Chapter 9

"Delaney, Crow! What brings you by?"Hogan's smile contrasted beautifully with his dark skin and startlingly blue eyes. If he weren't half Jinn I'd think his magical power was always being in a good mood.

He'd pulled back his beaded braids, and wore a black apron over jeans and T-shirt.

The smell of butter, baked bread, and dill wafted out of his house.

Or maybe I'd think his baking was his magic power. He was the owner of the Puffin Muffin, an amazing bakery that was just starting to catch full-time customers from towns on either side of us. Hogan had bought a delivery van and hired a delivery driver named Bob. So far, Bob was busy fulfilling orders every day of the week.

"Is Jean okay?" he asked, his smile dimming.

"She's good," I assured him quickly. "We're here to talk to Xtelle. I didn't see her in the side yard."

"Sure," he said. "Come on in. Hey, Crow. You still up for a game this weekend?" He held the door open while we walked past him.

"Hell, yes," he said. "But Rossi might be hosting. I'll let you know."

"Sure. Yeah. All good, man."

The living room furniture was mismatched and homey. A pair of Jean's favorite Cthulhu slippers were on the floor, and her Venture Bros. lap blanket swagged the couch. A few other items that belonged to her: the eye of Sauron mug, a pair of wadded General Servius socks were scattered here and there.

I knew if I went to her little apartment, I'd find Hogan's stuff mixed in with hers too.

"She's in the back. Can I get you anything? Coffee? I have a couple experimental rolls if you're up for it."

"Experimental as in..." Crow mimed smoking a joint.

Hogan laughed. "No, man. I'm trying some new flavors of bread."

"What are you going for?" Crow followed him into the kitchen.

"Dill, bacon, but also peanut butter, and maple. Think breakfast, but with pickles on the plate…"

I left them to it and walked down the hallway, past a half bath, a spare room that had been turned into a computer and gaming room, a linen closet and then, to the guest room.

The door was decorated with sparkly red tulle, creating a stage framing a photo of Xtelle in pony form. She was standing on the beach in a very regal pose, one hoof raised, her head tipped down, her short pony neck curved as her ridiculously long, silvery mane blew in the wind behind her.

Just below the picture was a little shelf and a tip jar.

There were two dollars in it. I figured she'd put them in there herself.

I knocked on the door.

"I told you I hate maple syrup," Xtelle said.

"It's Delaney. Can I come in?"

There was a thump and then a lot of scrabbling behind the door. I thought I heard a window open and then more scrabbling—moving books? Furniture? Finally hooves clacked across hardwood to the door.

She opened it, and there was a chain on her side. She stuck her eye in the crack and blinked at me. "What do you want?"

I smelled chocolate on her breath and a faint hint of cigarette smoke.

"I heard about the delivery you got today," I said. "I need to ask you a few questions."

The eye narrowed, then she shut the door. The chain slid and clicked against the wall.

I waited for the door to open. Nothing.

"Xtelle?"

"Come in," she sang out.

I opened the door.

Hogan was a nice guy who obviously wanted Xtelle to make herself comfortable in the guest room. The demon queen had done exactly that.

The queen-size bed was shoved to one side of the room, mirrors covered three of the four walls. Everything in the room was red, pink, or sparkling silver. It was positively funhouse chic.

I felt like I'd fallen into a cheap punch bowl spiked with bootleg gin.

"Delaney. Why are you bothering me? I haven't done anything wrong."

She rested in the middle of her red fur quilt, a pile of satin and velvet pillows stacked behind her so she could lounge with all four legs tucked up under her.

She was in unicorn form, and the clash between the pink of her body and the diamond bright horn in the room gave me an instant headache.

The mirrors weren't helping with that.

Which was absolutely her intention. She might look like a cute little unicorn, but she was a demon queen through and through.

"You had a package left at your door this morning."

She reached over to the box of chocolates on the night stand and popped one into her mouth. Horse hooves, well, unicorn hooves shouldn't work like that but Xtelle was a demon. She could make her hooves do whatever she wanted.

"Did you see who brought it in?" I asked.

"No."

"Did someone knock?"

"No."

"How did you know it was delivered?"

"I could feel it. Don't make that face. I felt it. I felt what was in the box."

