3. Tommy

3

TOMMY

The brief episode with the shirt was easily overshadowed by the arrival of the food.

Nitro and I carried the delicious spread to the coffee table in the living room.

For a moment, I considered telling him he could keep the shirt if he wanted, but I couldn't quite figure out the appropriate way to broach that subject.

Should I pretend to be offended that he was being a little bit "pervy"?

On the other hand, I couldn't deny the oddly comforting thought that he wanted to commit my scent to memory.

Shaking my head, I decided to let the moment pass. Thankfully, the rest of the evening went smoothly.

Nitro suggested we log into a streaming service, and he generously shared his password when I admitted that I had forgotten the login details to Marc's account.

We settled in with our mountain of food after picking a rom-com to watch.

As the movie played, I couldn't resist sneaking a few glances at Nitro, just to remind myself that he was real and that he was here with me.

I wasn’t back in my little room which Hicks assigned me with the bars on the windows, dreaming of a moment like this.

The movie credits rolled and Nitro and I kept the leftovers.

"So, will you continue working at the kindergarten in Three Hills?" Nitro asked.

I nodded, the decision to move to Moon Burrow had been largely driven by the opportunity to continue my work at the Three Hills kindergarten.

My best friend Dylan also worked there as a teacher.

Then, as if triggered by a sudden thought, I blurted out, "Dylan. I forgot to text him that I'm here."

I reached for my phone and hastily sent a message to Dylan.

Dylan had been the final mission assigned to me by Hicks.

My job had been to help Hicks retrieve Dylan for a buyer, a task that I felt guilty about to this day.

Thankfully, Whizz, Nitro, and Marc had managed to put an end to Hicks and his operation.

I still felt guilty about deceiving Dylan during those months.

“Tommy? Are you with me? Where did your mind drift to?” Nitro asked.

He reached for my fingers and the warmth of his touch brought me back to reality.

“Thinking of Dylan and the past,” I confessed.

Nitro said nothing and but I knew he was paying attention. He was surprisingly a good listener.

It was one of things I noticed about him.

"Dylan constantly assures me that he doesn't blame me for what happened,” I finally said.

I went on,“Hicks trained me to obey him, but it's still hard to believe that Dylan continued to be my friend after all that."

“You’ve been a good friend to Dylan as well,” Nitro pointed out but I really didn’t hear him.

"I'm an awful person, aren't I?" I whispered miserably.

I looked into Nitro's concerned eyes, struggling to understand why he was interested in someone as messed up as me.

"Hey," Nitro said gently, sliding his arm around my shoulder and pulling me close.

Nitro continued, “Don't say that. You're not an awful person, Tommy. You did what you had to do to survive."

I couldn't help but feel the tears welling up in my eyes.

"Yeah, that's always been my excuse. I obeyed all of Hicks' orders because I didn't want him to hurt me, and as a result, I hurt so many people,” I muttered.

The memories of the past overwhelmed me at times, making it difficult to push them away.

In that moment, Nitro wrapped his strong arms around me, and I couldn't help but bury my face into his chest.

He felt warm and comforting, a lifeline in my storm of self-doubt and regret.

I couldn't help but think that I didn't deserve someone like him.

After all I had done, I couldn't fathom deserving anyone or the possibility of a happy ending.

Nitro ran his fingers through my hair, his touch gentle. I slowly lifted my head and quickly rubbed at my eyes.

I felt a twinge of embarrassment that Nitro had seen me crying.

"No more tears," I had told myself after the ordeal with Hicks had come to an end.

I didn't want Nitro to see me falling apart or to realize that I wasn't as put-together as I pretended to be. It was just a mask I wore so well.

I mustered a weak smile. “Thanks, Nitro," I whispered.

"No need to keep thanking me," Nitro said. "We'll figure this out together, Tommy."

The word "we" sounded nice to my ears.

Nitro smelled so good and he was so achingly handsome and understanding, I couldn't help but leaned in close for a kiss.

It was impulsive, but the moment felt right.

To my complete shock, Nitro responded without hesitation, pulling me closer and meeting my lips with his.

He kissed me relentlessly, hungrily and I yearned for more.

My pants grew a little tight as I opened my mouth further, so Nitro could slip his tongue down my throat.

Abruptly, Nitro pulled away his breath a little ragged.

"Too soon?" I asked, searching his eyes.

"I should be the one asking you that,” Nitro said.

I couldn't help but notice the subtle change in his brown eyes.

Hints of gold appeared in his irises, a telltale sign that his inner grizzly was peeking out.

In that moment, I probably should have been a little bit afraid of him, but an exhilarating thrill coursed down my spine instead.

My animal half woke, alert and eager.

How strange. My magpie had always been a coward but whenever Nitro was around, it felt like I, we, could do anything.

“Was it wrong to kiss—” I began but Nitro put a finger to my lips.

I didn’t know what possessed me to suck on his finger.

Nitro groaned. “You’re going to be the death of me, Tommy.”

