Chapter 31

Chapter Thirty-One

Chloe

I hang up with the contractor from my duplex, thoroughly frustrated and wondering how they can be so dang wrong with their estimate of completion. The only professional that gets more things wrong is a weatherman. My home was supposed to be ready tomorrow, but he's informed me that now I'm looking at middle of next week. Pushing open Nikolai's front door, Paul's excited whine greets me. His tail sweeps across the wood floor, but he stays seated.

"What a good boy you are," I coo, crouching down and dumping off my duffle bag to pet the cutie. "Those obedience lessons are paying off, aren't they?"

The high-pitched voice does him in and he lunges, knocking me backward. I laugh, rolling with it and getting a face full of dog tongue as I sprawl out on the floor. Seconds later Nikolai appears above me, lifting the excited pupper off me and offering a hand.

Not exactly the way I wanted to greet Nikolai after our night together. Dog slobber and on my ass. I let him help me up though, and he shakes his head.

"Let me put Paul outside." He disappears before I can tell him it's fine. The dog didn't hurt me. He was just excited. I take the opportunity to head for the kitchen where I splash water on my face and wash my hands. Nikolai finds me there a few minutes later, his arms crossed over his chest. Big surprise, he's frowning.

"Everything all right, big guy?" I revert to the teasing that hallmarked all our interactions before our night together. It's a defense mechanism, and I know it, but I'm grasping at straws here to keep my heart from getting into the mix of things.

"Practice went well," he says. Which does not explain the frown. I dip my head and put a hand on my hip. He steps farther into the kitchen and I can't help myself. I discreetly inhale, getting a whiff of that scent of his. Is it cologne? Body wash? A fucking pheromone designed to bring women to their knees?

"Matt seemed . . . helpful."

He doesn't elaborate and my mind whirls, trying to figure out what he's not saying. "Uh, yeah. He's great. I'm glad I hired him. He's good with the kids and will be absolutely necessary when we split the league into age groups."

"We must talk," he says abruptly, dropping his arms and clenching his fists.

I shoot him a smile he most certainly doesn't return. "Aren't we talking right now?"

"Chloe," he growls.

"Nikolai," I growl right back in a lowered voice that sounds nothing like him.

And suddenly he's not across the room, he's right in front of me, a single hand gripping my face while his body presses me into the counter behind me. "You are driving me crazy," he admits, dropping his head to lean his forehead against mine, eyes squeezed tightly shut.

My hands land on his hips, disobeying me by fumbling under his shirt and sliding against the warm skin at his waist. "How so?" I ask, voice coming out shaky.

His eyes fly open and all two hundred plus pounds of him is pressed against me, angry at me for some reason. Even though my breathing kicks up, I don't feel afraid. He flexes his hips against my belly. Aha. Not angry. Turned on.

"I see you with other men and it makes me insane. I want you to touch me . Smile at me . You teased Matt about his spin away at the end of practice and I realized I want all of your teasing too. Aimed at me and me only. I want to own that mouth of yours."

My face is on fire. I've never been talked to this way, and I fucking love it. The mouth he wants so badly can barely form words. "It's yours."

And it's true. As much as I wanted this year to be about fun and exploration and nothing serious, I have zero interest in sharing anything of myself with any other man. Foolishly, I tried. And it was an utter failure.

Nikolai inhales, his eyes sliding shut once more. He looks pained, like every muscle is clenched tight while he tries to get himself under control. Then his eyes flick open and his blue gaze sears into my soul.

"Show me."

He moves back an inch, his hands leaving my face to put pressure on my shoulders. My eyes go wide and my mouth waters. I'm so wet I have a Slip ‘n Slide party in my pants. I drop to my knees, steadying myself with my hands on his muscled thighs. He exhales, taking me in on the kitchen floor in front of him and he smiles. It's not a happy smile. It's a wolfish smile that makes me rub my thighs together even as they tremble.

His hands fly to his pants, unzipping and shoving them down over his hips. His cock is out and hard and already dripping. He fists the base of himself and cups his other hand under my chin, drawing my gaze back up to his face.

"If you need me to stop, put your hands up in the air. Otherwise, hands on my legs." I nod, more turned on than I've ever been in my life. "Hold on, malish . I am going to fuck that smart mouth."

He runs the tip of himself across my lips, his taste blooming as I dart my tongue out to lick the moisture away. A hum of approval hits my ears. His fingers slide into my hair, fisting it around his hand, and then he plunges inside ruthlessly and without further warning. It takes all of my concentration not to gag when he hits the back of my throat. He withdraws, giving me a precious few seconds to inhale oxygen. Then he takes control of my head completely, thrusting back inside over and over again. My lips ache at the stretch and there's no time for me to do anything but hold on.

Spit lines his cock, helping to glide him in and out, and soon it's dribbling down my chin too. Tears prick at my eyes as I struggle to breathe through my nose, but I keep my gaze trained on his face. I've never seen a more beautiful sight than Nikolai with his jaw clenched hard and his gaze trained on my mouth. My throat relaxes, wanting to give him everything he needs in this moment, and he takes advantage, drilling down past my gag reflex and groaning at the depth I take him.

