40. Alyssa

Icame awake feeling well-rested and comfy. Garrett was still asleep behind me when I snuck out of bed. That's what he gets for being a horny toad; he'd done tuckered himself out but good. I couldn't just laze around, though; I had people's lives to fuck up.

I went up to my home office, which was in this cute little dormer nook at the very top of the house with a perfect panoramic view of the gardens below. I still can't believe that this is my home. During those years, I used to come here and daydream. I never in my wildest imagination would've guessed that there would be a day like today.

I walked around the room touching the furnishings that were perfect period pieces. Like the roll-top writing desk, the quills, inkstones, and other things that I was surely not going to use, but they were an added effect that I appreciated.

The large desktop with the twenty-five-inch screen didn't look out of place because of the way it had been mounted. I sat in the large high-back leather chair behind the Hepplewhite desk and inhaled deeply before getting down to business.

The room was almost too pretty for what I was about to do, but it couldn't help. I sat on it for a few, just to be sure that I wanted to go through with it. I'd pretty much destroyed these people's lives already, but was it enough? At which point do I cross the line? I'm not trying to win any Evil of the Year awards, after all, and I never do anything because of emotions.

For me, it's more about teaching people a lesson so they'd know not to mess with me again. In my way of thinking, if you leave the enemy standing, they can always strike again. I don't like those odds. But the punishment should fit the crime.

So, what is the correct punishment for a grown-ass woman who tormented a child because that child's father didn't love her as much as he loved her mother? Make no mistake, I have never been unaware of Helen's issues with me.

Maybe in the beginning, when I was too young to understand, but once I got older and put the pieces together, it was easy to see what her problem was. Unlike most women, I don't just blame the affair partner for breaking up a home, and that's what they did.

They didn't just break up my parents' marriage; they destroyed a whole family with their actions. I was never going to like her even if she'd been a saint. I hate cheaters and find that kind of betrayal almost impossible to overcome, so my mind was made up from day one.

But the things she did after she and Dad got together set all of this in motion. I was a child, an innocent, and she saw nothing wrong with mistreating me at every turn. She robbed me of my childhood in a way. I wasn't allowed to have my Dad with me during certain milestones because of her vindictive actions, and those are moments I can never get back. "Yeah, fuck that bitch!"

I'm not going to be happy until I take everything away from her. Until she's curled up in a ball, feeling as desolate as I had over the years. And her daughter, who rubbed it in and enjoyed the fact that she had stolen my father and, in essence, had lived the life I should've had with him. I can't forgive that so easily, and besides, she never asked for forgiveness. Meh!

I had everything already put together since this was not something I had just come up with. There were years of work saved on my computer in marked files. There's a lot the quiet, unwanted child in the room can collect, especially when that child has a heart full of anger and hate.

I can't quite remember when it was that I decided to go this route or where the idea came from. I just know that one day, instead of keeping a journal in my own words, I started keeping an account of everything that was said and done to me in that house. I later came to know that this is called having receipts.

Again, because no one paid too much attention to me, and Helen was under the impression that she had beaten and cowed me into submission, I was able to move freely, or at least as freely as I needed to. She never saw anything with asking me to help with her computer because she knew I was good at that.

So, the times when she took her daughter out shopping and left me home slaving away on her computer, I was busy leaving trackers and spyware all over her shit. I hacked into their Wi-Fi and home security systems the same way.

I know every password they use, whether for email or bank accounts. That's how I was able to move money from Dad's account to hers to make it look like she was stealing. Don't feel bad; she's been robbing him for years; I just took a lot more than she usually did.

Beyond that, the keystroke app I put on her phone and computer that allowed me to see every word she typed had come in handy as well. I have screen grabs as well that, once released, would set her world on fire. When I'm done, there will be no one left in this town who would be willing to help her, including members of her own family.

First, I compiled a decade's worth of audio evidence and sent it off to Helen's stepmom. Let's see how long the woman she hated so much would allow her to sleep in her house.