"This is my normal face. I'm not making any faces."

"You poor thing."

"What was in the box?"

She squinted at me. "Bathin told you already, didn't he?"

"I spoke with him. I want to hear it from you."

"This isn't my fault," she groused.

"Okay."

"I'm following all the stupid rules of stupid Ordinary stupid Oregon."

"Okay."

"It's not even supposed to be here. I didn't bring it here."

"You're going to drive the long way around to the answer, aren't you?"

"I know I'm supposed to bow to your authority and toe the line. Well, hoof the line. I know I have to be a good pony."

"You're not a pony."

"Thank you!" she said. "I am a beautiful, sweet unicorn." She tossed her mane and a thousand Xtelles in the mirrors did the same. "Isn't beautiful more important than good? Isn't sweet better than well-behaved?"

"Succinct is better than dramatic. Straightforward is more important than looks. Direct will work."

"Sweet and beautiful and carefree and…and innocent!" She lowered her head and coyly fluttered her eyelashes. "Such a pretty unicorn deserves a present."

"I will present you with a jail cell."

"You wouldn't!"

"I would. No mirrors allowed."

She gasped. "Monster."

"The box. The delivery. The contents." I made a keep it rolling motion with my finger.

"It's a trinket. Just some old junk."

"Show me."

"The box?"

"Everything. The trinket, the box, everything."

"I burned it."

"Then show me the ashes."

She rolled her big horsey eyes. "Fine. Fine! I've done everything you've asked and still, not a single thank you. I don't know why you haven't been replaced with a much nicer, taller, and better-looking chief of police by now."

She hopped off the fur cover and trotted across the room, trailing the scent of burned strawberries behind her. She made a quick right, then trotted down the hall to the back door, which she opened with a hoof. "There," she minced to one side, not stepping out. "Happy?" She minced the other way.

The door opened onto the patio. I hadn't been back here since Hogan had taken over the place, but what I remembered from the past owner was a blank concrete slab, a few rusted patio chairs, and a broken barbeque.

Hogan had swept that all away. Now a cobbled patio, with a pergola above it, looked out upon the long backyard.

Fairy lights twinkled up there in the vines that grew across the wooden roofing, and instead of rusted chairs, there were two small couches with bright, weather-proof upholstery, a baby-blue table in the center, and two wooden rocking chairs in red and yellow. The barbeque had been replaced with a shiny new one.

Also there were gnomes.

An awful lot of gnomes.

Like, more gnomes than I'd seen in one place in my life.

They were statues at the moment, but I knew under certain circumstances they would come to life. Last time had been on Halloween. Luckily, Hogan had figured out how to not only talk gnomish—a knack I'd never developed—he had also become their guardian.

Of course Headless Abner was a big part of that. His head was right there on a pedestal near the corner of the patio where he could keep an eye on the yard and all his fellow gnomes.

"Where are the ashes?" I asked.

"Out there." Xtelle waved a hoof toward the grill but still didn't step through the door.

"How about you come out here and show me?"

"How about you find it. You're a detective." Her gaze darted back and forth around the patio, as if the gnomes were going to come to unlife at any moment.

I smiled. "Sure are lots of gnomes out today."

"Yes." Her eyes flicked faster, as if she expected each statue to move a little while she wasn't watching. "I suppose. Yes."

"I bet more keep showing up every day now that Hogan is in charge of them."

"They do?"

"Yep. Last time I was back here there were maybe two, three gnomes. Now it's, what? A couple dozen? Three dozen?"

"They just keep coming!" she wailed.

"Well, now that word has gotten out on G-Nom radio, I expect even more of them will be arriving."

"Those pointy-hatted abominations!"

"Every abomination has a place in Ordinary as long as they follow the rules. The gnomes won't hurt you. Well," I said glibly, "they aren't supposed to."

"But I'm so beautiful!"

"That doesn't… Wait." I pivoted and stared at a blue-capped gnome with a wheelbarrow full of flowers.

Xtelle backed farther into the house, her head squishing into her neck so she had chins. It was a strange look on a pink unicorn.

"What?" she said. "What did it do?"

"I just thought maybe… No, I'm sure it's fine."

"Stop it. Do something to stop it! You're supposed to save me."

