Chapter 11

Shuvo shatters me. He breaks me into millions of pieces that scatter across the vastness of space, sending me soaring until I barely recognize who I am anymore. Then he slowly begins the work of piecing me back together again, one molecule at a time until the thing I'm most certain of is that I'm his, and he's mine. He does all of this without a single word from his lips.

I've heard the saying before that the eyes are the windows to the soul. The way he held my gaze the entire time we made love taught me exactly what that meant. When my eyes would start to flutter closed, or I started to drift away, he turned my attention back to him with a soft kiss or stroke of his fingers. It was like having my soul fucked in time with my body. When I came, he was right there with me, and it was like nothing I've never experienced before.

Our breathing has almost returned to normal when I tilt my head to look up at him. The sweat is quickly drying on our skin. White strands of his hair are mixed and tangled with my black. I expect his eyes to be closed and to catch him dozing, but instead he's still watching me, and our eyes meet. Without the focal point of sclera or pupil, it's hard to be sure which direction his eyes are focused, except I know they are focused on me. I can feel the weight of them. When I meet his gaze, he doesn't flinch or look away, just continues to watch me from the dark pools, with a contented expression relaxing the lines of his face.

Minutes pass. Or maybe hours. I don't know, nor do I particularly care. Being with Shuvo, his arms cocooning me, is the ultimate bliss. Of course, all good things must eventually end.

I snuggle deeper into his side and let out a long sigh before I ask, "So, what's next?"

He mimics my long sigh, and when I look up at him, his brows are drawn, and his lips are pressed into a thin line.

"Hmm, I think this might call for actual words," I mutter.

When he doesn't disagree, I pull myself way from his side and cross the room to where he tossed his voice communicator before hurrying back to his side and his warmth. He takes the box from me as I tuck myself back into him, snuggling up until I'm comfortable once more.

"While my crew would love the excitement that being chased by the Madame would introduce, I don't think staying on with them would be the best choice," he says with the soft voice that comes from the communicator. "What would you think about returning to my home planet?"

"You want to return to your home?" I'm a little confused by this and add, "I guess I assumed you left for a reason."

"I did," he tells me as his lips quirk up at the corners. "But it was mostly boredom that sent me fleeing. I have a feeling living there with my beautiful mate will keep me far busier than I was as an understimulated youth."

Well, that's a relief. At least there won't be family drama waiting for us if we return. "Why would you go back now? After being gone for so long?"

"We would be safe there since it's one of the few locations beyond even the Madame's reach. Vuloria is far from any major shipping lane, and its location isn't known to many. My people are believed to be primitive in many ways, and we aren't considered welcoming to outsiders, which keeps tourism down."

My heart lifts at the thought of not having to always watch over our shoulders. "What would your family think about you showing up after so long, on the run, with me?"

"I suspect they'll be thrilled to see me again," Shuvo's expression turns warm and wistful, "and my mother will be delighted to welcome a new daughter to the family."

The thought of a mother who would be happy, even proud, to have me makes my eyes tear. "And siblings? Do you have any brothers or sisters?"

"I'm the youngest of four, two older brothers and a sister. They probably have families and pups of their own now. They'll be just as eager to meet you."

My heart lurches at the mention of children. Shit. We haven't been using any kind of contraceptive—not that it's been necessary. What if he's hoping to settle down and start a family of his own? A family I'll never be able to give him.

"Um, Shuvo, before you decide you want to take me home to meet your family as your mate, you should know something about me. I—when Madame Althea told me about birth control options at Lux, I asked her to sterilize me. I can never have children."

For a very long minute, he lies there quietly without saying anything. The longer the silence between us stretches, the more I imagine that this news must be devastating to him, and worry starts creeping into my chest. Will I lose him because of this? I tell myself that it's better to lose him now, before I've really grown attached. That's when I realize, despite everything we've been through in the short time we've been together, we really don't know much about each other. He needs to know about all of my past before he decides to make life-altering decisions about us.

Letting out a heavy sigh, I push myself up, winding the sheet around my body, and lean my back against the wall. "There is a lot more than that, actually," I continue.

Taking a deep breath, I tell him about my past. The abuse my husband put me through for years. The way he isolated me, cut me off from my friends and family. How he turned my sons against me, teaching them to disrespect me and to become unreasonable and hateful, just like him.

I try to explain to him why I chose to stay behind on Lux, even when I had a chance to escape with Bela and Skylar. That, right or wrong, it was the first decision I'd made for myself in my entire adult life. I tell him everything, and the whole time he watches me and listens.

When I finish, he reaches for me and pulls me back down, tucking me into his side once more. "I'm sorry you had to endure all of that. I would never ask you to go through that again, especially not for me. Unless it was your desire," is all he says after I finish.

"Don't you want children of your own someday?" I ask him. Then suddenly I realize I have no idea how old he is. He could be half my age! Would it be fair to rob him of a family? "Even if I could have children, I'm close to being too old now anyway."

Without hesitation, Shuvo shakes his head. "No. I've never given much thought to having pups of my own. I always suspected that children would never be in my future. It's widely believed that Negura are incompatible with other species, as far as reproduction goes. Even with humans. So, once I left my home world, I knew my chances of ever being a father were over. And now, I realize that may have been a blessing. So, no, I can honestly say I will not miss what was never meant to be mine in the first place."

I sneak my arms around Shuvo's waist and bury my face in the side of his neck. "This is crazy, but…. I think I fucking love you," I whisper.

Warm fingertips tap the bottom of my chin, lifting my head so I can look up at him. Soothing his palm across my cheek and then over my hair, he says, "I've loved you since I saw you walking through the concourse on Lux." He whispers it to me in his own voice, without the communicator. The words are soft and halting. Then he brings his mouth to mine in a toe-curling kiss.