Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

A cold November breeze swirled around Elizabeth as she walked and pondered; low, heavy, grey clouds appeared suspended only a few feet above her head. Only a few leaves, fluttering in the chill wind, still clung to the branches of the trees in Longbourn's small but beautiful park. Although she had suspected that Jane would quickly find a gentleman who would earn her regard in London, she was still unsettled by the reality that her sister would henceforth be a visitor to Longbourn. It would no longer be her home.

And now it was her time to go to Gracechurch Street, to take the step that might carry her away from all she loved. Elizabeth walked through their little wilderness and turned to look back at the house. Longbourn was not grand, but it was lovely and beguiling, with its ancient manor house, lush, old-fashioned gardens, and enormous trees, and her dear papa likely dozing over a book in his cosy book-room. Her people had lived there for centuries, and her roots went deep.

Not yet. She was not ready to leave, not ready to consider marriage. She turned back to the house to speak to Mary.

"Mary, what think you of taking your turn with the Gardiners before me?"

Mary looked at her sharply. "Do you mean next week? When we go to Jane's wedding? I would leave Longbourn?"

Elizabeth watched the play of emotions—anxiety, confusion, but also curiosity and even hope—cross Mary's face.

"I should like to go," she said slowly. She met Elizabeth's eye but then looked away. "I have sometimes felt envy when you and Jane visited them."

"Oh, Mary, I am sorry," Elizabeth said and took her sister's hand. "You always said you did not like the city."

Mary smiled wryly. "I told myself that."

Elizabeth flushed with shame. She had never even wondered what Mary wanted. "None of us will force you to go if you do not wish it. Only when you feel ready."

"I do want to go. I only thought I would have more time to consider it. I do not think I am ready to marry, even if Aunt Gardiner can find a man willing to take me." Mary raised her face to the window, seeming to choose her words carefully. "I want to be a different person, Lizzy. I do not know any other way to say it. I have spent my life trying to stand out, to gain notice in a large family of sisters. But I know it only brought tolerance at best, mockery at worst." She blinked back tears. "Even when Papa made me stop exhibiting…" She took a deep breath. "I wish to become a different person."

Elizabeth remembered their father's dry comment at the Netherfield ball. "You have delighted us long enough." Her own eyes pricked with tears. What a terrible humiliation it had been for Mary!

But what a change the last months had wrought in her next younger sister! Although still of a serious nature, Mary's rigid sense of morality had softened. After learning of the destruction of the moralising tracts she had pored over and painstakingly copied out, Mr Bennet had taken the opportunity to guide Mary through the writings of classical philosophers and even novels to discuss aspects of human behaviour.

Mary continued. "I miss attending worship and hearing choirs and singing hymns. I want to learn new things and meet different sorts of people. I want to listen to musical performances and gaze upon works of art. I am a little afraid that the city will overwhelm me, but I shall be with the Gardiners, and Jane will be near." She looked down at her plain, grey half-mourning gown and ran a hand over the fabric. "Will you think me vain if I admit to wishing for new gowns?"

Elizabeth squeezed Mary's hand and smiled at her, her eyes soft. "Never. Perhaps you wish to be the person you already are inside. Perhaps old family and neighbourhood roles have prevented you from meeting your potential. You will bloom, dear sister."

Jane's wedding was planned for the third week of November but was delayed by a week when the entire Gardiner household succumbed to heavy colds.

On a cold but sunny Thursday, Jane Bennet and Alexander Magnussen were united in marriage at St Benet's Church. Pale sunlight slanted from high clerestory windows, colourfully dappling the floor before the altar, turning Jane's hair to spun gold. The couple signed the register, and all returned to the Gardiners' for a celebratory breakfast. The bride was attended by her sisters and father, aunt, uncle, and small cousins, though the groom had to make do with letters of delighted congratulations from his mother, sister, and brothers far away in Lancashire.

The happy chatter in the Gardiners' drawing room was reminiscent of old times. Replete with excellent food, savouring Jane's happiness, Elizabeth settled in a window seat and took in the scene before her. She had approved of Mr Magnussen immediately, and her family was joyously welcoming a new member. They had suffered scandal and tragedy, and in fact still suffered from bereavement and isolation, but today was a celebration of hope and optimism. Their future seemed bright.

She suddenly realised the date. It was November 26—one year to the day since their lives had begun to change. As they had prepared for Mr Bingley's ball, they had fully expected Jane to be betrothed by the conclusion of the evening, but it was not to be. The inmates of Netherfield had absconded, Jane's heart had been crushed, their mother had become increasingly frantic, Lydia had ruined them all, two family members had been lost, their community had abandoned them, and a person she had thought to be charming had turned out to be an iniquitous knave. No, their current troubles had not stemmed from the ball, but somehow it seemed that it was a turning point.

