Chapter 21
MAEVE
Although I"ve acceptedthat I need to take care around this new Andrei, I can"t keep away from him any longer. We"ve rarely spent time alone since sitting on the roof at dawn. Is the guy who once couldn"t spend a day without kissing or touching me now following the sensible path and withholding? Or has part of Andrei"s change stopped him from physically wanting me?
Andrei took the attic room on the top floor, joking that"s always his place, whereas I took a bedroom on the middle floor. This requires slow sneaking from my room towards Andrei"s, freezing each time a floorboard groans beneath my feet, although I"m unlikely to disturb anybody. Old houses come alive with creaks from wood or sounds inside pipes and everybody"s used to that after our time at the Winterfall house.
I ache to return to the place I now see as home—our home. We"re safest there, the residual magic intensified by the energy Jamie and I brought with us when we moved to the estate. Nobody ever invaded, apart from the First who could go anywhere if not trapped. Here, despite the runes, I"m exposed, surrounded by people living nearby, some who could be watching. Waiting. A Dominion member already broke in; how many more lurk nearby?
I reach Andrei"s room and the moment I open the door; a flashback hits. He"s lying beneath a blanket on his back, totally still in a dark room. Only this time, the heartbeat I could only hear faintly back then thrums louder in my ears. Now, Andrei"s heart always beats in my mind, like the creature"s did when trapped beneath the academy. This gave me comfort during the nightmare days—Andrei was alive.
Tempted as I am to creep into bed with Andrei, I quietly close the door and sit on the edge of the bed. "Andrei," I whisper and nudge him.
He murmurs in his sleep and shifts, placing an arm above his head on the pillow, the blanket slipping. The raven tattoo shows across his toned chest, and I almost lose my resolve. We"ve kissed and touched, hugged over and over, but I haven"t really reconnected with the guy I love and thought I"d lost.
I kneel on the floor by the bed then lean down to place my lips on his, another horrible flashback to when he didn"t move.
"Maeve?" he whispers.
"Who else would it be? Unless you"re friendlier with the guys now," I tease.
Andrei pulls a face at me and draws back the blanket, inviting me in. He"s inviting, and although Andrei doesn"t sleep naked, dressed in a pair of boxers, the dips and planes of his muscular body send my pulse haywire.
I shake my head and he sits, propping himself on his elbows. "Are you frightened of me?"
"No. Not at all," I say and kneel up to kiss him softly on the lips, revisiting the urge to slide hands into Andrei"s hair and really kiss him. "I"m confused why you stay away from me, Andrei."
He regards me silently, gaze moving to where my strappy PJ top reveals more skin than when I"m dressed. "I miss you," he says quietly. "I love you."
"And I love you. We"ve told each other this so many times the last few days." I stroke his cheek. "But I"m worried that you"re avoiding time alone with me."
Andrei crawls from the bed and kneels beside me on the floor, face to face as he gently holds my cheeks. "I"ve always struggled with the intensity around us, but now I"ve moved from "I can"t breathe around you" to "I"m drowning". Maeve, remember how everything intensified after Gabriella fed me the First"s blood? That"s nothing compared to now." I swallow as his mouth brushes mine. "You"ve no idea how I"ve struggled with wanting to come to you before now. To prove I"m still your Andrei; still the one who makes fucking dumb decisions and hurts you."
"Andrei," I say and put my fingers on his lips. "The past. We move on."
His fingers tremble as he sits back and pushes his fringe to one side.
He"s beautiful. Hemia beautiful, but more now, as if the First"s blood shaped Andrei into perfection. To me, he was perfection. I"d explored every inch of him, grown familiar with the tautly muscular body, the raw power hidden inside his lithe frame. Andrei had the same force in his muscles as Ash, but without the size.
Now everything"s magnified for us both.
I clamber onto Andrei and straddle his lap, both hands in his hair as I pull him into a kiss. A kiss we"ve shared so many times in the past, the one unleashed when we"ve missed our time alone. The type of kiss I"d never give Andrei if other people were around.
He groans and wraps an arm around my waist, a hand holding my cheek. I taste him properly, smell that this is my Andrei—the slight sweetness behind the soap that reminds me of every time we"re close like this.
"Maeve, stop," he breathes out, moving his head back.
"No gum?" I tease.
But his face has drawn into a serious expression. "That would never work anymore. I learned that by the summerhouse the other day." Both hands now grip my waist, and his newly coloured eyes shine in the night as a cat"s would, pupils larger. "I can"t think straight. All I want is you in my bed. Against the wall, on the floor, hell anywhere I stand or sit beside you. When I say I want to taste you and possess you, it"s more than what the other guys would mean, and I really fucking do."
My hands remain in his hair, and I rest my forehead on his. "And I would stop you."
"I don"t think you could," he says hoarsely.
I pull my head back. "You could."
Andrei rubs his lips together and shakes his head. "I can hear every beat of your pulse, all the time, and every scent overpowers me—the sweetness on your skin, in your hair. Your blood." He squeezes his eyes shut. "Everything about you has become lost in a haze of blood, Maeve."
"That"s not true." I shift against his lap where he"s hard beneath me, frustratingly held back by my sleep shorts and his boxers. He only has to say the word and I"d take the next step.
Andrei catches my hand as I slide it down towards him. "I want you so fucking much. Too much. I"m terrified of what might happen."
"We"ll be okay," I whisper. "We"ve worked around everything."
