10. Nikolai

Chapter 10

Nikolai

I hadn't seen Maddy for more than a moment here or there over the last two days. She had sequestered herself in her room quite diligently, and did not seem to have any interest in talking to me, but what had truly surprised me was her refusal to talk to any of the other guys, either.

That being said, it wasn't my place to force her to speak to us or force her to come out of her room. If I were being honest, it made life a little easier for me, at least in the short term. With her out of sight, I could keep myself under control. I used the time wisely, reminding myself of all the reasons why not getting involved with her was the right call. I needed to stay focused on the mission.

Knocking softly on the door, I called out to my brother, "Deacon? You have a minute?"

"Come on in," he called, his voice sounding muffled through the closed door. I entered and closed the door behind me, giving us some privacy.

"Hey, man. I just got off the phone with Quinn." Sitting in his small desk chair, I sighed heavily. Deacon was not a man of many words or many things. He kept his room far more bare than any of the rest of ours, preferring a much simpler, more minimalist approach to his life. It was refreshing, honestly, especially compared to Jax's collection of gadgets, Sully's DVD collection, and my own library of books spread between my room, my office, and the actual library in the house.

"Any news with the case?" he asked, fingers twiddling with the tuning pegs on his guitar, although it sounded fine to me.

"Yeah, sort of. Quinn has been working on gathering additional intel on this Alexei Borovsky guy, but he keeps bumping up against dead ends left and right, apparently. Maddy is still their most promising lead to be able to actually nail this fucker to the wall, but they want to make sure the case is airtight before they haul his ass in front of a judge, you know?"

"That makes sense," Deacon replied. "When you've got as much money as this guy seems to, you can afford some pretty swanky lawyers. With anything less than an absolute slam dunk case, the guy would probably walk."

I nodded my agreement. "Exactly. And that's where the news comes in."

Deacon leaned forward, putting his elbows on his desk and clasping his hands together. "Why do I get the feeling it's not good news?"

"Because it's not."

"Let's hear it, then." Deacon motioned for me to continue. I sighed heavily and nodded .

"Well, word on the street is that this fucker has already come up with an alibi for his whereabouts on the night in question."

"I hear voices. Am I missing a party?" Sully's voice boomed from the doorway, followed by a quick knock before he barged into the room.

"Not a party, just a discussion," Deacon said with a smirk.

"Fantastic. Fill me in. What are we talking about? Maddy and Niko's sexcapades the other night? ‘Cuz, Bro! What a performance! Honestly, I'm impressed." Quickly, I shushed the man. His booming voice was always louder than he realized. Hell, there was no way Maddy hadn't heard that comment from her room down the hall. I smacked my forehead in frustration.

" Try to keep your voice down, Sully. And no, this isn't about the mistake I made with Maddy."

"Mistake? Dude, what are you talking about? The brat energy came off of you both in waves the other day. I'm surprised you both didn't spontaneously combust before that romp-a-roo y'all had."

"Honestly, it sounded like you were both pretty evenly matched." He shook his head in confusion. As much as I wanted to believe his words, I could not allow myself to go down that road.

"Sully, it's over. It should never have begun in the first place."

"Why the fuck not?"

"Because this is business. But it's over now, anyway. I let her know it was a one-time thing, and would not be happening again."

"And she listened to you?" Sully asked with a chuckle of disbelief.

"Yeah, I find that hard to believe. What did she have to say when you told her?" Deacon chimed in, right as Jax knocked on the door.

"Did I miss the meeting memo?" Jax asked, popping his head in.

"Might as well join." Deacon shrugged as Jax came in and made himself comfortable on the floor.

"So, what's the scuttlebutt?" Jax inquired curiously, and Sully was all too willing to inform him of our discussions thus far. After finishing his all-too-animated recap, he turned back to me.

"So, back to what you were saying, Niko. What did she have to say when you told her it was a one-time thing?" Sully repeated Deacon's previous question.

"She didn't have anything to say." I shrugged nonchalantly, evading the truth.

"I find that hard to believe," Sully scoffed. "Maddy has something to say about just about everything. Speaking of, what's up with her? She hasn't come out of her room for more than a shower and food for two days now."

"Hold up, she seriously had nothing to say?" Deacon asked in confusion, his fingers ceasing their absentminded strumming.

"Nope, she said nothing," I responded simply.

"Or you didn't give her a chance to," Jax muttered under his breath. He'd seen right through my facade and, while I couldn't fault him, I could still be pissed about it.

"So you just told her it was done, and then wouldn't let her get a word in?" Sully asked, a touch of anger marring his normal jovial tone.

"I don't want to talk about it. I came in here to go over the new information from Quinn," I sighed heavily with frustration.

"Quinn did some digging and found that the word on the street is that this Alexei Borovsky guy already has an alibi for the night of Maddy's incident," Deacon added, filling in Jax and Sully for me.

