Chapter 64

CHAPTER 64

SLATE

S aying goodbye to the Merricks was awful. They'd been in the kitchen when I'd gotten back from my walk with Jess, and I found them still in there once I was done packing.

It was weird how little stuff I had even after all this time here. All it had taken was to shove some clothes in a bag and to grab my toiletries, and that was it. For so long, it'd felt like I'd been building something of a life here, but I'd double checked.

I didn't have anything of my own left in this house.

Jeanie and Doug seemed shocked when I walked into the kitchen with my stuffed duffel hanging over my shoulder. She frowned at me, her gaze darting from my bag, to my eyes, to the ceiling, like she was trying to develop x-ray vision so she could see through it to Jess.

I hadn't seen her since I'd gotten back into the house, but I assumed she'd gone to her bedroom since she wasn't around. Jeanie seemed to assume the same thing.

"Slate?" Doug asked, a frown of his own knitting his eyebrows as he looked up at me from where he was sitting at the table. "Where are you going? Why are you packed?"

"Well, I, uh, I came here to do a job, and it's done, so…"

As I shrugged, his frown only deepened. "Have you given any thought to my offer? You're welcome to stay with us, son. You really have become an honorary member of the family. There's no need to skedaddle just because there's ink on a page."

"Thank you, Doug. I appreciate that more than you can ever know and I promise I'm going to come visit, but I'm afraid I can't accept your offer."

He heaved out a heavy sigh, resignation in his eyes as he nodded and stood up. "Well, if you ever change your mind, you'll always be welcome here. This is your second home now, you hear? Don't be a stranger."

"I won't," I promised, taking his hand when he offered it and shaking it before pulling him into a hug. My throat was weirdly tight and my eyes were tingling. "It might, uh, be a while before I come back, but I will be back. I give you my word. I don't want you to worry about anything, okay? Just because I'm not here doesn't mean I won't be keeping a very close eye on this project."

"I know, son," he said gruffly, thumping my back before he finally let go. "We trust you. Just remember that you can come back anytime and stay for however long you want. Seriously."

"Thank you."

Tears streamed down Jeanie's face. She walked out from behind the counter, taking my face in her hands and peering up at me. "Are you sure you want to leave, honey? Why don't you stay? You should stay."

"I can't," I said honestly, my eyes darting to the ceiling as I shook my head. "Thank you so much for your hospitality and for all the food. I'm never going to forget it."

"Oh, Slate." She slipped her arms around my shoulders and hugged me. Shaking, she cried into my arms. "You come back any time, you hear? Any time. We don't care if it's the middle of the night or a rainy Sunday morning, you just come back."

"I will," I promised as I embraced her, holding her close and finally recognizing that tingly feeling in my eyes. I was on the verge of tears, and I wasn't even going to try to deny it.

This was the heaviest goodbye I'd had in a long time and I really was going to miss these people. I knew they didn't want me to leave. Hell, I wasn't sure I wanted to either, but I needed space.

I had to get back to my own life and figure out who I was and what I wanted. Merrick Meadows had changed me, and I needed to get centered again. I had to let go of the unrealistic fantasy of becoming a farmer and a Merrick, and the only way to do that was to get away from here.

This place had sucked me right in and made me want to stay forever, but as soon as I got home and went back to my life for a few weeks, I was sure it would pass. Smiling at them through the tears, I pulled Doug into my hug with Jeanie and squeezed them tightly.

"I can't thank you enough for everything you've done. Stay well, okay? I love you both."

"We love you too, son," Doug said, clearing his throat as he broke out of the hug. "Travel safe, Slate. We'll talk to you soon."

"You sure will," I assured them both, but when I turned to leave, Jeanie followed me out to my car.

As I opened the door, I tossed my duffel in and pulled her to me for another hug. "I'm sorry to leave like this, Jeanie. I really am going to miss you."

"Won't you stay for just one more night, sweetheart?" she asked, practically begging as she looked up into my eyes. "You can drive home on a full stomach after breakfast tomorrow. I'd hate to see you disappear like a thief into the night."

"I can't," I murmured, straightening out of her embrace and shaking my head. "It's too hard on Jess, but trust me. I know what I'm leaving behind."

She tilted her head. "Do you?"

I sighed, scrubbing my palms along the stubble on my jaw, suddenly annoyed by it. "You and Doug are amazing people and the farm is a wonderful place, but Jess?"

"She's everything," Jeanie said knowingly.

I nodded. "I can't stay after she told me to leave tonight. No matter how much I wish I could, I have to go. I have to respect her wishes."

"Are you sure those are her wishes?"

