9. Brayden

Chapter 9

Brayden

My Saturday with Ethan was amazing. He watched cartoons with me while we ate pizza, and then he tucked me in and read me stories until I fell asleep.

But when I woke up on Sunday morning, he was gone. I knew he would be, but still, it hurt.

It was almost hard to breathe.

I felt so alone and scared and…abandoned.

My reaction didn’t make sense, and there was no reason for me to feel like I did, but that didn’t make my brain connect to my tear ducts and keep them from exploding. And once the waterworks began, I couldn’t make them stop.

I just wanted Ethan to come back. I wanted him to hold me and kiss me and tell me he wanted me as much as I wanted him.

But that was silly and unfair to him after just one day together. And it was needy. I hated being needy.

My mom used to tell me I was needy because I was always asking for shoes and cereal and help with my homework. I didn’t want to put that kind of pressure on Ethan. It wasn’t fair to expect him to devote all his time and energy to me.

I was a lot of work, and I knew it. I wasn’t going to put any of my shit on him. He meant too much to me to risk scaring him away.

I could be strong. I would be strong.

After spending a little bit longer feeling sorry for myself in bed, I finally got up and took a shower. I usually spent Sunday doing chores around my apartment, but Ethan had cleaned up everything before he left and even did my laundry. It was folded up and stacked on my dresser, so I put it all away and then went to the kitchen to bake some cupcakes.

It was one of my favorite things to do when I couldn’t be Little but needed to have a creative outlet. I picked a confetti cake mix from my pantry, gathered up the ingredients I needed, and turned on the radio so I could sing and dance and bake without being needy.

I was so not needy that when I forgot to put on the oven mitt because I was daydreaming about Daddy Ethan when the alarm went off and burned my hand, I didn’t even call him for help.

I dropped the pan and cried out in pain, but I remembered what I’d learned in first aid and ran my hand under cold water for a long time. As the pain intensified, I couldn’t help but regress. It just hurted so bad.

When the initial sting stopped being so burny, I crawled to my bathroom for ouchie medicine, and then I went to my bed. It was where I could still smell Daddy’s cologne and think about how good it felt when he was there with me the day before.

My phone was still in the kitchen, so I had no distractions for my pity party. I just held the hand that I wrapped in loose gauze on my pillow and lay there until I eventually dozed off.

I woke up a few hours later because my phone was ringing, but I took my time getting out of bed. My hand still hurt, and I needed to put more medicine on it before making a trip to the drugstore for gauze. Unless I planned to take a few days off work, which I didn’t want to do, I needed to figure out how to make my hand functional while working with tools and chemicals and grime.

When I finally checked my phone, I had four messages from Daddy Ethan and two missed calls.

The first one came in just after I’d started baking, so I must have just missed it. Good morning, sweet boy. Hope you slept well.

The next one was about an hour after that. Do you have plans for today? Maybe we can grab lunch?

My lower lip popped out when I realized I’d missed an opportunity to go to lunch with Daddy.

Hope everything’s OK. Text when you get a chance so I know you’re fine.

And about an hour after that was the last message. Brayden, please call me. I’m starting to worry and just need to hear that you’re OK.

I immediately texted him back before he called again. Sorry I missed your calls earlier. I had the radio on and didn’t hear my messages, then I took a nap. Hope you’re having a good day.

Daddy responded immediately. Thanks for letting me know. I was just about to head over to your place to check on you. Sounds like you’ve been busy today.

Yeah . I didn’t know what to say that wouldn’t come across as needy, so I kept my response as vague as possible. Did some baking and now I need to do some cleaning. I added a blushing emoji to lighten the moment.

Do you have dinner plans? That was immediately followed up with the second message. If I’m being too clingy, let me know. I just miss you already. He added his own winky emoji.

I’d love to have dinner. I looked around my kitchen and remembered my hand. I just need to get to the drugstore for some gauze and then I can meet you somewhere.

Can I call you?

Sure . I immediately regretted telling him I needed gauze. That wasn’t an everyday item that regular people needed. Just clumsy people like me.

The phone rang, and I answered it on speaker so I could clean as I talked. The kitchen really was a mess. “Hi.”

“Are you alright?”

“Um, yeah. Just cleaning up a little mess.”

“What kind of mess?” His voice changed, and I could hear his concern. “Is there blood?”

“No, no. I just dropped my cupcakes and they flew in every direction.”

“What’s the gauze for, Brayden?”

I took a deep breath and sighed. “I burned myself. It’s not serious. I mean, it kind of is maybe second-degree…”

“Fuck, Brayden. Why didn’t you call me?”

My heart started racing at his disappointment in me. I was already screwing things up after just one day. “I put medicine on it. I just need more gauze so I can go to work tomorrow.”

“What kind of gauze do you need? I’ll pick it up and come over.”

“Anything. Just not the sticky kind. The stuff I have is gonna hurt when I take it off.”

“I’ll be there in a few minutes. Do you need ointment or anything else?”

“No, I have medicine. This isn’t my first kitchen incident.”

“Just promise you’ll stay out of the kitchen until I get there, wouldja?”

“Okay. But, um, Ethan?” I said quietly.

His tone softened. “Yeah, baby.”

“Are you mad at me?” I tried to keep my eyes from exploding again, but there was a little bit of leaking that I couldn’t avoid.

“No, of course not. I wish you would’ve felt comfortable enough to call me, but I know that trust takes time and we’re not there yet.” He paused for a moment and then took a deep breath. “I want to be there when you need something, Brayden. But I promise I’m not mad.”

“Okay, thank you.” I disconnected the call and did my best to round up the cupcakes. The batter would probably be okay for another batch, but since Ethan asked me to stay out of the kitchen, I just swept up the crumbs on the floor, and then waited for him to arrive.