"Fuck," he breathes, pulling almost all the way out and staring down at my lips wrapped around him like I'm some sort of princess of blow jobs.

A single tear slips down my cheek and I wish I could brush it away, but I don't dare take my hands off his rock-solid thighs. He plunges back inside, my nose hitting his pelvis as I gag over the thick pipe currently occupying my throat. His muscles go impossibly harder and then he's grunting. His cock jumps in my mouth and warmth floods down my throat. I suck air in and out of my nostrils, willing myself to relax and take it. He doesn't ease up until the jerks have stopped, assuming that I can handle him. And I can.

Tears stream down my cheeks now and I'm not even sure why. Nikolai slides completely out of my mouth and releases my hair, tucking himself back into his jeans. He doesn't bother to zip them up before he's reaching down and swinging me up into his arms. I suck in great gulps of oxygen and wrap my arms around his neck as I lay my head on his shoulder. He carries me to his bedroom, laying me down and smoothing my hair away from my forehead. My shoes are next to receive his attention and the sheets are drawn over me. I close my eyes and try to regain the energy I just lost doing something I want to try again. I've participated in blow jobs before, of course, but never like this. Never where I wasn't the one in control. Everything I set out to do by moving here and creating a new life is happening. I know now what I was missing before.

Nikolai is back with a washcloth, gently gliding it over my face before he tosses it aside and hands me a glass of water. He sits on the edge of the bed and monitors me drinking it. For not wanting me in his bed, he sure does put me here a lot.

"Is that your idea of having a talk?" I ask wryly, putting the glass down on the bedside table and breaking the silence.

His lips hook to the side in an embarrassed grin. "I see I did not succeed in fucking the smart comments from that mouth."

I shake my head. "I don't think that's possible."

His eyes are doing that smoldering thing again. "I would like to keep trying."

I put my hand on his leg. "Me too."

"I did not hurt you?"

"Nope."

He studies me, as if looking for a lie, but not finding one, he climbs over me and onto the bed. He rests his back against the headboard and pulls me into his side. His feet and legs extend over a foot longer than mine do, making me feel like I really am from a long line of short people. I rest my head against his shoulder and breathe, wishing we could have done this last night too. You know, if he hadn't run from the room and never returned.

When I feel him finally relax against me, I bring up what might have caused his territorial behavior in the kitchen. "You know, I don't flirt with Matt. Or anyone else."

The thumb that was casually stroking over the cap of my shoulder stills. "Yes. My brain knows this."

I huff a laugh. "But the rest of you doesn't?"

"Exactly." He goes back to stroking my shoulder. "I did not know this about me."

I tilt my head to find him frowning in concentration. "I think everyone gets a bit jealous at times. I didn't particularly like seeing Peyton all over you today either."

His gaze flies to mine, startled. "She means nothing beyond being Ayana's mother."

"My brain knows this."

We share a smile, understanding each other, even if we don't understand what we're doing here in Nikolai's bed when we said we wouldn't. I go back to resting my head against his shoulder and just breathe in the moment, not sure if I'll get another with him like this.

"How did you know she wasn't right for you?" I finally ask, wanting to understand the dynamic between him and his ex before I have to face her again at another practice.

His hand tightens on my shoulder. "When I walked in on her with her acting coach in my bed."

I bare my teeth. "Yikes. Yeah, that'll do it."

"It was more than that, of course. Our problems started long before or she never would have wound up there in the first place. We are very different. Not even a baby could bring us together. I know the divorce was the right thing to do, but it is still my greatest failure."

"Ugh," I moan. "The F word. I have danced around feeling like a failure for more time than I'd like to admit."

"You?" Nikolai scoffs, bending his knee to tap the side of his foot against mine. "You have never been a failure. You are an accomplished woman with many talents."

"Thank you, but when you're in the trenches of trying to keep your spouse from dying a terrible death, you feel like a failure on a daily basis." I lick my lips, finally feeling ready to explain more and knowing Nikolai will listen intently. "Two months before Josh was diagnosed, I visited an attorney. I was thinking of filing for divorce. We'd slid into being friends years prior and there was no great passion left between us. I was approaching forty and kept wondering if that was all that's left in this life. Then, of course, he was diagnosed and I felt like I couldn't divorce him when he was facing the fight of his life, you know? I vowed to stuff down my issues and take care of him. But I failed at that too because he died. I couldn't save him. During that time I also couldn't bring myself to love him like he deserved. And I never got to speak my truth either. I failed myself."

"Chloe," Nikolai says quietly, sliding down the bed and taking me with him. He rolls onto his side and props his head on his hand, stroking my face with his fingertips. "You did the most honorable thing a person can do. That can never be viewed as failure. And now, you speak your truth every day. I did mention you have a smart mouth, no?"

I grin, loving that he can bring that out in me, even in the middle of a vulnerable conversation. "I'm working on it."

His fingers still, but his eyes blaze. "How about I help you lose these clothes and I can show you what my mouth can do?"

"Yes, please."

His answering groan is music to my ears.