27. Nikolai

Chapter 27

Nikolai

Weeks had passed since that first night we'd stumbled into each other's lives, an encounter neither of us had wanted, but both of us had been forced into. I had initially brushed it off as just another fleeting connection. What had begun as a casual fling, a mere distraction from the dire circumstances we had been thrust into, had evolved into something far deeper than I had ever anticipated.

I found myself craving her at the most inopportune moments, recounting our times together over and over like a movie that played on an endless loop in my mind. It was in those quiet moments, the ones in which I could not stop myself from re-living, that a profound realization washed over me, reshaping everything I had thought I knew about love.

I had spent my life laboring under the belief that love was a complex, unpredictable beast that only ever led to disappointment. I was always the one who stepped carefully, who kept his heart guarded and his intentions measured.

But here I was, with her beside me, feeling something I had never felt before. With her, love wasn't a battle; it was a refuge. A place where I could simply be. I didn't have to try or pretend; it was like I had been searching in the dark forever, only to finally find a light that had been there all along. And in that moment, I understood something fundamental—I wanted to protect her, to be the unwavering shield against any harm that might come her way. Not because she was a job, or that it was my duty. But because I needed it.

I needed her.

This wasn't about managing emotions or navigating relationships anymore. It was about a fierce, instinctive desire to care for her, to cherish her in a way that felt both exhilarating and utterly right. For the first time, love was not a challenge to overcome, but a truth I was eager to embrace.

I slipped from the bed, carefully extricating myself from Maddy's embrace. I walked into the bathroom with a renewed sense of energy and purpose. I filled the bathtub, thankful I had chosen to put a large tub in this room; it was not quite as big as the one in the basement, but large enough for the two of us, nonetheless.

I poured some sandalwood-scented bath oil into the steaming water, watching it unfurl like liquid gold. The soft fragrance wove through the air like an enchanting fog, setting a mood of intimate tranquility. From beneath the sink, I retrieved a handful of candles I kept hidden there for emergencies—a gesture of anticipation rather than necessity. Tonight, the ordinary had transformed into something extraordinary, and the flicker of candlelight was a perfect companion for this tender, unwritten moment.

"Perfect," I whispered to myself, flipping the light off and letting the gentle glow fill the room.

"Hey," I whispered as I tiptoed back over to the bed. She had fallen asleep in my arms, exhausted after the day we'd had and the love we'd shared — not that I could blame her. But we weren't done yet.

She stirred sluggishly, nuzzling into the pillow.

"Five more minutes," she whined. I felt my chest tighten just a little more. The love I felt for this woman was a gentle yet unyielding current, sweeping through my heart with a depth and force I hadn't known I was capable of feeling.

Lifting her into my arms, I carried her into the bathroom, the feel of her against my skin soothing a part of my soul long ago suppressed by my own self-loathing and self-proclaimed inability to truly love.

How fucking wrong I'd been.

As we entered the bathroom, I noticed the bathtub was as full as I could allow it to be. I set her down gently on the soft rug placed before the tub, reaching out to turn the knob and shut off the water. Being carried into the bathroom, and then set down, had roused her fully from her short-lived slumber. She smiled up at me sleepily, the absolute picture of bliss.

"Alright, princess. Into the tub, you go." I steadied her as she stepped into the steaming water on shaky legs. Pressing against her back to keep her upright, I slid into the tub behind her, immediately pulling her to me. I was desperate to keep our bodies connected for as long as possible.

"You were magnificent tonight, love," I whispered against her ear, my hands tracing nonsensical lines over the length of her body under the water's smooth surface.

"Tonight was everything," she whispered.

We sat in serene silence, savoring the closeness and the delicate intimacy of the moment, as the candles' gentle flames danced and wove shadows across the bathroom walls.

After a long moment, there was a knock on the door.

I had no idea who would be bothering us at a time like this, but whichever of my brothers had decided to interrupt our time, it had to be for good reason.

"Just a moment, sweetheart," I whispered, kissing the top of her head as I pressed her forward to give me room to step out of the tub. I wrapped a towel around my waist before answering the door.

"Deacon?" I questioned, opening the door to see his somber face on the other side. "How did you get in here? I locked the door."

"You know a lock can't stop me," he said quietly, but there was no humor in his tone or his facial expression. "Listen, Niko. Quinn called me. He tried to reach you, but you weren't answering your phone."

My stomach dropped as I stepped out of the bathroom, closing the door partially behind me to allow for a modicum of privacy.

"What happened?" I asked, my tone serious and stoic.

