25. Alyssa

"Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens…Lalalalalalala….doododododoooo…dodododododo… these are a few of my favorite things. Send." I sat back and looked at my handy work.

"I'm not sure I trust that look." I'd almost forgotten he was there. We were back in the bedroom spread out over the double king-size bed, if there's such a thing, on a plane, no less. I was wearing one of his dress shirts that I found in the closet while he lounged around in PJ bottoms.

This plane was so not plane-like that I was afraid I'd open a door or window and step right out. It was smooth; there was no sound and no turbulence. I could get used to this life, no doubt about it.

I'd pushed his buttons right down to the banana shake I demanded, just knowing he couldn't produce it since he claimed my wish was his command. The bastard even knew that that was one of my favorite things and had everything necessary. It had the nerve to be the best I'd ever had. I'll get him yet, but I was too busy deconstructing other people's shit to get to him just yet.

I had finally gotten around to checking the community forum to see if anyone had cracked the code, and there were quite a few on the mark. I especially like the conversation in the comments where everyone was naming names as they tried to figure out who exactly I was talking about or, more to the point Rhoda. I was not in the least bit surprised to learn that there was more than one bed-hopping harlot in our community around that time.

"You seem very pleased with yourself; what are you up to now from thirty-thousand feet in the sky?" I don't know how he would know how I looked since his head has been buried in that book since we came back here.

Thanks to his spy network I uploaded another zinger about one of the affairs Helen had had over the years with enough breadcrumbs to lead them right to her door. This last volley was twofold; one, it would embarrass my father, and two, it would put her filth on blast.

I told him just that, and he shook his head. "Don't you think you're being a bit hard on your Dad?" I gave him the look of death, and he had the good sense to swallow and go back to his reading.

"I won't tell you how to run your billion-dollar company; you don't tell me how to take down the enemy."

"Enemy? That's a bit much, don't you think?"

"What did I say?"

"You're right, carry on." That's more like it. This is fun. Usually, I have to keep my thoughts to myself because my brothers or sisters-in-law would try to talk me out of shit. They always seem to think every plan I come up with is leading me straight to prison or hell. That's no damn fun.

I've had a whole night to think about what I was going to do to my dearly beloved. Garrett put in his pitch for mercy, telling me all about the conversation he'd had with them where they explained why they didn't tell me what was going on because I was a child. I had to remind him again that he was just there to listen and I didn't need his input.

"I will give my brothers some leeway since they did go out of their way to protect me, but I won't let them off the hook for treating me like a stranger in my own family, no matter what excuse they have."

"You know best dear. Just as long as our kids have their uncles at the end of the day, whatever you choose to do is fine." I waved him off. "I'm not thinking about your damn kids right now. Besides, nine months is a long time; anything can happen between now and then."

He didn't have anything to say to that, which was for the better because he was beginning to be a bit of a downer. "Anyway, as I was saying, Mom is a bit of a sticky wicket. She was just plain nuts at that time, with just one oar in the water, and in the South, we don't mistreat our kin with arterial flows above the neck, and that's a fact."

He laughed like I was his comic relief, and I just looked at him until he stopped. He wrapped his hand behind my head and pulled me in for a kiss. "Never change baby."

"I didn't plan to."

"Go on. What else have you done? You've been at it for a while."

"Oh, I uploaded a video of Lacey and Denny in my bed. Not the whole thing, though, because even though revenge porn is legal in our state, that's tacky."

"You did what?"

"Well, since I put up the sheets and dropped hints, I lost a whole day. I had to make up for it."

"Where did you get a video of that? Didn't they know you had a camera in the bedroom?"

"That's the thing, I didn't. I don't know if he left it there and forgot or she did. Maybe they were making amateur porn for Pornhub. Who knows? Anyway, I found it when I was looking for my luggage."

I took a big sip of my shake and felt the shivers of delight rush down my spine. "I could really go for some wine now." I had held off while I was doing my thing because I didn't want to get the two accounts mixed up while drunk off my ass. I didn't want anyone to realize that I was the one outing Helen just yet, after all.

As for Lacey and Denny, they've been getting all kinds of heat from the looks of it and that did my heart good. His friends were laughing at his little dick. Truthfully, I only posted the video because I didn't like the fact that most people were still suspecting that Sherry was the one who he'd cheated with. I may have given up on our friendship, but that didn't mean I wanted her crucified for something she hadn't done.

