tired. Let's just go back to the hotel."

The hotel, where we'd gotten two separate rooms with two separate beds, and I can just spend all night thinking about him being right next door.

"I'll stay," I say. "I could do with a nice performance. That'll help me unwind from the long, stressful drive."

"Would've been less stressful if you'd paid attention to the speed limits and stop lights," Maddox retorts. "But it's not safe for you to stay alone. We need to stick together."

He's right that splitting up is a bad idea.

But I don't want to wallow in misery for however many hours it takes me to fall asleep. "It's fine. I think I can handle myself. But if you're worried about your own ass, sure, I'll protect you."

"I can take care of my own ass, thank you very much," Maddox says, bristling.

"Oookay," Nevaeh interrupts. "I'll leave you two to your squabbling. Have fun, or not, or whatever."

She walks off, leaving me and Maddox glaring at each other.

"I'm not going back to the hotel yet," I growl. "There's no reason not to have a little fun while I'm here."

"Then we'll stay," he snaps back. "I don't plan on letting you out of my sight as long as we're in this fucking city. Got it?"

"If that's what you want." I stand up and head in the general direction Nevaeh had pointed in. Whatever kink shows are going on, they have to be better than thinking about Maddox.

There's a small stage that's sectioned off behind a curtain. There's ample seating around various tables, and I slide into an empty one near the wall.

Up on the stage, a woman is tying up a man with bright red bondage rope.

Maddox follows me, slouching into the chair next to mine. His gaze follows mine to the stage, and I don't know if I'm imagining his shiver or not.

Yeah, I'm sure he wouldn't mind being the one tied up.

"Really isn't a kink club," he mutters, and I can't miss the sarcasm in his voice even through the loud music.

"The sign was pretty clear! No sex on premises. No spanking or whipping either." I stroke my beard and watch the stage. "I guess ropes aren't sex."

"Yeah." Maddox goes quiet, but he leans forward when the bondage gets to be a little more intense.

It's my turn to think about what he'd look like in that position. We hadn't had the chance to play around with ropes and chains much back then, beyond bathrobe sashes and anything else we could find on hand.

The woman has tied the man to the chair, and she says something to him that makes him turn bright red. She turns to the audience to show off the knots she'd made, and I have to admit it's a good design.

She pats the man on the head, then says, "I'm going to teach you how to do suspension bondage next. Any volunteers?"

Before I can grab him and stop him, Maddox stands up, raising his hand with a determined look on his face.

"What the fuck are you doing?" I hiss at him. "You can't let a stranger tie you up."

"Watch me," he retorts.

The woman nods to Maddox. "Wonderful. I love a man who knows what he wants. Come on up to the stage."

My mouth is dry, and I try to come up with an argument to stop him, but Maddox storms to the stage while the woman cuts her first demonstrator free.

I should've just told him it's unsafe, reminded him of his own words that we need to watch each other's backs—and neither of us is going to be paying attention to our surroundings with him going into a scene like this.

She says something to Maddox when he reaches the stage that makes him laugh, then he replies to her.

I can't watch this. I can't watch somebody else touch Maddox, even in this supposed non-sexual setting.

Without thinking about it, I get up and walk toward the stage, too. "Hey. Show me how to do it."

The woman startles. "What?"

"I'm his partner," I lie. "I should learn how to do it, too."

Maddox startles, standing up straighter as he stares at me. "N—" he starts to say, though I'm not actually sure if he's trying to say Knives or Nayeem before he catches himself.

I know he wasn't trying to say no, though.

She looks between the two of us, focusing on Maddox. "Is that right?"

Maddox meets my gaze, looking steadier than I feel. Calmer .

It doesn't feel fair.

"Yeah," he says. "I think it'd be good for him to learn how to treat me."

I bristle at the implication, but I keep my mouth shut.

"Sure," she replies, and I think I see her roll her eyes. "Then let's get started." She points to a hook on the ceiling. "Suspension bondage can get pretty intense, so the first thing is to always be safe and be ready to break things off if anybody gets uncomfortable in any way." She gives us both a hard look. "If you tell me to stop, I'm stopping. You aren't more macho if you endure something you hate. Got it?"

