Chapter 29

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JOHN

JOHN FORGOT all about being nervous as he watched Adam sing. He forgot about the crowds, about his stiff, uncomfortable dress shirt. All of it.

While Adam's clear, enchanting voice rang out across the space, nothing else in the world mattered.

He came back to reality when the crowd cheered as Everett and Morgan finished their first dance, but then he drifted away again when the band jumped right into the next song, inviting everyone else out to the floor.

John idly sipped his wine, staring across the room, utterly mesmerized. There were moments when it felt like Adam was singing just for him. Like they were the only two people in the room, the boy's voice carrying across the space between them and diving right down into John's soul.

Ward came over and sat down beside him. The man had volunteered himself to oversee the wine for the evening, though he was technically a guest. John had caught glimpses of Ward as he'd gone about the room, bringing out more bottles as needed and answering questions as he went. Not once did John feel the need to take over. To step in and make sure the man had all the bases covered.

Maybe letting go a little bit wasn't so bad.

"Geez, that voice is amazing," Ward murmured.

John couldn't help grinning. "Yeah, it is."

"I think I envy you."

John blinked. He turned to look at Ward properly. "Why's that?"

Ward looked down at his own wine glass, idly swirling the clear fluid around, staring at it as though it might have the answers to the universe. "The reason I've been such a distracted mess lately is that I was trying to get up the courage to go on a date." Ward paused. "With a guy."

"Oh." John's eyes went wide, both from Ward's admission and from realizing he was actually curious. "And?"

Ward winced. "I couldn't do it. Beau got me set up with this dating app thing, which is completely not my style, but I chatted with a couple guys. Even tried setting up a casual date with one of them, but then I kept finding excuses to cancel."

John shrugged. "If it's not right, it's not right."

"But that's just the thing," Ward said, sounding like he was frustrated right down to his bones. "I think it is. I think about that boy who sat in my lap and remember how fucking perfect it felt. But…"

"But?"

Ward sighed. "I don't know if it needs to be the right boy, or if, deep down, I don't think I can follow through on being intimate with another man. But I still can't get Charlie out of my head." Ward muttered a curse. "He was in my lap for five minutes, and it's got me all messed up." Ward turned to look at him. "But I promise I'm gonna put it all aside. No more distraction at work. I'm all in, I swear."

John clapped him on the shoulder. "I know you are." He paused. "I never thanked you for handling everything so well while I was out, taking care of Adam."

Ward looked mildly astonished for a moment, then smiled. "Thank you for having faith in me to do so."

John nodded, and they clinked their glasses together before turning to focus on the music. But after a moment, John found himself opening his mouth to say, "When it's right, you'll know. Trust me." He breathed a laugh. "When Adam came out, all those years ago, it was like a light bulb going on inside my head," he began, knowing it was safe to talk about this since Adam himself had told Ward about being trans, so he wasn't outing the boy. "Before that, he'd always just been Evelyn, the hot mess of a girl-next-door who sang like an angel. But as soon as he told me he wasn't Evelyn, but Adam? Shit. All bets were off. It made me see him in a whole new light. Like it hit me that this person was my best friend, despite the age difference, and now that he was coming into his true self as a boy instead of a girl, it was like my soul realized that my best friend could also one day be my partner."

Ward got a thoughtful smile on his face. After a moment, he said, "I'm happy for you guys."

"Thanks–"

Before John could say anything more, the current song came to an end, and Adam spoke to the crowd. "This next song is by special request from all the boys," Adam announced. "In honor of Morgan turning Everett gay."

John glanced at Everett and Morgan on the dance floor, seeing the couple laugh, Everett with embarrassment and Morgan with amusement.

Then the band played Jupither's rendition of "I Kissed a Boy."

John threw his head back and laughed.

The band kept playing, and people came and went on the dance floor. At one point, Adam caught John's eye and subtly beckoned him over. John finished off his glass of syrah and got up, slowly crossing the room.

Microphone in hand, Adam stepped down off the stage and moved right into John's arms. John held his boy, swaying him gently as Adam sang "Lost Without You" by Hanson.

The words made John's chest feel tight, a combination of emotion and nerves. Adam sang about being ready to run away with him, leaving everything behind, so long as he had John in his life, because he'd be lost otherwise. He sang about an unexpectedly beautiful thing, a longing to which he'd dared not admit.

And for a moment, John wondered if Adam knew .

Except the boy couldn't know. John had been so careful. Everyone involved had been sworn to secrecy.

John had even lied about why his guitar had suddenly turned up missing from its corner of the living room. He hadn't considered Adam would even notice its absence until it happened. John had brought it to work with him a couple days ago, stashing it safely out of sight, but Adam had immediately pointed out the empty corner where the guitar case should have been.

So John made up an excuse on the spot, saying he'd had to take it in for repairs.

He was sure Adam had bought it. The boy had even looked sad, saying that he'd been hoping the two of them could have spent that evening with John playing while Adam sang.

John studied Adam's face. No. Adam didn't know. There was no way. The surprise had to be intact. It had to be.

And that thought brought all the nerves right back up to the surface. Even as Adam continued to sing, even as John got lost in the boy's voice, all the anxiety rushed back in. Pretty soon, he was going to be the one up on that stage. The microphone in front of his face. The crowd listening and watching as John performed in public for the first time.

The song ended, and Adam went back to the stage while John quickly returned to his seat. He snatched up his wine glass, refilled it, and took a healthy gulp to steady his nerves.

