10. Alyssa

I'm through with his stalker ass, now that's enough. After our evening swim I was directed to the bathroom in the master suite while he went off to another one somewhere in the house. It was then I noticed my favorite brand of shampoo and conditioner, the soap I love but can only afford three times a year because it's so damn expensive. I was saving to buy a house in a couple of years without a mortgage, thank you very much.

But what sent me over the edge was the music that piped through the speakers ten seconds after I got into the shower. I know for a fact that there is no way his PI or whoever he'd set on my ass could have no way of knowing my favorite songs.

I washed my hair and tried to remember if I had ever filled out a survey or something giving away this information. He wasn't back by the time I was done, so I sat at the vanity with the hair dryer and brush and set my phone down in front of me.

I hadn't forgotten my little side hustle after all. Now, before I left home, I had canceled Helen's and Mitzie's plane tickets as well as having Mitzie arrested at the airport because of the warrants for her many traffic tickets. I'd also taken my Dad's phone while he was preoccupied and blocked both of them while I was at it, so there was no way for them to get in touch.

Now, I wanted to see the aftermath, and for that, I opened their Ring app, which I still have access to because I was the one who set it up for Dad about a million years ago. I don't think, in fact, I know; he doesn't realize that I have access.

I had to go back hours to find her return home and the massive meltdown she had on screen while she tried to call Dad over and over again. I knew she had to be out of her mind right about now, so I went to the live stream after watching the worst of her freakouts, and she was still pacing back and forth in their living room, trying to get through to Dad in between cussing him out to whoever would listen on the other end of her phone.

Her biggest gripe, which I foresaw, was that Dad was alone with Mom and his kids, but mostly Mom, but after everything Mom had shared, I now understood her years of hatred. She had to threaten Dad to stay with her and it must gall her to know that he wanted to go back to Mom and us when he did.

I looked through the photos my brothers and I had taken with Mom and Dad throughout the afternoon once we landed here and got to work with a little photoshopping. By the time I was through, it looked as though Mom and Dad were standing with their hands around each other. Now, it was my body and Mom's head, but since we're about the same size and height, she'd never be able to tell.

Once my masterpiece was finished, I posted it to my social media, after blocking my entire family for reasons with the caption, look who became best friends again. Since I know both she and her daughter stalk my pages as if I have the answer to life, I knew it wouldn't be long before she got the notification.

I watched her on the screen and almost fell off the stool laughing when she screamed and threw her phone across the room. I removed the picture immediately, of course, and unblocked my family after uploading the original. If she makes a comment, she'd be looking crazy.

She picked up the phone and made sure it was working, then stormed off out of view. She's going to be even more pissed when she realizes that there's no money in her joint account with Dad except for the twenty dollars I left her after severing her access to his accounts. My work was done for the night.

"Are you done?"

"Done what?" He walked into the bedroom after I got dressed and was ready to go. He just smirked at me and held out his hand, and like an idiot, I took it. "Done what?"

"With your shower, of course. I suppose you'd like to return to the resort. Your family will have a lot of questions. Since you've already got everything set up for Saturday, I guess there's nothing left to do as far as the wedding."

"Yeah, there is, your name is not Denny Sharpe."

"Ah, you're referring to the license, of course. Now ask yourself, why would I pay thousands of dollars for a dress and forget to take care of the most important detail?"

"You got a marriage license."

"Yes, and in California, where you get half of my shit if we split after ten years."

"Hah, there's a hidden message in there somewhere."

"Of course, if you want half of my money, you'll have to stay with me for at least ten years. I believe I can wear you down in that time."

"How does your mind work?"

"About the same as yours. But I have to say, you missed a step. If you really want to stick it to the… what was it again? Oh yes, homewrecking skank and her bitch daughter, before your Dad returns, you should have had the house condemned."

"What?" My pulse began to race.

"You heard me. He wouldn't know what really happened; he'd suspect her of subterfuge because he came to your wedding, and there'd be a big fight. Then one of your brothers, or we will have to put him up while she goes to hell for all we care."

"Would you jump out of a plane with me?"

"In a heartbeat, just say when." I think I just might like being married to his crazy ass.

"But how do you know that I've done anything?"

"Because your enemies are my enemies, so I have to keep an eye on them too. Didn't you read about my genius in my portfolio? Why do you think the Feds wanted to recruit me to be a profiler at twenty-two?"