Maddox nods. "I've done some rigging before, but I know my limits," he says, and I want to hunt down anyone who played with ropes with Maddox before me and cut their fingers off.

"This is not for beginners," the woman says as she uncoils her rope. She asks Maddox several questions—had he eaten, is he well-rested, what experience does he have, rapid-firing them out until she seems satisfied. "All right. Let's give this a go." She holds the rope up for the audience and explains what she's going to do.

After her little intro spiel, she has Maddox hold his arms out and shows me how to wrap the rope around him.

I have to get close to Maddox for this, and I can see the slight flush on his cheeks. I brush my fingers along his back as I bring the rope around.

He shivers, and I can feel as much as see it when he starts to slip from being absolutely in control of himself to giving that trust over to me.

No, not me. Her.

We finish tying Maddox, and I make a note to practice all these knots. I'll be so good at ropes that Maddox will never be able to do this with anyone else ever again.

I'll ruin him. He's not allowed to be happy without me.

Maddox sways against me, forcing me to hold more of his weight.

"Time for the fun part," the woman says, grinning. "You ready?"

Maddox doesn't answer, and the woman frowns.

I tap Maddox's jaw. "Answer her, boy."

"Mm." Maddox takes a second to open his eyes, and I watch as he comes back to himself enough to tighten and loosen his limbs. "Nothing's numb," he reports. "It all feels good. Great. Amazing." He laughs, and it's not even a self-conscious sound.

He just sounds happy .

I nod to the woman, and she shows me the next step in lifting Maddox off the ground. One of his legs stays on the ground, while the other is lifted up. Maddox rises until he's on his tiptoe, and his body tilts forward.

I can hear him breathing heavily.

"Good," I whisper to him, low enough that the audience can't hear.

A shiver runs through him, and he mumbles, "Green," even though he wasn't asked. I know he's mostly doing it for the woman's benefit, not mine, but at the same time… it's kind of nice to know that despite the fact that I'm there guiding him along, he's still letting himself trust me.

The woman starts talking some more, explaining what to look for and other safety concerns. I listen intently, but I can't keep my hands off Maddox. I gently squeeze the back of his neck before trailing my hand down his back.

If we were in private, I'd reach around to play with his cock, which is unmistakably hard underneath his jeans.

I'm hard, too, and it makes me resent this venue and the audience.

Maddox's breathing is slow and steady, and he feels relaxed. He doesn't tense up when I touch him, doesn't tell me to stop or to back off.

It's almost like we really are a couple.

The fact that I wish we were hits me hard.

"Don't extend the suspension beyond about ten minutes until you know what you're doing," the woman says. "And in our case… this demonstration is over, so you'll have to come down now." She approaches with the safety scissors.

We lower Maddox until he can sit down, and I support his chest as we undo the ropes so he doesn't instantly fall over. Maddox mumbles under his breath, but his eyes are glazed over.

"Your sub might be a little dazed," the woman says to the crowd, smiling. "Make sure to give good aftercare."

"I'm fine," Maddox says. I help him up, and when he stumbles, I catch him and pull him against my body.

"I've got you," I whisper. "Come on, let's find somewhere to sit."

He nods, pressing his cheek against my chest. "Yeah," he whispers raggedly. "Sitting would be nice."

At least he's not insisting he's all right, that he can do this on his own. It makes things twist inside of me.

The woman points toward an empty couch near the stage, and I slowly guide Maddox to it. I keep my arms around him and arrange us so he's sitting against me on the couch.

I press a kiss to the top of his head. "You were so good," I say, gently stroking his shoulder.

A smile flits across Maddox's lips. "So were you," he murmurs back, closing his eyes. "Learn anything new?"

"Yeah. That rope bondage is fucking hot." I shift, which causes my erection to press against my jeans uncomfortably. Fuck. I want to take care of it, but I don't want to move.

After a few minutes, I notice Maddox's body getting less languid, more tense. I sigh and rub my eyes.

"Let's get back to the hotel," I say gruffly. "We want to be well-rested."

"Mm," he mumbles in either protest or assent. I can't tell which, but either way, I'm tired, and we need to get rest so we can hit the ground running tomorrow.

I'm more than ready to get back to New Bristol.

I'm ready to remember that I'm supposed to hate Maddox.