Chapter 39

Chapter Thirty-Nine

Chloe

The house is dark when I pull up, which has me concerned. I barely get my car in park in the driveway before I'm running to the front door and ringing the doorbell cam.

"Ayana! It's Chloe! Are you home?"

The door swings open to reveal a young woman and Ayana, both with smiles on their faces. Paul runs up to knock me over with a headbutt. I scratch behind his ears and stumble over my words, not quite sure what's happening. "Ayana? Is...everything okay?"

"Hi, I'm Kara, babysitter for Ayana. We have a confession." The girl nudges Ayana with her elbow.

Ayana jumps into action, taking my hand and pulling me into the house. Paul's nails click on the floor behind us. "I kiiiind of told a lie when I was on the phone with you."

I dig my heels in and put my hands on my hips, heart rate finally coming down from the stratosphere. "There are no ‘kind of lies.' Only flat out lies."

Ayana's shoulders shift up to her ears and her smile is more sheepish now. "Yeah...so I lied to get you here."

"I told her it was a bad idea to lie," Kara chimes in, earning a glare from Ayana.

I put my hands up and they both hush. "Is Nikolai here?"

"No," they answer in unison.

"That's why I wanted you here," Ayana goes on. "We don't have much time."

She takes my hand again and pulls me into the living room and down on the couch with her. I let her, wanting to get to the bottom of what's going on. Paul curls up at my feet and I realize I've even missed the dog. Now that I know Nikolai isn't here, I hope I won't have to run into him if I get out of here quickly enough.

"I miss you, Chloe." Ayana looks at Kara. "No offense." Kara waves off her concern.

"I miss you too, Ayana, but you can't lie about an emergency just to see me. If you talk to your dad, I'm sure we can come up with times we can hang out."

"Okay, but that's not why I had to get you here."

I try not to let the exasperation into my voice. "Then why am I here?"

Ayana spreads her arms out to the sides. "Because Dad's in love with you. Duh!"

I'm shaking my head before she even finishes that sentence. "No, honey. He's not." My heart aches with the admission, but the sooner I disabuse her of this notion, the better off she'll be.

Ayana jumps to her feet and begins to pace the floor, looking agitated. "Yes, he is! I know what love looks like. He's happy and smiley when you're around and grumpy and mean when you're gone. He works out all the time now that you don't live here. And he keeps your photo in his sock drawer!"

That last one has my attention. "Sock drawer?"

"Yes!" Ayana exclaims, like this explains everything. "Dad always says you don't just fall in love with a goat."

I try to turn that one around in my brain, but come up with more confusion.

"He just means that you choose who you fall in love with and I think he's right. He chose you to fall in love with, but he's too stubborn to admit it. So, you have to be here and get him to listen."

That heartache I've been nursing turns into a whole rib cage of pain. "Oh, honey. It's not that simple." I grasp her hands and pull her back onto the couch with me. "Two people can care for each other and still not be right for a relationship."

"That's stupid!" Ayana cries.

"Yes. That is stupid," comes a deep rumble from behind me.

"Dad!" Ayana shoots to her feet and pulls Nikolai into the room, just to shove him down next to me on the couch. "So glad you're here. Kara and I have to take Paul for a walk."

"Now?" Kara asks, checking her phone for the time. Ayana hisses and Kara jumps up, clearly remembering some scheme they worked out ahead of time.

My heart, the stubborn organ that can't seem to get up to pace with reality, is thumping against my chest at the sight of Nikolai. The eyes that I've seen go ice cold are crackling with warmth. His shoulders block out the world as he turns to me, creating a bubble of just him and me. His scent hits me and I swear every bone in my body aches from not being near him for several weeks.

The three get out the door with a whispered flurry of words and several barks from Paul to get a move on. When the door finally shuts behind them, Nikolai, who's been staring at me like he's drinking me in, finally speaks.

"She is right. Two people who care for each other is the basis of every solid relationship."