"I have to think of a way to get my brothers before we land. I've decided I don't want to spend my honeymoon on this shit, and I'm going to have a lot on my hands working for my new asshole boss once we get back, so who knows when I'll find time again."

I looked at him as he pretended to read his book and ignored the fact that I'd just cussed at him. "I caught what you did there. It's fine, though, because I'm firing you after my first child is born."

"I'll just get a job somewhere else."

"I'll have you blacklisted from the market."

"What is this? Let's see who's crazier? You sure you wanna start this war?"

"Not at all, but you should know I never start a fight I can't win."

"I read Sun Tzu too, you know."

"Good, so I'll do you one better. I'm going to tell you how I'm going to win. I'll keep you barefoot and pregnant for the next ten years. By the time our youngest is in school, you'd have been out of the market for way too long to jump back in. And besides, you won't want to; I'll make sure of it."

He had the nerve to look at me when he said that. "What makes you so sure that that'll work? I can just not have babies."

"I won't let that happen."

"You're starting to piss me off; how are you going to stop me?"

"Easy; by the end of our honeymoon, you'll be so addicted to my dick you won't be able to stay off of it." I flew at him and ended up wrestling him all over the bed until I found myself in the very position I was trying to avoid.

On my back with him in me. I knew I should've put on panties under this shirt. "Gotcha!"

"It's not gentlemanly to gloat." I let him do me, but afterward, I pouted and let my eyes fill with tears. That got me a whole half an hour of cuddles and apologies. Sucker!

I must've fallen asleep for the third time. Did you know a plane can be refilled in the air? What the hell kinda Star Trek shit is this? Anyway, I had no idea what time it was or where the hell we were. "If you'd have looked through your watch case you could've worn one of your watches that tell international time."

"I have a watch that tells international time?"

"You have three new watches; they're in your trousseau."

"I wasn't in the right head space at the time. Drats, I wish Mitzie wasn't behind bars right now. I miscalculated."

"Oh? How so?"

"I didn't know I was going to marry a billionaire this weekend. That bitch is jealous of my shadow. This ring alone will get her six months on the psych ward." I held out my hand and admired my shiny new diamond. It's a real shame that I'm not into this crap, but at least I can use my new luxury shit to make my detractors green with envy.

"What happened with her anyway? You never said."

"Oh, that was good. I turned her in for her hundred and one traffic tickets that added up to thousands in fines and a bench warrant, had her car towed, and then had her arrested at the airport for trying to leave the country."

"How did you do that?"

"I called her in as a runaway fugitive. I didn't invite her to my wedding. How was I to know why she was headed to Mejíco? You can stop looking at me like I have two heads. That bitch made my life hell she's lucky I'm not leaving her in a swamp somewhere as gator bait."

I just love these holier-than-thou types who act like you're supposed to forgive and forget, even when the asshole didn't ask for forgiveness. "Maybe she had just as hard a time as you did; after all, she did lose her father as well."

"It's not my fault her mother is a scabby trollop. Look, before you start your bleeding-heart shit, I don't forgive anyone who hasn't asked for forgiveness and shown that they are genuinely remorseful."

"What if she asks for forgiveness now?"

"Too late. If she only asks when the heat is on, she's just trying to save her ass, that's not remorse, that self-preservation. She's the reason my Dad is going to get his ass handed to him."

"Why is that?" He thinks I don't know he's playing shrink, whatever. I've had about twelve therapists because I refused to talk to any one of them. The last one swore I was spawned in hell because of the way I would look at her. She wasn't right in her damn head, that's why.

I just had to let her know which of us was crazier, and I guess she didn't like that. She wanted to have me committed, but my threats to burn down Dad's house put a stop to that shit. He never tried that shit again.

"Why is she the reason? Because she wanted everything I had. I never got to spend a moment alone with my own father after the age of thirteen because that bitch and her harpy hag of a mother wouldn't allow it. Now you're telling me that all this time, he had a way out. Don't worry, I'm not going to hurt him, but I wish I could find a way to have his car taken from airport parking."

I gave him a look, but he pretended not to see me. I kicked him with my toes. "Well? Don't you know someone?"