I lifted the barbecue grill's lid. It was spotless inside. "Is this where you burned everything?"

"Of course not. Over there." She waved her nose in larger swings.

I walked to the edge of the patio. A charred section of grass spread out in a three-foot circle.

"You burned Hogan's lawn?"

"That patch of crab grass and dandelions? I should have fanned the flames."

I bent and poked at the ashes and char. "This is all that was left of the box?"

"I'm going to say, yes?"

I strolled over to the door and opened it. Xtelle trotted backward, her eyes wide.

"There's no burned trinket out there. I know you received a ring. Tell me what the ring does."

"It makes me invincible in battle."

"Is that the truth or is that what you tell people?"

"I'm alive, aren't I?"

"You didn't answer the question."

She tossed her mane. "It protects me."

"You use it for defense only?"

"Of course not. It can cause great destruction. The best defense is offensively smashing your opponent in the face before the battle even begins."

"Sounds useful. Why didn't you bring it with you when you came to Ordinary?"

"I assumed it was not allowed to bring that kind of power here. Was I wrong?"

"No. You were right. But now I need to see it."

"It's mine."

"I understand that. Let's see it."

She sashayed all the way back to the bedroom, and hopped up on the bed again. "I'll show you, if you answer my questions."

"Pass. Show me the ring."

She blew air out through her pony lips, making them flap. "Fine." She turned over her hoof. There in the center of her hoof was a ring made of metal that glowed red, as if it were made of pure fire.

Power radiated from it, and in the back of my mind, I heard a song. The shriek of agony, the terrifying echo of battle horns. Mountains cleaving in two roaring in a crushing, burying doom.

Demon ring. Demon power. Demon song.

"Okay," I said. "This needs to be stored somewhere safe. Myra can put it in the vault."

"Vault?" She narrowed her eyes. "Where is this vault? It contains valuable items doesn't it? I will of course need to inspect the vault to make sure my valuables will be safe. You do have a record of giving all sorts of undesirables access to this town, Delaney."

Like demons, I thought to myself.

"No. You give me the ring, I give it to Myra, it goes in the vault."

"Well, that's just not going to happen. For very practical reasons."

"So you can practically plan how you're going to break into the vault?"

"Only a demon can touch the ring. If any other creature touches it, it will instantly destroy them. Splatter like a roasted tomato." She showed a lot of teeth in her smile, and it was not pretty on a unicorn.

"All right," I said thinking quickly. I pulled my phone out of my pocket and dialed.

"Miss me already?" Bathin asked in lieu of answering the phone like a normal person.

"Not even a little bit," I said. "I need you to meet me at your mother's place."

"Hell?"

I choked back a laugh. "Her place here. Hogan's house."

"Ah. What'd she do now?"

"I'll fill you in when you get here."

"Are you all right?"

"I'm fine. But I need your help with the ring."

"Sounds interesting. Be there in five."

"Why would you think my son can make me do what you want me to do?"

"Okay, I'm going to go over this again. You know my job is to take care of Ordinary and all those who call it home."

"Boring."

"That means you too, Xtelle. You call Ordinary home. Which means I'm looking out for you too."

The look on her face didn't fit the shape of the pink unicorn she was wearing. It was suspicious, yes, but also…considering. As if she were weighing more than just my words. As if she were weighing the fortitude of my morals. My soul.

Who knew? Maybe she was. She was a demon after all.

"I am the only one who looks after myself," she said with no trace of histrionics at all. The statement was more than just the facts. It was the core of her, the core of how she'd lived her life all these years. It was the core of how she expected to live her life in Ordinary.

"As long as you live here, I look after you too. And so do my sisters. That's how it is."

For a moment, for the short silence that followed, I thought maybe I'd gotten through to her. Thought she was starting to understand what it meant to be a part of this town. What it meant to have other people willing to do good for one another because it was the right thing to do no matter where any of us had come from.

I thought for half a second, that the glimmer in her eyes was realization. If she could understand I was here to help her live a good life, that I would stand with her, and stand up for her, maybe it would be the first step on the path to learning how she could do the same for her fellow Ordinarians.

Then a knock on the door brought Hogan and Crow laughing out of the kitchen, and whatever glimmer I'd seen in her eyes was gone.