CHAPTER 19

Artemis

D on’t think about his cock. Don’t think about his cock. Don’t think about his cock.

I repeated the mantra in my head as my team and Dorian’s entered Adara’s room. Luckily, the distraction of the food already awaiting us provided me enough mental space to ignore what I’d witness in the locker room.

I’d never seen a hard Griknot cock in person, before. Sure, I’d looked up porn with Libby, but we’d never actually experienced a tangible male sexual partner, least of all the well-known pleasure of a Griknot’s cock. It had been mostly flaccid, the tentacles at its base furled, but all that bare skin was just begging to be touched.

Though he had been the one to touch himself in the restroom stall. Our teams had waited for him outside while he finished up, and it was one of the most uncomfortable waits of my entire life.

But it was over now. I would have to get over my aversion to anything even remotely sexual if I were to survive living with these males. They were horny and virile and unashamed of it.

Nope, stop thinking about it. Eat your food, Artemis, and focus on the plan.

The mental reminder of what I was here to do and what still needed to be done snapped me out of the haze I’d found myself in, and my mind spun as I adjusted my plan.

I’d enrolled at Nova Academy to look into the rumours the school was involved in the plans for The Program. I had overheard one of the scientists discussing one of their benefactors with another, and the academy was not only mentioned but discussed in detail. They were planning to use it as recruiting grounds. With the secret discovered by high-ranking members of the Intergalactic Union’s governing body, secrecy was not only imperative but expensive and difficult to maintain. They were looking to hire security and other scientists through institutions such as Nova but that wasn’t the only one. It was just the only one they’d mentioned by name.

I needed to find a way to sneak out soon without anyone the wiser, but I wasn’t sure how while on this deck and surrounded by even more people. Not to mention the watch rotations. Which meant I was going to have to actively search for other opportunities to do some snooping. My mission just got a whole lot harder.

Nobody tried to speak to me while we ate, and though I was grateful for the small social reprieve, their surreptitious glances did not escape my notice. Since they were the people I was closest to here, socially and proximally, I was aware that they might have begun to pick up on some of my behaviours that didn’t fit the status quo. Unfortunately, it was a byproduct of my secluded upbringing that I lacked social awareness, and while I believed my acting skills were well-developed, I wasn’t able to pinpoint where I was going wrong. I could imitate like the best of them, but without reading someone’s mind I would always struggle to understand them.

However, it was becoming increasingly clear that I had made a mistake somewhere.

I decided not to bring attention to whatever it was by pretending nothing had happened and hoped they would simply concluded I was an oddball. It was better that than the truth. I highly doubted any of these males would understand.

They chatted amongst themselves on our way back down to our next class, letting me keep my distance. None of them bothered to talk to me, so they must have sensed I wasn’t in the right state of mind for casual interactions.

The second (and last) class of the day was flight training. It was a subject I was interested in, as I had never actually piloted an aircraft or spacecraft. Previous knowledge helped when doing something new, and though I was able to download the information I needed to learn it couldn’t compare to real, hands-on training and practice.

It was the difference between capability and skill, and piloting was a useful skill to have. Especially on the run.

I was giddy as we entered the room and saw what lay inside. It was about the size of the mess hall, but instead of tables and trays there were stations with screens and equipment for mock flight simulations. I was beyond eager to get started, to try my hand at the knowledge I’d already accumulated and test myself.

‘Take a seat. One team per station, please. We’ll be taking turns,’ a woman’s voice spoke up from the front of the room. A Yu’Rom female stood behind a podium with her own station to the side of her, I assumed for demonstration purposes. She wore her uniform neatly pressed with crisp lines, and her long pale hair was pulled back into an intricate braided up-do that not only kept it away from her neck and face but created a stunning illusion of a crown atop her head.

We followed the order and picked a station near the front. I wasn’t the only one eager for this lesson it seemed, for Bromm was also practically vibrating with excitement beside me.

‘You want to be a pilot?’ my mouth spoke the words before I could stop them and my face heated with the memory of earlier, though I pretended nothing had happened.

