Chapter 10

CALEB

Eli snatched the keys from me as soon as we reached the parking lot. I'd fished them out of his pocket as we carried each other. It was his car, it made sense, but still.

"Get in, Caleb. You're not driving like that," he said as he lugged me around the front, clinging to the hood.

"You're in worse shape," I coughed out.

"There's no time to argue. Get in the car!" He forced me towards the passenger side door, pushing my head down to throw me into the seat. The second I was sitting, he grabbed a cloth jacket from the back seat and threw it at me.

The car rattled as he slammed the door, dragging a leg as he ripped open the driver's door and threw himself in.

It took him two tries to get the car started, and by then, the pain of the bullet wound was reverberating through my body.

"Fucking hell!" Eli snarled as he finally got it in gear. Thin red lines choked his neck and wrists, and his right arm was so fucked he could barely hold on to the wheel. It took him five seconds to put his foot down, and then we were shooting out of the parking lot.

As we flew towards the main gate of the depot, the only sound was the engine rumbling in the quiet night, and the sound of both of us wheezing.

"Eli?" a guard said as we pulled up to the booth. He bent over to peer through the window. "It's late. You just finished? You look like shit."

A grin split my face, trying not to wince at the sheer fucking agony beating through my chest. The lights above the gate highlighted our damage, but the jacket did a good enough job hiding my bullet wound.

"Yeah, we just finished up round the back," I said. "You know how Dad likes to get messy." Which was hopefully enough to explain why Eli and I looked like a vampire's breakfast. "We were thinking of having a little bit of late night fun before we go back to the compound. We haven't been to the new bunny farm out at Boosters. Thought it would be a good time to give it a go."

The guard chuckled before he edged back, obviously buying it. The loading bays were far enough away from the main gate that we might have gotten away with it. That's what Dad got for putting fucking silencers on his guns.

"It's a real doozy," he replied. "Make sure you check your wallet before drinking because those girls are worth the bills."

The three of us laughed as he adjusted the rifle crossing his body. He raised his arm, giving the man at the gate the signal to let us pass. We got through the gate with nothing more than a nod from the other guard, then it was smooth sailing. Eli kept us under the speed limit, nothing suspicious.

Until we turned the corner, far enough away that the guards didn't hear our tires screeching as he hit the gas. The car jolted, thrusting me back into the seat.

"What the fuck was that?" I shouted as we were in the clear and out on the highway. "Who the fuck are you?" I coughed, warm liquid filling my mouth.

"Not now,' Eli said harshly, his hard gaze fixed on the road, even though he could only see out of one eye.

I barked out a laugh, the pain in my side slashing through me so strongly I flinched.

"Yeah? ‘Not now'? That the best you got for me?" I reached out, gripping the door handle to try to push myself up as another wave of pain slashed through me. "Then when the fuck are we gonna talk about it?"

He stayed silent, completely shut off from me, not even giving me a single glance.

"Eli," I growled. "What I just did…What you made me do…I deserve fucking answers."

My legs were starting to go. I'd been shot once before in the arm. It was fucking sore, but it wasn't ‘I can't breathe' sore.

"You need to preserve your energy," he said numbly.

"Don't fucking tell me what to do! We've got a whole journey to wherever the fuck you're taking me. Seems like a perfect time to tell me what the fuck is going on."

He still didn't say anything, just kept staring and driving and staring and driving as the street lamps flashed over us.

"Eli!"

"Caleb, shut the fuck up," he snapped, and my eyes widened at his tone. He hadn't spoken to me like that before.

Undercover wasn't anything more than an act. I always thought I got to see the real Eli. At least, I thought I had.

"Was any of it fucking real?" I winced, keeping pressure on the wound through the jacket.

There was no pretending it wasn't serious. There was too much blood. I'd seen guys killed by less. The bullet hadn't hit my lungs, but it was deep enough in me that, unless Eli was taking me to a hospital, there was no fucking way I was getting out of this alive.

It was there inside me, a tiny slug of metal pulsing in my chest, shifting every time I pulled air into my lungs, killing me already.

And I was fucking losing it. I didn't know it was possible to be terrified and totally calm at the same time. Because I was going to die. It didn't matter how far Eli took us. Everything was already fading. Pressing harder against the wound wouldn't help - cutting me open was the best option, and Eli wasn't exactly a surgeon. But who knew? At that moment, he could tell me he was a fucking astronaught and I wouldn't fight him on it.

"The only time it was ever real was when I was with you," he said, his knuckles white on the steering wheel.

