Chapter 26

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ADAM

ADAM WOKE to the sound of crying.

It took him a long moment to recognize it as such. At first, it was so faint through the small gap in his open doorway that he couldn't be sure he was hearing it right.

Then it grew louder. Unmistakable. Except the only person it could be coming from was someone who never cried.

But this wasn't just crying. This was agony. Bone-deep, gut-wrenching, uncontrollable sobs, sounding like they were being torn straight from the depths of someone's soul.

Adam's heart began to race in panic. He weakly pushed back the covers, trying to get out of bed. Except the pillows had crushed beneath him in his sleep, so he was reclining more than when he'd drifted off. The angle was too much. When he tried to sit up or even swing his legs over the side of the bed, he felt a tug and a pressure all across his chest. Adam tried again and again, but he couldn't move.

"John!" he finally screamed. He had to get to John. He had to know what was wrong.

Footsteps raced across the apartment, and his bedroom door burst open.

"Adam?" John panted. "What's wrong? Are you hurting?"

Adam's jaw dropped. He couldn't answer as he sat there, taking in John's face. The tear-stained cheeks. The bloodshot eyes. "J-John?"

John blinked, then seemed to realize that Adam was okay and that he himself was the cause of Adam's distress. The man sank heavily onto the edge of Adam's bed and wiped at his cheeks. "I'm so sorry I woke you," John said, his voice thick and halting with the tiny sobs still forcing their way out of him.

Adam's lower lip trembled. "What's wrong?" he asked. Adam studied John all over but couldn't figure out what was making the man fall apart like that. Was John in pain? His arms were still bandaged from the fire. Or had he gotten bad news? His brother, maybe? Or was this simply all too much? Adam's drama, the surgery, and everything else they'd endured over the past few months.

Hell . Over the past ten years.

John instantly sobered, his hands darting out to cup Adam's face, his thumbs wiping away Adam's tears of worry before they could even fall. "It's okay, baby. I'm okay."

"But–"

John glanced at the urn on the nightstand across from him, almost as though his gaze was dragged there beyond his control. He snatched a hand back, covering his eyes. His shoulders shook, and Adam saw fresh tears run down the man's cheeks.

"John?" Adam choked out, his own tears coming faster.

"I'm sorry," John managed to get out between jerky breaths. He shot forward and kissed Adam, a hard, firm press of lips, just holding there like he needed to feel Adam against him.

The move short-circuited Adam's worry. Fuck . Was that all this was? After everything, had John been worried that Adam might suffer the same fate as his dad, and now John was just letting out all the emotion he'd been holding in while bringing Adam home?

John pulled back, looking calmer even as fresh tears collected on his eyelashes. "I finally listened to your dad's voicemail."

Adam blinked, then had to wipe his eyes to try clearing his vision. "Huh?" That was the last thing he'd expected to hear.

John swallowed hard and nodded as he tried to wipe away his own tears. "You were so brave today. Facing everything. Letting go of your guilt and your fear. I figured it was about time I do the same. So I listened to his message."

Adam's heart sank. "Oh no. Was it bad? It was bad, wasn't it? Shit, John, I'm so–"

"No," John interrupted fiercely, a watery smile taking over his face. "No, it wasn't bad. It was–" He shot to his feet. "Hang on. I'll play it for you."

John ran out of the room before Adam could protest. The man was back in a moment, cradling his phone in his hands like it was the most precious thing in the world. He unlocked the screen, turned the phone around, and held it out.

Adam slowly took it, his heart picking up speed again as he stared at his dad's name. He glanced at John, who gave him an encouraging nod, then let out a shuddering breath as he tapped on the screen with his thumb to play the message.

" John, it's Frank ."

Adam jabbed at the Pause button as a wave of emotion crashed through him. He'd heard that part before, weeks ago, in John's office, when the man had accidentally played the message. Adam had been too overwhelmed with shock to really take in his dad's tone, but as he listened now, he heard the voice he remembered. The strong, deep voice full of joy and life. And his tone wasn't angry. If anything, it was polite and almost apologetic.

Sure enough, as the message ran on, Adam heard Dad apologize for his behavior. Then he heard that long-forgotten but achingly familiar laugh as the man referred to Adam as his little drama queen . Adam barked out a laugh of his own. He dragged the progress bar back and let it play again, wanting to hear that smile in his dad's voice.