"So what? You figured all of that out just by watching them?"

"Yes, them and you. I knew you weren't done the night with the bat attack. When I was alerted to what happened at the airport, I figured you had a hand in it."

"You better not try any of that hoodoo bullshit on me or else."

"Yes, ma'am, now let's get you back before your brothers come a calling." Somehow, I don't think he's afraid of that happening. But now I have another worry. How the hell do I keep shit hidden from this mind fuck?

"So, what do you want for a wedding present? Think carefully because I can get you anything."

"Fleas."

"How many?" He didn't even miss a beat.

"About a thousand." We were in the back of the Rolls on the way back to the resort, and I was only half joking.

"Done!" Wait, no questions asked?

"Really? Where the hell are you going to get fleas?"

"My people will handle it. Any place in particular you want them delivered?"

"My Dad's house. Can you get them by Saturday? Preferably at about the same time as our ceremony."

"Done!" Be still, my black heart.

"Just how crazy are you anyway? I mean, I know I'm pretty much certifiable; I don't try to hide it; what about you?"

"You're not crazy. You just don't like people fucking with you. Nothing wrong with that. I'm the same way, only ten times worse, little Alyssa."

I gave him stink eye because, seriously, he was defaming my character. "My brothers would have me locked away if they knew what I was up to."

"So don't tell them. It'll only make them worry."

"But you're not worried."

"No, because after I put my ring on your finger, no one in their right mind would mess with you."

"Well, aren't you the ultimate badass?" We pulled up to the resort, but I was surprisingly reluctant to go.

"This is it. Your last chance to back out of this madness of your making." I looked at him as the car came to a stop.

"Why ever would I do that? I can't wait for the adventures that await." What exactly is he expecting to happen?

"I'll call you later after your family is through grilling you. My people are on your floor, but you won't know that they're there. Just in case you get cold feet."

"That's just great. Now I'm going to think that everyone I see is one of your people."

"It's only for now; once we're married, I'll introduce you to them; well, some of them anyway. It's good to keep some of them hidden."

"I'm still not understanding why I need to have security. I've lived all my life without it."

"Do you have any idea how much money I'm worth?"

"Not really. I know some of it for business purposes and you did give me a dossier with the same, but I'm sure you have lots more. What has that got to do with anything?"

"Our wedding is going to be announced seconds after it's over. Don't worry; my PR rep will handle the details."

"You thought about all of this, huh!"

"Of course, I had weeks; after all, while you were running around causing mayhem, I was doing something productive."

"So, you're announcing our wedding. What if I'd said no?"

"Then your family would've been announcing your disappearance." I somehow think he means that shit. I pointed my finger at him, "I think we need to find a surrogate and a donor."

"Not going to happen, but why do you say that?"

"Because I'm afraid of birthing the antichrist. Why are you laughing?"

"That's not a nice thing to say about our future progeny. Personally, I can't wait to have a little girl who looks just like her mother."

"We'll see."

"Don't tell me you're afraid of childbirth."

"No, but I hadn't given much thought to starting a family anytime soon."

"It's best to get started right away."

"Why is that?"

"Because the sooner we start, the more kids we can have."

"How many kids are we talking about here?"

"Six, seven, but I'll settle for five if you insist."

"Who in the…."

"Careful!"

"Do I look like I know what that word means? Whose hoo-hah is pushing out these sixty-eleven kids of yours?" What the hell conversation am I having right now? If this was Denny, I'd have already put his ass in check, but I don't think I would get away with it with this nutjob.

"Go on inside. I'll pick you up in the morning; tell your family to be ready by nine."

"Where are we going?"

"Out on my yacht."

"Groovy." He made some kind of move and the driver opened my door while he got out on the other side and walked me into the lobby.

"Should I take you up?"

"Where are your people?" I looked around and saw no one.

"Around, stop looking; you won't find them." He pulled me to him and kissed my hair again, and I felt that hitch in my chest.

"Sleep well, my love." He seemed to have shocked himself because he acted like someone had goosed him after saying those words.

"You too." I started to walk away because I felt like smiling for no damn reason.

I felt his eyes on me as I walked away, then turned back to look at him. "Don't forget my fleas." I hissed whispered the words at him and he grinned and walked away out of the resort. Why did I feel as if I'd lost something? I don't like this shit. No way, no how.