Chapter 4

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ADAM

ADAM LURCHED to a stop just inside the door from the garage. The promise of sex still thrummed in his veins, making him desperate to run for the bedroom, but he knew the rules. He set the lasagna dish and his overnight bag on top of a small table, then took off his shoes and placed them neatly on the shoe rack. At his own apartment, he would have simply kicked off his shoes and not cared where they landed. But here, the simple, quiet ritual of obeying John's need for order? It helped settle something inside of him. Quieting the chaos in his head.

As much as he really wanted John to spend the night in his own bed for a change, Adam had to admit he loved being here. In John's space. Part of John's world. It was something he'd bitterly missed all through the eight years they'd been apart. Of course, back then, all he and John ever did was hang out in John's living room, writing songs together. Now, they were free to give in to their attraction.

Adam carried the lasagna dish over to the kitchen and popped it into the oven to keep it warm, then turned back for his overnight bag.

He came up short at the sight of John's wine collection, and a tremor ran through his hands. Adam tightened his grip on his overnight bag and shoved his other hand into his pocket. He had no idea how long he stood there, staring at the neat row of bottles, barely aware of soft sounds behind him.

"You want a drink?" John murmured.

Adam gave a start and whirled around, pressing a hand to his chest. "Shit. I didn't realize you were so close."

John's brow furrowed. "Everything okay?"

"Yeah. Of course. Sorry. Um. Food's in the oven, staying warm. I'll just go put my stuff away and–"

"Adam?" John interrupted him. He reached out and cupped Adam's chin, tilting his head up so their gazes met. "You can tell me," John said, nodding at the wine bottles. "You can tell me anything."

Adam grimaced and let out a little whimper. He still hadn't told John about his former drinking problem. He'd been avoiding the conversation for all five months they'd been together and he still didn't want to get into it. "Not tonight. Please?" It would mean talking more about his dad, and he'd had enough of that for one day.

John studied his eyes for another moment, then finally released him. "Okay. But if you need me to do anything? Put the bottles out of sight, or–"

"No!" Adam gasped. His heart began to race, his skin tingled uncomfortably, and he broke out in a sweat all over. Adam shook his head frantically and practically threw himself at John. "No. Don't. It's your house. I'd never ask–"

"But if you need it–"

"I'm fine. I swear. Don't ever change for me," Adam blurted out, feeling an old, guilt-laden panic crawling under his skin. "Please," he begged.

John looked at him with concern. "Adam–"

"I should go shower," Adam announced, interrupting him. "I forgot to after work." He turned away and headed for the bathroom, heaving a sigh of relief when John neither protested nor followed him.

Adam shut the door and dropped his bag. He closed his eyes, giving himself a moment to let his heartbeat come back down, then straightened up and set his jaw. Adam opened his bag and dug out clean underwear and pajamas, but he couldn't find his toothbrush anywhere. Damn it . He must have forgotten to pack one. Surprise, surprise .

He opened the medicine cabinet above the sink and chuckled at how sparse it was. There was John's toothbrush, plus a spare he'd bought for Adam, knowing how often Adam forgot to bring his own. Beside those was a tube of toothpaste, and on the shelf above it was John's deodorant. The only other items in there were a vial of testosterone and a sealed syringe. John had suggested those, just in case Adam came to spend the night when he had a shot due and forgot to bring his supplies with him.

Shit! Adam's eyes went wide. Was he due for a shot? He couldn't remember. His roommate, Haven, usually reminded him. And Adam had been so bad about keeping to his schedule that he'd wound up syncing his shots to Haven's so they could do them together. But Adam suddenly had no idea when his last shot was.

He yanked open the door and called out, "John?"

" Yeah, baby? " John called back. He hurried over, eyeing Adam with concern. "You okay?"

"I can't remember when I'm due for a shot."

"Next week," John murmured without hesitation. Because of course John would know. "You're good. You're okay."

Adam heaved a sigh of relief. "Okay. Thanks. Sorry. I'll just…I'll be quick," he finished, hooking a thumb over his shoulder.

