38. Kurt

Since his failed mediation, Johnny's been working with his lawyers to prepare for trial and throwing himself into his work out at the ranch. I think spending more time with the animals helps keep him from worrying about whether he should have settled this thing … or dwelling on how, soon, he's going to have to get up and tell his story to a group of strangers.

As for me, I'm still trying to make up ground in time for the primary. I've been to every Optimist Club, Soroptimist Club, Rotary Club, Toastmasters, and Kiwanis Club meeting in the areas Paige and Johnny identified as targets. I've spent endless hours on the phone, asking for money and votes. I've extended my leave of absence from work, because there's no way I can do all this and my regular job.

But every night, Johnny and I are together, and most nights he's ordering me around exactly as I want him to. Some mornings, when he's left early to go take care of the horses, I bring up the video he shot of him slow fucking me and watch it on my phone, because it's the hottest thing I've ever seen. He'd sent it to me when I asked, then deleted his copy. I usually don't let myself come while watching it, because it's more fun to edge and edge and edge. I'd rather Johnny be the one to take me over the cliff. Now that I have him in my life, I want him more and more.

Watching the video makes me feel like he's here even when he isn't. When I mention this to him over dinner, he grins. "Good boy. Get yourself hard for me. I'll do it again any time you like, you know."

"It's more than that," I admit, passing him some coffee. "I've always wanted to film myself. Not just the impromptu sort of thing we did before, but a full video, complete with the perfunctory script and everything."

"Now, darlin'," Johnny says slowly. "Not to be too critical, but I think that's the worst idea I've ever heard. You're running for office, and your mama's the lieutenant governor. Making a sex tape with a porn star ain't a good idea."

"I know you're right … but I still think it would be hot," I insist. I drop my eyes. "It's not like I don't have one with you already. There's no reason it should get out—it would be just for us. I won't share it or upload it anywhere."

Johnny reaches across the table and lifts up my chin with his fingers, studying my face. "This matters to you, doesn't it?"

I nod.

"Then let's make it happen, darlin'. We'll put passwords on it or we'll leave it on the camera. But if we can bring your fantasy to life, let's do it."

"I'll feel bad about it," I tell him.

His shoulders stiffen. "Then, never mind."

"No," I say quickly. "That—that's what I want. I want the feeling that I'm doing something I shouldn't. Like I'm gonna get caught." I inhale sharply. Because just thinking about it makes me shiver.

He sees, and his eyes heat up. "Then be ready. We'll do it soon."

"Sounds good." I grin. "Sounds better than good."

He tilts his head. "So, apart from your fantasy life—which, by the way, I highly approve of—how have you been doing, precious? We haven't seen as much of each other lately, outside of nighttime."

"I'm okay. It's just … a lot. I mean, I'm not complaining. I know you're dealing with a bunch of hard stuff, and I don't?—"

"Hard stuff isn't something we need to compete over," he says. "My shit doesn't make yours any easier to deal with. You're worn out. You've been going a million miles a minute since before I met you—that has to be exhausting." He thinks for a second, then says, "Come with me to work tomorrow."

"Not sure that's going to make my schedule any easier."

"I get that, but you gotta find time to relax somehow. What if you come toward the end of the day? I want to show you the horses. Want to go riding?"

I smile. "I do." I love seeing Johnny in his element. He was beautiful riding on the beach that day. I bet it'll be even better with horses he's gotten to know.

But I have something to do first. Something I didn't want to rush into … but it's time to get the ball rolling.

Charlie Cooper, Sam's coworker, is prickly when I call him the next morning after Johnny leaves. But when I explain who I am and why I want to meet, he and his boyfriend Rowan agree to meet me at a bench over by the beach, where no one can hear our conversation.

I get there first and sit, feeling out of sorts. I'm looking forward to seeing Johnny later, but this meeting has me on edge. Two men walk up a few minutes later. The tall one, who must be Charlie, is breathtakingly handsome, with dark hair and dark eyes. He doesn't quite have a sneer, more an RBF. It doesn't detract from how good-looking he is.

He's holding the hand of a tiny man with short, bright pink hair and tattoos everywhere—Rowan, based on Sam's description. Rowan's clearly rich (or has a sugar daddy), since he's wearing Cartier love rings on every finger and designer everything. His smile seems a little … what did Sam say? Feral.

