Chapter 13

Her words slicethrough me with the sharpness of a blade. I blink and shove my hands into my hair, tugging on the strands. I've been doing that so much lately, I swear I'm going bald. I pace my bedroom, my mind working a mile a minute.

Until Lux came along, I approached every problem with cold, hard logic. Take steps A, B, and C, and get X result. But when Lux walked into my life, it was like she cracked open a part of me that had been hidden, buried deep. Emotion. Fear. Love.

She deserves more, though, because my dad was right. I'm fucking worthless. A coward. When my brother was in trouble, I chose the selfish option. The easiest option. And look at the destruction that caused.

I have to make this right somehow.

"The guys are looking for him now. This campus isn't very big, so it's only a matter of time before they find him. But in the meantime, Jackson's family has a cabin in Big Bear. They just bought it, so James doesn't know about it. You'll be safe there."

She shakes her head. "I told you, I have class. The security guys can–"

"I can't, Lux," I interrupt, raising my voice in frustration. "I can't trust them to keep you safe. From pissed-off internet trolls, sure. But not from my brother. He's…" I can't bring myself to finish that thought.

Leaning forward, she narrows her gaze at me. "If you knew your brother was so dangerous, why did you convince me to keep him out of jail?"

It's a fair question, but she doesn't know everything. I lower myself into the wing-chair in front of the fireplace and lean forward, forearms resting on my thighs. "My brother convinced us you were crazy, Lux. A spurned girlfriend who wanted revenge. He said you two had a fight, and you exaggerated events so you could have him arrested. He kept us away from court proceedings, told us not to read the court documents…"

"And you just believed him?"

I lift my hands. "Who wants to believe someone they love is capable of something so fucking twisted? I couldn't face it." I pause, looking over at her. "And it was easier to blame you."

Worthless.

Coward.

She nods slowly like she's taking it all in. Whether she believes me or not, though, I don't know. And the not knowing is what kills me.

"So what changed your mind?" she asks.

I lean back in the chair, tilting my head back, and raking my hands over my face. Fuuuck. Why is this so hard? Maybe it's because believing her feels like a betrayal to my brother. Everyone in James's life has abandoned him, and now, even me.

Believing Lux means my brother is now completely alone.

And honestly, for a long time, I just couldn't face the fact that the brother I'd idolized and molded myself after could be so dangerous.

I drop my hands, determined to tell her the absolute truth, no matter how badly it paints me. I owe her that much. "I visited James in jail once a week, at least, and uh…he'd give me letters to give to you. Each letter became more and more unhinged, more rooted in some kind of fantasy. He loved you some weeks, others he hated you…" I swallow. "It's like I could see him slowly unraveling right before my eyes. And then when you told me your story about the incident…I mean, at first, I was pissed, because your version was so drastically different than his. But as the pieces came together, I slowly started to realize that he needs real help. Like actual help. I thought maybe he could still be saved."

She nods slowly, listening. "So knowing he was unhinged, you put him in a facility that he could just…" She shrugs. "...walk right out of."

"It's not like that, Lux." Except, it's exactly like that. I'm the reason she's in danger right now. I picked the facility—I mean, fuck, I begged my dad to get James a bed and pay for it. And to appease my mom, I'd deliberately looked for the least restrictive facility available.

No one is to blame but me, and even if there's no change between Lux and me, I have to fix this shit. I have to. I can't walk away knowing my brother is out there and still hung up on her.

She's silent for a second, probably just absorbing all of this. And I watch her as she looks down, toying with the edge of the comforter. She's so fucking beautiful, her long lashes resting on the curve of her cheek, her bottom lip pulled between her teeth. I itch to touch her, hold her. Tell her I'll make everything okay...

Fuck, how I want to see that smile stretch across her face again.

"I'm sorry, Lux." The words just tumble out of my mouth, and I can't stop them. "I'm sorry I put you in danger. You didn't deserve any of this. If I could take it all back, I would."

Her gaze flicks up to meet mine, and she sighs, her expression softening. "It is what it is," she says, but there's a sadness in her voice that launches a shard of despair straight through my chest.

"Come away with me," I say. "And after we find my brother, I'll walk away. I swear."

I have no idea how I'm going to fucking do that, though. Just the thought of not seeing her makes me want to shove my fist through a wall. I'm already plotting ways I could bump into her, or keep tabs on her without her knowing.

She stands up, and walks over to the door, placing her hand on the knob. "You know I can't go anywhere with you. You should leave now."

I suck in a deep breath. The room smells like her, honey and vanilla. And as I stand, I catch a glimpse of something pink on the nightstand.

I walk over and pick the item up. It's a blister pack of pills. Vitamins. Prenatal vitamins. And next to it is a pamphlet on prenatal care. "What's this?"

I shouldn't be confused, because I knew there was a possibility she could be pregnant. I mean, fuck, didn't I announce it to everyone at her initiation? But it hadn't been confirmed. Now I'm guessing it has been. Was she ever going to tell me?

She lifts her hand, gesturing to the pills, and opens her mouth, but no sound comes out. It's like she's at a loss for what to say. And that's confirmation enough that this is something she didn't intend to tell me.

I narrow my gaze at her. "Are you pregnant, Lux? Was it confirmed?"

She settles back on her heel and blows out a breath like she's accepted defeat. "Yes."

I toss the vitamins back onto the nightstand, and approach her, stopping just a few inches away. I don't reach out to her, but fuck do I want to. Instead, I ball my hands to fists at my sides. "When did you find out?"

"A few days ago."

"Before or after you found out James is my brother?"

She presses her lips together and glances away like she can't look me in the eyes. "Before."

Anger explodes inside me, but I manage to keep it contained. But fuck my blood is boiling. "So you weren't going to tell me," I say, a statement, not a question.

I can see the fear in her eyes, though whether it"s fear of me or the situation, I don't know. "I'm not even sure what I'm going to do about it," she says, emotion causing the words to catch in her throat.

"I deserved to know, Lux."

Tears are streaming down her cheeks now, and she looks away again, wiping the tears away as fast as they fall. "Well, now you know."

With my jaw clenched, I pull my phone out of my back pocket and shoot the guys a group text.

She sniffs. "What are you doing?"

"I'm telling the guys where we'll be," I say, still typing it all out.

She reaches out quickly, placing her hand over my screen. "Roman, do you hear me at all when I speak? I said I wasn't going with you."

I reach out with my free hand and grab her wrist. "Well, circumstances have changed, haven't they?"

My little rabbit tries pulling herself out of my snare, but it's useless. I've got her now.

"What's that supposed to mean?" she asks.

I pull her close. Angry, even though I know, logically, I have no right to be. I'm the one who fucked her over, but still, the fact that she wasn't going to tell me she was pregnant is fucking wild. "When it was just you and me, that was one thing. But now there's someone else to consider, and I'm not letting you put yourself at risk, just because you're pissed at me."

Anger flickers in her eyes, and again, she pulls against me. "I hate you."

Maybe it's just an excuse to be near her, but fuck if I'm going to let her out of my sight now. There's no damn way.

I brush my thumb over her damp cheek, but she twists her head, pulling away from me. "I know, baby, but it doesn't matter, because now you're mine. You might as well accept it."