Chapter 36

"The event on Saturday is still going ahead." I try to reassure the seniors in their Monday afternoon class. They haven't taken the news that the school is closing very well, and have been grumbling about it for the last few minutes until someone asks about the forties event.

"We're still having everything as we've already planned."

They return their complaints back to the lessons.

"What are we going to do?"and, "You can still teach us, though, can't you?" being the main ones. I've given some thought to the suggestions from the other classes, that I rent a hall somewhere so I can still teach them. I haven't done anything about it, though. I'm not sure I want to either. I'm not sure what I want right now. I feel rudderless, just drifting aimlessly downstream, unable to weigh anchor just yet. I suppose I must or I could get swept out into the ocean and swallowed up by the waves. That was how it felt straight after the competition, that I'd been tossed off the edge of a cliff into the stormy sea. The waters are calmer, but I still have no direction.

I ought to talk to Nick about it. The thought of Nick brings warmth and excitement to my core. He's gone back to work with his dad and Alan today after taking the week off for me. There's a large project they're working on, some sort of sports pavilion. He says he needs to work so he can buy a house. I've suggested renting, but he's set against it, saying that renting is so expensive he won't be able to afford to save up any more money. I understand that, but I can see his stubbornness in there, too. I'm all for getting a place of our own after the night away at the weekend. It was incredible, and I swear I can still feel the effects of being so gloriously filled by him even today. Maybe I should be looking for work, any work, rather than worrying about what I want to do right now. That way I can contribute and we can move out even faster.

The thought of that, of doing something useful, helps keep me in good spirits as I lock up the studio. I still haven't seen my parents. I didn't bother going upstairs to our house today. There's nothing up there for me now. I don't think my parents are at home, though. They know when the lessons are, and I think they're avoiding me, which suits me just fine.

Even the sight of the new development doesn't bother me anymore. I feel hungry, having missed lunch, so I pop into the shop for some much-needed chocolate. I pick up some gummy sweets and Love Hearts for Nick, too. I think it's cute that he likes them so much. I hear the shop is due to close at the end of the month too, and that the whole lot will be demolished. I should've realised that the school wasn't going to be spared in all of this. Maybe I was blinkered to what was going on around me. No, I refuse to accept the blame. My mum deliberately lied to me about it. I look at the empty chocolate wrapper in my hand and realise I've eaten it subconsciously while being angry at my mum. I didn't even get to enjoy it. Just another thing to be annoyed at her for.

By contrast, Doreen is welcoming when I get to Nick's parents' house. She makes me a cup of tea and I offer to help with dinner for when Nick and his dad get home. I still want to learn to cook better, and she readily accepts my help. After dinner I lend a hand, helping them pack up some of Nick's gran's things as she's moving into the retirement village tomorrow. She has a small suite of rooms, so she isn't taking much. We finish, and sit amongst the boxes, drinking tea and eating biscuits. The mood is partly melancholy, but there's also a hopeful air, as his gran seems excited about her new start.

It's quite late before Nick and I are in his room and I get a chance to talk to him. We sit cross-legged on the bed facing each other.

"I'm thinking of looking for a job," I open with.

"Doing what?" he asks, his face neutral.

"Anything. I just want to be useful. I want to help with costs so we can move out. I really want us to have our own place." He doesn't say anything, so I carry on, my mouth running away with me. "I mean, I don't have any skills, but surely I could work in a shop."

"Do you want to work in a shop?" he asks eventually.

"Well, no, but does anyone want to? It doesn't have to be a shop, though. It could be anything?"

I can see his frown forming. "What is it you really want to do?"

At first, I don't answer as I don't have a ready reply. Well, not a useful one, as my only answer is to keep dancing.

"Darcy." He takes a breath. "You're in a unique position. You are one of the best dancers in the country. You have no ties, and you could do anything you want to, go anywhere you want."

"What do you mean? I can't leave you. Is that what you want?" I whisper in horror, his words cutting me.

He reaches for my hand and I love his need to be physically connected. "No. No, of course not, but I would never hold you back from your dreams, D. You're free of the influence of your family. You can make your own choices now. You could dance in shows, on cruises, even on the television if you wanted. I know you want to dance and I would never want you to settle for anything less. You would never be happy and it would kill me thinking you were doing it for me. I want us to be together, but not at that cost."

I think on his words. Fame doesn't hold any appeal for me. I've never craved anything like that, now that I can look back on my childhood—what there was of it. It was never the winning that kept me competing; that was my mum's dream. I loved the opportunity to improve, better myself, and just keep dancing. What I also like doing is helping people find joy in dancing, helping them improve, be something they look forward to each week, and I think that's why the school closing has hit me so hard. I really enjoy my work.

"I'd like to keep teaching," I say, and tell him about the ideas that the clients had given me about renting a village hall to hold lessons in.

"Then I'll help you find somewhere," Nick promises, pulling me forward into a hug.

Two days later, I watch as Nick paces the room. I dragged him upstairs after dinner after he went out the back door twice before coming back, looking forlorn, as he remembered his gran was no longer next door.

"She'll be okay," I say, trying to offer him some comfort. He stops and sighs slightly.

