Chapter 16

I thinkI may have pushed Roman too far, but damn that orgasm was good. And it was exactly what I needed after the stress of the last few days.

I should probably feel bad about blue-balling him for the second time, though. For someone like Roman, control is everything. He learned from a young age that control was the only way to ensure his safety, and I know from experience how childhood shit can stick with a person. Those early lessons are hard to shake.

But he can't control this thing between us anymore. I won't let him. I'll take what I want from him, then walk away. No emotions. Nothing. Just to prove to both of us that he has no power over me anymore.

I hear him moving around in one of the bedrooms, so I find my phone and check my texts. I have one from Ash and one from Wyn, both asking me where I am. I respond to Wyn first, but it's too much to explain over text, so I'm intentionally vague.

I'm staying with Roman at Exeter House for a couple of days. I'll explain when I'm back on campus.

My location is supposed to be secret, but it's probably good that someone other than the Sacred-fucking-Sons knows where I am.

Wyn responds with a bunch of shocked and confused emojis.

Yeah, girl, same.

My life has become such a shit-show in the last few weeks, it's hard to believe I'm still shocked by anything. But James escaping from the mental health facility definitely shocked me. It almost doesn't feel real. And to be honest, I haven't even processed it yet, because I'm afraid to.

The last time I came face-to-face with James, I was one hundred percent certain he was going to kill me. I remember looking into his eyes and seeing only darkness reflected back at me. Love blending with anger and contempt.

A tear slides down my cheek, and falls off my chin, onto my phone. Ugh. I need to stay positive.James will be found, and because he violated the release agreement, he'll probably be thrown back in jail. And then I can move on with my life, right? Right.

Just relax, Lux. Everything will be okay.

Relaxing is easier said than done, though. And even with the positive little pep-talk to myself, anxiety still swirls in my stomach. It's the not knowing that has me all mixed up inside. Where is he? What's he doing? Is he trying to find me?

I push out a breath and rub my temples. What I really need is sleep. Being well-rested makes everything else more manageable somehow. So with a sigh, I grab my clothes and Roman's clothes off the kitchen floor, and head to the second bedroom, the one Roman isn't using.

An hour later, I'm lying in the insanely comfortable bed, staring at my phone, exhausted, but unable to sleep. I've discovered that I hate being in this room alone. With James roaming around, I don't feel safe, and I'm jumping at every little sound.

I'm considering whether or not I should go find Roman when he suddenly appears in the open doorway. Speak of the devil. He steps into the room with a towel hanging low on his lean waist.

Oh, damn.

I swallow as my gaze travels downward. Ropes of muscle line his torso, his tanned skin glistening from the shower. I just saw him naked less than an hour ago, and yet, here I am, gawking at him like I'm a high school virgin catching my first glimpse of the male form.

"Were you in the shower this whole time?" I ask. Not judging, but if that's the case, then that means he took a forty-five-minute shower, and in Southern California, that's practically a crime. It seems like they're always in the middle of a water crisis down here, and everyone seems hyper-aware of that.

He doesn't answer me, just flashes me some serious side-eye as he leans over and grabs his clothes from the pile on the armchair, right where I dumped our clothes.

When he moves to leave, I sit up quickly. "Hey…" I pause because saying what I'm about to say will reveal my vulnerability, but honestly, I don't have much choice. "...would you mind staying in here with me?"

Roman has betrayed me in the worst possible way, and when we first got here, I had this fantasy that I could just shut myself away and ignore him. But being alone right now is not it. I need him here with me. I can't explain it. But even after everything that's happened between us, I feel safe with him. Dumb, right? But there it is.

He looks at me like a man battling demons that only he can see. "I can't sleep next to you, Lux. I can't."

I pinch the duvet between my fingers and occupy myself with creating little peaks in the fabric. "Please," I say, my gaze flicking up. "I…don't want to be alone."

For a second he doesn't say anything, just pins me with that lost look in his eyes. Finally, he pushes out a sigh, and drops his clothes onto the floor, bending to remove his phone and underwear from the pile.

Dropping his towel, I get an eyeful of those enticing black curls between his thighs, his cock already half-erect. My body instantly responds, tingles fluttering in my core. He just made me come, and I'm already eager for another round.

It might be a good distraction.

He steps into his underwear, then climbs into bed next to me. His skin smells like soap, and the scent wafts over me as he slips under the fluffy duvet, arranging the pillows, so he can sit up.

