viii.

FIFER LAY ON her back with his deer skull buried face first in her stomach, and one of his hands holding hers while the other was tracing slow circles around the outside wall of her breast.

She was sending him caution signs about that, and he heard them and respected them. He wasn't pushing, wasn't trying to touch her anywhere that she didn't want to be touched.

This was more than she'd ever done with anyone, obviously.

She was beginning to get it, also.

The reason that asexuals had sex, when they were in love? The sacrifice thing. It was beginning to seem incredibly, um, hot to her. She was beginning to want it in a weird way, want to do something that made her uncomfortable for someone else.

She knew Hollis didn't have the capacity for physical gratification in his body. She also had felt that spike of hot interest go through him when she'd asked if he could put his fingers inside her.

In terms of romantic relationships, she'd had two. One in high school, before she knew she was asexual. She'd chalked everything up to not being "ready" at that point. She didn't know why she wasn't ready, of course—because she'd been actively fantasizing and masturbating since she'd gone through puberty like everyone else. But the thought of actually doing it just seemed daunting.

And then the first kiss happened, and it had been horrible. She'd wanted to throw up afterward. The taste of the other person, the smell of him, the intensity of all of it.

Yuck.

She'd tried to talk to other people about it, but no one else seemed to have a similar experience as she did. They'd say things like, "Give him a mint first." Which… he didn't have bad breath or anything, at least she didn't think that was it. It wasn't that the taste was unpleasant—well, it was —but it was more that it was just so much, so very, very much, and it was sort of oppressive and other and awful.

After trying the kissing thing with that boyfriend a bunch of times and never really liking it, the relationship had ended.

She'd tried once more, as a freshman in college, and the kissing had been just like that and the college boyfriend had tried to feel her up through her bra, and she'd put a stop to all that right away.

The relationship lasted three months.

He got pissy about it towards the end and they had a lot of fights. Why don't you want to touch me? That kind of thing. Her college boyfriend had wanted to be respectful of her boundaries and had insisted he wasn't trying to pressure her, but he'd also felt hurt and rejected by her, well, rejection.

Even so, they'd liked each other. They'd had great conversations and lots of fun when they were all out with their friends.

It might have gone on, except that was when she'd figured out she was asexual, that was when she'd learned about aegosexuality, and that had been a no-go for the boyfriend.

He could be patient if it was going to happen eventually. But he couldn't be in a relationship with her if she was never going to want to fuck.

There hadn't been much of this in that relationship, not a lot of cuddling and closeness. She would have liked it, but every time it started, her boyfriend wanted to turn it into kissing or touching, and she'd gotten up and gotten out of that.

So, this… this… it was nice.

Hollis's hand wouldn't even have been in the vicinity of her breast, but she'd sort of put it there. She wanted to play with fire or something, she thought.

Kissing him—kissing his skull—it hadn't been anything like actual kissing. And the pretend kisses, the ones he'd given her in their shared connection, that she'd very much liked.

Everything about Hollis was playing with fire, though, wasn't it?

That was why she was attracted to him.

The risk.

"I don't even see why breasts are sexual, anyway," she said out loud now as they lay together. "It's gross. If I were going to design it, I would not make the organs for feeding babies tied to sexy feelings."

"Well," said Hollis, "the reason for sex is to make babies, so—"

"Yeah, but gross," she said.

"Well, only because you make it gross," he said. "I think it makes tons of sense, actually, that it would all be conflated."

"You're supposed to agree with me."

"Is that what I'm supposed to do?" he said.

"I mean…" She let out a little sigh. "I can't deny that I was on this kick once, where I was really turned on by breeding kink stories." Saying that aloud for some reason, it made her pelvis tighten.

Hollis felt it. They were connected. He was inside her head, inside her body. "Explain breeding kink to me," he ordered in a very low voice.

She giggled. "Oh, shit." She was getting turned on again.

"Too soon after you just came?" he whispered.

"No," she said. "I just… this is a little embarrassing."

"It's just pretend," he assured her. "It aroused you because it was arousing, not because you want to do it."