Then I sent her conversations between her two best friends, where she talked shit about one to the other and vice versa. I let the women whose husbands she had slept with over the years know all about it. I bet she never expected any of these things to be made public or have any idea that anyone else knew.

I sent Corbin the evidence of her affairs because as much as I disliked him, I didn't want her getting her hands on my family's inheritance. I want her destitute and without resources the way she'd tried to do to my mother all those years ago.

At the end of the day, I wanted her out of my town like I told her, but since she hadn't made any moves in that direction, I was going to help her along. I'll give it about three days before she had nowhere to turn because I was about to burn all her bridges for her.

I won't let her get a job at the local fast-food joint if I can help it. Wherever she goes in this town, I will hound her until she gives up because I do not want to see her ever again. I have four people to run out of town, so I couldn't spend much more time on her. I needed to get the ball rolling on all of them in a concentrated effort.

I didn't have much on Lacey other than the affair with Denny since she was never really on my radar. I knew she had some jealousy issues because of my relationship with her sister, but never in a million years would I have thought she was capable of what she had done.

But, from reading through some of what had been said about her, I knew where to go for what I needed or how to stir the pot, but first, I had to find out if she was really pregnant. I'm not that much of a monster to attack a pregnant woman, but it was going to be hell putting it off until after the baby came if she was indeed pregnant.

As much as I'd like for her to saddle my ex with someone else's child, I'd much rather that she was lying so I could move on with my plans. Like I said, I'm not even mad that she slept with Denny; the trash took itself out as far as I'm concerned, but she disrespected me in my home in my bed, and that is not something I can let her walk away from unscathed. Give certain people an inch they'd take a damn mile.

Next, I sent Mitzie's friend some screenshots of conversations pertaining to her between Mitzie and another friend, and I was pretty sure that would fuck her shit up as well. I did both using my name this time and not Rhoda's because now that I was back I wanted them to know that it was me. I wanted them to seek me out one last time before I sent them on their way to hell.

I still needed Rhoda, though, for the public shit, or Garrett would have a cow. I now have to take his name and reputation into consideration which is a right pain in the ass. But since I didn't foresee any backlash from the Helen and Mitzie thing, there was no reason to hide.

Dad still doesn't know that it was me who got his house condemned; he has no idea where his car is, and he will never know that I was the one who transferred his money. He's lucky I'm not going after his job, but the only reason I'm not is because of Mom.

She loves him, and as much as I wouldn't forgive my husband for cheating, that's her cross to bear. I went back over everything I had done so far and hoped it got the job done because even though I had more ammunition in my arsenal, I find that I am getting tired of dealing with old shit.

I think that's what happens when you find happiness that you didn't even know you were missing. Things that used to hold importance in your life just lose some of their zest. I don't even feel as invested in destroying Helen as I once was, which is surprising because I had spent fifteen years hating her guts.

I blame Garrett. He's too nice to me and has started taking over my thoughts to the exclusion of everything else. I didn't even know such a thing was possible. That there was a kind of happiness that overshadowed everything else in life.

Once before, that would've scared the hell out of me, but for some reason, even though being in love scares me a little bit, I find myself trusting him, not because of anything I'd had him sign but because of this deep-rooted feeling that he and I were on the same page when it came to being human and not a piece of shit who was willing to destroy another person just to get laid.

He doesn't know it, but I've been watching his every move. I watch the way he is with me, making sure that he's not just going through the motions to get what he wants before moving on. Not for nothing, but the fact that he had stayed with someone for eight years is a two-edged sword.

For one, it proves that he can be faithful even with someone he wasn't deeply in love with. And on that same token, he was able to stay that long with someone he wasn't in love with. I know it makes me sound like a needy bitch, but I've grilled him up one side and down the other about his true feelings for me.

I'd hate to be in love with him the way I have come to accept that I am, only to learn somewhere down the line that he's just tolerating me because he's too lazy or doesn't care enough to go looking for someone he genuinely loves.

I'm pretty sure that that's part of Natalie's issue with our marriage. Like he tried to explain, she must have been feeling hurt because he'd married me in such a rush when she had held out for eight years with nothing to show for it.