"Adam?" John said before Adam could shut the door. He reached out and grabbed Adam by the chin, then bent down to give him a kiss. "I love you."

Adam melted. "I love you, too," he whispered back.

John gave him a soft smile, then slowly released him and stepped back so Adam could shut the door.

Adam smiled to himself as he reached for the button on his jeans. He kept smiling as he stripped out of his underwear, then felt all the tension come crawling right back into his bones as he pulled off his shirt. Adam purposely turned away from the mirror and reached into the shower to start the water heating, then he whipped off the sports bra that he used as a chest binder before diving into the shower and yanking the curtain shut.

He kept his gaze up the whole time he washed, not wanting to catch even the barest glimpse of his chest. Hell . He couldn't even run a washcloth over that part of himself. Adam reached across his body to wash his side, trying to keep his arm lifted away from his torso. But when the inside of his wrist brushed across one nipple, Adam felt his stomach lurch with the sudden urge to vomit.

Adam dropped the washcloth and braced both hands against the shower wall. He hung his head and closed his eyes, waiting for the nausea to pass.

A knock sounded on the door. " Adam? " John called. " You okay in there? "

"Fine!" Adam gasped. He snatched up the washcloth, wondering how long he'd been standing there, and started wringing it out. "Almost done!"

" Okay ."

Adam raced through rinsing himself off, then shut off the water and jumped out, grabbing a towel. He dried his body as fast as he could, trying not to look down, then grabbed his underwear with shaky hands and yanked them on. Pajama pants went on next, but when Adam tried to pull a t-shirt over his head, the brush of fabric across his naked chest made him feel sick again.

He dove for his bag and pulled out a clean chest binder. Adam knew he'd have to take it back off before bed, of course, but he also knew he wouldn't survive the rest of the evening without it on. He struggled into the tight garment, grunting and cursing as he tugged it into place, then pulled his t-shirt on over it.

Adam risked a glance at the mirror and heaved a sigh of relief. His chest was small to begin with, so the sports bra did its job of flattening the offending growths even more. With a t-shirt on top, he could almost believe that what he saw was the swell of pectoral muscles instead of what was really there.

He turned away from the mirror and tidied up the mess he'd made, feeling the nausea settle even more as he put things where they belonged. Adam grabbed his bag and took it to the bedroom, then paused when he heard John moving about in the kitchen.

Shit . Adam crept out to take a peek, hoping John wasn't hiding his wine collection after all. Because he knew John would do exactly that, just to protect him, even without knowing why. But Adam knew that John liked his place a certain way. If John changed any of that for him…

Adam swallowed hard, trying to drive away the memories of nagging his dad and then consequently losing him.

He took a deep breath and stepped out, then covered his mouth to stifle another relieved sigh when he saw everything exactly where it should be.

"There you are," John said, glancing over his shoulder. He pressed a button on the coffee machine to preset it to run in the morning, then asked, "Hungry?"

Adam's stomach answered for him, taking the opportunity to let out an audible growl. "I guess so," Adam said with a laugh.

John pulled the lasagna out of the oven and dished up two plates. "Water?" he asked.

"Yeah. Thanks."

John pulled down a glass and filled it, then glanced at his wine collection before opening the overhead cabinet again and grabbing another water glass.

"Don't–" Adam began. When John paused, eyeing him over his shoulder, Adam went on. "You can have wine, John. It's not gonna bother me."

"You sure?"

"Yeah. I'm fine," Adam insisted.

John studied his face for a moment, then gave a small nod before he put the water glass back and pulled down a wine glass instead.

Adam smiled softly to himself, then carried his plate and water over to the living room. At least John wasn't into spirits. Then the temptation might have simply been too much. Granted, alcohol was alcohol, but Adam had never tried wine, so he wasn't even sure he'd like it.

But the sight of a whiskey bottle might take him right back.

Adam shook off the thought and dropped down onto the couch. John joined him a moment later, turning on the TV and opening one of his streaming services. They picked a movie and settled in to eat while they watched.