I stand and shake their hands. "Hi, I'm Kurt. You're Charlie? And Rowan?"

"That is correct," Charlie says, taking a seat next to mine. Rowan perches on his lap, and Charlie anchors him by the waist. I almost laugh. Rowan's clearly got Charlie wrapped around his bejeweled pinky.

"Charlie said you need some … assistance." Rowan smirks.

"Yeah." I sigh. "I don't know where to start. My boyfriend—or rather, husband. It's a little confusing."

"Sounds like my brother Cam," Charlie says.

I nod. "I heard about that. Yeah, kind of the same thing. Well, I'm married to Velvet the Cowboy."

Rowan's eyes nearly do a full cartoon pop. "Holy fuck, he's the hottest."

Charlie glares at him. "Thought that was me."

"It is you. But I can still have porn."

"Maybe," Charlie says with an edge.

I watch them, distracted and amused by their dynamic, then turn my mind back to the sickening reason I'm here. "The short story is, a porn director orchestrated an assault …" I feel like I'm violating Johnny's privacy by telling his story, but I need them to understand. And it's all going to come out at the trial, anyway. "He drugged Johnny and had him gang-raped. I want vengeance."

"Say no more," Rowan says, pulling a switchblade from his skintight sea green jeans. "I'm in."

Charlie looks up at the sky. "You had to bring up violence."

Wringing my hands, I look at them. "I'll pay you whatever you want. I just need him dealt with. Not yet—there's a civil trial coming up, and I don't want to do anything that could rebound on that. But after." I shiver. "I'm not a murderer. Don't kill him. Or try not to. I'm not going to lose too much sleep if there's an accident. But I want to make sure he won't rape another person, ever."

"It will be my pleasure," Rowan says. "No money required. This will be fun."

I've never done anything like this before, but Johnny deserves more retribution than the justice system is going to provide. And so do I, if I'm honest. No one fucks with what's mine. Even if he wasn't mine back then, he's mine now.

In the evening, I drive to Hidden Valley and the expansive ranch where Johnny's working.

When I get out of my car, he saunters over to me, Lady at his heels.

I nearly swoon at the sight.

He's truly a cowboy. Long legged, with tanned skin and a cowboy hat. He looks like he was born in those boots. And then there's his handsome face.

I melt.

This man is so special. Not Velvet the Cowboy, no matter how much I enjoyed watching him on my screen. But Johnny, the outdoorsman who truly cares for animals. Who has ties to a long tradition of working with them. Who takes equally good care of me.

I go up on my toes, and he leans down to kiss me, and I get lost in his pale eyes.

"C'mon. Let me introduce you to this side of the family," he says with a grin.

Holding hands, we walk into the stable, where there are horses in most of the divided areas. This is super fancy. It even smells nice. Everything is shiny and gleams. The horses look exceptionally healthy.

"What kind of horses are these?" I ask.

"They're American Quarter Horses."

"They're beautiful," I say, admiring their chestnut brown coats and glossy manes.

"Ready to go for a ride?"

"Sure. Do you have one that's good for me?"

"Sure do. Come meet her."

Johnny stands beside the horse he's chosen for me—Lucy—as I swing into the saddle and look at the world from this taller perspective.

After securing Lady in the barn, Johnny mounts his horse with ease and clicks with his tongue, and we head off. He leads us out of the arena to the fenced pastures of this property. There are huge old oaks, along with sycamores and some other trees I can't identify. We're nestled in a peaceful valley, and all I can think is how at home Johnny seems here.

I make a mental note to check out real estate in this area. I know he objected to the cost, but this is where he belongs—somewhere with horses and dogs.

I'm going to get him everything he wants and needs, whether he realizes it or not.

"What's your horse's name?" I ask.

"Sadie. She's a sweetheart. Well, most of 'em are."

I watch my husband, in his tight Wrangler jeans and white cowboy hat, expertly maneuver his horse next to mine. While I feel comfortable enough on horseback, he's one with them. Like he thinks, and the horse moves the way he wants them to.

As we ride, my phone buzzes in my pocket, and I feel secure enough in the saddle to pull it out and check it. There's a link from Paige. It's a news story: "Lieutenant governor takes leave of absence to donate kidney."

I smile and put the phone away, riding with Johnny in the afternoon sunshine.