Chapter 1

As the first few notes of the music drift across the dance floor, my heartbeat slows from the nervous staccato it's kept up for the last half an hour. I take a deep breath and exhale, allowing the tension in my body to ease and my jaw to relax. I roll my shoulders in readiness. Briefly closing my eyes, I let the rhythm infuse my soul, and break into a joyful smile. This is what I live for. This is what I'm made for. This is my life.

I extend my hand to my partner and wait for our number to be called so I can escort her onto the dance floor. The competition has begun.

The next couple of hours pass in a whirlwind of dance steps and costume changes. From the full-flowing skirts and formal suits of the traditional, to the slinky and sexy outfits of the Latin American dances, all are adorned with enough sequins to fill a swimming pool. I've been dancing with Julia for the last decade, since we were old enough to enter the junior competitions. We usually place well and have won several trophies, but never the National Ballroom Championships. It's the one prize that has eluded us, and if we do well in today's competition, we'll be going to the Nationals in a couple of months. It's a path I've been on for as long as I can remember. What'll happen after that, I don't know, but this has been the entire focus of my existence.

We're on the final costume change, just one more dance to go. I'm exhilarated, the adrenalin of the moment coursing through my veins. I love the atmosphere of the competition, the opulent surroundings, feet flying over wooden dance floors under crystal chandeliers. We're currently in the lead and will surely make the Nationals this year. Something has always happened in previous years, either in the heats or after qualification, that has prevented us from securing a spot. Usually sickness, or injury to myself or Julia, had conspired to keep us from them. But this year it all feels good. It's going to be our year—everyone says so. It's even a mantra at home. It's Darcy's year! As if saying it enough times could manifest it happening. I don't know if that contributes to how I'm feeling now, but I'm going to dismiss it. As I walk onto the dance floor for the final time today, I glance over at my mum. My teacher and biggest supporter. She'd never won the final herself back in the day, when she still danced competitively with Dad, but I know she's as excited as I am at the possibility of me getting to the Nationals this year. Some people say she's a pushy mum, but that would only be true if this wasn't my dream as well, wouldn't it?

"This is it." I laugh as I take Julia's hand one more time. "We can do this." I expect to see my elation and excitement mirrored on her face, like it has been for every competition we've entered, but it's not. Instead, her face is a mask, her mouth a grim line. I've known Julia for most of my life and we've spent a lot of time together, dancing. We even dated for a while when we were eighteen. Luckily, we realised that was a mistake fairly quickly, and didn't damage our friendship or dancing relationship because of it. We laughed it off as exploration and something we needed to get out of our systems. I feel like we've grown apart a little bit, as Julia has been away at university for the last few years. But she still loves dancing, and comes back for the competitions, practising with me when she's back for holidays.

"What is it?" I hiss, a hard knot of something cold forming in my stomach. Surely she wants this as well. If not, I'm positive she would have said so over the last ten years. Her brow creases briefly into a frown, and she gives her head a little shake. The announcer calls our number and I see her face set into a performance smile, so I make mine do the same. But somehow, the sparkle of the competition has dulled a little and I can't shed the feeling that something bad is about to happen. This is our year, I repeat to myself, hoping there's power in the incantation.

As we dance, I try to ignore the small niggle at the back of my brain, to dismiss it as something trivial. But it doesn't go away and I let my body shift into automatic. The dance steps are as natural for me as breathing. Julia still has her face set into a smile, but refuses to look at me, which is so out of character that my steps falter as we move out of a turn and into a promenade. Just for a second, before muscle memory kicks back in and takes over again. To most people watching, they wouldn't have been able to tell that I had misstepped. Most people. I hope the judges hadn't been looking at that precise moment as they would've been able to tell. Of course, Julia notices it. There isn't another person who is so in tune with me and I with them. She glances at me, and I see a veil of sadness and resignation over her eyes. Confusion crowds my thoughts, but now is not the time to confront her. I remember why I'm here and try to act like the professional I'm supposed to be. We finish the dance with no further problems, but I don't have the same exhilaration I felt when we started it. Applause reverberates around us, and instead of enjoying it, it jangles a discordant rhythm in my ears. I ignore the other couples and tug Julia after me. I want to know what's going on. As we reach the barrier, my mum is there waiting.

"What was that, Darcy?" she demands. I knew she'd have seen my mistake. I evade her, as I don't want her disapproval and displeasure weighing on me now. I'll have enough of that to deal with later. She might be my biggest supporter, but she is also my biggest critic. I pull Julia through the throng, and she doesn't resist, allowing herself to be towed behind me, my mum following with her face a moue of disappointment.

I reach a quiet spot backstage, if it can be called quiet, but at least we aren't being jostled.