"It's not that, it's just that things are different. I either spent my evenings with Gran or visiting you and dancing. But you're here and she's not."

I hadn't realised that Nick doesn't have anywhere to dance, and I know how much he loves it, too. He spent a lot of time either helping me, dancing with me, or just using the space, and I feel bad that he doesn't have that outlet. I know my plan of teaching dancing is good for me, but it doesn't help Nick much. He's been affected by my mum as well. I need to come up with something better.

My phone starts ringing, which is a rarity, and I grab hold of it, seeing that it's Claire.

"Are you watching the news?" she calls hurriedly down the phone when I answer it.

"No, why?" I say. It's not something we watch often.

"Well, switch it on, quick." she almost shouts. "Look North." She clarifies what programme and I follow Nick as he clatters down the stairs and into the front room, snatching up the remote and switching channels.

What I'm greeted with takes all the breath from my lungs.

There's a news piece about our competition dance and a video of us dancing plays in the background, but what hits me first is that they're interviewing my mum.

I stand there appalled, seeing her basking in the glory of what we achieved. I watch her take credit for me dancing with Nick, as if it was her idea. She acts the proud mum, as if our success was hers alone.

I can't take it anymore.

"Please turn it off," I whisper, and Nick complies.

"I'm sorry, love," Doreen says, standing and offering a hug. I welcome her embrace, but once she releases me I start pacing, the movement keeping a lid on my anger—barely. If I stop, I might allow the screaming that's reverberating through my head to start. Nausea rises, forcing bile into my mouth. I clench my jaw shut and try to swallow the bitterness that burns my throat. Of all the things she's done, this is the most despicable, and I need to stop her. I turn to Nick.

"I can't let her get away with that. Will you help me?"

"Are you sure, D?"

"Yes." I start pacing again.

"What do you want me to do?"

"Come with me?"

"Now?" He seems surprised, but I have to do it now. I have to confront her now or there's a chance I'll lose my nerve.

I tell him that, and he agrees. I start towards the door and Frank calls us back.

"Take the van," he offers. I marvel at how lucky Nick is to have such a wonderful family.

While Nick drives, I call Claire back.

"Did you know anything about it?" I demand, probably a bit harshly, but I'm fuelled by fury right now.

"No I didn't. I swear, Darcy. I only found out when I switched the television on. I haven't spoken to them since last week."

I tell her I'll call her later and ring off. I can see lights on when we pull up outside the school, so I know they're inside. I have no idea what I'm going to say, but I need to say something. Maybe I'll feel better when I have.

I take the back stairs to the balcony that leads to the kitchen. When I burst in, they're on the couch watching something on television.

"Oh, Darcy," my mum says with a smile. "Did you see the news? Isn't it fantastic?" I'm not totally sure what she's on about, but I'm still furious.

"You've got a nerve, haven't you? Telling everyone that it was your idea for me to dance with Nick. Taking the credit."

"Well, I had to do something. If you'd danced with Krystal like I wanted you to, you would've won. But no, you wanted to throw away your chances. Dancing with a guy! Who does that? It's not right."

I'm genuinely shocked by her words.

"He's my boyfriend," I spit.

"I don't care if he's the fucking pope. On the dance floor, you should dance with women."

I feel my mouth drop open as I'm rendered incapable of forming words. It allows her to continue.

"But I've worked hard to turn around the mess you made of it. I made it look like a publicity stunt. And I got you a contract. A shot at the big time on television. They're looking for new dancers for Strictly Come Dancing."

I stare at her.

"When were you going to tell me this?"

"Well, I only got the call from Bruce earlier, and then I had to go to the interview so?—"

"You said it on air?" That's what she meant about fantastic news. "Before you told me?"

"Well, I was just so excited, and it just came out. But it's great and you're going to be a star, Darcy. It's the big time."

"You're unbelievable." I didn't even think she was capable of something like that. "I don't want to be on television."

"After all I've done for you, guided and taught you through childhood to want this, and you throw it back at me?"

"I never had a childhood," I yell back at her. "I never got to play with other children. I never got invited to other children's birthday parties. I've never even been on holiday."

"You had Nick." She gestures over to where he's standing, looking like he's about to say a few things of his own. With my eyes, I tell him I've got this.

"Nick is the one good thing in my life." I lower my voice. "But you. I'm finished with you. Stay away from me. I never want to see you again." I turn and head towards the kitchen door. Nick follows behind. When I'm outside, I lean on the balcony rail, drawing in breath and the blood pounds in my ears. I hear the door go behind me and I spin round, expecting my mum to want the last word. But it's my dad looking bereft.

"I'm sorry, son," he says dejectedly. I sigh. I'm mad at my dad, but mostly for his inaction.

"You could have told me, Dad. You could have told me everything."

He shrugs a little and looks back inside, and I understand him well enough. I don't want to cut him out of my life, but I can't accept him right now either.

"You're a coward, Dad. You're gutless. I pity you for that. If you can find some courage from somewhere, maybe there's hope for you yet."

I don't wait to see the expression on his face as I take the stairs two at a time, just wanting to be as far away as possible.