5. Chapter Five

Chapter Five

Lexia

I've been staring at the ceiling for hours. The house is dark, the sun long gone. The only light down here is from the one above the stove that Lumen left on when I said I wasn't going to bed.

Vesperon has finally changed his sleep routine so he sleeps at night with me and is awake during the day. Though he didn't look happy, he went to bed when I told him it was important to keep a schedule, and that I would wait up for Slate. Lumen went with him, and I've been lying on the couch for hours. It's past two am now, and Slate still isn't here.

I'm not sure if he plans to come back. He'd been off, not himself, ever since we got back from meeting my father. Lumen assured me he thinks we can trust him, and that whatever is going on with him, he'll tell me in his own time.

This is all just a lot. It's been a lot. Months of pain after pain after confusion after shock. First, it was finding Bradyn cheating on me. Then, finding out I have a mate. Then that mate acting like he doesn't know me. My mother dying. Finding Lumen. Being attacked by shadow creatures. Having to escape here. This damn journal. Finding out my father is alive and not human. That the fate of the world rests on my shoulders. I don't want any more. I just want to be past this and get to the good stuff.

Though I'm tired, I can't sleep. I tried, but it just isn't happening. I'm worried about Slate. About where he is and what's happened to him. Why he hasn't come back yet.

Is it someone stopping him? Or has he chosen to stay away?

It was clear when he first found out we were mates he wasn't into it. He never thought he'd have a mate, so it was a shock. Though he agreed to help us, to be a part of this, maybe he changed his mind.

"You are a sight to behold."

The voice startles me, and I jolt up, finding Slate standing by the front door.

"How do you do that all the time?" I hiss, putting my hand on my chest to will my rapid-beating heart to calm down.

He shrugs, taking a seat on the couch beside me. "It's a gift."

"Feels like a damn curse."

He chuckles. "It really is a gift. Part of being a grey, being nothing, means we make no sound."

"But what about the door?" I flail my arm toward it, not feeling any better about his explanation.

"Practice."

"Well, un practice it. You're going to give me a heart attack."

"Unlikely."

"What does that even mean?" I reach for the bottle of water on the floor by the couch and take a sip.

"It means I doubt the universe would allow such a human ailment to end you. Not after all it's done to ensure you live on."

"I guess that's a good point, but we can't be sure."

"I suppose not."

"What took you so long?"

His smirk turns into a grin. "Did you miss me?"

"No, I thought you decided not to come back."

His frown falls, and he gives me a knowing nod. "I want to be here."

"Words and actions are two different things, Slate."

I lean against the back of the couch, closing my eyes. My heart is still pounding too fast.

"Are you saying you need more from me?" The softness of his voice is enough to have my eyes opening, but it's his hand on my thigh that does it.

"I'm saying I need to know what you want. I hear your words, but you're distant."

"I'm unsure."

"I can't have you unsure. This is—"

"I'm unsure of how to act with you."

I frown, shifting toward him to get more comfortable. He keeps his hand on my leg.

"What does that mean?"

"Vesperon's kind have mates. Though he was a guardian and he gave up that right, he still knew what it could be like. Lumen knew he would one day find a mate. Me? I've always been told it was impossible. Greys don't have mates, we don't have families, we are solitary. I'm not used to being around others."

"But you said you came here all the time…"

"For meaningless things. I never cared what anyone thought of me. They'd never see me again. There was never a relationship or need to rely on them or them on me."

A smile forms on my lips. "Are you saying you care about what I think of you?"

He brushes some hair away from my face. "Of course I do. When I first came here, Lumen and Vesperon didn't trust me, but you did. You told them to be nice and wanted them to accept me."

"Because I feel it, Slate. It's not overwhelming like I hear it should be, but it's something."

And that is the truth. It's very similar to how it was with Lumen and Ves. Though I'm wary about Slate, I think that has more to do with his big personality than anything else. I am comfortable with him. I don't think he's going to hurt me. He's hot as all. Lumen made me nervous at first too, because he also liked to say whatever he was thinking. But he did it in a more calm, flirty type of way. Slate is louder and prouder. And of course I was nervous with Vesperon for very different reasons.

Slate takes my hand, linking our fingers together. "I do want this. I want you. Them." He gestures upstairs with a jerk of his chin. "But I am learning, same as Vesperon is, but in a different way."

"Okay."

"That simple?"

"That simple," I assure him.

He huffs a small laugh, shaking his head. "I don't have good news."

"Oh…"

"I could not find your father in my realm. He was not where he typically is and no one had seen him. I'm not sure if he is still here somewhere, hiding, or just busy."

"Is that what took so long?"

"I didn't want to let you down."

"You could never."

He gets up, running his hands through his hair. "If only that were the truth."

He offers me his hand. "You should sleep."

"I'm not tired."

"I don't believe that."

I glance upstairs, then back at Slate. "Come with me?"

"I don't need sleep."

"Come with me anyway."

"The bed isn't big enough."

"Come with me anyway," I urge him.

He holds my gaze, and no matter how much I search his face, I can't tell what he's thinking. I have no idea what his response will be. That scares me. I can read Vesperon like a book now. He's predictable. I know how he will respond. Lumen is pretty much the same way. Not as predictable but just as easy to read. But Slate? He could lie right to my face and I'd never know. That's scary.

"Another time."

My eyes fall closed on the disappointment, but I understand.

"Another time," I say, letting go of his hand and heading for the stairs.