"Do you remember him mentioning the woman, Theresa I think her name was? The one who was supposed to be protecting Maddy at the new safe house?"

"Yeah, I remember. He was trying to get a hold of her when we left. What happened?" I crossed my arms over my chest, steeling myself for whatever bad news I was about to receive.

"When the police arrived to process the crime scene, they swept the property. Niko, they found Theresa's car parked in the garage."

"But she wasn't there yet." Dread and worry sank like a rock in the pit of my gut.

"They found her body in the woods behind the house. She'd been shot in the head, execution style." Deacon's voice carried a weight and a dire seriousness that echoed my own emotions.

"Jesus…" I swore. Pinching the bridge of my nose, I let the reality of what that meant settle over me. "Maddy is in more danger than ever. Whatever this fucking gang is trying to cover up, Maddy is obviously a threat to them."

"I think we need to up our security."

"You're right. I'll talk to Jax in the morning, and—"

"Niko, let me," he cut me off gently, his hand clapping over my shoulder as he leveled me with a look. "You go take care of that woman in there. And take care of yourself. You both went through hell today. We both know what happens when we bury trauma. Don't let the mistakes of the past become tomorrow's repeated headlines."

I nodded my head as he turned to leave my room, but he paused in the doorway, looking back at me. "Niko? Quinn said she had the letters D. K. branded onto her chest before she died. Do you know what that means?"

"It means that whoever this Shadow guy is, he wants us to know it was him. It was a threat." I replied grimly. Deacon nodded and shut the door behind himself as he made his exit.

A million worries and fears ricocheted through my head, refusing to slow down or let me land on any singular one. Running a hand through my hair, I pushed the fears aside, taking Deacon's words to heart. Those worries would hold until tomorrow. Tonight, I had a beautiful woman to care for.

I closed the bathroom door behind me, eager to rejoin Maddy. As I rounded the bathtub, I realized that she was shaking, her body wracked by silent sobs.

Tears streamed down her face, and the dread in my gut gave way to the pain I felt, knowing she was in turmoil.

"What did you hear?" I asked gently, crouching down by the tub.

"Every word," she whispered, her voice so full of remorse it tore my heart to pieces.

Crawling back into the tub behind her, I pulled her to me once more, wrapping my arms around her waist.

"Lay back, love. I'm right here," I urged her, guiding her head to rest against my shoulder. "Tell me what you're feeling."

"I can't stop thinking about her," she whispered, her voice breaking as her hands gripped my forearms, holding on to me for dear life. "She was supposed to keep me safe, and instead, my decisions led to her death. I never even met her, but now I feel like I will see her face in my nightmares for the rest of my life. I keep replaying how my choices brought her into harm's way, how she gave her life for me."

Tears streamed down her face, dripping into the water, creating ripples against the water's surface as she clung to me. My heart ached for her, for the unbearable sorrow she was feeling; a feeling I knew all too well.

"I'm overwhelmed with guilt, knowing that my mistakes cost her life. It's like I can't even breathe. If I hadn't gone to that club, if I hadn't run out of there, upset over a dumb boy, if I hadn't—"

"Maddy, you can't think like that. It's not healthy, and it's not reality."

"No, Niko. It is. It's very fucking real. My actions led these fucking criminals, whoever they are, right to her. I'm trapped in this dark place of ‘what ifs' and ‘if onlys,' where every regret pulls me deeper into despair. I'm stuck in this endless cycle of regret, and it feels like nothing I do or say can ever make up for what's happened."

She drew a ragged breath, her voice barely a whisper. "I'm so lost, and I don't know how to escape this endless ache of knowing that she died because of me."

Sobs wracked her small frame as she lay there, trembling in my arms. Carefully, I guided her, helping her to turn around in the tub to face me as the water sloshed slightly over the tub's curved rim.

I held her close in the warm, steamy water, the gentle ripples of the bath providing a soothing contrast to the storm of emotions between us. Her tears mingled with the water as she clung to me, her body trembling with each sob. I could feel her guilt pressing down on her like a weight, and I knew I had to be the anchor she needed right now.

"Listen to me," I said softly, my fingers trailing through her hair as I held her close. "I know you're overwhelmed with guilt, but that constant cycle of ‘what ifs' isn't going to change anything. You can't keep torturing yourself over what you could have done differently. It won't bring her back or fix what's happened."

I cupped her face gently in my hands, guiding her to look up at me through her tear-filled eyes. "The past is unchangeable, no matter how much we wish it could be different. What matters now is how you move forward, not how you dwell on the past. You have to find a way to let go of this endless spiral of regret."