John tensed and relaxed at the start of the next few songs. He didn't know the entirety of the band's sets, only that the first set would end with "December Dreams," after which he'd get his cue to come on stage. John tapped his heel nervously and kept sipping at his wine. Any minute now, he'd have to get up in front of that crowd.

"This next song," Adam announced, "is a special one for me personally."

Oh, Christ. Here it comes .

"But since Everett and Morgan met in December, and since they technically 'met' twice," Adam went on, making air quotes with his fingers, "it seemed a fitting addition for their celebration."

The familiar, opening strains filled the room. John's heart hammered in his chest, thinking of the hours he'd spent, writing this song. Then the joy of finally getting to hear Adam sing it in public, back at the Christmas show in Idaho, when the two of them stumbled back into one another's lives.

" I met you twice ," Adam crooned into the microphone.

John smiled despite his nerves. And despite the now blatant incongruity of the song. It threw into sharp relief just how badly he'd needed to write Adam's Song instead. Because as much as he loved hearing Adam sing his words, he knew he needed to correct the perspective.

He needed to sing his own words himself. All for Adam to hear.

The song came to an end in such a hurry, John felt like he'd lost time. His heart took a flying leap forward, beating even harder than before.

"We're going to take a quick break," Trevor announced, "but don't worry. We're not going to leave you hanging."

Adam gave Trevor a puzzled look.

"Adam, if you'd please go take your seat at the head table," Trevor said.

John swallowed hard. His boy looked so confused, while Everett and Morgan shared knowing grins. Adam slowly crossed the room, everyone watching him, and sat down at John's side.

"We have a special guest performer joining us tonight," Trevor went on. While he spoke, the drummer, Bobby, got up, slipped out of the room, and came back with John's guitar, as planned. "This man is an integral part of our band's history, having written the lyrics for several of our original pieces, including the song you just heard."

"What?" Adam gasped.

John felt the boy looking at him but he couldn't tear his gaze away from Trevor, waiting for the inevitable moment.

"But he's never performed in public before," Trevor continued. "So on this very special occasion, playing a brand-new, original song, I'd like to welcome to the stage, the one and only Mister John Cunningham."

John slowly got to his feet as the crowd gasped in surprise before slowly coming back to themselves and applauding. He crossed the room, wondering all the while how his legs managed to keep him upright. His knees felt like jelly. But he made it all the way up onto the stage, accepted his guitar from Bobby, and took over the microphone from Trevor.

He licked his dry lips and took a deep breath. "Hello," he began, hearing his own shaky voice boom out across the room. He swallowed hard and tried to ignore the absolute sea of faces looking back at him. "I had a whole…thing…prepared to say, but…" All the words escaped him, so he looked at Adam, seeing the utterly astonished expression on his boy's face. "Adam, this is for you."

A hush fell over the room, and John began to play. A soft strumming of the guitar, the gentle strains of a country song, a sharp contrast to the progressive rock piece the band had just played. This was John's music. The proper foundation to make this song what he'd always hoped it might be.

And then he took a deep breath, closed his eyes, and began to sing.

Oh, the day that I first saw you

Seemed my life had just begun

You turned those grey eyes on me

And I found myself undone

My hands were shy, my mind was scared

But the heart defies all plans

Oh, if I could just be with you

Man to man

John risked a glance at Adam. The boy sat there, staring, unblinking. Even from across the room, John thought he saw the shimmer of tears on Adam's eyelashes. John almost fumbled the next note, but managed to power through. He took another deep, bracing breath, and continued on.

We had everything against us

We even got in our own way

That first kiss was unexpected

And it said more than words could say

We'd both pretended, both had lied

But our hearts had other plans

Oh, to finally be with you

Man to man

Adam's eyes were wide, a hand covering his mouth as his shoulders shook with quiet sobs. The sight made John's own eyes sting, but he had to keep going. He took another deep breath and charged into the chorus.

By day we'll face the world, back to back

By night we'll face each other, eye to eye

And now I know what all my future holds

'Cause you're part of all my plans

Heart to heart

Hand in hand

Man to man

John looked at Adam again, feeling the nerves start to fade. All that mattered was his boy. His beautiful, precious, brave boy sitting there, looking at him as though John were the entire focus of his world. It filled John with a sense of power, the likes of which he'd never known. So long as Adam loved him—so long as he had this boy in his life—he could do anything.

And now that our new life has started

I can't imagine going back

Your love for me is everything

And now there's nothing that I lack

We'll have hard times, we may be shunned

But now we're making our own plans

Oh, to wake each day beside you

Man to man

John sang the chorus again, then held Adam's gaze as he reached down deep, hoping his voice wouldn't crack as he brought up the energy for the final verse.

By day we'll face the world

And I'll be always on your side

By night we'll face each other

I could get lost inside your eyes

It won't always be easy

But I know it's worth the fight

'Cause, darlin', when you're with me

I know it's gonna be alright

You are the start of all my future holds

And the end of all my plans

Heart to heart

Hand in hand

Man to man

Heart to heart

Hand in hand

Man to man

John dragged out the last notes, both with his voice and the guitar, then felt one long, aching moment of piercing silence before the crowd erupted in deafening applause.

But he had eyes for only one person there. And that boy was looking at him with so much love, awe, and gratitude that John thought he might simply explode from the overwhelming joy.