"I"m not him anymore, Maeve," he says, mouth turning down. "I"m not Andrei. Yes, I am on a lot of levels, but I feel as if the guy I knew a few weeks ago is only in the corner of my mind."
"You don"t behave any differently. Maybe you"re just adjusting?" I suggest. "We can adjust again."
Sucking in a breath, he releases my waist and puts his hands behind him, palms down on the floor. Andrei"s hair fell back into his eyes, and I can no longer see his expression.
"Do you remember the images you saw in my mind? Weeks ago, at the academy." I frown and shake my head. "In mental magic class, when I imagined me and you in the library. For days afterwards, you avoided me because what you saw scared you."
"Everything"s a world away from that. We are." I reach out. "Our physical relationship moved on a lot since then."
"Look into my head," he whispers.
"No," I whisper.
"You need to know."
"Again, no. Because if they"re thoughts you don"t want to have, I"m not prompting them."
He laughs. "Maeve. You"re aroused. That"s something else I"m more aware of and that drove me beyond distraction even before I became this." Gently, he lifts me from him, and sets me on the floor. "I"m sorry," he says and brushes his mouth against mine.
Is this what the First hinted at? That Andrei"s desires would be too potent, and he"d hurt me? I clench my teeth. That creature will not break us.
"You"re calmer than I expected after the uh… news," he remarks.
"Deft subject change," I grumble. "My reaction isn"t the only one we"ll need to deal with. Jamie and Ash will lose their shit, too."
"Yeah."
"Let me stay with you tonight," I whisper. "I promise not to kiss you again."
He makes a pained sound. "I don"t not want to kiss you."
I move to lie down on his bed and look at the ceiling. As he joins me, Andrei lies on his side, and his fingers move across my face and lips. The small intimacies like this always show me our love is more than physical. Much more. We established that months ago, and Andrei has to hold on to that.
"Promise we"ll work on this?" I say, catching his fingers to kiss them.
"We will." With a sigh, Andrei pulls me to him as we spoon together, and I clutch onto the arm wrapped around me. "And we"ll work on the other issue. You"re never taking that thing"s blood from me, Maeve. I will never, ever turn you. The world needs this Maeve Winterfall. I need her."
The world needs Maeve Winterfall.Something haunted me since Lex threw his crazy theory at us that the Dominion wasn"t entirely responsible for the massacre. The Blackwoods planned to free the First and so they needed Winterfall magic, which puts a question mark over their involvement in the Winterfall massacre. Why would the Dominion wipe out my family line when they couldn"t achieve their crazed goal to bring the First back without Winterfall magic?
If the Confederacy knew about Gabriella and Anastasia"s plans to free the First, they"d do everything they could to end the magic needed to unseal the prison.
Including killing the whole family line?
Werethe Confederacy involved in the plot to kill my family? The creeping unease moves through me, growing each time I consider Lex"s words.
I"ve told Dorian that his crusade against Oskar and Confederacy isn"t our war. But we"ve known for a long time that we share his aims—free the world from both the corrupt who hold power, and the terrorists who would take that from them.
Otherwise, we"ll never be free, even if we do defeat the god-like force trying to end everything,
"Stupid question, but are you okay?" whispers Andrei, nudging my neck. "Your energy"s spiked into something weird."
"Don"t worry. No shadows," I say quietly. "Just thinking about things."
"We can"t solve anything now. Sleep," he murmurs into my hair.
Falling asleep feels like an eternity as I lay awake in Andrei"s arms, his strange heartbeat reminding me of everything I wanted to forget, his scent and touch everything I"d longed for. A few days ago, lying here seemed a dream as impossible for me as Andrei"s dream to walk in the day.
When I wake, I'm alone in the bed, confused at first where I am. Andrei isn"t beside me but the sheet"s still warm and bed imprinted with his shape. He"s sitting in a chair, now dressed, and facing the window. Knees drawn to his chest, bare feet on the seat, Andrei"s still and silent. I squint at his phone. 2AM. Too early for him to watch another dawn.
As I gaze at Andrei, I"m more aware why I mistook him for the First the day he returned to us. The aura the creature carries interferes with the light around the body it inhabits, barely noticeable but there. In the dark, that aura"s more visible—and the void this creates in the world hovers around Andrei now. Not in the way the shadows would, but as a complete opposite to the glow Andrei had in the first couple of days.
Hairs on my arms lift. Andrei is different. I sense something in him I can"t describe—a tightly wrapped otherness held inside that I sensed when in his arms. What does containing the First"s energy mean for him? I don"t believe for a moment Andrei"s tricking us by not telling us about other changes, but I"m certain that connecting with me isn"t the only part of himself he"s holding back.
Do I go to him?
"I"m okay, Maeve," Andrei says through the dark in the voice that isn"t quite his. "I have a lot to process."
"Do you feel safe?" I whisper.
His silver-green eyes shine as he looks over at me. "Do you?"
"Yes. Do you want to talk about what"s happened to you?"
"I would if I could understand what to talk about," he says, and the moonlight highlights his sad smile.
I clamber from the bed, the cooler air hitting my arms as I tread across the floor towards him. Andrei moves his legs and I climb onto his lap, curling into him, arms around his waist and cheek pressed against his hot skin.
"I won"t allow that creature to hurt anybody else," he says, kissing the top of my head. "Nothing will happen to you."
"Then the First can"t influence you through her blood, otherwise you"d never have thoughts like that," I murmur against his skin.
Andrei stays silent.
The First can"t influence and force Andrei to turn me against my will.
But the creature has the power to return Andrei to his living death.