Elizabeth had not given a thought to Netherfield, or its tenants, in many months, but now she could hear Mr Darcy's voice as clearly as if he were speaking in her ear. "Mr Wickham is blessed with such happy manners as may ensure hismakingfriends—whether he may be equally capable ofretainingthem, is less certain." Suddenly, she had a sense that Mr Darcy, in his own frigid, superior way, had been trying to warn her. If so, she had been too full of righteous indignation to understand. Even Miss Bingley had seconded that opinion, albeit with a sneer that had further inflamed Elizabeth's own temper.

Yet another regret, but she would follow Mrs Hill's advice and not think on it. For indeed, Jane had found a steady, intelligent, admirable man who would be a better husband than capricious Mr Bingley could ever have been. Though he is not rich, Mama.

Aunt Gardiner, carrying her sleepy two-year-old son, sat down next to Elizabeth. "Do not tell me you are overwhelmed by the noise, Lizzy."

Elizabeth reached over and stroked her little cousin's rounded cheeks with the backs of her fingers. "Oh no, I do enjoy a happy commotion. I was thinking of poor Mama. She will miss all our weddings, though I must confess that she would have made Jane's life difficult with her demands."

"Indeed, she would have. Poor dear Fanny." Mrs Gardiner sighed and, shifting the baby on her lap, freed one hand and gently cupped Elizabeth's chin.

"Lizzy, are you sure you wish to give your turn to Mary?"

Elizabeth nodded decisively. "I am certain. You do understand I always enjoy travelling to London and visiting you and Uncle. But after some consideration, I realise the prospect of marriage does not appeal to me just yet, and I prefer to remain at Longbourn for now. More importantly, Mary is more needful of your attention and advice. She has taken me into her confidence about her hopes and wishes, and I have urged her to be equally frank with you. I think you will be pleased to hear her thoughts."

By midday, Jane and Alexander had departed for their new home; their family gathered in front of the house on Gracechurch Street to wave them away. Mary's trunks were installed in the room Jane had vacated, and amidst farewell tears and embraces, the three remaining Bennets climbed into their carriage for the journey home.

The formerly crowded old carriage was woefully spacious with only three passengers. Tucked up with blankets and hot bricks, after a few remarks on the wedding, all were lost in their thoughts, and Kitty was soon fast asleep. Elizabeth leant her head against the window as the scenery rolled past. Although she was tired, a mix of emotions and thoughts tumbled through her mind: joy, regret, her mother, Lydia. She and Jane had shared a room the night before the wedding. They had reminisced a little, but Jane's thoughts were all of her betrothed and their future life together. She smiled ruefully to herself; that was as it should be. She turned her gaze towards her father. He sat alone in the forward-facing seat, staring gloomily out of the opposite window. She rose and carefully moved to his side.

Mr Bennet startled a bit as Elizabeth sat down next to him. "Are you well, Papa?" she asked.

He barked a laugh. "I was just remembering riding in this carriage with five bickering little girls—no, no, make that four, since Jane never bickered in her life." He mimicked a child's high voice: "Mama, Kitty's gown is touching mine. Make her move over."

They both laughed, then sobered. Mr Bennet smiled wistfully. "Perhaps it has just occurred to me that if my brother and sister Gardiner have their way, my daughters will all be gone from Longbourn within a year or two. I am a selfish being, and I would keep you all at home forever if I could."

"Papa, surely you knew we would all marry someday," Elizabeth chided gently.

"Yes, but I suppose I imagined that you would all marry within the neighbourhood and remain close to home."

"Perhaps we might have, had there been a larger supply of gentlemen available. If you recall, there were not even enough to dance with, much less marry."

"How unlucky that you should have a reasonable answer to give, my Lizzy! I suppose I should be so reasonable as to admit it," said Mr Bennet. "Now tell me, what think you of your new brother?"

"I like him. He is a good man. He respects and cares for Jane. And only think, you have a son who shares your interest in history and architecture!"

"That is true. I also like him, and I know that if there had been any question about him, your uncle would not have encouraged the match."

Elizabeth sniffed. "Alexander is certainly a better choice than Mr Bingley ever was. He is his own man. Jane can rely on him. He will not be swayed by the opinions of others."

Mr Bennet nodded in agreement. "Did I tell you that Mr Bingley was married several months ago? I saw the announcement just after Easter."

Elizabeth gasped. "So soon! Well, it certainly did not take him long to find another! I suppose it was some rich and grand lady that his sisters chose for him." She rolled her eyes. "It did not seem so at the time, but perhaps his leaving without a word was a blessing in disguise. But Mr Bingley is best forgot. Let us speak of other things. What did you give Jane as a wedding present?"

Her father puffed out his chest in mock pride. "You must tell me that I am the best papa in the world, for I have given Mr and Mrs Magnussen the means to hire a housekeeper, a cook, a gardener, and a maid-of-all-work for one year. Your aunt will help Jane choose the best candidates."

Elizabeth clasped her hands to her chest and laughed. "Yes, I shall tell you that. What an excellent notion! How clever and thoughtful you are!"

Mr Bennet smirked. "And now that you have given me the accolades, I shall be honest. It was in fact Hill's idea."

Elizabeth stuck her tongue out at her father. "Oh, you! God bless our Mrs Hill, then!"