We're like that for a while, staring down at our phones, scrolling. Random cat videos pop up on my screen, and I watch them without really seeing them. I'm too distracted. All I can think about is Roman next to me, half-naked, and half-erect.

I glance over at him, watching him for a second. When he doesn't look back, I reach over and swat the phone out of his hand. It drops onto the mattress, and he looks over at me, like what the fuck?

Rising, I lift the duvet and move over to his side of the bed, so I can straddle him. He's already rock hard, his cock pressing against my core through the thin fabric of our underwear. His eyes go wide as I reach behind my back and unhook my bra, then fling it aside. My heavy breasts are practically in his face, and I can see the unmistakable hunger in his eyes.

"Lux…" his voice is rough like he's trying to talk through gravel.

"No talking," I say, skimming my hand down his hard pecs, and the clear outline of his eight-pack. He's so perfect, and I want to touch every square inch of him, but before I can, he grabs my hand, stopping me.

"Lux, you're playing a dangerous game," he growls. "If you start this, I won't stop. I can't."

I yank my hand out of his grip. "I said, no talking."

Clamping his mouth shut, he narrows his eyes at me. A tick pulses in his jaw, and I can tell he's trying to restrain himself. He releases my hand and palms my ass, his fingertips digging into my skin painfully. Then he moves me, guiding my hips so I'm grinding against him slowly.

"Put your hands out beside you," I tell him. A second ticks by, then another, and when he doesn't move, I lift up to get off him, but his hands immediately leave my ass and fall to his sides.

I smile down at him, touching his nose with the tip of my finger. "Good boy."

Slowly, I move my hips, rubbing against him, dry fucking him. The pressure of his cock against my clit is maddening, and I'm so damn wet, I'm practically soaked right through my panties.

Dipping my head, I pepper kisses across his chest, then snake my tongue around his nipple. He moans a deep guttural sound that makes my core clench.

I continue downward, to his stomach, to his navel, my lips brushing down the dark curls that disappear into his underwear. His cock strains against the thin fabric, and my mouth waters.

I just want a taste of him.

It's crazy how much I want him, even knowing what I know. I just wish things could be different between us. That Roman and I had met under different circumstances, in a different world. Then maybe we'd have a shot at something normal.

I peel his waistband down and his thick cock springs free. With a moan, he shifts his hips.

"Ah, ah," I say. "No moving unless I give you permission."

He glares at me.

"Understood?"

"Yes," he says, but it comes out strangled like it cost him something precious to say it. And I'm sure it does. Maybe I should feel bad about that, but I don't. Not even a little.

I tug his underwear down his legs and toss them aside, then I refocus my attention on his cock. I never thought a cock could be beautiful, but damn, it's thick and veiny, and the head is flushed a deep red.

Leaning forward, I touch my tongue to the bead of precum that's glistening on the tip. Another moan, though this time, he doesn't move.

Holding the base of his shaft with one hand, I take all of him in my mouth, the head of his cock hitting the back of my throat. I go slowly, using my hand to stroke him as I suck.

His hips lift slightly, and his thighs go rigid beneath me. But I don't let up, I keep sucking, his cock filling my mouth, my hand curled around him, stroking.

Another long moan, but again, he doesn't move, which just proves even the most stubborn guy can be trained. And I won't lie, having this level of control over someone as powerful as Roman is really fun.

When I've had enough, I rise up and crawl back up his body, my entrance hovering just above his cock. I'm still wearing my panties, and I don't intend to take them off.

I look down at his beautiful face. "Do you want me to fuck you?" I ask.

His throat moves as he swallows, and he nods, his pale eyes darkening.

"Say it," I tell him, repeating the words he has said to me many times.

"Yes."

I reach between us and pull the crotch of my panties aside, then slowly impale myself on his thick, massive cock. I groan loudly as he fills me, stretching me wide. His head tilts back, digging into the pillow under his head.

"Oh, yes," I moan, starting to move my hips, undulating as I cup my own breasts. They're so large, they spill over in my hands as I squeeze them, my nipples pinched between the side of my thumb and forefinger. The little spike of pain feels good, so I pinch again.

Roman is gripping the bottom sheet in his fists, the tendons on his forearms straining. I know he wants to set the pace and deepen his thrust, but I won't allow it. He plays by my rules, or he doesn't play at all.