"She told me so herself." I pulled the door open a little further and gave her one last sad smile. "Don't worry about me driving all the way home tonight. I'm just going to the hotel for now. I'll crash there and get an early start."

She winced. "I wasn't exaggerating when we first met, sweetheart. That place really is a dive."

I chuckled. "Thanks, but I used to spend months on deep sea rigs. I can handle a shitty room for one night."

Jeanie let out a heavy exhale and nodded before giving me another fierce hug. "You take care of yourself, Slate. We mean it when we tell you not to be a stranger. Oh, we're really going to miss you."

"I'm going to miss you too." I hugged her back, immediately climbing into my car when she let go of me. Before I changed my mind and took her up on the offer to stay just one more night after all.

I really wanted to respect Jess and staying right now would be the complete opposite of that. Which was why I shut the door firmly, waved at Jeanie, and drove away before I gave in.

It made my head spin how fast things had changed, but when it'd come down to it, she hadn't asked me to stay and I hadn't asked her to come back to the city with me. I knew Jess would hate it there. I also knew she'd never leave here, which made it a moot point.

It didn't even matter that she'd detest living in the city because she'd never get that far. It wasn't even a conversation worth having.

If we'd ever had a chance at making our relationship work, it would've involved me moving out here, which I would've been willing to do. Only, she hadn't asked. In the end, she'd even told me to leave.

Case closed.

That didn't make leaving any easier, though. It was the hardest drive of my life as I watched the lights of the old farmhouse disappear behind me. Pulling onto the farm road and leaving Merrick Meadows not knowing when I'd be back sucked harder than even walking away from my company had.

It sucked so much that I briefly considered not stopping at the hotel and just driving straight home instead, but it had been a long, unnaturally emotional day. New York City was a few hours' drive away and it was dark.

Staying on the road would be downright stupid, so I kept my promise to Jeanie and went to the hotel, immediately seeing that the "historical landmark" really had become a dump. Most of the neon lights that were supposed to spell its name were out, and it had "anc" instead of "vacancy."

Regardless, it was the only place to stay and as long as it had "anc," I supposed that meant they had a room for me. Wishing I was back at the farmhouse instead, I parked and grabbed my bag. Then I headed across the cracked asphalt of the parking lot to the front doors.

The lights inside were on the fritz, buzzing in the foyer and flickering a little, but the young man behind the desk didn't seem to mind. His eyes were unfocused, and it kind of looked like he was sleeping even if they were wide open.

I inhaled the scent of stale cigarette smoke and broken dreams as I headed to the counter, jabbing the buzzer to get his attention. He jerked at the sound, looking around wildly and blinking hard until he finally seemed to notice me.

"Hey, dude," he said, clearing his throat as he stood up. "Can I help you?"

"Yeah, I need a room for the night."

"A room?" He frowned, then blinked again. "Oh. Right. A room. We've got those. Just the one night, huh? Passing through?"

I shrugged. "Something like that."

After getting checked in by the guy I'd started suspecting was high, I trudged up a flight of carpeted steps that were worn through in places, and then I found my room. High Guy had told me it was a suite, but as I unlocked the door and walked in, I realized the more accurate term was "broom closet."

The thing was tiny, with yet another threadbare carpet under my feet, a rickety dresser, a double bed, and a door that I assumed led to my adjoining bathroom. A wave of gratitude swept through me when I realized this was what Jeanie had saved me from when she'd insisted I stay with them.

I could've spent the last two months in this room. A shudder raced through me. I think this might just be worse than the rigs.

At least with those, I'd been paid to be there. I didn't quite know why I was paying to sleep here.

My one window was so dirty and grimy that the view of the parking lot was smudged, the acrid scent of habitual cigarette smoke was present in here as well, and there was a solid layer of dust on the old dresser.

Jeanie was right. This is awful.

I sat down on the edge of the bed, deciding that I'd just sleep on top of it instead of in it, and finally let myself think about Jess. Alone in that hotel room, I worried about how she was doing, but I also wondered for the first time if I'd made the right decision leaving.

Sure, she hadn't asked me to stay and I hadn't wanted to impose by moving into her house if she didn't want me there, but maybe I should've just asked. Shaking my head at the thought, I groaned and dropped my head into my hands, once again reminding myself that this was only ever supposed to have been a job.

I'd come out here, I'd done it, and it was over now. That was what I had to focus on, and Jess would be okay. She was a strong girl and she had Merrick Meadows to keep her busy. Things around there were about to get busier than they ever had been, so whatever she was feeling right now, it wouldn't last.

Just like me, she needed space to regain her perspective, and eventually, we'd both be okay. Even if it would hurt to get there.