Chapter 39

MAEVE

Since the accidental vision,I"ve slept with rose quartz beneath my pillow, hoping to attune myself more to the crystal that I"ve used to help with visions in the past. Back in my room, I dive a hand beneath the pillow and pull the smooth stones out.

"Why are you looking at me like that?" I ask Jamie, as I turn back. "I know you think crystals won"t help, but anything is worth a shot."

Jamie"s blue eyes recently held the same haunted edge as last time I predicted his death, but at this moment they"re softer, and his silent scrutiny flips my stomach.

"Just watching you and thinking how beautiful you are," he says softly. He crosses to me and brushes my hair over a shoulder, running his light fingertips along my neck. "But also, how much I hate when the world weighs you down."

I touch his lips. "I"m okay."

He smiles wryly. "And I"m bonded to you, so I know that"s a lie. Before we focus on the scrying, tell me what else happened with Tobias."

I can"t avoid this conversation, although last night I tried. After Ash"s help, I"ve processed the events and I'm more prepared to field any bad reaction from Jamie. I"d considered telling Jamie and Andrei together, in public, later. But if I lie now, I"ll piss off Jamie.

"Promise not to lose your temper," I say and squeeze the stone in my hand.

"Oh, fuck." He sits on the edge of the bed. "Go on."

"He told me something new." Jamie raises an expectant eyebrow. "Years back, when Tobias worked with the Dominion, he had a relationship with one of them," I continue cautiously.

"Right. Not a surprise. The guy buried himself deep in their world."

"Someone important."

Have I paled? Jamie"s eyes search mine, then go wide as he stands. "Not Gabriella. Fuck, Maeve, I couldn"t deal with that." He lowers his voice, darting a look to the bedroom door. "Can you imagine how Andrei will react? We'll definitely see what the guy"s capable of now."

I can"t help but laugh, but the sound comes higher pitched, false. "Omigod, Jamie. Tobias prefers witches, remember?"

My heart pounds in my ears as loudly as Andrei"s does sometimes as I watch Jamie and wait for the penny to drop.

"Anastasia?" he asks quietly and when I don"t immediately reply, his cheeks grow pink. "Tell me you"re joking."

"No." I chew my bottom lip. "I feel sick when I think about him with Anastasia, but there"s nothing I can do. I have to accept that"s Tobias"s past."

"His past?" Jamie chokes out. "How do we know Anastasia didn"t have influence over Tobias before she died?"

"I would say the Confederacy screwing with his mind and the curse would"ve stopped any chance of that," I say, telling Jamie what I"ve persuaded myself too. "And Tobias would"ve stopped Ash from killing her under the academy if she had any influence left."

He rubs his fist against his mouth and walks to the window, silently staring at the street below. Am I about to trigger a Jamie explosion? Because the room thickens with a darker energy. "Ash knows?"

"Yes."

"I presume Andrei doesn"t." Jamie looks back when I don"t reply. "No? How do you think he"ll react?"

"Worse than you, especially since he"s overprotective right now," I say quietly. "Are you okay?"

"Okay?" He chokes a laugh. "No, I"m bloody not. And you"re unnaturally calm about this, Maeve. Did Tobias do something to your mind?"

"No. I"m furious that Tobias hid this, but what can I do? Anastasia is dead. What"s the point in fighting with Tobias? Our focus is on here and now." I say the words I"ve repeated in my mind again and again, while pushing away images of the morning at the Blackwood House—Tobias sitting with Anastasia at breakfast like old friends. Lovers.

"Tobias hid this tiny fact from us all," says Jamie through gritted teeth.

"We"ve accepted that Tobias will always hold back parts of his past. I know most of what he hides now—you know, too, but please leave the situation alone."

Jamie mutters something under his breath. "If we weren"t so close to the end of all this and need him, I wouldn"t hold back my thoughts, Maeve."

"I want this to end," I whisper. "For us all to live together, untouched, unthreatened. Am I asking the impossible?"

"No." He takes and kisses my fingertips. "This bullshit can"t last forever."

Jamie"s lips press to mine, softly at first, until I slide a hand into the back of his hair and move my mouth harder against his. His arms circle me, holding me to him as if clinging to our moment as we share a kiss filled with love and magic.

"I"m desperate for time with you away from here," he whispers, lips against the dip in my shoulder. "Sometimes when we"re all together, it"s deafening, and I lose you in the noise."

"The magic?" I pull away and gaze at him.

"No, the sheer amount of energy created around the group overwhelms me." He kisses my forehead. "I want quiet. Us. Like the night at Lex"s."

"Naked in a cold house by a fire?" I tease.

He smiles. "Don"t send my mind in that direction."

"I love you, Jamie," I say softly. "You"ve stepped away from the edges and not hiding your thoughts any longer. And I love you more for that."

He sighs and traces my face with his fingers. "I think I pissed off the others recently."

"Why? Because you spoke up?" He shrugs. "You know the heart of me more than anybody else. You understand our magic and if you believe that together we can manage the shadows, then I know it"s possible. We"ll arrange to see Lex again as soon as possible."

"Hmm. As long as Lex doesn"t kick my backside and then lock you up for your own protection."

My eyes go wide. "Lex would never do something like that. If you knew Astrid"s history, you"d understand why."

"Understand Lex? He"s a closed book to me, Maeve."

"I think Lex always has been. To everybody." I shake my head. "We"ll cross that bridge when we"ve smashed Gabriella"s. I"m still trying to contact him."

"Off the grid again?" he asks.

"I"m not surprised after the fallout with the other guys about his lies. I bet he"s watching Astrid."

Jamie says nothing. Lies. Like Tobias.

I push my fingers into Jamie"s hair, then kiss him again. "Can we agree that you don"t confront Tobias about Anastasia? Agree that he"s proved himself since?"

"Are you sure Tobias didn"t affect your mind to stop you reacting badly?" he asks cautiously.

"No, Jamie. I can focus on changing the future; I"ve no possibility I"ll change the past. The past only affects the future as far we allow, and this piece of the past can"t weaken us."

With a sigh, Jamie drops onto the bed and sits cross-legged, holding a hand out for me to join him. I sit opposite, mirroring his stance, and place the warm crystals between us.

"Your decision to tell me about Tobias might help," he says. "Seems that I help with your visions when I"m annoyed."

I smile. "Not as intense as last time, please. Would you like to look into the scene where I speak to Andrei?"

"No. We"ve got nowhere with that over the last couple of days." He brushes hair from my cheek, averting his eyes. "I understand you want to help, but let"s push further into the future."

"If we can."

"Maeve," he warns and places both hands on my cheeks, the magic pressing into my skin. "Positive thoughts."

I nod and grip his fingers.

We"ve practiced a few times since the day Jamie triggered my vision, although I don"t find myself in the state as quickly as that time. Whenever the whispering darkness comes into my mind and the world fades, I give myself wholly. I no longer fight the visions as I did before I understood what I am.

Is Jamie correct that the shadows always came with me and influenced my visions? Fog obscured Jamie"s death in the early visions until they became clearer, but I don"t remember every past one as obscured.

What happened behind the mirror when my fathers and their friends stepped into the shadow realm? I"m positive they saw something. The future? Another world? I"m annoyed Lex gave Jamie vague answers, and although I"ve no desire to travel through mirrors to unknown places, Lex should tell us everything if I"m to understand what the shadows are.

As my awareness of everything, including Jamie"s hands, melts away, I"m taken to a vision of the future. I"m not in that place with Andrei or somewhere I recognise, but the confusing scene around me opens up a future planned by Gabriella. Or the First. Or both.