Halfway through, John paused the movie, and they got up to do the dishes. Adam couldn't help smiling as they worked side-by-side. What was boring to him at home felt like a treat here. So simple and domestic, but the fact that he was washing dishes with John— for John, satisfying the man's need for cleanliness and order—made Adam feel another knot of tension finally go loose inside him.

Once everything was clean and put away, they went back to finish the movie, then headed off to bed after taking turns brushing their teeth. While John was in the bathroom, Adam stripped out of his chest binder and pulled his shirt back on, then also took off his pants and underwear. He climbed into bed, watching as John came into the room, stripped naked, and joined him in the dark.

They curled up together, but neither of them made a move to start anything. Adam covered a yawn and heard John do the same.

"Goodnight," John murmured, pressing a kiss to the back of Adam's head.

"Goodnight," Adam whispered back. He fell asleep almost instantly with John curled around him, making him feel warm and safe and wanted.

It felt like only a minute later that he woke with a gasp, his insides throbbing with need.

Adam glanced at the clock on the nightstand. It was just after two in the morning, so they'd been asleep for hours and hadn't moved their positions at all. Except now John's cock was hard, nudging between Adam's thighs.

" Hhng ."

John chuckled sleepily in his ear. "Need you," he whispered, sounding only half awake.

Adam flung out an arm and yanked open the nightstand drawer. He felt around blindly inside until he managed to snag a condom, then ripped it open and thrust it back at John. The man moved languidly, wedging his hands between their bodies so he could roll the condom down his length. Adam whined and pressed back, silently urging John to hurry.

Finally, John lined up and slowly pushed inside Adam's slick hole in one long, smooth thrust.

"Fuck," Adam gasped, feeling dizzy with pleasure. John filled him so perfectly. He tried to rock his hips back, but John grabbed him firmly, holding him still.

Except John was moving too slowly. Adam whimpered and pushed against John's hold, needing the man to move faster.

John rolled them over so Adam was on his front with John on top of him, crushing him down into the mattress.

Oh, fuck . Adam melted. Nothing felt better than having John's weight on top of him like that. Pinning him down. Flattening his chest. Keeping him trapped and contained. Fully at John's mercy.

John gasped, and Adam knew the man had finally come fully awake because John lurched upright, straddling Adam's thighs, and grabbed him firmly by the hips, his fingertips digging into Adam's skin. The man pulled back and slammed in hard, letting out a moaning curse. Then he did it again. And again.

Adam groped for the edge of the mattress, holding on as John pounded into him. Yes! Yes! Yes! The man was exquisitely brutal, fucking him hard and fast, showing him who was in control.

"Fuck, baby," John panted out between thrusts. He groped Adam's ass, then ran his hands up Adam's back, sliding right under the t-shirt and grabbing Adam by the shoulders instead. John braced some of his weight there, pinning Adam even more. "What you do to me."

Adam moaned. "Please," he managed to get out.

"Please, what?" John asked, never breaking his intense pace.

" Hhng ."

John chuckled and leaned down, murmuring in his ear, "Harder?"

Adam whimpered and just managed a nod in response.

John growled and shifted his legs a tiny bit, bracketing Adam's thighs, then redoubled his efforts, picking up the pace, jackhammering into Adam with everything he had.

" Oh-hh-hhhh fuu-uuu-uuuck ," Adam moaned, then sucked in a breath and let out a shout as his orgasm slammed through him.

"Christ!" John cried out. He shoved in as deep as he could go and held there, letting Adam feel every pulse of his cock as it swelled and shot into the condom.

"Holy shit," Adam gasped.

"Yeah," John agreed as he collapsed bonelessly on top of him.

Adam let himself drift while they both caught their breath. All the tension from the previous day was gone, replaced by a floating feeling of pure bliss. Even when John pulled out and climbed off of him, robbing him of the man's weight and heat, Adam felt at peace.

He was barely aware of John coming back and gently rubbing a washcloth between his legs, wiping away the sticky wetness there. Then John was gone again, but the man returned a moment later, sliding back into bed and pulling Adam into his arms.

Adam fell asleep with a smile on his face, glad to be right where he belonged.