I kissed her forehead tenderly, hoping my touch could offer some solace. "She gave her life for you, and she would want you to honor her memory by finding peace. Grieve if you need to, but don't let the weight of ‘what ifs' be the only thing you carry forward. I'm here with you, and we'll get through this together."

I wrapped my arms around her, hoping that the warmth of the bath would be a small comfort against the cold ache in her heart. "It's okay to feel the pain, but don't let it consume you. We have to face this together, and I'm here for you every step of the way. I'm not going anywhere."

She nodded her head, words failing her.

So I spoke the words I knew she needed to hear, and I needed to say.

"Maddy, this case is far from over. We both know that. We can't change that today. What I can do is promise you that I will be here for you every step of the way. You aren't getting rid of me easily. So, whatever it takes, know that you have the protection of me and the protection of my brothers. We will fight this fight with you."

"Why? The whole reason you guys left the service and moved here was to find peace. This is the furthest thing from peace," she said, wiping the tears from her eyes with a shaky hand.

"Because I don't think I'll ever know peace again if you aren't around. If you were ripped from my life, do you think I'd be at peace? We're going to get these guys. The fucking Dom Krovi. We're going to nail them to the fucking wall and take every last one of them down. I can promise you that."

"I don't deserve you," she chuckled lightly and without any real humor.

"That's where you're wrong, love. You deserve this, and more. I'm the one who doesn't deserve you."

Without a word, she kissed me, communicating her feelings without the need for words. The kiss slowed until we were once more simply lying in the warm water, enjoying a moment of solace wrapped in each other's arms.

The steam rose around us, a delicate fog that seemed to cocoon us from the world outside. I watched as the tension in her shoulders slowly began to dissolve in that heat, her eyes closing as she let out a sigh of relief, her tears finally ceasing.

As I held her close inside the warmth of the tub, I let my fingertips skim over her skin, the gentle caress meant to comfort and reassure her that she was safe, cherished, and cared for. Each careful touch was an expression of my love, a silent promise that I would be there to hold her up when she couldn't stand on her own.

The scented bath oil infused the air, creating a serene atmosphere that was meant to ease her troubled mind. I carefully washed her hair, my movements slow and deliberate, massaging her scalp with a tenderness that spoke of my deepest feelings. Each stroke of my fingers through her damp locks was a silent confession of my devotion, a way to convey that I was here not just to help her through this moment, but to be the steady support she needed through all the moments to come.

As I helped her out of the bath after drying myself off, wrapping her in a soft, warm towel, I could see the weariness in her eyes, but also the faint glimmer of gratitude. I dried her with gentle strokes, mindful of her delicate state, and wrapped her in my embrace as I led her to the bed. In these simple, intimate actions, I hoped to show her the depth of my love. It wasn't in grand declarations, but in these quiet, caring gestures — each one a testament to my promise that I would always be here to offer comfort and solace, to share in her pain and to help her heal.

"I can go sleep in my room," she muttered sleepily, a yawn turning the last word nearly unintelligible.

"Maddy, as far as I'm concerned, this room is as much yours as it is mine. Plus, the thought of not being near you is more painful than almost anything I can think of right now."

"Whoa there buddy, we just admitted to having feelings for each other, and you already want to move in together? Talk about taking things fast." The sleepy grin on her face told the truth, the little minx.

"Shut up," I groaned, slipping under the covers beside her and pulling her around to face me. My fingers touched her chin, lifting her face to mine as I stole a kiss from her lips. Tenderness and a quiet calm we both deserved swirled around the room, filling it like a welcome fog.

Nuzzling into my chest, her breathing slowed almost immediately, her chest rising and falling evenly. She was asleep, and I was satisfied.

Satisfied, and completely under the spell that was only her, only Maddy.

Sleep hovered just out of reach, yet dangerously close. As my eyes closed, I succumbed to the exhaustion I felt. But more than anything else, I surrendered to the truth that we had discovered together. The truth of the feelings we shared, and the future that now lay before us.

Maddy was the one. I could feel it in my bones. Deeper than that. It was like she was written into my very marrow, into the DNA that made me who I was. She was forever etched as a part of me.

While I had no idea what the future held for us, or what trouble was yet to come our way, I realized I didn't care.

With the woman I loved sleeping soundly in my arms, it didn't matter what would happen in the days to come. No one could predict that.

Only time would tell.

And I was happy to release control for once, and let the future write itself.