Chapter 1

Megan Kowalski pulled over next to an overlook as she struggled to breathe. She tried desperately to remember her exercises; the basics of deep calming breaths that she had taught her students for years. More than anything, Megan wanted to keep it together for the sake of Sophia, who was sitting anxiously in the passenger seat.

As she watched the setting sun turn the slopes of Mt. Hood a beautiful golden pink, Megan tried to think of some sort of plan. Today should have been easy. It was the Friday before Thanksgiving, which meant a short week and small class sizes ahead of her. But Sophia had forgotten her roller skates that morning, so Megan decided to run home during her planning period. And that was when her life came crashing down.

Brad’s truck is here. He didn’t say anything about leaving work early today. I remember he said that his battery was acting up. Maybe the truck didn’t start today and he got a ride with someone.

Megan didn’t call out when she entered their home. Sophia’s room was on the ground floor and she picked up the roller skates when she heard a thump from upstairs. Megan tentatively ascended the staircase, wishing that she had a baseball bat or some other weapon.

Maybe Brad stained his clothes at lunch and came home to change. That’s probably it.

Wait… Was that a moan?

Megan crept forward toward the open bedroom door. She heard moaning ahead, from two different voices. Looking through the door, she saw Brad’s naked back between a pair of outstretched legs. Sophia’s roller skates fell from Megan’s nerveless hands, and the crash as they hit the floor alerted Brad and his paramour to Megan’s presence. Megan remembered how Brad and the woman desperately tried to cover themselves with both sheets and lies.

This wasn’t the first time he had cheated on her, but it sure as hell would be the last. She could forgive Brad’s indiscretions once, but not again. Megan told him that she was leaving him and that she was taking Sophia with her. Brad begged her to stay as she haphazardly threw clothing into bags for herself and Sophia. He promised that this particular mistake would never be repeated, trying to plead and bargain his way out of his mistakes.

“That’s what you promised the last time,” she had told him.

“I’m sorry, it really won’t happen again, I swear,” Brad insisted.

For Megan, it was too late, and Brad’s promises were as worthless as his marriage vows. So there she was, parked on the side of a state highway with her eight-year-old daughter, headed vaguely toward Portland with no idea what to do next.

Megan’s body memory kicked in, and the breathing exercises took hold. Four beats in. Four beats hold. Four beats out. Four beats hold. Repeat. It might not fully quell a panic attack, but it could take the edge off a bit.

“Mommy, why are we stopped?” Sophia asked.

“Because the view is beautiful,” she replied. And it was. The Cascades got a lot of rain in the fall, and at high altitudes that meant a good amount of snow to reflect the alpenglow. On a sunny day, it was breathtaking.

“Are we going home soon?”

“No, sweetie. Your dad and I… We… I… I’m sorry, we’re not going home tonight. I don’t know when. I’m… I’m sorry, sweetheart.”

Megan licked her lips, tasting the faint salt of dried tears mixed with the acridness of her streaked mascara. She really needed a plan. She could try a hotel, but that was expensive, especially this close to a major holiday—if her credit cards even still worked. All of her cards were registered in both of their names—as a supposed sign of trust—so Brad might have already canceled them. Now that she thought about it, she suspected that Brad probably had other cards that she didn”t know about.

Shaking her head to stop from going down that particular rabbit hole, Megan tried to focus on the task at hand. Sleeping in the car was out of the question. The cold would be nearly unbearable, and the questions from Sophia would be even worse. Megan did have friends back at home, but they were all mutual friends with Brad. Word would eventually get around—like it always did in small towns—but Megan didn’t want to announce their family problems to the whole town by asking to spend the night.

“Did I do something wrong?” Sophia asked.

“No, sweetheart, you didn’t! This is something between me and your father.” She reached over to squeeze her daughter’s hand.

Suddenly she thought of someone who might help—Tasha! Tasha moved to Portland a few years back for a job. Something with computer graphics. After being roommates in college for four years, Tasha had been her maid of honor. For a few years after she got married, Megan and Tasha had communicated often, but as the years went on they slowly lost touch. Calls became emails, emails became the occasional text, and now she mailed Tasha the annual family Christmas letter, but that was about it. Here goes nothing, Megan said to herself, and she reached for her phone.