Fuck . He'd missed that sound more than he'd realized.

When he got to the part of the message where Dad said Adam was right about the surgery, Adam broke down in tears. Both tears of grief, because he hadn't been right, and a part of him wished his dad would have fought him harder on the issue, but also tears of relief, because now he knew that his dad would have forgiven him.

By the time the message ended, both he and John were crying again. Adam dropped the phone and burrowed into John, remembering only at the last second not to fling his arms around the man's neck since he wasn't allowed to lift them. But John gathered him up, holding him both tightly and carefully at the same time, the two of them being pillars of strength for the other while also allowing themselves to fall apart.

The last of the weight Adam had been carrying around for nearly a decade finally fell from his shoulders. And when he pulled back and looked at John, he saw the same thing written all over the man's face.

They were finally free.

* * *

ADAM RAN the full gamut of emotions over the next two weeks.

He was cranky from restrictions on sleep and showering. Having to sleep sitting up just plain sucked, pure and simple. It was making his back and neck hurt, and despite the fatigue coursing through his body as it healed, he kept having trouble drifting off, not being able to lie flat like he was used to doing.

Then he was elated every time he woke up and remembered the surgery was behind him. That he was on his way to healing, to having the body he'd always wanted. He'd spend hours each day with a hand resting lightly on his chest, needing to feel the flatness there. Through the compression bandage, his chest actually felt concave in a way, but Adam didn't care. It was the opposite of what he'd been plagued with since puberty, so he took it gladly.

Then he got frustrated with his limited movement and energy. He spent most of the time in bed or on the couch, watching movies, only getting up to get food or use the bathroom, though John often jumped up to help with the former, sparing Adam the effort. A few days post-op, after Adam had his first checkup, he did manage to walk out to the mailbox, but he needed a nap the moment he got back inside, sapped of energy.

After that, he felt ecstatic and relieved when the drains were removed, though they hurt like hell coming out. At least he didn't have to carry them around anymore. They were gross and awkward, and he'd hated having to be mindful of them against his belly every time he moved, not wanting to accidentally detach them.

Then the compression bandage was able to come off for good. That in itself was intense. He felt like he could finally take a real breath, but at the same time, his body felt too loose . Too insecure. After years of wearing a chest binder and then those days with that bandage, Adam's chest felt too unconstrained. Too exposed. His skin missed the security of that tightness wrapped around him.

But when he finally got permission to take a real shower, provided he was careful about how high he lifted his arms, Adam found himself actually nervous.

John undressed him slowly. There was nothing sexual about it, but neither was it completely clinical. Adam squeezed his legs together. He hadn't been cleared for physical activity yet, so sex was still off the table, but despite the fatigue and the occasional jolts of pain as the nerves reconnected, he wanted John inside him so badly.

And he could tell John felt the same, but the man had been resolute about following Adam's post-op care instructions to the letter. There would be no sex until the doctor said so.

But this would be the first time Adam would be truly naked in front of John. Other than the sterile tape still covering the incisions, of course. Regardless, Adam felt his heart thumping wildly against his ribs as he stood there, stripped down to nothing but his shirt, until John reached out, undid the buttons, and pulled it off as well.

Adam swallowed hard, studying John's face as the man looked at him.

John traced a feather-light touch across Adam's chest. "You are so beautiful," John murmured.

Adam looked down. He didn't feel beautiful. Not with the mottled bruising still staining his skin all across his chest. But the longer he looked, the more he felt the urge to smile. The breasts were gone. He could finally look down at himself without that sickening feeling twisting his gut. Even with the purple and yellow splotches and the angry red lines shining out through the tape, Adam's chest looked the way he'd always seen it in his head.

John turned him around to face the mirror, hugging him from behind. "Look at you," he murmured, his gaze full of love and restrained heat.

Adam grinned, a tremble running through him at the feeling of John pressed right up against his naked back.

John stepped away and whipped off his own shirt, then stepped right back in to hold him again.

Adam inwardly cursed as a moan escaped him. That was John's bare chest pressed up against his body. They were skin to skin for the first time. "Oh my god."

John brushed a kiss along Adam's shoulder. "Christ, you feel good."

Adam clenched his jaw as he felt the urge to cry.