"No, exactly, because I don't," she said. "I don't find the idea of being forced to get pregnant even remotely arousing in real life. It's horrific."

"So, that's the kink?" he said. "Is it, um, is it like about being captured and forced by the captors to breed with another captive or is it about a man forcing himself on a woman for the purpose of getting her pregnant."

"Can be either," she said. "I like both. I like it when the guy's as helpless as the girl, but I like it when he's forceful and intense, too. I have a lot of rape fantasies. Except it's never me being raped, of course. Sometimes, the fantasies get really kind of awful." She laughed softly. "I don't want to do that with you."

"Why not?"

"Maybe if we were both watching," she whispered. "I don't want the awful rapey guy to be you."

"I don't want to be the awful rapey guy."

"Okay," she said. "Well…" She let out a breath. "Um, let's make them aliens."

"Aliens?" he said, laughing.

"Yeah, they're aliens from another planet but with boobs and dicks and pussies—the fact that it's not even remotely realistic makes it easier to take if I'm going to make it awful. It assures me it's only a fantasy."

"Yeah, I get that," he said.

"So, they have little green antennae and her ship has been boarded by his ship." She was picturing this now, the aliens, the spaceship, all of it.

Hollis chuckled. "You always make them so, erm, buxom."

"I like boobs," she said, shrugging. "Did I mention I like women?"

"You did not, but I'm getting that," he said. "Please, continue."

"So, anyway, he takes over her ship and he kills everyone, and he's going to kill her, but he scents her and he realizes she's fertile. He usually wouldn't care about that kind of thing, but she smells really good to him, so he decides not to kill her and to just have a little fun with her beforehand."

"He sounds… awful."

"Mmm," she said. "Totally awful. A real jackass. With a very big cock." She was picturing this now, the big green cock, practically as big as his thigh as it was hanging midway down his leg.

"That's a cock all right," said Hollis thickly.

"He strips her and ties her up in his quarters," said Fifer. "He tells her that she's his fucktoy now, and that he's going to keep her and rape her as often as he wants, that she belongs to him now."

Hollis didn't say anything, but she could feel his arousal filling her.

"You don't approve?" she said quietly.

"Let's not get moral about this right now," he said in a rasping voice. "It's pretend. Go on."

"He makes her say it. Makes her say she's a fucktoy and makes her beg him for his cock."

"How?"

"I don't know. I guess he hits her," said Fifer, who found the images of the alien captain slapping the buxom naked alien stirring. She wanted to touch herself, so she put her hand in her pants. That meant brushing against the side of Hollis's skull where it rested on her stomach.

Then she was rubbing her extremely wet pussy again, and Hollis groaned. "She as wet as you are from being used by the alien pirate?"

"I mean… she doesn't mean to be," said Fifer, gasping. "She doesn't like it, and he's mean to her, and he hurts her, but being forced to beg, it does make her hot, and she can't help it."

"Yeah?" Hollis's fingers went higher on her breast.

"Touch my nipple," she said, all in a rush, not sure where that had come from.

"You sure?" said Hollis.

"Please," she said.

"Oh, you're begging me?" His voice was raw.

She arched her body up, moaning, and his skeletal fingers brushed over her nipple. It hardened through her shirt, and it was nice, it was good. She didn't mind it at all . She couldn't talk though. She kept touching herself, kept picturing the aliens, though.

Now, said the male alien, I guess I'll just kill you because I've had my fun.

But I'm fertile, and what if you kill your spawn? said the naked female.

Hollis's voice, a rumble. "He likes the idea of having impregnated her. He likes thinking of her belly, swelling large and round, full of his child. He likes thinking of those round, full breasts of hers even rounder and fuller. He likes her body being altered by his fucking her. And he likes possessing her."

"Yes," she gasped.

"So, he becomes obsessed with the idea of breeding her," said Hollis.

"He makes her take his cock five or eight times a day," she said. "He makes her beg for it, beg to be bred."

Please, please, said the female alien. Give me your seed.