I turn to face Julia, and she looks at me, biting her lip. Before I can say anything, my mum cuts through again.

"What is going on?" Her voice is tinged with anger.

"Mum, leave it." I direct it at her but turn back to Julia and echo my mum using a much softer tone. I'm quiet in contrast to my loud mother—she's dramatic enough for both of us. "What's going on?"

Julia presses her lips into a line and looks away before turning back. "I can't go to the Nationals," she says quietly. But it's loud enough for my mum to hear.

"What?" Her voice is a falsetto stab that draws the attention of those around us. "You've been working for this your whole life. You and Darcy. It's going to be your year. It was your dream."

I stare at Julia, feeling numb. I don't know how to process the news.

"No," Julia replies to my mum with an edge of steel. "It was never my dream, was it, Sheila? It was yours." She gives me a sad look before turning and disappearing into the crowd. My mum is left gaping like a fish.

"You come back here and explain yourself," my mum shouts after her, and I hear the crowd murmuring around us. I don't want her to create a scene right now, and that thought galvanises me into action.

"Mum. Stay here. I'll find her and figure out what's happening."

"Yes, go find out what nonsense she's talking about." She recovers enough to spit out. I sigh, hoping she won't follow. Not everyone appreciates my mum's drive and determination.

I track Julia down and find her sitting on a bench close to the changing rooms, picking at the sequins of her dress.

"I'm sorry, Darcy," she says as I approach.

"Tell me what's going on, Jules." She huffs a sad smile at my familiar use of the name I've called her for years. I sit next to her and swivel my knees round so I can face her.

"I've accepted a research position. To study whales. I leave in three weeks," she says with a sigh.

My mouth goes dry and I can't conjure up any suitable words. I know how much something like this means to her. She's been studying marine biology, and this is what she wanted. My stomach roils and bile bubbles up. I swallow, forcing it back down. I'd known this moment would come, eventually. I just hadn't thought it would happen yet. I'd hoped it wouldn't. She's only just graduated and come home. I never believed she'd be leaving again so soon. I don't want to sound like a selfish prick, so I swallow to moisten my mouth so the words will come. "I'm really happy for you." I am happy for her, but turn away, unable to look at her. Not just yet. She reaches for my hand.

"Why didn't you say anything?" I ask, wanting to know if this is something she's been holding on to for a long time.

"I only got the call yesterday. I didn't tell you, as I never imagined I'd be accepted. Competition is really tough. I thought I was going to apply for dozens of positions and wait a year or so before getting a place." She gives my hand a little squeeze.

"It sounds perfect Jules, you'll be amazing at it." And she will be. It's her dream. Whereas my dreams have come crashing down around me to lie in tatters at my feet.

"I am really sorry, Darcy. I know how much this means to you." I give her a small smile. I'm grateful she doesn't sneer, as some people do. Dancing isn't considered something worthy, like marine biology and conservation, but to me and my family, it's all we know.

"Can you come back? For the competition?" I ask hopefully, but knowing it would be unlikely.

"I'll be somewhere on a boat in the Arctic Ocean by then, Darcy. I can't come back." Her voice is soft, but even so, it firmly hammers another nail into the coffin of my future. I nod. I'd known that would be the answer, but I had to ask.

"You'll find another partner for the Nationals, you'll see." She makes it sound so reassuringly easy, but partners experienced enough to win national championships don't just appear out of nowhere, and most of the people we know are already partnered up. For a partner to become available, it would take something awful, like an accident, and I wouldn"t wish that on my fellow dancers.

"No, I won't," I reply sadly, as she gives my hand another squeeze. I can't bear her sympathy any longer, not for a situation of her making. I don't blame her, not totally. She has to follow her dreams. It just so happens she's destroyed mine in the process.

Announcements start coming over the tannoy, and the hubbub of people increases. The winners are being announced. Julia stands and pulls me to my feet.

"C'mon. Let's go find out how we've done." In the end, we're placed second. We were the leaders going into the last dance, so the judges must have seen my mistake. Not that it matters now. Second is good enough to qualify for the Nationals, but it doesn't look like I'll be going. It might be a long time before I find another partner—if I ever do—so the fact that I didn't even win this, my last competition, seems like another bitter pill to swallow.

Julia had travelled with us to the competition, but she finds another way home with some friends. I can't blame her, as my mum keeps up her complaining and cursing of Julia for the several-hour drive back up the motorway.

I sit and look out the car window, still not feeling anything except that I have no future. My phone buzzes and I stare at the screen, not knowing how to respond to the text from my best friend, Nick.

Nick: Hey champ! I bet you slayed them all :-)