I think I'd have felt the same way if I had been in her shoes, so that's not my problem with her. That comes from the things she had said about me. Had she been just a friend looking out for an old friend, I could have let it slide, but she went in on me and tried to get him to see me as some nonentity that was after his money.

So, now that Helen and Mitzie had been dealt with, I turned my focus to her because Lacey and Denny were busy canceling each other out. The way those two have been going after each other, there won't be anything left for me.

I know that Denny must be losing his shit because of everything that has happened in the last few weeks, especially since I ghosted him without a word; his ego won't handle that well, and that's what I'm banking on.

I guess he never took the time to know me the way I know him, but then again, people always think of others and what they know of themselves, so he probably thought I was as weak and full of shit as him.

Some jackasses in the old group chat, high off their ass, maybe, were bemoaning the fact that I didn't even give him a chance to explain and saying how cold I was for that. Uh, what is there to explain? I saw with my own eyes, no explanations necessary. I guess next, they'd be saying I need to apologize. Then I'd get mad enough to run them over with my car if I saw them on the street.

Thankfully, there were only one or two people with that stupid ideology, and they're not people I like anyway, so I just told them to get fucked in the chat. This started a war of words, and the girlies had my back.

Apparently, ghosting someone without giving them a chance to defend themselves is childish, but what I see are other cheats trying to make themselves feel better about their shitty behavior. Now they're in the comments fighting for their lives because, apparently, their partners don't take too kindly to their take on things.

Or it could be the fact that I exposed some of their past deeds and told them I was ready to discuss those whenever they were. I won't be hearing from them again.

I had about thirty missed calls from Dad, two each from the brothers with as many voicemails. The boys know me well enough to know that nothing will move me from my position, but Mom was being a pain.

I simply sent her a short and sweet message, ‘You can be not my Mom as well if you'd like.' She's mad because I told Corbin he wasn't my Dad. I guess she thinks I'm disowning him; I'm just trying to get it through his head that a real Dad would not have done the things he did.

He's still stuck on thinking he was right, that he was just trying to save me from whoever Helen was going to hire. And I still want to know about the minutes and seconds leading up to the first time he fucked her and cheated on my Mom and our family. Until he is ready to tell me these things, we're done.

I'm not forgiving him to ease his guilt; I hope it chokes him in his sleep. Mom thinks my attitude is going to put a strain on things because, apparently, he's been staying with her, but I reminded her that I can be there and not say one word to him, and we'll all be fine.

I did tell her where Helen was staying since they didn't know, and Dad wanted to serve her with divorce papers. He's under the impression that she stole his money and destroyed his house out of anger, and I'm not about to tell him any different. That was my plan all along.

Now, his friends are telling him about her affairs because their wives read about them on the community forum, which, along with the information I just sent him, should be enough to help him keep his precious money that she was after all along. If the judge even thinks of giving her a penny, I'll take it all. She will not profit from my mother's trauma.

CORBIN

"I fucked up, I really fucked up. She's not answering."

"Give her some time; she's just hurt."

"I know, and I know she has a right to be, but it still hurts. I thought we were doing the right thing, shielding her from things, but it seems like she can't get past the affair."

I had most of my life back, but my little girl was the last holdout, and the way things were looking, she wasn't planning on forgiving me anytime soon. It hurts like hell, even more than when she was a kid, and I had to watch her be unhappy when I was playing house with someone else.

Everyone seems to think that after an affair, life becomes rosy, but nothing can be further from the truth. I regretted my mistake immediately, and I never once thought for a second that the repercussions would be this long-lasting.

I want the chance to talk to my kid and explain these things to her, but she doesn't want to hear them. That message she sent had gutted me, and I'd cried while her mother held me and tried to offer comfort, but I think we both know that until the day Alyssa forgives me, I'm going to carry this burden.

My phone pinged with a message, and my heart jumped as I hoped it was her. It was, but it was just more information about Helen, and it looked like she knew where she was. That was good because I needed a place to have the divorce papers served. I was all set to take out a notice in the paper, which is something my lawyer assured me would be acceptable in our state if the other spouse couldn't be found to serve.