Lifting up slightly, I adjust my position, so I can rock forward faster, while also putting more pressure on my clit. It feels so damn good, I can hardly think straight. Having him inside me is better than anything I've ever experienced, and I'm already wondering what other guy could possibly compare.

All good things must come to an end…

But not now, not today.

That familiar pressure starts building deep inside my core, and I chase that feeling. I don't give a fuck about what he wants, or what he needs. I rock against him harder, faster, my breasts jerking with each hurried motion.

I can feel his cock swelling inside me, and I know he's close. That pressure is getting more intense, and the energy inside me is going to fracture any moment.

My hand finds his throat, and I squeeze. "Look at me," I say, but I hardly need to say the words, because his ice-blue eyes are already locked on me. He looks pissed, and that makes me laugh a little. This big, strong guy is angry because I won't allow him to move freely.

With my hand still on his throat, I grind against him harder, forcing his cock even deeper inside me. I'm so close, but it's still not deep enough, or hard enough. I need him to take control. I need him to fuck me hard, but I can't give him that kind of power.

His eyes never leave mine, and I change my tempo, going slow, then speeding up again, rising up so his cock nearly leaves my body, then plunging down again, over and over, in a frenzied tempo.

Then the growing ball of tension inside me finally gives way, and I moan, my eyes rolling back in my head. Oh, my God. My hand tightens around his throat as my pussy clenches tightly around his shaft, and I ride out my orgasm.

I think he's about to come, too. His muscles are tightening, and his cock feels larger inside me, but before he can peak, I lift off him abruptly, and separate us.

He groans loudly, reaching for me as I scramble away. When it's clear I'm not coming back, he fishes himself, gripping his cock tightly, his hips rising off the mattress as milky white cum erupts from the flushed tip, then streams down onto his hand.

"Fuck, Lux," he chokes out, but the words are so strangled, I can barely understand him. He's practically levitating. "My God. Fuck!"

When it's over, he glares at me. He doesn't even move to clean himself off, and the anger written across his beautiful face makes me feel all fuzzy inside.

Fuck. Him.

He rises off the bed and stalks toward me. "You think that's funny?"

I didn't realize I was smiling, but I must be. "Yeah, actually."

A tic pulses in his jaw as he moves toward me, picking up the towel he discarded earlier, and wiping himself off quickly. I practically trip over the chair as he advances.

When I get close to the door, I make a run for it. My split-second plan is to run into the other bedroom and lock the door, but I don't even get past the living room. He catches me immediately, curling his large hand around my arm, and pulling me to a stop.

I turn to face him. He's angry, his nostrils flaring as he looks down at me. "What are you doing?" I ask him.

"That was cruel," he says.

"And you haven't been cruel?" I spit back. "You deserve my mercy?"

His hand moves to my panties. With one hard tug, he rips the cheap material off my body and throws my panties aside.

Um.It occurs to me now that I may have overplayed my hand, and accidentally awoken a beast.

There's zero compassion in his eyes as he reaches down, and shoves a finger inside me. "Still wet," he practically growls.

"I just came twice," I say smugly. "I'm good."

But even now, as he probes me, that hunger grips me again, my body stirring right back to life.

"I don't give a fuck," he says coldly.

Spinning me around, he pushes me down, so I'm bent over the back of the sofa. And before I can say anything, he's inside me, his cock pushing in painfully deep.

"I told you not to play, Lux," he whispers harshly, his mouth pressed against my ear. When he pulls back, he grabs a handful of my hair and twists it, pulling my head back. The sharp pain makes my breath catch.

With his free hand, he reaches around and touches my clit, all while pounding into me, jolting my entire body, shoving me against the hard back of the sofa.

I whimper as he pushes in deeper and deeper mercilessly, taking every inch of me. My clit is throbbing, along with the rest of my body, and with just a little more pressure, I know I'd come again.

That's the most shameful part.

I hate Roman so fucking much, but I can't deny the masterful control he has over my body.

Then all at once, he pulls out of me, and using his grip on my hair to pull me to the ground, flipping me over, so I'm on my back, looking up into his cold eyes. He's on top of me in seconds, his hips falling easily into the opening of my thighs.

"I want you to see whose cock is buried inside you," he says harshly, releasing my hair, then guiding himself back into me, seating himself balls deep. I swear I can practically feel him in my throat.