"Of course he does," Sully scoffed derisively.

"It's suspected that Mr. Borovsky is the leader of this Dom Krovi gang, and has been for a while. Historically speaking, many men in similar positions have built a network of cronies that will do their bidding and keep them safe as the kingpin of the whole operation. It's quite common, and it becomes really difficult to catch men in that position. Often, if they ever get caught, it's because they violate some lesser law, and they get put away for offenses far less damning than the true nature of their crimes. For example, Al Capone went to prison for tax evasion," Jax added in that almost robotic way he did when prattling off information. It seemed there was no end to the man's wealth of knowledge.

"I wish we could just make shit happen, like when we were on active duty," Sully grumbled.

"No kidding," Deacon echoed, picking up his guitar once more. It was a comforting diversion for him, I knew, but I had noticed the way he'd become more isolated and reserved these last few days, since Maddy's arrival. I was worried about him. I made a mental note to check in with him one-on-one later in the day.

"We'd just take him out, stealth style," Sully said, making superhero-like gestures with his large, bulky arms.

"Where's Carrick when you need him?" Deacon chuckled, strumming a tune that didn't seem to have a purpose.

"No kidding. Our resident rogue is nowhere to be found when we need him most," Jax chuckled.

"Leave it to the resident nerd to make a Dungeons and Dragons reference."

"Anywhere and everywhere I can, baby." Jax winked at Sully, making kissy faces towards him.

"Does that make me the barbarian?" Sully teased, adopting a rough tone, even deeper than his normal bassy voice.

"Of course it does. Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Jax scoffed with a smirk.

"Every chance I get, sugar." Sully flexed his biceps, kissing one of them theatrically.

"If you two clowns are done, we really need to take this seriously," I chided them, shooting each of them a scolding look.

"Sorry, boss man," Sully muttered quietly. I nodded and started to speak again, only to have him cut me off once more, leaning over to Jax.

"What crawled up the Paladin's ass?" he muttered in a stage whisper. Jax just shrugged.

"Jesus tits, I can't get a word in edge-wise with the two of you. We need to take this seriously. Apparently, while Quinn was searching for information on Alexei, he found some more information about Maddy's case."

"What did he find?" Deacon asked.

"One of his informants heard Maddy's name being thrown around in some not-so-good circles downtown. This guy has figured out who she is."

"That puts her at far more risk than before," Sully muttered, his tone finally serious and on board with the conversation.

"Quinn is working an angle on the case to try and pin him with something, but it's slow going so far," I relayed the information Quinn had given me this morning.

"So she's gonna be here for the long haul?" Deacon asked, his eyes not lifting from his guitar. Still, I noticed the way his jaw clenched. Deacon was a loner if I'd ever met one. I didn't blame him. After what he'd been forced to do in his military days… Well, let's just say a man doesn't come back the same from that shit. Sharing our newly established haven wasn't easy on any of us, but on Deacon, it was worse.

"Yeah, it looks that way," I sighed, feeling the energy in the room lower as the reality of the situation settled over us.

One way or another, we'd get through this.

But, Christ, I hoped that I could survive the walking temptation that was Maddy along the way.

I settled in for the night, relaxing on my bed with a book. I had borrowed it from Sully. Most of my books were non-fiction and research materials, but I needed to escape for a while. Enter Sullivan — our resident book nerd, surprisingly. He had a love for this odd genre of novels I had never heard of. Not Sci-Fi, but not Fantasy either. I can't remember what he had called it. LitRPG, maybe? He said it was something nerdy, like Dungeons and Dragons, but in book form. When I had perused his shelves, he had likened this one to The Lord of the Rings, and that was enough for me. Anything to get my mind off of the drama unfolding with the case, and more importantly, the memory of Maddy beneath my hands, succumbing to my touch.

Leaning back against my headboard, I opened the book to the first page and began reading — only to be interrupted not three minutes later.

"Fuck, I'm not even to the second page," I grumbled under my breath. "Come in!"

"So, we need to talk." Maddy burst through the door, just waltzing in like she owned the place. At least she'd had the decency to knock.

"Maddy, it's nice to see you," I answered, ignoring her blunt statement. "You've been in your room a lot. I was worried you weren't going to speak to any of us for the remainder of your stay." I did my best to keep my tone calm and polite, but in reality, it was taking everything I had not to walk over to her, take her into my arms, and kiss her until we both forgot our names.

What the fuck was wrong with me? Missing this chit of a girl after only one night of fucking? That was not like me. And the very reason I wanted to escape into a book. I needed a break. What other reason could there be for me acting like a complete stranger to myself?

"I want to talk to you about the conversation we had the other day," she continued, pacing back and forth across my bedroom as she spoke.

