Chapter 15

Tasha was not a Black Friday person. She was content to avoid the chaos and frenzy of shopping and simply enjoy a rare four-day weekend. Today was not cooperating. Megan seemed to be withdrawn, and Tasha couldn’t seem to engage her. Eventually, Megan announced that she and Sophia were going to enjoy a bit of the cool, dry Friday at a nearby park, leaving Tasha to wonder what was wrong.

Everything seemed great yesterday. Megan seemed to have a good time at Friendsgiving. Sophia apparently enjoyed it as well. Did someone say something to her? Or was it something else? Was it that kiss? That was just an accident. It couldn’t be that. More than anything, Tasha felt a hole in her heart that hadn’t been there before.

After an hour in which Tasha felt increasingly adrift, Megan texted her. Megan was taking Sophia to Peet’s Coffee for hot chocolate and wanted to know if Tasha wanted something. She texted back that she would like hot chocolate as well. With the way her nerves were going, coffee seemed like a bad idea.

Not long after that, Megan and Sophia returned with three hot chocolates. Megan got Sophia settled on the couch to watch The Princess Switch, where she was soon joined by Nocturne in a familiar cat and kid cuddle puddle. Meanwhile, Megan motioned Tasha over to the table and they sat down.

“I’m sorry, Tasha. It’s been a weird morning for me.”

“It’s okay. Do you want to talk about it?”

“It’s… I… Maria and I talked last night. I didn’t know that she was a divorce lawyer.”

“Did she advise you to…”

“Oh, no! Nothing like that. Actually, she said that I could talk with her if I wanted. We talked about other things, too. She said that I was good for you.”

“What does that mean?”

“Um, it was a lot. Last night. She saw how much we loved each other. Not like that, I mean. As good friends and how you were so supportive and amazing.”

As Megan’s compliments rolled in, Tasha felt strangely depressed. “Of course I love you! We were roommates for four years. I was your maid of honor. We’ve been through a lot together and I’ve always got your back.”

“I know, and I’ve always got yours, too. I’m just out of sorts because I know that I have to really think about what I’m going to do—what I feel, and what’s best for Sophia.”

Tasha nodded, waiting for her friend to go on.

“I’m so angry with Brad, but am I angry because I still love him or because I feel like a fool? He’s Sophia’s father, so I’m always bound to him by that, but I don’t know that I can take him back. I don’t know if I can divorce him, either. What will that do to Sophia? What about custody? Oh, god… what if he gets custody of Sophia? I don’t…”

Tasha reached over and took Megan’s hands in hers. She squeezed softly and said, “Just breathe. I’m here for you now, and I’ll always be here for you. No matter what.”

“You can’t know that.”

“Yes, I can. No. Matter. What. I will always be there. You are my ride-or-die.”

“Thank you, Tasha. Thank you.”

“Of course, sweetie. Anything for you. If you need to talk, then we’ll talk. If you need a hug, then you’ll get a hug. If you need to bury Brad’s body somewhere in the mountains or deep under the Pacific where no one will ever find him, then I’ve got a butcher knife and a tarp.”

“That last one is oddly specific.”

“Definitely not something that I’ve spent the last six nights thinking about.”

“Again, oddly specific.” At least Megan was smiling again.

Tasha squeezed Megan’s hands again. “I can’t tell you what to do, but it might help to break your decisions into smaller chunks. Maybe start with how you feel about Brad?”

“Thanks, Tasha. That’s usually how I go about things. I just got overwhelmed.”

“I get that.”

“Can I talk with you about love?”

“Of course.”

“I mean, it”s a hard question. What is love?”

“Oh, now you’re gonna get that song stuck in my head.”

Megan laughed. “Now I’ll have it stuck in my head, too! But really, though, is it supposed to be a hard question? I feel like it’s so easy in the movies or books.”

“I dunno, I think it depends on the book.”

“That’s probably true. I mean, I love you. You’re my best friend, but I let you slip away before, and does that mean that it wasn’t real? I feel awful, you know. You were going through some really hard challenges in your life, and I wasn’t there for you. But then, when my life goes to shit, you drop everything for me, and…”

“Oh, Megan. No, sweetie. We both messed up. I shoulda reached out to you after Momma stopped talking to me. I know that you would have supported me, because you’re a good person and a good friend. It’s my fault for not telling you.”

“That makes me feel a little better. I’m really worried that maybe I’m not good at loving people.”

“Sweetie, look at that little angel over there. You are plenty good at loving people, because I see just how much you love Sophia.”

“Thank you, Tasha.” Megan squeezed Tasha’s hands back. “Okay, so maybe I’m not bad at loving. I’m still wondering, though. Do I love Brad? Did I ever really love Brad? He was handsome and charming. Still is, apparently. My mother thought that he was amazing. She was so excited when he proposed at our house during our last winter break. Did I say ‘Yes’ because I wanted to, or because everyone expected me to? Have the last ten years of my life been a waste because I just let things happen to me rather than taking control of my life?”

“Damn, that’s a lot. One thing, though—those last ten years weren’t a waste, you have Sophia.”

“I know. She’s the best thing that ever happened to me.” Megan grinned. “Just slightly better than drawing you as my freshman year roommate.”

“I’m even better than Lauren? Because that girl sends a good gift basket!” Tasha laughed as she watched her friend’s face go beet red. She continued, “You’re asking yourself some tough questions. What do you think?”

“I think… I think that I never loved Brad. And I don’t think that he ever loved me. Not really. I think that we just did what was expected of us. What if I missed out on my soulmate because of this?”

“Ugh. There are seven billion people on the planet. No one has one perfect soulmate out of seven billion options. That doesn’t mean that there isn’t someone who is amazing for you out there. You just haven’t met him yet.” As Tasha finished that last sentence, two more words came unbidden from her brain, but died before they reached her lips. Or her.