34. Kurt

Ashiver runs through me at the promise in Johnny's eyes.

"What do you think about letting me take over in the bedroom?" he asks. "Be a … dom, kinda. Would you trust me to give you an escape? Time when you don't have to think about what you need to do and who you need to do it for?"

He hasn't even finished speaking, and my body's already flooded with … I don't know what kind of hormones or whatever. It's like I can feel my blood pressure relax and my mind start to clear. "Fuck," I say. "Yes. Please. My brain's so full of … shit so much of the time. I love it when you tell me what to do."

"You know I'm a stickler for consent," he says.

"You have it. I'll tell you if I don't like something or don't want to do it. But I can't imagine you doing anything that would pass my limits."

"Then just you wait, baby boy. I'll rock your world. Bring that pretty cock over here and let me suck it." Johnny tugs me to him, wrapping his arms around my waist and brushing his lips against the skin behind my ear.

He runs a hand down my side and into my pocket.

I love it when Johnny takes over. He's so much bigger than me. It's not that I'm little. He's just so big. I can imagine I'm overpowered, and it's a turn-on. He could throw me around, but he doesn't.

Power that he chooses not to exercise. Restraint.

Him being in control.

Me not having to be.

It's hot. Fucking hot.

I turn around and join my mouth to his, kissing him as he slides his other hand under my ass cheek, pulling me closer to him. When I part my lips, he licks into my mouth, and he tastes so good.

"Fuck," I whisper.

He rubs his erection against mine, and I want to please him even more than I want to feel his mouth on me.

"What is it?" he asks, in tune with what I'm thinking, as usual.

"I want to suck you off."

He chuckles, then smiles against the crook of my neck. "Oh yeah?"

"Please?"

"I'm not sure I should be lettin' you call the shots, precious, but since you asked so nicely, maybe just this once." He gives me his best dom look. "Be a good boy and get down on your knees."

That command, in his gentle twang, makes the little hairs rise on the back of my neck. Yes. "I love it when you order me around."

"Good boy," he says as I position myself. He runs a hand through my hair, tousling it. I reach for his pants, but he clucks his tongue. "Nuh-uh. Hold on."

He pulls back and studies me. Something about that makes everything even hotter. Because I could be embarrassed sitting here. Like, why am I kneeling before him? But he makes me feel special. Like I'm doing something praiseworthy.

"You look so beautiful," he whispers. "I just needed to see you."

I wait, patiently, as he watches me. He lifts my chin up with one finger, and his big eyes, full of heat, meet mine.

"Fuck, you're so beautiful," he repeats. "Okay, now suck my cock like a good boy."

I reach for his belt buckle. But he's better at taking that thing off than I am, so he helps me.

Then I ease his dick out of his pants. His porn star dick: long, thick, huge. It's fucking pretty, the way he's pretty. It's unlike anyone else's I've ever seen, just … perfect. That's what Johnny has. A perfect dick. It's huge, but it's not too thick, not too long.

And he always smells good. Even when he's been working and is a little musky, I like the natural scent of his skin. I like the hair on his thighs and around his dick. I like the trail of hair under his belly button and the hair he's letting grow on his chest.

I open my mouth and he puts his dick into it, and I sigh with happiness.

"Look at you," he whispers. "You take my cock so well, sweetheart. You're such a good boy. Lick it. Yeah, that's it. You know I like it that way. You're so good at this. The best."

Johnny's praise fills me up inside in ways I never imagined. I wouldn't have thought I was starved to hear things like that. For validation. But Johnny's words make me feel like I am good. Like I can please him. Like this is important, and like together we can make something beautiful.

He also makes me feel like I can't do this wrong. Like if something isn't right, he'll correct me gently instead of resenting or judging me.

I take more of him into my mouth, relaxing my throat and then swallowing around the tip of his dick. He's too big for me to take all the way. He's the porn star, not me.

But even though I think I'm doing just okay, that's not what he's telling me. "You make me feel so good, sweetheart. That's it. So, so good. You look gorgeous choking on my cock. Fuck. Absolutely the most beautiful boy."

Johnny's so big, it takes him a while to get fully hard, but he is now, and it's intimidating.

But.

I keep sucking, tears rolling down my face as I take him deeper than I can comfortably, but he lets me.

He's groaning, and these are his private groans. They're quieter than Velvet's. Sexier, in my opinion, because they aren't practiced. They just come out.

Soon he's pulsing down my throat, and I swallow his bitter, sweet, salty release.

Thank fuck he's starting to get his sex drive back. And I get to help him with it.

"Okay, baby boy. Now it's my turn." He grabs me by the waist and hauls me over his shoulder, depositing me on the couch, where he proceeds to make me come using only his tongue.

The day before Christmas, I walk into the house doing my best to hide my excitement. Johnny's sitting on the balcony looking out at the ocean. We put up lights and decorated a tree, but I can tell he's still struggling with the blues.

"Babe?" I call as I walk outside.

"Hey." He sounds listless.

"How are you doing?" I sit down next to him, though I don't want to settle in for too long.

Johnny shrugs. "Not sure, honestly. It's one of those days. Some are good, and some are … tough."

While I'm not happy he's down, I'm heartened that he's being forthright and telling me about it. That's massive progress. I put my head on his shoulder. "Is there a particular reason why it's tough right now?"

"Maybe the holidays? Not sure. I called Mama, and she's doin' about the same as she was at Thanksgiving. I want her to be better."

"I know you do." I kiss him. "I'm sorry today's not so good. I have something that might brighten it up a bit, though. Can I give you your present?"