Yeah, you want to be pregnant, don't you, fucktoy?

Oh, I want it, please, it's all I want.

Take my cock then, little bitch, take it and get pregnant, like a very good fucktoy, just like—

Her orgasm surprised her. She'd been too intent on imagining the aliens, picturing them, and it just sneaked up on her, a rolling ball of intense pleasure. She gasped, realizing that Hollis's fingers on her nipple had teased her here, that he'd been part of this.

He'd been part of all of it, every filthy second of it.

Her eyes opened up and she felt filled with sheer embarrassment, even as the twinges of her orgasm were still coming, one after the other.

"Shh, none of that," said Hollis, skeletal fingers finding her face, stroking her cheek gently. He lifted his head from her stomach, and now his face was filling her vision.

"But—"

"You're ruining it for me," he said, a wicked lilt to his voice.

She found herself giggling.

"And I don't want it ruined, because I haven't felt something quite that explosive in a very long time."

She pulled his face down and kissed him between his nostril holes again.

He groaned, and now both of his hands were on her face.

She kissed him once more. "I, um, I like you, Hollis Mac."

He let out a rumbling laugh. He lifted his skull, hovering inches above her face. "Oh, I like you, too. Very much."

"You like vicariously experiencing my orgasms."

" Yes. "

She shivered, liking that.

"Do you think you can come again tonight?" he breathed.

She let out a gasp.

He grunted. "I shouldn't push you, I suppose."

"I don't mind," she said, wriggling against him, because he was basically lying on top of her at this point, the heft of him against her body. She found herself opening her thighs—it just seemed natural—and then her hips were a cradle for his—or for his illusory body, anyway, and she had never been horizontal like this with a man.

"I'd like you to stay," said Hollis, running his fingers over the column of her neck. "Sleep here in my bed with me tonight. But then, what I'd really like is to just keep you here, Fifer, for a long string of waking and sleeping, only leaving bed to feed you when you need it, and I'd like to have you show me every dirty and pleasurable idea in that pretty, pretty head of yours."

She lifted her pelvis, driving it against him—why, she didn't know, because he didn't have anything there. "You want to keep me captive here and have your way with me?" she teased.

"Until you go mad with it," he said, driving himself against her, against her pelvis, and she felt something there, as if he did have a cock and it was erect.

She groaned. "Mad with it," she murmured.

"I'd keep you weeks and months in a state of delirium. I'd keep you like a plaything, and I'd be obsessive in my interest in toying with you."

She sucked in a breath, fear trilling through her. It was a good fear. Well, as much as any fear could be good, anyway.

He moved off her. Were his hands shaking?

"Hollis?" she whispered.

He climbed off the bed, standing at the foot of it and looking her over. He tugged his hood up and bowed his head, looking like some sort of harbinger of power and insanity standing over her. The fear trilled again, but it made her pussy clench. "You should go," he said in a soft voice.

She sat up, startled by that. "I thought you wanted me to stay."

"I do," he said, his voice somehow mournful. "I've never met anyone like you before, Fifer. I didn't know I could feel that kind of temptation."

"I thought…" She tucked her feet under her body. So, that captive thing wasn't just a fantasy—him working her back up? It was… he really wanted to… "Should I be worried about you hurting me, Hollis?"

"No," he said firmly.

"But you're still sending me off because you can't control yourself?"

He let out a helpless laugh.

It was quiet. She breathed, looking at him, waiting.

"It wouldn't hurt you, is the thing," he said. "It'd be the opposite of pain. You've heard stories about my kind, luring mortals off and stealing their whole lives from them, just taking years and years of their pleasure, sending them back home to their families after half a century, used-up husks."

"Those stories are real?"

"I've witnessed it," he said. "And I've always thought it was appalling. No wonder your kind would think of mine as monstrous. But I never understood it, Fifer, until this exact moment. The way I want you…"

She bit down on her lower lip and another trill went through her. It lit her up somehow, but it made her stomach turn over.

"Go home," he told her.

She left.