John stripped the rest of the way and ushered Adam into the shower. He took complete control, moving Adam about, positioning him where he wanted him, getting him wet all over and then washing his hair before gently moving those big, soapy hands all over his body.

All over.

Adam shuddered and burst into tears when John's hands passed carefully over his chest.

John froze. "Did I hurt you?"

Adam shook his head. "It's weird because I can actually barely feel it since I'm still so numb, but it also feels so fucking good."

John smiled and did it again, tracing all over the places he'd never been allowed to touch before.

"I'm sorry," Adam blurted out.

"For what?" John asked as he carefully rinsed the soap from Adam's body.

"That I didn't do this before. A long time ago. The surgery, I mean. All the times we could have done this," Adam went on, gesturing at them in the shower. "If you only knew how long I've been dying for some epic shower sex."

John barked a laugh, his cock twitching against Adam's leg. He'd been hard the whole time they'd been in that hot, wet, confined space, but John had never made a move to start anything.

"You could be fucking me right now," Adam managed to get out as his chest ached with renewed emotion. "But I couldn't–"

"Hey." John grabbed him by the shoulders and bent down to put them at eye level. "Never apologize for your grief. Okay? Besides, we're here now. We made it. That's all that matters."

Then John pulled Adam into a hug, both fierce and gentle.

Adam sobbed as he melted into the embrace. There was a whole section of his chest that still lacked any kind of sensation, but he felt John's body against his all the same. Felt John's arms around him. For the first time, John could hold him without Adam worrying about whether John could feel parts that weren't supposed to be there.

Because they were finally gone.

"For the record," John murmured as he nuzzled Adam's ear, "once you're cleared by the doctor, I am tying you down in my bed and not letting you out of reach until you've come so many times that you forget your own name."

Adam laughed and cried all at once. "Not fair."

John chuckled, then he slowly pulled back and bent down, brushing barely-there kisses across Adam's chest.

Adam trembled. The kisses were somehow both painfully erotic and yet so achingly sweet that Adam couldn't help feeling both frustrated and completely at peace all at once. He thought he might die, having to wait until John could really touch him. Until he could really and truly feel every grope and caress from John's hands on his skin.

But the bone-deep relief of having John touch him at all was more exquisite than he'd ever imagined. Adam felt so light and free and wanted that he thought he might simply float away from the sheer bliss of it all.

Adam laughed.

John straightened up and looked down at him. "What's so funny?"

Adam shook his head. "Nothing." He couldn't stop grinning. "I just never realized it was possible to be this happy. Okay, this happy and this frustrated all at the same time, but yeah." He looked down at where John's hand still skimmed lightly over his bruised skin. "This is just amazing."

John pulled him close again, his hold firmer while still being careful with him.

Adam burrowed against John, rubbing his cheek on the man's chest hair, matted down by water.

John's chest rumbled. "I might have to do that to you just as soon as you're clear."

Adam moaned at the thought. Having John rub his face all over Adam's chest? He couldn't wait to feel that. "Yes," he gasped. "And your hands again. And your cock. Definitely your cock."

John laughed, a big, booming sound that seemed too large for the small space, but was also so full of joy that Adam couldn't help joining him.

"Oh, don't you worry," John growled. "You're gonna get plenty of Daddy's cock, just as soon as the doctor says so." John suddenly tensed, and a slight tremble ran through him. "Was that okay?"

Adam tipped his head back to look up at him. "Yeah," he whispered. "Yeah, that's okay."

John studied his eyes, still looking uncertain.

"Daddy," Adam whispered. "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy."

John's worry melted away and a smile took over his face, growing into a grin with each repetition of the word. He grabbed Adam's head and kissed him, hard and demanding, completely in control, then pulled Adam back into his arms. "Daddy loves you so much, baby."

Adam grinned and hugged him back, letting out a sigh of contentment as he settled in John's arms. The feeling of John's body against his was simply amazing. He couldn't get enough of it.

"Hey," Adam gasped. He pressed a little bit closer. "I can feel your heartbeat."

John looked down at him, and Adam stretched up onto his toes, putting their chests almost at the same level.

Adam breathed a laugh. "I can feel your heartbeat right next to my own."

A strange look came over John's face. He gasped and breathed a curse, then crushed their mouths together in a fleeting but grateful kiss.

"What was that for?" Adam asked.

John grinned. "You just gave me an idea."