Chapter 9

Betrayal.

The word kept buzzing around in Roman’s head. He’d been betrayed. And by someone he’d trusted, someone who’d had full access to everything Roman knew and did. How could he have been that blind and na?ve? It hadn’t even occurred to him that he had a mole in his office.

Well, that wasn’t true. The thought had crossed his mind, but he’d looked at legal staff and assistants. The cybersecurity guy hadn’t been on his radar, which, in hindsight, was unbelievably stupid. After what had happened, he should’ve been at the top of the list. But that was easy to say now that he had all the facts.

It only confirmed his decision to stay with Wander longer. He’d already informed his boss—the Massachusetts attorney general—that he’d be working remotely for a while, citing health reasons, and had let his coworkers and staff know as well. The lack of surprise in their responses proved they were losing confidence in him anyway.

“Why don’t you go out for a walk, yeah?”

Roman spun around to his brother. “Outside?”

“I do believe it is customary for a walk to take place outside, yes.”

Wiseass. “It’s snowing.”

“It stopped over an hour ago, and we didn’t get that much to begin with.”

“I don’t have snow boots.”

“Borrow mine. We’re the same shoe size.”

Roman crossed his arms. “Why do you want me to take a walk so badly?”

“Because you’ve been pacing and hovering the entire morning, and you’re driving my team and Jesse’s staff crazy. Nobody is getting any work done with you looking over their shoulders, so I need you to go outside for a bit.” Wander put a gentle hand on his arm. “It’ll do you good, Ro. Clear your head, get some exercise in.”

Heat crept up Roman’s cheeks. Had he really been that bad? The way Wander’s team members were studiously looking at their desks right now, avoiding his gaze, spoke volumes. “Sorry.”

“I understand. Trust me, I do. But this isn’t helping anyone.”

Roman took a deep breath. “You’re right. Let me get changed, and I’ll head outside.”

“Good. Caleb will go with you.”

“Caleb? Why?” His brother didn’t think Roman was horny or foolish enough to have sex in the snow, did he?

“Because you’re not going anywhere without someone shadowing you, and he’s your bodyguard for the day. That’s not up for debate.” Wander held up his hand when Roman wanted to protest.

Roman blew out a breath, surrendering to the inevitable. “Okay.”

“He’ll be waiting for you at the front door.”

He was. When Roman came back down, dressed in fleece-lined sweat pants, a warm winter jacket, thick gloves, and a beanie, Caleb stood at the front door. When he spotted Roman, his eyes lit up. At least he wasn’t upset about having to babysit him. Roman couldn’t deny it was a boost to his ego that Caleb genuinely seemed happy to spend time with him.

“Wander’s boots.” Caleb handed him a pair of sturdy snow boots.

“You know where we can go?” Roman asked while he put them on.

“There’s a trail along the river that I’m hoping we can use. Not sure if it’s been cleared of snow after last week’s snowstorm, but we’ll find out.” Caleb casually checked his handgun and tucked it into the pocket of his ski jacket. Like Roman, he wore a beanie, though he didn’t have gloves on.

Roman swallowed. Of course Caleb would have a gun. Kinda hard to protect someone without being armed, yet it drove home that Roman was in real danger. So far, the threats had been theoretical, but this confirmed that it might not stay that way. He pushed that thought to the back of his mind. If he went down that road, he wouldn’t be able to function.

He followed Caleb outside, where a gray sky packed with clouds awaited them. Caleb looked up. “We may get more snow, but we’ll see. We won’t venture too far from the house anyway.”

They crossed the lawn toward the river, which was frozen over, the ice irregularly shaped with cracks and bumps everywhere and covered with snow. Not the kind of picture-perfect mirror one could skate on with ease. “I used to love skating,” he said.

“Yeah? What kind? Hockey?”

Roman snorted. “Do I look like the kind who would play hockey? Nah, far too violent for me. I played lacrosse in high school, but I also loved speed skating. I even flirted with the idea of going pro. My coach said I had a talent for it.”