"You didn't have to?—"

I kiss him again to silence his protest. "I know. Wait here. Or, actually, come inside. I have to get it out of the garage."

"Okay," he says, looking dubious but interested despite himself. Maybe he's picking up on my enthusiasm. I tell him to take a seat on the couch and head downstairs.

In the garage, I open up the puppy crate and pull out the wriggling bundle of fur, holding her securely in my arms as I climb the stairs. I open the door and call out, "Close your eyes."

"Sure, darlin'," Johnny says, and as I walk up to him, I can see he's obeyed.

The squirming puppy yips as I drop her into his lap.

Johnny's eyes fly open, and his hands go around her immediately, as she jumps up and starts licking his face.

His face softer than I've ever seen it, he looks up at me and asks, "Who is this?" as if he daren't hope she's for him.

"Your Christmas present," I say with a smile.

Johnny's expression is indescribable. He seems so bowled over he's about to cry. "Is she …"

"Yours. Ours."

"I told you that y'all didn't need to get me a dog," he says, but he's grinning.

"Yeah, I heard you. I just ignored it, because if there was ever a man who needs a dog, it's you." I pause. "She's a rescue. Jules found her, actually. He said she'd be one you liked. They say she's likely part golden retriever, part German shepherd, which makes me think she'll be sweet and loyal."

Like you, I think.

"I've always wanted my own dog," he whispers, as he pets her floppy velvet ears and lets her climb up his chest.

"I know. And I think when she's a little bigger, she'll be able to go with you to work."

I wouldn't have thought he could get more excited. "Oh, yeah, she can definitely come with me to the ranch. You'll be a help with the horses, won't ya, girl?" he coos, stroking her belly and playing with her paws.

"You keep an eye on her. I've got more stuff to bring in," I say, and go out to the garage.

When I return with my arms full, he laughs. "What didja do, buy a whole pet store?"

Grinning, I shake my head as I empty the bags on the table: a collar and leash, puppy chow and dog bowls, toys and treats.

"What do you want to name her?" I ask, coming over and scratching her ears.

"She doesn't have a name yet?"

I shrug. "Whatever they called her at the shelter, that doesn't matter. You're her dad, so you get to name her."

Johnny studies her, his face soft and happy. "Well, I reckon she's a little lady, so I think that's her name, isn't it? Lady. I know it ain't an unusual name, but it seems like her."

"Then Lady it is." I go to leave, but Johnny reaches out and snags my wrist, tugging me to him for a kiss.

"Thank you," he whispers fervently. He snuggles his nose into Lady's fur and inhales what I know is that sweet clean-puppy smell. "This is the best thing anyone's ever done for me. I've just always … I've always wanted a dog."

"And now you have one."

"I've always wanted a boyfriend, too."

"You have one of those, too."

I kiss him again, and he whispers, "Thanks," against my lips.

"I'm glad this was a good surprise," I tell him. "Her crate and bed are still in the car. I'll be right back."

As I scoot off to the garage, I hear him tell Lady, "Your other daddy's spoiling you, isn't he? You deserve to be spoiled, though, don't you, pretty girl?"

I return with the bed and crate, as well as puppy pads and more toys, and Johnny chuckles.

"Dogs require care," I say defensively, as I set the dog bed down by the couch.

"I'm just teasin' you. I love that you're taking care of her like this. I think I'll get her used to the house, then we can take her for a walk on the beach."

"Sounds good to me."

There were so many reasons to give Johnny a dog—it will help with his recovery, distract him from his trial, give him something to focus on besides himself. But the bottom line is, I knew it would put that smile on his face.

That night, Johnny makes love to me, then lets Lady into our room and up on our bed. I roll my eyes and point out the perfectly good dog bed I bought.

"She's stolen your heart," I say.

"Yeah, but you stole it first."

My phone is ringing early in the morning, and it's my momther. We spent Christmas Day with her and my dad, but we're now in that dead zone between Christmas and New Year's where everything blurs together.

"Hey," I say, my voice gravelly from sleep. "Is everything okay?"

"I just got news that I had to share." Her voice is pitched high with excitement. "I'm a match."

"Come again?" I squint at my phone.

"I'm a match for Sue Ann Haskell," my mom says louder. So loud that Johnny must hear her. He stirs behind me and sits up, blinking.

"Are you saying what I think you're saying?" I ask.

"Yes! I can donate a kidney to her."

"Holy shit, Mom. Thank you."

"I'm happy to do this for my son-in-law's mother. Everyone deserves to have the best possible quality of life."

I look at Johnny, and his eyes are red. "Okay, then," I say. "What do we need to do next?"

She tells me the plan, and I hang up, feeling overwhelmed. And if I'm feeling that way, I have no idea how Johnny is feeling.

"Did you catch all that?" I ask.

He nods. "Your mama is gonna save my mama."

"Pretty much." I nod. "You good with that?"

"I mean, yeah, because I want Mama to be okay. It just … means that the Haskell family is going to be in debt to the Delmont family for the rest of our lives."

I rear up and haul myself around so I'm sitting on his thighs. Then I get right in his face. "You listen to me, and you listen well, John Haskell. Life's not a tit for tat. Someone giving you a gift does not mean you have to reciprocate. This is not some deal where your mom gets a kidney, so you have to donate a liver."

"It still feels wrong."

"What's wrong is stopping someone from willingly helping your mother. Are you going to do that?"

Johnny sighs and shakes his head. "'Course not."

"Then let's celebrate that she's a match. Okay?"

He nods.

We have breakfast in the great room, Lady curled up at Johnny's feet, and I smile at the framed photos of us he gave me for a Christmas present.

Things are looking up.