Chapter 31

Tasha’s confession… profession… of love had thrown Megan for a loop. Thankfully, at eight, Sophia was generally self-sufficient and if she did need anything that afternoon, then Tasha stepped in seamlessly. Tasha. Tasha loves me. Not as friends, or maybe as friends but also more. And my reaction was to ask her to let me think about it? What the hell, Megan. It’s a wonder that she’s still here. Hell, it’s her apartment, it’s a wonder that I’m still here!

Hours later, even after a long walk, Megan’s mind was still in chaos. One thing was becoming clear to her. She needed to say something to Tasha. Megan felt that this was about to be the hardest conversation of her life. Sophia was reading on the couch, absentmindedly stroking a sleeping Nocturne. Tasha was puttering around the kitchen as Megan walked up to her. “Can we talk?”

“Are you ready now?” Megan couldn’t help but notice a slightly bitter undertone in Tasha’s voice, yet mixed with hope.

“No, but yes. Maybe in the bedroom?”

“Fine.”

They both sat down on the bed. Megan took a deep breath, which did little to calm her racing nerves. “Thank you, Tasha, for telling me how you feel. I know that must have been difficult, and you are incredibly brave. I also feel like I hurt you deeply. I’m sorry. I’m a mess right now, and yet you still love me. I love you, too, Tasha. With all of my heart.”

She watched the fear drain away from Tasha’s face, replaced by joy. Megan continued before Tasha could respond, “And I’m terrified. I’m terrified that this could be a rebound, and I’ll end up hurting you. I’m terrified about the possibility of loving another woman. Sophia loves you, and I’m terrified that I’m going to fuck this up and hurt both of you.”

Tasha silently rose up and then sat down again, right next to Megan, and took her in her arms. Megan rested her head on Tasha’s collarbone and started to cry. “I love you, Tasha. It feels overwhelming, but I don’t know how to love you… as a woman, and I don’t ever want to lose you.”

“You won’t lose me, Megan. We’ll figure this out, okay?”

Megan nodded, but she wasn’t okay. She was definitely a mess. She felt like a coward for taking the safe choices for most of her life. She felt brave for telling Tasha that she loved her. She hadn’t lied to Tasha when she said that she was terrified, because she was. Megan was in wholly uncharted territory, and what she wanted to do most in this moment was run. She held onto Tasha with both arms, hoping that this feeling would pass and that she wouldn’t want to run anymore.

Megan’s panic slowly subsided, as did her tears. Even so, she could feel a vast well of anxiety inside of her.

I’m going to hurt her. I just know it, and I can’t bear to think about it. I need to talk to someone, and she’s the only person that I trust. She is also the one person that I can’t talk to about this. I love her so much it hurts.

Megan went to bed shortly after Sophia. She was emotionally wiped out. Before going to bed, she said, “Tasha, please sleep in the bed tonight. It’s better when you’re there.”