Chapter 49

CHAPTER 49

JESS

A few days after Slate had gotten back, I walked into the house after working on the farm all morning. It was a sweltering day and nearly the beginning of July, and I stumbled into the kitchen after kicking off my boots, feeling like I was cooking from the inside out.

I headed directly for the kitchen, pouring and immediately chugging a glass of water. I drained the first glass in one go and quickly refilled it. After glass number two was down the hatch, I felt like I could finally focus again, once more refilling the glass before I noticed my mother sitting in the family room, sewing.

"Hey," I said, still trying to get over the churning guilt in my gut whenever I saw her.

In retrospect, I couldn't believe I'd suspected her of sabotage and I was extremely freaking grateful to Slate for snapping me out of it before I'd done something stupid. She smiled and got up to join me but paused halfway to the kitchen to lean against the end of the sofa for a moment.

I frowned. Something is definitely up with her.

She might not be a saboteur, but all was not well. My whole life, I'd never seen her stop to take just a quick rest, like she couldn't physically continue without it, and now, she was doing it just trying to get from the family room to the kitchen.

Anxiety blasted into me and I rushed over, checking on her before I doubled back to get her a fresh glass of cold water too. "Are you okay, Mama? What's wrong?"

"It's nothing, baby." She waved me off, straightened up, and followed me to the kitchen. "I'm just a bit tired. I haven't been sleeping very well."

I shook my head and gave her a stern look, pointing at the kitchen table. "Will you sit down, please? Let's talk. You're always the one making me sit and spill, but it's my turn now. What's really going on with you?"

"It's just all these changes, baby," she said, but she sat down like I'd asked and smiled her thanks when I handed over the water.

It was a tired smile, though. Slate had been right about that, too. It definitely wasn't as bright these days. I took a seat next to her, turning my chair to face hers as I really looked at my mom. Her cheeks weren't as flushed as they usually were either, and the light seemed to have gone from her eyes.

I hadn't noticed it before, but I suspected she'd lost a bit of weight too, her cheekbones more prominent now than they'd ever been before. My stomach exploded with worry, my brows knitting as I moved my eyes to hers.

"Talk to me, Mom." I kept my voice soft and earnest. "You've been saying for weeks now that you're just tired, but you're not yourself. What's really going on up here?"

I tapped my temple as I asked the question. She chuckled and sighed before darting a glance at the window. "It's all been so very overwhelming, looking out there every day and seeing all those people and machines in the distance. Do you know I've been living on this farm over forty years and this is the most people who have ever regularly been on it?"

I frowned. "I didn't think about it like that."

She sighed. "When Daddy and I got married, we invited everyone in town. They sat on bales of hay right outside in the garden and watched as we tied the knot under the shade of the trees that are still out there. That's the only time I can ever recall there being more people on this property at once, and it was only for that one day."

As she spoke, my heart grew heavier and heavier. She gave me another weak smile. "For over forty years I've been standing behind that stove three times a day looking out at the exact same view, and these days, there's machinery where there should be wide open space and the forest."

She took a small sip of her water and swallowed it slowly. "At night, my thoughts race with the possibilities of what could happen. I trust your Daddy to make the right choices for the family, but I never saw myself growing old anywhere but here. It's hard, you know. Not knowing what's coming for us around the corner."

"I feel the same way," I murmured, reaching out and taking one of her hands in mine to give it a gentle squeeze. "I know I haven't been here as long as you have, but Merrick Meadows is ours, Mama. It always will be."

"We want to believe that, darling." She glanced at the window again. "Right now, we just don't know if it's true. One day soon, we might have to pack it all up." She waved a hand in the air, gesturing vaguely at just everything. Tears glistened in her eyes when they came back to mine. "I've been wondering where I would even start. There's eighty years' worth of Merrick history in this house, plus everything in the storage sheds." She released a slow breath. "How many boxes would we need? Do we keep everything and move all that old junk to our new beginning, or do we sort through it all and donate some of it?"

"I don't know," I admitted, a tremble in my own voice. Tears burned in my eyes. "I'm hoping we'll never have to find out, though. I still want to raise my own children here one day, if I'm able."

I turned my teary smile to the room, taking it in. "I imagine this house full of kids. Three at least, but maybe five if I'm lucky. You know, enough to help me run the farm."

Mom chuckled at my joke and I added, "If they want to, of course."

I brought my gaze back to hers, focusing on her kind browns and wondering what on earth had been going on in my brain for me to ever have suspected her. I smiled sadly. "You know I've always wanted the barn loft for myself, but those days have passed. I don't think it's ever going to happen, and that's okay because I've made it work living in the house, in my bedroom, even if it has felt a bit ‘Failure to Launch-y' at times."

Mom reached to stroke my cheek, tears rolling down her own even as she returned my smile. "I'm so proud of you, my baby. I know you're going to be an incredible mother when the time is right, and don't you worry about a thing. If need be, we'll turn the guestroom into a nursery or tack a few more rooms onto this old house when the time comes."

I chuckled, sighing dreamily. "I suppose we've got enough space in here that we can always just build a few walls in the existing rooms."

A sly smile spread on my mom's lips. "I'm sure Slate will make an incredible father too. Daddy will help him build those rooms, or walls, or paint the nursery. Just until he becomes a little bit more handy."

Surprised laughter bubbled out of me. More tears slid down my cheeks and my mom's, but I was tired of hiding this from her. "How long have you known?"

She pulled her head back a little and giggled. "I knew before you did, my dear."

Fair enough.

My mother always had been able to see things nobody else did. Not until they were written on the wall, anyway. Since she already knew, I figured I might as well open up. I'd been dying to talk to her about this and now that the door was open I had no intention of trying to shut it again.

"I have real feelings for him, Mama. Big, deep feelings that I'm not sure what to do with. It can't work, right? He's a city boy and I'm a country girl. I mean, these last couple of months have been great, but he's not going to stay here for his entire life. Eventually, he's going back to the city and I won't follow him."

"Are you sure?"

"I wouldn't give up my life here in Firefly Grove for anything. Not even my soul mate." It hurt me to the deepest fibers of my being to say it, but it was true. "If we were to work out, he'd have to choose to be here with me and if he does he might end up resenting me for it." I shook my head. "I'm getting ahead of myself. We're not even dating. We're just…"

Trailing off when I realized what I'd been about to say, I felt my cheeks turning bright pink. My mom started laughing. Hard.

"Uh huh," she said finally. "As you should. You're young, baby."

Oh, God.

I'd averted my gaze, but as I slowly lifted it back to my mom's, I found her smiling at me. She turned her palm in my hand and gave me a squeeze this time. "I think that man might just surprise you, Jessie. Try not to let fears about the future stand in your way today, okay? You never know what's going to happen and even the best laid plans go awry."

I nodded, opened my arms, and pulled her in for a hug. "I love you. Let me know if there's anything I can do to make this season of limbo easier for you."

"Just this conversation has helped immensely, darling. Thank you for sitting me down and talking it through with me. We're both going to be okay, you know? You and I? We're made of the strong stuff. We're going to be just fine."

I held her tight, feeling more tears welling in my eyes. I breathed in her scent of vanilla, detergent, and nutmeg. This woman had always been my best friend. No matter what happened between Slate and me in the future, I would always be grateful to him for yanking me out of that spiral.

If I'd done anything to damage her heart or my relationship with her, I never would have forgiven myself. She was the one thing I couldn't live without. I'd sooner give up Merrick Meadows and happily wave goodbye to it than hurt a single hair or her—let alone break her heart.