‘It’s definitely something I’ve considered,’ he answered, rewarding my curiosity with a beaming, toothy grin. Once again, I was stunned by how beautiful his face was beneath the beard and intrigued by the sharp teeth he was currently displaying in full. After seeing him naked this morning, my concept of attraction was shifting. Where previously I hadn’t seen the appeal in his tentacles, the images I had conjured in my mind were decidedly alluring.

I physically shook the thoughts from my mind, reminding myself to focus on the lesson and my plan, which most definitely did not include a Griknot. Or anyone else, for that matter. No lovers. Not that I thought he would be attracted to me, especially considering I wasn’t even the male I was portraying myself to be.

Focus, A. Focus.

‘Is everyone settled?’ the instructor’s lyrical voice called out to us.

‘Yes, ma’am,’ we responded. The atmosphere was bright and excited. Bromm and I clearly weren’t the only ones more than ready to start the lesson.

‘Wonderful. Let me introduce myself. I am Group Captain Eloria Stanson. You may address me as GC Stanson or Ma’am. I teach in a fast-paced, hands-on environment so pay attention, follow orders and practice and you should pass this class with flying colours. Any questions?’

No one spoke up.

‘Perfect,’ she clapped her hands once. ‘Let’s get started then, shall we?’

???

Most of the lesson consisted of a lecture, the mock equipment was barely touched. We did have the chance to take it in turns getting a feel of the controls under our fingers, but it didn’t provide any true practice. That was reserved for further in the week, though we only had flight lessons every other day. Every morning was combat training, but the afternoons alternated until we reached the academy. Then, we would be provided a set schedule based off our initial results from training under Captain Hironimus.

Who surprised us all by showing up in our room for the evening meal.

I wasn’t under any impression that he was there for us, however. He had clearly followed Addy, who bounced into the room like she owned it (well, she did) like she did with every other room on this ship, and latched herself onto my side with a grin and her non-stop chatter.

The captain sat on my left, since Addy had perched herself on my lap and didn’t seem to be moving any time soon. He gave the impression he was a little put out by the reduction in her attention on him, but he stayed steadfast by her side the entire time.

On my other side was Bromm. That was another surprise considering he and Foryk were basically attached at the hip and Reece was usually my go-to seat buddy. Reece also looked rather put out when Bromm took the empty spot beside me. Foryk was then left to take the empty space beside him, and it was a whole domino effect of sulking males.

I found the whole thing rather amusing, and I ended up giggling out loud before I could contain it. It was quiet enough to be ignored by most of the room, but those closest to me definitely noticed. Addy gave me a conspiratorial look from on top of me while the captain and Bromm both wore expressions of bafflement.

I started to mentally chastise myself, but Addy pinched my arm that had come around her to ensure she didn’t fall off. I shot her a questioning look, and her eyes held a warning to be careful. The smile never left her face, however, so at least no one else noticed to silent interaction.

When the food had been inhaled and the plates licked clean (yes, they really did lick them clean), Addy yawned and hugged me goodnight, then promptly ran out the door and into the captain’s quarters. He stayed, however.

‘We will need to rotate sleeping and night watch arrangements. Pick two to stay in my spare room, I don’t care which, and we can alternate the watch schedule for each room. If you’re staying with me, follow me now. I’m not waiting for you.’

Foryk stood, shooting Bromm a look I didn’t understand that made him sit back down when he tried to follow. Instead, Urman volunteered to go with them, and both Bromm and Dorian were left looking rather confused.

‘I guess we’re integrating, then,’ Henrik spoke up.

‘Guess so,’ said Bromm, then eyed me from his periphery like I couldn’t see him watching me.

‘I’m off to bed then,’ said Dorian, rising with a stretch and moving towards one of the bedrooms. There were extra bunks inlaid in the walls of the spare room that allowed for us to have our own sleeping spaces, but there were two larger beds in each room that needed to be shared. Whoever ended up in the main room would have more privacy, so I assumed before he left that Foryk would share it with Bromm like they had last night.