There was a lot that came to light in the last week or so since we've been back, things that I had long suspected but never had the evidence to prove. I guess because I refused to sleep with her, she had to get it from somewhere.

She'd been very careful over the years because she knew that infidelity meant she got nothing in the divorce. As much as I appreciate Alyssa sending me the proof, I would have much rather she had been willing to talk to me.

I didn't even care about the money at this point; I just wanted my family back. I was only halfway there because my little girl was having one of her snits. If it was that simple, I would wait her out, but I know her; she's as stubborn as her mother, and those two can hold a grudge.

"Alyssa sent information about Helen's affairs." I showed her mother the phone.

"You don't seem too pleased."

"It's not that. I just wish she was contacting me to tell me she forgives me or at least that she was ready to talk."

The kid knows how to go for the jugular that's for sure. She laid me bare, and had I not come to the same conclusion as she had, I would've been curled up in a ball from the pain of her words and accusations.

I couldn't even find fault with her logic because everything she said was right. I had blinders on, I guess. During those times, I was forced to put Mitzie before her; I always knew that one day, I would make it right.

That had always been my frame of thought. I overlooked the fact that she was living that hell. She didn't know that I was playing a waiting game, waiting for the right time to kick Helen and her daughter out of my life and come back to my family.

She had no idea that I hated every second I was married to that woman. All she sees is the fact that I had put those two before her, and I don't know if I will ever be able to get her to forgive me or even want to be in the same room as me.

My heart hurts each time I think about the fact that she was married now; that meant future children, children I may never get the chance to have a relationship with. I'd already missed so much because of my own stupidity, and I didn't want to lose anything else.

I tried asking her husband to intervene, but he made it very clear that he was on her side and wouldn't be talking her into doing anything until she was ready. I guess I should be grateful that she had such a strong, caring man by her side.

I thought when she blocked all of us that it was bad, but now that I'm the only one she refuses to talk to, I finally know what real hell feels like. She was making it clear that she could forgive all the others but not me. I guess her Mom is right, and she's just hurt, but I'm not sure that that's all it is.

None of them saw her when she came to my home after the age of twelve when her brothers were all away, and it was just her. That's when Helen started showing her hate for her, and I did my best to shield her from the worst of it.

I'm obviously not seeking any rewards for that. But part of my pain stems from not knowing how deeply affected she was. In my mind, she was only there every other weekend. I refused to fight for more custody because I didn't want her to suffer more than that.

But now, in her eyes, I didn't fight for her because I preferred spending time with Mitzie. The things she'd said both in Cabo and in the letter she sent have cut me deep, but I can't even be mad because none of it was a lie. The fact that I screwed up my life for a few minutes of passing pleasure that I don't even remember makes me feel like a damn fool.

But for what I've done to my kids, I feel like a monster. Now, I don't even know if I deserve a second chance with any of them. Not just Gigi, but the boys, their wives and my daughter and her new husband.

Now that I can finally have a family again, I no longer feel like I should be a part of it. It's obvious from her attitude now that Alyssa will refuse to be anywhere I am, and it wouldn't be fair to make her miss things in the future.

I said as much to Gigi, which only seemed to upset her which is the last thing I want to do. I'd already put her through hell. And even though for the last ten years or so, she and I had had an understanding, it was still hard for her to watch me go back to a house with another woman who called herself my wife.

I think if I had actually had a relationship with Helen I would be feeling even lower than I do now. So, even though I had kept my word and stayed true to my wife, in my daughter's eyes, I'd already committed the ultimate sin by screwing Helen in the first place.

"No, we'll get her back, you watch."

"How?"

"I don't know, but look, she sent you this information because she's thinking of you; she wants to help you."

If only I could believe that. Lately, I've been listening to the kids when they stay up late at night thinking everyone has gone to bed, and there's a whole other side to my daughter that I knew nothing about. I just hope that half the things I heard them say were made up; otherwise, well, I don't even want to think what this could mean for me.