Feeling awkward, I pulled my mouth away.

“Make no mistake,” Nitro said, lifting my chin with two fingers so I was forced to look into his blazing gold eyes.

My pants suddenly felt a lot tighter.

Nitro wasn’t’ done. He continued, “I want you, Tommy. I want you more than anything else in this world but I don’t want to rush you either.”

Hearing those words made me want to do a happy dance, but that would be embarrassing, so I contained myself.

"I like you, too, Nitro," I whispered, feeling vulnerable all of a sudden.

Those words felt almost childishly simple, but they were genuine, and I couldn't take them back.

Nitro responded with a lazy, arrogant smile that sent my heart racing even faster.

"We're in agreement then,” Nitro said.

I couldn't help but feel a hint of confusion. “What...are we agreeing on?" I asked.

My lack of experience in matters of the heart left me feeling uncertain, and the only relationship I had ever known was with Hicks, a toxic and horrifying ordeal.

With a mischievous gleam in his eyes, Nitro simply replied, "You'll find out."

He leaned in to steal another kiss from my lips, leaving me with a sense of anticipation and excitement.

Two days after, Dylan, my best friend, had offered to cook dinner for us in my new apartment as I updated him on the recent events of my move.

"I thought Marc would never let me leave," I confessed, taking a seat at the kitchen counter.

Dylan, stirring spaghetti sauce on the stove, shot me a supportive smile.

“I’m glad you stood up to your brother, Tommy. You deserve to have a life of your own,” he said.

After a hearty meal, we cleared the dishes together. Dylan checked his watch, and I glanced at the wall clock above the fridge.

Dylan had arrived at 6 pm. Now it was 11.

"I didn't realize how late it was getting. Thanks for inviting me over to your apartment, Tommy. Let's do this again soon," Dylan suggested as he headed towards the door.

I nodded, a bit apprehensive about him leaving so soon. A small part of me wished he'd stay for another hour or more.

"Yeah, definitely," I replied, trying to hide the lingering discomfort.

"You're a grown adult man," I reminded myself once Dylan left, the solitude settling in.

It was a feeling I had experienced recently when Nitro left me alone for the first time.

I realized that I wasn't used to being alone after years of captivity, and the prospect of being alone still made me an uneasy.

After a quick shower, I slipped into my pajamas and settled down in bed.

I turned the TV on and chose a dull documentary on tropical fish from my new streaming service, hoping that would make me fall sleep instantly.

Two episodes later, I found myself yawning and dragging myself to bed.

However, the moment I pulled the sheets over my body, the tiredness seemed to evaporate.

Turning onto my side, I was left alone with thoughts that I usually locked away during the daylight hours.

Memories of staring out from the bars of my room, Hicks's ominous figure looming above me, a sinister smile playing on his face as he told me I had a job to do.

I shut my eyes tight, attempting to push away the ugly images.

"Think of something positive," I told myself.

I tried redirecting my mind away from the darkness that threatened to engulf me.

I began to think of things that brought me joy—my new apartment, adorable puppies, daisies, and, of course, Nitro.

Nitro and I had been frequently texting each other since that amazing kiss.

We were…dating? The concept felt foreign to me. When I shared the news with Dylan, he was over the moon.

“Nothing is certain yet,” I had reminded Dylan.

Part of me still believed Nitro would change his mind about me any second.

After all, why settle for a messed-up individual like me when he could have anyone he wanted?

After tossing and turning in bed, and counting sheep in my head, I pulled my cellphone from under my pillow. It was 3:10 am.

I let out a hiss of frustration. At this rate, I wouldn't get any decent sleep. For a moment, I debated texting Nitro to keep me company.

Then I realized what a selfish thought that was.

Sure, he mentioned he kept long hours and told me I could contact him anytime.

Still, I didn't want to wake him either, in case he was deeply asleep.

Besides, what would he think of me? I didn't want to come off as too needy this early in our relationship.

Could I even call what we had a relationship? Maybe I could ask Dylan more about this the next time we met up.

I took a deep breath, set my phone down, and decided I had to handle this sleeping problem on my own.

I changed out of my pajamas and into a shirt and jeans. Since it seemed cold outside, I put on a hoodie before exiting my apartment.

A pharmacy was just two blocks away from my place, and I vaguely remembered it was open 24 hours.

I checked the directions on my phone, just in case. The last thing I wanted to do was linger outside at this time of the night.

Who knew what or who was lurking out there? I let out a mirthless laugh after looking at the empty streets.

"For crying out loud, you live in Moon Burrow now. You're safe here," I whispered to myself.

Despite reassuring myself, I quickened my pace. I could do this, I constantly told myself. Easy-peasy.

Ten minutes later, I entered the pharmacy door.

The guy behind the counter was too busy watching a movie on his phone to notice me.

It didn't matter; I could find what I was looking for by myself.

I would be out of here in a matter of minutes and back in the safety of my apartment before I knew it.

No one needed to know I nearly had a full-scale panic attack earlier.