He starts moving again, slowly at first, then quickly gaining momentum. His jaw is set and the look in his eyes is pure determination—to make me suffer or to show me how much he can control me, I don't know.

Fuck him. Fuck this. Fuck the monster inside him.

I can see it now. The monster he warned me about, staring down at me, his blue eyes as black as coal. Then his mouth comes down harshly on mine, my teeth gnashing against my lips painfully as his tongue pushes inside. He's breathless, hungry, desperate, and my own body responds in kind.

I twist my head to try and break the kiss, pushing at his chest, but he continues to pump into me. He kisses me harder, so I do the only thing I can do, I bring my teeth down on his lip, biting him.

That shocks him enough to let go of me, and I scramble out from underneath his large body. But I'm on my knees. I don't have time to get on my feet.

As I scramble away, he catches me by the ankle, pulling me back. I half-twist, using my other leg to kick out at him. But he dodges me easily.

In seconds, I'm beneath him again, this time my belly pressed to the carpeted floor. He grabs both my flailing wrists with one large hand and holds them above my head. I'm panting, barely able to catch my breath, especially being on my stomach.

"Fuck you, Roman," I pant.

With his own muscular legs, he holds mine apart, exposing my hot center to him. "Yes, please, and thank you," he growls.

I just whimper in response, expecting him to enter me again. He doesn't. Instead, he arches over me and speaks directly into my ear. "You want me to stop?" he asks harshly. It's like he's playing a game. "Hm?" I can feel the tip of his cock positioned right at my entrance, ready to push inside. He doesn't move. "Say it, Lux. I want to hear you lie."

I swallow, and let my head fall to the floor, the soft carpet pressing against my cheek. It's like waiting for a bomb to go off, that's how tense this moment is. "Stop," I say, testing him more than anything. "I want you to stop."

With a cruel laugh, he eases off me, and I don't know what comes over me, but I panic, and call out, "Wait."

The truth is, I want him to finish this. I want him to fuck me hard, and mercilessly. I want him to fuck me so deep, he's embedded in me. I don't want to tell him any of that, though, because then he'll have power over me. And I can't give him that. Not again.

He shoves himself into me so quickly, and so violently, I gasp. He laughs in my ear. "You didn"t need to call me back. I wasn't going anywhere." He laughs again, the sound harsh against my ear. "But you revealed something I don't think you intend to." His fingers plunge into my hair, grabbing a handful of it, so he can use it to pull my head back again. "A fantasy you don't dare admit to anyone."

I swallow, my eyes fluttering closed. The feeling of him on top of me, his heat, his heaviness, makes my pulse race.

His hips move slowly at first, but his pace quickly picks up, in and out, in and out, and then he releases my hair, and pulls me up, onto my knees without leaving my body. Once I'm up on all fours, he reaches around and messages my clit.

I almost come right then and there, but just when he gets a good rhythm going, he slows his pace, almost like he's intentionally trying to prevent me from climaxing.

Ugh, asshole.

My body is so keyed up that I'm desperate for release. I have zero patience for this stupid fucking game, and I'll finish this myself if I have to.

I pull away, and he's not expecting that, so I manage to make it a couple of feet away before he pulls me back by the hips. "There you go trying to get away again," he says, bringing his hand down hard on my ass. Pain vibrates through me, and I cry out. "You're not leaving until I come inside you."

He enters me again, pushing into me with more violence than before, his fingers finding my clit again. My entire body jolts as he slams against me, my breasts bouncing.

Everything in this moment is him, me—us—and the release we both desperately need. I'm breathless, sensation coursing through me, overtaking every cell in my body as he pounds into me, his hips bouncing off my ass.

"Oh, God, Lux," he breathes, his fingers curling into my hip, his other hand applying more pressure to my clit. "Fuck, yeah, baby. You're perfect. So fucking perfect. God, I love you."

My breath hitches at those last three words a split second before he slams into me, then goes completely still, a long strangled growl coming from somewhere deep inside his chest. Hearing that deep tone does something to me and it triggers my own climax. Pulsing heat works through my veins, touching my goddamn soul. With my head thrown back, and my eyes closed, I cry out his name.

It isn't until I come down from my high that I question what I thought I maybe heard. Did Roman Rush actually say he loves me, or did my frenzied brain just make that up?