“Why didn’t you?”

“I didn’t have the ideal build for it, and it would mean full dedication to speed skating at the expense of everything else. I didn’t want to lose out on life, you know? Never regretted it.”

“I never was one for team sports. Track and field was more my thing and, later on, martial arts. My mom signed me up for karate because I was getting bullied, and she wanted me to be able to defend myself.”

“Bullied? Why?”

Caleb shrugged. “I was a total geek, and I was gay. Those were two strikes against me.”

“Did you ever have to fight a bully?”

“I did. Tommy Luciano, the captain of the football team. He thought it would be funny to cram my bony ass into a locker, but he ended up with a black eye and a busted knee. I beat the shit out of him, fueled by pure fury and adrenaline. His coach was livid because he was out for the rest of the season due to his knee.”

Roman whistled. “You must’ve hit him good, then. They didn’t blame you?”

“Oh, Tommy tried to spin it so I’d be the bad guy, but security cameras had captured the whole incident, and they proved he attacked me unprovoked. After that, nobody ever bothered me again.”

As he was talking, Caleb kept looking around, scanning the environment. He clearly took his job seriously.

“Are you expecting trouble?” Roman asked.

“Not expecting it. Counting on it. That way, they can never catch us unprepared. Your brother’s motto.”

Sounded like Wander, all right. “He’s good at what he does.”

“The best. He has a stellar reputation. Getting hired by him was the best day of my life.”

“That was becoming a DA for me.” He winced. “I probably shouldn’t say it like that because my predecessor got killed, which is why there was a vacancy.”

“The mob burned down his house, right?”

Roman nodded. Of course Caleb would know. The case had been on the national news. “He was going after the Fitzpatrick family. They retaliated.”

“That didn’t scare you?”

“I was terrified, but I felt I didn’t have a choice. We had a key witness willing to testify against them despite being brutally attacked and tortured by them, so how could I back down? I owed it to him and every other victim of the Fitzpatricks to take over.”

“It was courageous.”

“I don’t exactly feel courageous right now.”

“How do you feel?”

Jesus, where did he even begin? “Hurt, scared, betrayed… Betrayed the most. It’s hard to process that someone I worked with has been plotting against me the whole time. It feels like getting stabbed in the back.”

“I’ve never been in that situation, but I can imagine. You weren’t friends with this Joe, right?”

“No, but we’ve had the occasional friendly conversation. He’s a big sports fan, and we’d discuss the Patriots game or how the Bruins had played. Every one of those conversations is now replaying through my head as I’m searching for clues I missed.”

Caleb bumped his shoulder. “And as Dr. Phil would say, ‘How’s that working for ya?’ The man is annoying as fuck, but that’s a great question he keeps asking.”

“It is.” Roman sighed. “And the answer is that it’s not productive at all, of course, but that doesn’t stop me from doing it. If you have any suggestions on how not to do that, I’m all ears.”

Caleb held up his hands. “Don’t look at me for that. I’m not good at understanding people. Massive geek, remember? When your brother hired me, he instructed me to work on my social and psychological skills. They’re not my strong points.”

“I wouldn’t have guessed, especially after what happened… You know. The second time…”

Caleb grinned. “You mean the second blowjob? You can say the word, you know? Blowjob. Nothing to be embarrassed about.”

Why was he blushing again? So damn annoying. “I know, but it feels awkward.”

“It shouldn’t. It’s sex. That’s it.”

“That’s a casual attitude I can’t afford to have.”

Caleb’s expression softened. “I understand it’s easier for me to say that, but I also want to state you shouldn’t feel embarrassed around me. What we did was consensual. I wanted it.”

“Can I ask you something?” Roman stopped walking and turned to face Caleb fully. “About us—I mean, what we’ve been doing.”

“Of course.” A flicker of surprise crossed Caleb’s features, but he kept his expression open.

“Are you…getting what you need from it? From me? I don’t want it to be all about my pleasure. You deserve more than that. And I couldn’t help but feel bad afterward because you didn’t get to come. Again.”