Eli adjusted the wheel enough for me to slide in my seat and another stab of pain pounded through me.

To think I was thinking of telling him how much I fucking loved him, and he was pulling this shit on me.

But he was with me. And, even though he was a rat, he still got me to the car, and he was still helping me.

"Nearly three years," he said bitterly. "Nearly three years of my life, training, planning, running the whole fucking operation as I worked your family, and you ruined it." He grit his teeth with not a single twitch in his neck to say he was even thinking about looking at me.

"What? So, you're saying it's my fault you're a fucking rat."

A heavy silence settled between us as something dark shifted over him. It was the same something I'd seen in every guy who worked under Dad, but it suddenly looked wrong on him. I was doing the same as Dad, focusing on the fact he was working for the FBI rather than the fact he'd been killing off my fucking family.

"I was meant to gather information on you and kill you," he said quietly, "not fall in love with you."

Fuck, I wanted him so badly. Now I knew why he always looked at me like he was going to destroy me. If I wasn't fucking bleeding out, I'd tug him across the gear stick and make him suck my cock just for saying that.

"That's not my fucking fault," I choked out. Another flood of burning pain tore through me. I hissed, my head flying back into the seat. "Jesus Christ," I swore at how fucking fucked up it was.

"I could have died in peace and not had to drag it out," he said in that dark tone.

I slowly turned my neck to get a look at his hard outline. He was still big as fuck, but covered in blood, his shoulders hunched over, his breaths fast and his eyes intense, he looked like he needed something to help. But I wasn't one hundred percent sure what.

"What the fuck do you mean?" I asked.

"All I had to do was kill your family. That was it. I was doing a good job, as well. And then I could have killed myself and been done with it."

I lay there, rasping, glaring at him, trying to figure out what he meant. Was he actually fucking serious? He really did have a deathwish. I just thought he was nuts.

He never shared anything about himself. I knew more about his ass than I did about his life. But I needed answers. I'd chosen him over my family, over the thing I'd been working towards my whole life. Because I fucking wanted him more than anything else on the table.

"Do you know I have a daughter?" Eli cut through as the indicator clicked, turning left onto the interstate. "No, of course you don't. Because I wouldn't tell someone like you about her."

My breaths were getting heavier. I could see him from the corner of my eye, but it was getting hazy. I was half-sure this was just a dream - I'd wake up tomorrow and everything would be back to normal instead of this insane bullshit.

"She's eight now," he carried on. "And I haven't seen her for three years."

"What the-" I gasped as my chest expanded and pain struck me for the one millionth time. "What the actual fuck?"

Eli stretched sideways towards me, eyes still on the road, wincing as he tore open the glove compartment.

He shifted through it, pushing a gun aside to get to random bits of papers, insurance, flyers, fucking receipts.

And it was one of those receipts he pulled out before throwing it on my lap and shoving the glove compartment closed.

I lifted it up to get a better look, as if I could see through the layers of paper. I didn't really want to unwrap it.

Eli had gone back to staring at the road, and I thought he'd shut down on me again until his quiet voice covered me.

"You were never supposed to be more than a mark, Caleb."

Pain creased his face, and he put his foot down. We were flying along now, no break between the streetlights. It was dark enough that we could probably get away with speeding, but Eli kept us at seventy-five.

My hand trembled as I pulled off the receipts to reveal the photo. I gasped, and not just from the pain eating away at me.

His arms wrapped around a woman, his head on her shoulder as she clasped a baby in a pink blanket. And they looked elated. Eli had never smiled like that for me, or anyone I'd seen.

He was a different person in that photo; he adored them both so much that there was no darkness in him at all. Nothing like the burning pain I saw every day; no hatred, no disgust, just pure love beating off of him for his family.

"Where…" I coughed. "Where is she?" Where's the kid I never knew he had? And what other bombshells would he drop on me?

His mouth was a hard line. I wasn't going to ask about his wife. I didn't want to know, especially after what he said at the depot. And he had that whore he visited in Phoenix, but now I was wondering if that was even real.

"Eli?" I growled. "I killed my fucking dad for you. I did it because I'd rather blow his fucking brains out than yours. So answer the fucking question."

The tension that was already heavy between us kept building, and I was ready to fucking blow until he finally spoke.

"Three years ago," he said coldly, "Wyatt and Bruno broke into our house and raped and murdered my wife in front of me. Lacey, my daughter, Wyatt met her right afterwards, still wearing her mom's blood, and promised my baby girl he would come and find her if I ever misbehaved. So she went into Witness Protection with my parents."