"I am pretty sure I made myself clear during that conversation," I began, already feeling my hackles raise at her intrusion. I may have been a disciplined man, but she was putting that discipline to the test. I wasn't sure I would be able to deny her again. The temptation was overwhelming and near suffocating.

"Crystal clear. But you had your say. Now, it's my turn." Her words left no room for argument, not that she gave me any room to speak, anyway. "I heard what you had to say the other day. And now I have a few things to say in return."

I thought about arguing with her, putting my foot down, and not listening to her. But in the end, that would just make things more difficult. She would fight me, and I would fight back, and we'd end up in bed just as we had the other night. With a wave of my hand, I motioned for her to continue.

"I want to talk to you about the issues you presented about continuing this little thing between us. While I understand that mixing business with pleasure can be a disaster, that's not really something we have to worry about," she began.

"Oh really? And why do you think that?"

"Because rhetoric like that is beneath people like you and me, obviously."

"People like you and I?" I found myself intrigued, closing my book and folding my hands over my abdomen with an air of nonchalance I did not feel.

"People who cannot mix business with pleasure are worried about one of two things. Either there are ramifications of the legal or policy-based sort, or they are concerned about complicating a situation because they cannot handle their emotions," she explained, incessantly pacing as she ticked off the examples on her fingers.

"Makes sense."

"Exactly. And neither of those two situations apply here," she said emphatically, finally ceasing her pacing and turning to look at me.

"How do you figure?" I re-situated, sitting up further on the bed.

"Because Niko. First of all, there are no legal or policy regulations here. From what I understand, this entire situation is basically off the record. There is no law that states you aren't allowed to fuck someone you're protecting. And second, you and I have no emotional connection. This isn't some rom-com movie where the guy and girl fall madly in love. This is just two people scratching an itch."

"Scratching an itch, huh?" I couldn't hold back my smirk, crossing my arms over my chest again as she sat on the edge of my bed. The thought of her in my bed had been a fantasy I'd replayed countless times in my mind over these last few days.

"You know what I mean. My issue is that instead of talking to me like the grown-ass woman I am, you made a decision for me, without my consent. And based on what I know, I would have thought that a Dominant such as yourself would regard consent with a little more importance than you did." Her scowl of disapproval was not missed on my part, but her words shocked me.

"And what do you know about Dominants and consent?" My interest now greatly piqued, I sat up fully, regarding her with a curious gaze.

"Quite a bit, actually. I know the importance of communication and negotiation in the BDSM lifestyle. I understand how important consent is, and keeping strict boundaries," she explained, shocking me further.

"And how do you know that?"

"Well, I knew a little before I came here, though most of that was through bad movies and such. But after reading this book Jax lent me—"

"I'm going to kill him," I muttered under my breath, the truth of the situation becoming clear to me instantly.

"No, you won't!" She seethed, snapping her fingers at me. "Jax gave me information, though very little. He treated me like an adult, whereas you did not." Her eyes narrowed, regarding me with a challenge I almost wanted to push back against.

"He had no right to tell you about my proclivities."

"He didn't. You did. You are the one who admitted to being a Dominant and then left me with no explanation and no information. Do not blame Jax for your poor behavior," she barked. For a moment, I was taken aback. She was fierce, her eyes alight with fire and passion as she spoke. It would have been a fucking turn-on if she hadn't been so wildly pissed at me at that very moment.

Who was I kidding? That made it even more of a turn-on.

"Jax gave me a book to read, and I'm thankful for it. I understand much more now. What I do not understand is your behavior. Regardless of the situation, you denied me the ability to speak my mind or have any say in what was happening. While it may not change the outcome, I feel I had a right to at least speak my peace."

"It's not that simple, Maddy," I sighed, rubbing my eyes with vexation.

"Then explain it to me like a fucking adult, instead of whatever this behavior is." I could hear anger simmering just below the surface, but to her credit, she held it at bay, attempting a rational, calm conversation. Possibly the first we'd had since she had arrived.

"Communication and consent are key in BDSM, and to me personally," I began.

"Well, you certainly didn't show me any of that respect the other day," she huffed, that frustration breaking through the surface finally.

"Please, let me finish." She nodded her head after a moment, allowing me permission to continue. I had to admit, that didn't feel the best to my more Dominant nature. "Even when boundaries are set and negotiations are made, they can be easily broken. I know that all too well."

"Explain further," she pushed. I bit back a growl.

"It's complicated."

"I won't accept that. Talk to me, dammit," she huffed.

"It doesn't concern you," I bit right back at her.

"If you want me to understand, you're going to have to start treating me like an adult, Niko. Do you think I can't handle it? Please. I witnessed a man get his face shot off right in front of me. I can handle much more than you give me credit for."

Her words stopped me in my tracks. She had a point. I was treating her the same way I had treated Vanessa. Christ, had that been a shit show of a situation, and here I was, treating Maddy like she and Vanessa were the same person. In reality, they could not have been more different.