“You never gave me permission.” Caleb said it as if it was the most logical thing in the world.

“I wasn’t aware I had to. I mean, in hindsight, yes, but in the moment, I didn’t realize you wouldn’t come without me saying you could.”

Caleb shrugged. “Orgasm denial isn’t gonna kill me. I’ve been denied for weeks. Trust me, this was nothing.”

He meant it. Something else Caleb could be completely casual about while Roman’s insides were all pretzeled. “I envy your experience in this. Not with orgasm denial in particular, but the whole dynamic of D/s play. That’s what I meant when I said that you certainly show a lot of psychological insight.”

“That’s different. That’s something that comes completely naturally to me. I don’t have to think when I’m in a scene because my Dom does the thinking for me. All I need to do is obey and submit. There’s freedom in that.”

“Provided you can trust your Dom.”

Caleb shook his head. “I would never fully surrender to someone I don’t know well enough to be one hundred percent certain I can trust them. In that case, it’s only a partial submission. My body, yes, but my mind would still be very much present, analyzing to ensure my safety.”

Weird, but that was a relief for Roman to hear. “That sounds smart.”

“If you’re worried about me playing with you as an inexperienced Dom, you shouldn’t be. I’d never let you cross my boundaries or allow you to ignore my hard limits. Which, for the record, we should talk about if we continue to play.”

Play? “You gave me a blowjob. Is that playing?”

“In itself, no, but we both know you did more than that.”

“I’m not a Dom.”

“You’re not a trained Dom,” Caleb corrected him.

“You’re saying I’m a Dom?”

“That’s a question you should answer yourself.”

Roman blew out a long breath. He couldn’t, not with Caleb watching him. So he set off again, his thoughts spinning. Was he a Dom? That made it sound like an identity, like something he was rather than something he did.

He was dominant in character, that he’d never deny. He always had been, just like his brother. A natural leader, his high school counselor had called him. And he hated working under someone else, especially if his boss was incompetent. Been there, done that, hated every fucking minute of it. Sure, he still had a boss, but one who gave him free rein.

But dominant and Dominant weren’t the same thing, were they? “I’m not entirely sure what the difference is between being dominant as a characteristic and being a Dom.”

“I’d say the difference is the joy a Dom gets out of D/s play and out of someone submitting to them.”

Joy. Not how Roman would’ve described how he’d felt with Caleb. It had been more a rush of power, an intense awareness of the moment, of the beauty of Caleb’s submission.

Wait.

Weren’t joy and beauty the same thing in this case? Awe, joy, beauty, they were so closely related. So what did that mean? If he had found joy in what they’d shared, did that mean he…? He groaned. “I can’t wrap my head around this right now. Too much on my plate.”

“I’m not asking you to have all the answers. I don’t need them.”

“You don’t?”

“Not to sound desperate, but I’ll take whatever you can give me. I like serving you.”

I like serving you.Could it be that simple for Caleb? Roman envied him for the casualness of that statement, of that feeling. He was probably overthinking shit, as he was prone to do, and seeing problems and complications where there were none. “You don’t need assurances about what I want? Or, I don’t know, about the future?”

“I really don’t. Also, I know what you want. You want to let go. You need to not worry about anything for a few minutes…and I can help you with that.”

Maybe it could be that simple. “Do I need Wander’s permission or anything?”

“Nope. He’s not my Dom anymore, nor does he own me, but more importantly, he gave me to you as a present, so he damn well knew what the potential consequences could be. He can’t object now.”

Roman was rapidly running out of arguments, let alone excuses. “I give up. You win.”

Caleb threw his head back and laughed. “I win? I didn’t realize this was a competition. And what are we competing for exactly?”

Crap. That was not how he’d meant it at all. “I didn’t?—

“I’m messing with you.” Caleb bumped his shoulder again. “I knew what you meant, and it’s all good. We’ll call it a win-win, how’s that?”

“I win relaxation, and you win…?”

“You.”

Funny, he’d never been someone’s prize…and it felt damn good.