I nod, actually following along for the first time tonight. "I–I'm sorry to just show up here. Ayana called and insinuated she was alone. I came racing over, but I can go now."

Nikolai's hand shoots out to hold me in place. I freeze, absolutely unwilling to pull away from him. Not when my whole body is hyper focused on where his fingers are stroking my skin. "Please stay. There is much I need to say."

I may have started putting my own needs first with this move to Tampa, but I'm still me. When someone asks me for something, I tend to want to give it to them. And I really do want to hear what Nikolai has to say, even if it tears my heart in pieces. Again.

"Okay," I croak.

Nikolai doesn't release me, but he does nod. I can't tell if he's frowning because he's mad I'm here or if this is just his resting frown face. "Last time we were together you told me something that I have not been able to get out of my mind."

I hide behind my eyelids and wish for a hole to crawl into. Nikolai squeezes my hand and my eyes flutter open.

"I walked out like a coward and I owe you an apology for that."

I shake my head. "No apology needed."

"Yes, Chloe. Only an idiot would walk away from you sharing your heart. I am that idiot. You do not owe me anything, but I hope you will listen to what I have to say now."

I nod and he continues. I can barely breathe but promise myself one hell of a cocktail for surviving this humiliation.

"I thought I could not love you because my focus has always been my career and Ayana. Very important people in my life have shown me I am an idiot. What I taught Ayana is wrong. You cannot choose who you love or when it happens." He takes my hand and places it on his thigh, wrapping me in both hands. "I love you, Chloe Cooper."

My heart stills and I forget to breathe. I stare at him, waiting for the next part of that sentence. The "gotcha!" that surely is to come. The reasons for why we can never be together. Or that he is simply wrong for loving me.

But he doesn't continue. He just stares right back at me until we find ourselves in a staring contest.

"It is okay if you do not love me anymore. I have given you so many reasons to hate me, actually, but I wanted you to know that your love was returned. I was just too much of an–"

"Idiot?" I supply for him, finally finding my voice.

He dips his head. "Yes. Idiot."

"Wait." I screw up my face, trying to decipher this conversation. "Are you saying you still love me? Or you used to love me?"

He brings my hand up to his lips and presses the back of my hand to his mouth. Just a flutter of a kiss, but it sends off a riot of butterflies in my stomach. "I am in love with you now and I imagine I always will be. As much as I did not want to admit it before, I can see that I cannot stop it now."

I gape at him, somewhere in the back of my brain laughing at myself for my imitation of Sushi. "Okay, but what's the catch?"

Nikolai's eyebrows draw together. "The catch?"

I pull my hand from his before I beg him to let me move back in. "Yes. You love me, but...what? We can't be together because...Ayana? Your career? Your family? Explain it to me like I'm seven."

"I am like a goat looking at a watch." Nikolai shakes his head in disgust. What is with this family and the goat references? "I am good at hockey, but not much else, it seems. Chloe, I love you and I want to be with you. There are priorities in my life, yes. But I want you to be one of them. I am learning that life is not all or nothing."

I jump to my feet, suddenly so nervous I need to move or I fear I might fall apart. "You love me and want to be with me. That's what you're saying."

He stands too, looking so unlike his take-charge self, under different circumstances I'd laugh. "Yes. That is all correct."

My lips understand first, slowly tilting up on the sides into the widest, cheesiest grin that ever grinned. "Well, I love you too. Still."

Nikolai's hands come up to land on my hips, pulling me into his chest. Every muscle in my body relaxes against him, like they'd just been waiting to be connected with this man all these weeks.

"Then be with me. Please. I am not good with words, but I will show you every day that you are loved."

I'm nodding automatically. He's not great with words, but damn is he good with his hands and his thoughtfulness. And I'm far too in love with him to not give him a second chance. "Consider me with you. Done."

He shakes his head, a lopsided smile finally replacing the frown. "No, malish . Never done." And then he dips his head and kisses me.