He cut himself off, shaking his head as he chewed the inside of his lip, the unbattered side. I wanted to prod him, but I could tell it wasn't the time for me to open my fat mouth.

"She was an agent, too. Undercover for a while, until she got pregnant. We met in training. And she…"

The bullet was ruining me. My vision burst with black dots, but I needed to hold the fuck on, to listen to Eli's story at least. If I was dying tonight, I was doing it with Eli next to me.

"I've poured over your reports, Caleb. I studied you and your family for a year before I even met you. I know your shit, I know what you've done. So don't call me out when you don't even know what they did to my wife."

His body grew even more tense, if that was even possible. His muscles cut harsh lines through his suit in the dark light as he continued.

"They tied me up and made me watch them, Caleb. Hours. Just hours and hours of her screaming until they finally ended her. I had to explain to my daughter why she couldn't see her Mom any more. And do you know why?"

"What-"

"Ask me, Caleb," he said bitterly, dipping his chin to hide his expression. "Ask me why."

I swallowed, my throat so dry I didn't know how much longer I could speak for. "Why?" I eventually said.

"Because your uncle and your fucking cousin wanted information. And she gave it to them in the first thirty minutes. Did they stop? Not for a second. No matter how much we begged. So, tell me I'm a fucker for getting retribution, and then think about what you fucking did."

I tried to laugh but everything about my body was so fucked that I wasn't sure why I was still trying. "What the fuck did I do?"

"If you kept your cock to yourself, you wouldn't be bleeding out in my fucking car." He snapped, his voice cracking around us, the silence that followed burning into me. I was a goner, I knew that. And yet, I couldn't back off. Because this was the most he'd ever shared of himself with me.

Eli eased his foot off the brake, as his left hand fell from the wheel, reaching to the little pocket behind the steering wheel, where he pulled out a cheap mobile. It beeped as he quickly sent off a text.

"So, you're a fucking murderer?" I snarled. I tried to lunge at him, but he grabbed my arm and shoved me back into the seat. I yelled out, the pain properly blinding me as I tried to grab the car door again.

"And you're not?" Eli raised his brows. "Don't judge me, Caleb. We don't have time for it." His voice was so cold, like nothing had ever happened between us.

The phone rang, and he answered it instantly.

"One-four-nine-three," he said. His bad arm on the wheel was barely keeping us straight. "Yes. Yes. Agent Knightly. Two. No."

"What are you doing?" I groaned. I'd lost too much blood. The world was tipping sideways, even though my shoulders were pinned to the car seat, my chin pressed so hard into my chest because I couldn't control myself anymore. "Eli, what the fuck are you doing?" My voice slurred, my tongue growing heavy.

He was quiet, but I could hear the buzz of someone else on the other end of the line.

Eli started rattling off words that didn't mean shit to anyone. "Ten. West. Shell. Ten minutes? No. Good. Medic." He threw a look at me, his eyes zipping straight to the bullet wound, spreading a patch on his jacket. I didn't need to check myself. I could feel the blood dripping through it and running out of my back and onto my seat, and there was too fucking much of it.

"No," Eli said to the phone. "Ambulance."

"Eli!" I hissed, but I barely made a noise. Everything was getting too dark. I could barely see Eli.

He threw me a glance, his face paling as I coughed, my back arching at the pain, blood pooling in my mouth and sliding from the corner of my lips.

"I'm out," he said to the phone, clicking it off and throwing it in the cupholder by his thigh.

He reached out and shook my arm. "Hey, stay awake. We're almost here."

But it was too much. No matter how much I wanted to hear more about his life, I couldn't hold on.

"You killed my fucking family," I groaned.

"And yours killed mine. Caleb, the only reason I'm alive is because of you." He finally looked at me with a wild, hungry gaze, like he would fucking devour me at any second.

He reached for me, his hand bridging the gap between us to press against mine. The blood-stained jacket was so wet it was glued to my hand, but I knew that wasn't why he was doing it.

"Just stay alive, Caleb." Eli's voice broke. "I need this to mean something. It wasn't just fucking for me. It was…" He took a shuddering breath, and I caught him wince. "You are…Caleb, you're what made this worth it," he said before he squeezed my hand and focused on the road again. By then, the pain had grown so bad I didn't feel anything but his warm fingers on mine.

"I'm getting us help. Just hold on, okay?"

I tried to speak, but no sound came out as the darkness took me, and my last thought was that I never told him.

I never told him I loved him too.