‘Wanna share with me?’ Bromm asked from beside me.

‘Uh…’ At first I didn’t realise he was addressing me, but then when I turned and saw the tentative hope in his expression my brain glitched and I didn’t know what to say. My answer should have be a firm no . Sharing was too much of a risk for detection and would prevent me from finding a way to sneak out. And yet… My head was nodding yes before I realised what I was doing.

My mind blanked at the stunning sight of his smile directed towards me, his beard parting to reveal those wickedly sharp-looking teeth. He used my moment of distraction to pull me up, holding onto my hand as he led us into the main bedroom before I could regain control of my body. And my senses.

I failed before I could even try when he stripped out of his clothes, leaving only his underwear and the obvious outline of his bulge. I knew exactly what lay beneath, and that knowledge did nothing to stop my mouth from watering at the sight.

No . Stop it A. This is a terrible idea. Abort. Abort!

‘Well, are you coming to bed or do you want me to put on a show?’ he teased, and it sounded so much like what I imagined a lover would say than a teammate that it took me aback even more. So much so that I physically stepped backwards. I needed to get away. I need to salvage this situation. Someone else could share the bed with him tonight.

But you want to, a voice whispered in the deepest recesses of my mind, forcing me to acknowledge a truth I was trying to ignore. I wanted to climb right into that bed with him. I wanted to see how far he was willing to take his flirtation. I wanted him to touch me.

I had never allowed myself the luxury of exploring my body, someone else’s, or letting them explore mine. Obviously, it couldn’t happen, but that didn’t mean I had to completely shut myself off from my desires, right? I could crawl into bed with him and fantasise about what could have been. I could take comfort in the way his presence pressed against mine. I could absorb his heat and keep it as a reminder of almost . Almost friends. Almost lovers. Almost living.

So I damned the stars and chose to be selfish. Just for one night. Only one moment. Libby would forgive me for it. In fact, if she were here, she’d be cheering me on.

Except she wasn’t here.

A stab of that old pain pinged through my chest and spread throughout my body like tiny little pinpricks in my bloodstream. It brought me out of my head for a tick and reminded me of what was at stake.

We lay there on our backs, so close we were almost touching. I really could feel the heat from his body as if it were a caress against my skin. I closed my eyes and inhaled deeply, his scent of ocean salt and musk practically burning as it branded itself into my brain. It was a scent I was forever remember, fantasy fuel, and something I would cherish long after I’d moved on.

I startled when skin brushed against mine, his hand inching closer and closer and tentatively touching the back of my hand. He paused, waiting to see if I would allow him to continue. I shouldn’t. It was cruel to the both of us to pretend like this could happen, but I couldn’t bring myself to pull away.

Slowly, his fingertips softly stroked my knuckles, and my hand turned palm-up of its own accord. An invitation.

He took it, tangling our fingers and pressing our palms together. His skin was a combination of smooth and calloused, as if he’d spent a lot of time working with his hands but attempted to wash the evidence away without much success. It was an interesting juxtaposition that had my heartrate skyrocketing. I was sure he could feel my erratic pulse through the contact.

He inhaled as if to speak but closed his mouth with an audible snap. Then his grip tightened as if he were afraid I would pull away. Truthfully, it was a real possibility and we both knew it.

I listened as he made another attempt. When he finally spoke I wasn’t sure how to feel about it. ‘Goodnight, Arty.’

I struggled to comprehend my emotions. I considered that perhaps it was a swirl of relief combined with a sinking feeling of disappointment that washed over me. He wasn’t going to try anything else, and I couldn’t let him. I wanted him to, yet I was glad my secret would remain safe.

This whole situation was beyond confusing.

So, I decided not to let it confuse me. I accepted things for what they were, that this was as far as they could go.

‘Goodnight, Bromm,’ I whispered, my voice breathless with an undercurrent of desire and overwhelm.

And then I closed my eyes and fell asleep, our hands still entwined.