11. Chapter Eleven

Chapter Eleven

Slate

Traveling with the shadow isn't as bad as I thought it would be. He's chosen to avoid and ignore me, rather than go at me and complain. It's surprising, considering he always has something to say, and now would be the time to do it with no one to stop him. But perhaps he is afraid I will leave him. Of course he could make his way back on his own. It would take a long time, but he could do it. In fact, if I were him, I may annoy me to make me do that.

If I left him here, I'm not sure Lexia would ever forgive me for it. Meaning, I'd be out of their lives. He would get what he wants. Either he hasn't considered that or he's not as cold-hearted as I'd expect a shadow monster to be.

Or he's just biding his time. Maybe he'll starting complaining once we have the handbook. Or maybe this trip will go well and there will be nothing to speak of about it. Maybe when we return, we will be on good terms.

I'm indifferent about the shadow. I don't hate him. Don't particularly like him. I don't really care whether he's there or not. But the more time I spend with Lexia, the more I realize I care for her. I can't imagine it's what it should feel like, considering I've heard the pull to a mate is unbearable, but there is something there. A fondness. Attraction for sure.

If I did not have so much evidence that they're telling the truth, I wouldn't have believed them. I felt nothing toward Lexia initially, nothing outside of sexual attraction, which is common for a grey.

Things with the radiant have been good. Though my attraction toward him was the strongest in the beginning, we butt heads. I could tell he didn't like me, and that was fine. Hate-fucking is fun. But we've since come to an understanding, and for that I am grateful. Not only so I can get him into bed, but because it's important for all the pieces to fall into place.

If the four of us are not mated, this will not work. The world will end. All will be lost.

I can't let that happen. I don't want it to happen. Meaning, I have to fight for this to work. Probably not the right reason to fight for it, but it's something. I was told that I can only do this if my heart is in it, and it is. Again—maybe not for the right reasons, but does that matter? I'm still here. Still a part of this. I want to be here; no one is forcing me.

"How much longer?" The shadow's words pull me from my thoughts.

I shake out of my errant thoughts and look around.

"I can see as far ahead as you can," I comment.

"You are the one who says you know where we are going."

"I know the way. That doesn't mean I know the exact distance."

He scoffs but says nothing more.

I have been to visit this witch once before, many years ago. I'd have popped us in closer, but the witch has many spells up that don't allow such things. She says if people want her help, they will do the work to get it. Meaning, our hike up the mountain won't be easy. It's long, and if I were capable of exertion, I suppose I'd be tired at this point.

Which makes me wonder…

"Must you rest?" I ask, coming to a stop for the shadow to reach me. It's not that he's falling behind, he's just keeping distance.

"Not yet," he says, and his tone tells me he took my question as an insult.

"I was only asking, not trying to offend you."

He does not respond as he passes by me. I hurry after him, suddenly curious as to what his issue is. He says it's because he cannot trust me, but I wonder if it's more than that.

"Can you tell me why you don't like me?" I say, walking beside him.

"No."

"Why not?"

"Because I do not want to speak with you."

"Well, if you tell me, I won't respond, and then we won't be speaking, exactly."

He shakes his head and takes longer strides. He is taller than me, meaning his legs take him further than mine. I have to hurry up to keep up with him.

"If we are to be mates, we should get along."

"We are only mates for the sake of the prophecy."

"But mates, nonetheless."

"I do not have to like you."

"I'd like to know why you don't."

He stops and turns to face me. I see the anger in his eyes, and if he were capable of hurting me, I'd be afraid. I see why humans would be terrified of this creature; I get where all the horror stories come from. Vesperon is a scary being.

"Do you know what a guardian does?"

"I am aware of what they do."

"I have been a Guardian of the Realms for as long as I can remember. I gave up everything to protect this realm from evil beings. Meaning, I have the skills to spot danger. To feel when something is wrong." He puts his hand over his chest and points at me with the other. "And you do not feel right. Not since we have returned from Seattle."

I swallow hard, not having realized I'd been different. I've tried hard not to be, but it isn't easy.

Grey's don't lie. And I have been doing a lot of lying lately. I understand that, and I cannot blame Vesperon for his feelings because they are valid. But I cannot tell him that. He will not understand. What I need to do is get this handbook so we can decipher the journal and figure out our next steps before handing it over to the shadows. Of course, I wouldn't have to do that if I could find another way to get Lexia's father back from them, but I'm not sure that's possible.

"I'm sorry you feel that way," is all I say, then I move past him.

"And this is what I mean," he calls out, moving up to my side again. "You do not argue with me. Do not stick up for yourself. You only apologize and keep going."

"They are your feelings. I cannot argue with how you feel if I do not feel them too."

"You could convince me."

"There's no convincing you, Vesperon," I say on a humorless laugh.

"My mate convinced me that I loved her when I did not know who she was."

It's a good argument, but I'm not sure what he wants me to say.

"That is different. Very different." I move faster, not wanting to argue with him here in the woods. Or at all, honestly.

"How is it so different if we are mates too?" he calls out, and that has me stopping. Because it confuses the hell out of me.

Does he want me to convince him that I am good? Is he expecting me to put up a fight for him? Does he need proof that I am not a horrible being? I can give that to him when it is just another lie.