I sighed heavily, making peace with the decision to be transparent with her, at least on this matter. "I have been a Dominant for eight years now, in the real sense, at least. Last year, I met a woman at a local dungeon. She and I hit it off pretty quickly. Our wants were aligned, and we did a test scene together at the dungeon. It went well, so we agreed to negotiate a dynamic between the two of us."

"So you were in a relationship?" she asked, but I quickly shook my head.

"No, not a relationship in any kind of romantic sense. In fact, that was one of the boundaries, or limits, I put into place in our negotiations. It was to be a play dynamic only. Nothing more official than that, and definitely not romantic."

"Scratching an itch," Maddy muttered quietly.

"Exactly. Except she didn't see it that way. After a few scenes together, she started pushing those limits, asking for more care at first."

"Aftercare?" she asked, once again surprising me with her knowledge of the lifestyle vernacular. She was nothing if not a quick study, it seemed.

"Yes, exactly. It was little things that began to turn into bigger things. Before long, she was showing up here, upset and crying about how I was not showing her enough affection. She started making demands for dates, for cuddling outside of aftercare, and more. She wanted a relationship." Going back through the events of that time had me stressed. I pinched the bridge of my nose, hopeful of staving off the headache that was beginning to pulse at my temples.

"She broke your boundaries," she whispered. My eyes lifted, watching as her brow furrowed. Not with confusion, but with anger at the idea of breaking boundaries.

"Ending things with her was difficult, and I do not want to go through that again," I finished with a heavy sigh.

"Niko, you have to know that not everyone is like her. I understand boundaries. Quite well, actually. I just wish you had given me enough respect to at least talk to me. To give me a chance, instead of assuming I would be like her."

"You're right—"

"Wait, what?"

"I said, you're right," I repeated, a little louder so she could hear me more clearly.

"I'm sorry. I don't think I caught that. One more time, please?"

"You little brat." I could not hold back my smirk at her little display of sass, grabbing the pillow from behind me and smacking her with it. In all honesty, I was grateful for the moment of levity.

"From what I hear, you like brats," she teased.

"I really am going to kill Jax," I muttered, vowing to myself to make his life hell or die trying.

"So, can we please have a real discussion about this? If you still choose to not move forward with our… let's call it itch-scratching , then so be it. But I think it deserves an actual conversation, at the very least." I could not find fault in her words, so I nodded my agreement.

The talk lasted hours, to the point that sunlight gave way to shadows. Even Sully had knocked on the door at one point, offering us a tray with two plates of dinner, set just outside the door. I made a mental note to thank him later after this conversation was over. As it was, there was no way I was interrupting the incredible negotiation that had begun between Maddy and me.

She was insightful and expressive as she asked questions. And she gave as good as she got. I found myself impressed by her candor and her curiosity. She had boundaries and wasn't afraid to speak them, regardless of how I felt about a particular act. She had a backbone, and I found it immensely refreshing.

Far too often, I had found that subs, usually new to the lifestyle, refused to set limits or boundaries out of a misplaced desire to please the Dominant they were negotiating with. But that was wildly dangerous behavior and a massive red flag. But that wasn't Maddy. No, she spoke her mind, and had more desire to truthfully represent herself than she did to please me.

"Before we end this, I just want to make something clear, Niko," she said as the negotiations came to a close. The sound of crickets chirping away outside accompanied our conversation now, singing their melody among the chorus of summer-time nocturnal animals.

"What's that?" I asked, feeling the first bits of exhaustion start to hit me. A glance at the clock told me we had been talking for hours now, and the evening had come and passed.

"I understand why you were so hesitant before. Getting burned by someone you thought you could trust? That's not small potatoes. If I didn't make that clear at the beginning of this conversation, I apologize. I understand your boundaries, and I have no desire for this to be anything more than some exploration and fun for me." Her words touched me, the feeling sitting uncomfortably tight in my chest.

"Thank you for understanding."

"That being said, I fully intend to continue pushing your buttons. Especially now that I understand the difference between punishments and funishments ," she added with a wink.

"Oh yeah? Then tell me, what are the differences? And it'll be harder than you think to find that balance. The lines have been drawn now, and boundaries set. Think you can handle it?" I asked with a smirk, loving the fact that she chose to end this incredibly serious conversation with some brattiness.

"Punishments are for things done in violation of the rules or boundaries and are handled quickly and immediately with a conversation. Funishments are, in this case, earned and tallied by clicks, and will be dealt with in a mutually agreed upon manner during a scene. And ooh, buddy , I think I'm more than up to the challenge," she quipped as she stood to leave the room.

And I had only one thing to say to that .

"Click."

The sudden twinge of tension in her shoulders told me that our new disciplinary guidelines were already having the intended effect.

Perfect.