Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Parker

Unsurprisingly, Unicorn Girl had a lot of crap. Unsurprisingly, most of it was colorful pastels. Unsurprisingly, I was pissed off to find it in mountains in the living room.

“When you said you were living in a studio, I didn’t realize it was a studio the size of Manhattan,” I said, looking around at my living room—our living room, for whatever reason.

Cass sank back on the arm of the sofa, unzipping her down vest. Her tank top underneath was fitted too perfectly. I didn’t want to think about her curves. “It just looks like a lot of stuff because I haven’t gotten it put away,” she said. “You should know that. I bet you’ve moved plenty before. You seem all put-together and stuff.”

“I’m sorry. Who told you that?”

She waved me off. “Come on. You run your own business and everything. How cool is that?”

I dropped onto one end of the sofa, but I scowled when Cass’s boxes blocked the view of the TV. “I started my own business because I didn’t want to have to get out of bed in the morning to go to work.”

She laughed, looking around the apartment. She had that little edge to her laugh where you could tell she was exaggerating, being fake-happy, and it made me want to claw my ears off. Was I really supposed to just get used to this in my own home over the next however many months?

I squeezed my eyes shut, trying to remind myself why I was doing this. Whatever I saved on rent, I could put back towards the business, or send it back to my family. I pictured my sister, Sutton, just a little kid who needed to eat. Well, a fourteen-year-old kid who ate a lot. And threw an alarm clock at me the last time I was there.

Ugh, why did I try?

“Still, I think it’s cool,” Cass said. “This apartment is so pretty. I love it.”

“The apartment is a mess, because of you.”

“I’m working on it.” She smiled, but it was a strained smile.

“Work faster,” I said, turning on the TV and craning my neck to see. “What kind of TV shows do you watch?”

“Oh, all kinds.” She dropped down onto the sofa next to me.

“I didn’t invite you to sit with me.”

She laughed. “Well, looks like I invited myself.”

I kicked up my feet on the coffee table. “When you say all kinds, you mean chick flicks and romcoms.”

She plucked the remote from my hands, idly scrolling through my Netflix account. I scowled. “And let me guess,” she said, leaning back into the sofa as she scrolled. “You’re into true crime, documentaries about haunted houses, and slasher flicks.”

I hated that she got two out of three correct, and now that she mentioned it, I did want to watch a documentary about a haunted house, too. “I’m into not having people pry through my account, actually, if I had to pick one thing I’m into.”

“Anyone’s Guess?” She lit up when she paused over it. My favorite TV drama, like one of those raving Port Andrea enthusiasts—the show was filmed and produced entirely in Port Andrea, and sort of a cult classic for people in the know. I wasn’t one of those rabid Andreans who obsessed over every single thing about the city, but I had watched Anyone’s Guess more times than I would admit to. “I wouldn’t have thought that for you.”

“Valentina Jacobs is hot,” I said, snatching the remote back. “I watch whatever she’s in.”

She raised her eyebrows, giving me a sideways look. “Oh, is that your type?”

“My type is women.”

She laughed. “Anyone ever told you that you have a nice, simple approach to things?”

I shrugged, sinking back into the sofa. “Yeah, more than once. I still haven’t figured out if it’s a compliment or not.”

“I like it. Put on Anyone’s Guess, we can watch and chat while I unpack.”

“You can chat. I’ll be watching, and not listening to one word you say.”

But thankfully, she was more orderly with her unpacking than I expected. I put on the show and melted back into the cushions like a chocolate bar someone sat on in a hot car, and Cass mostly just hummed quietly to herself while she went through boxes, unpacking.

And despite what I said, I couldn’t really focus on the show, mostly just watching her out of the corner of my eye. Watching her swirl around the living room, opening up boxes and pulling out one piece of junk after another, lining up kitchenware in orderly stacks in the cabinets we’d agreed were hers, carrying things off to her bedroom—it was still only really just sinking in I was actually stuck with her now.

“Popcorn?” she said at one point, pulling out a bag of microwave popcorn from one of the boxes.

“Talk about basic,” I said, and she laughed, spinning on her heel to open the microwave door.

“I’m taking that as a yes, Parker.”

So a minute later, she dropped down onto the sofa next to me, a bowl of popcorn between us. She nudged it towards me.

“I’m using this as an offering to not anger the wrathful Parker gods by sitting next to you.”

“I’ve never been angrier,” I mumbled absently as I took a handful of popcorn.

“For someone who was just dismissing it as basic, you’re certainly going for it,” she said.

I shrugged, not taking my eyes off the screen. “I never said I wasn’t basic.”

She sank back into the sofa with me. “House rules?”

“Eh… don’t piss me off.”

She laughed. “Sounds arbitrary.”

“I’m pretty laidback. Just don’t do anything annoying, and we’ll be good.”

“Where do you like the thermostat set?”

I took another handful of popcorn. “Fifty-three.”

“You’re a bad liar.”

“Seventy.”

“All right. Cleanliness?”

I shrugged. “Just don’t leave rotting food out or anything.”

She wrinkled her nose. “Tell me Athena didn’t do that.”

“Nah. That girl worships the very concept of food. She’d weep if food went bad anywhere around her.”

She chewed her cheek. “Noise?”

“Just don’t throw loud parties.”

“How often do you bring home girls?”

I choked on my popcorn. “Is this a household question, or just idle curiosity?”

She gave me a sidelong smile. “I wanted to see if I could get a reaction. But I mean… you know. I also just want to know if I’m going to be finding a new girl in the apartment every morning.”

I shrugged. “I… I don’t know. When I feel like it? A couple a month?”

She nodded, an intense look on her face like she was taking notes. “That works fine.”

“How about you? Am I going to be finding a new girl every morning?”

It was satisfying seeing it turn the tables, Cass going bright red. “Um,” she stammered, looking down. “I-I don’t know.”

“You’ve never done that before, I’m guessing.”

She pursed her lips and shook her head.

“I figured. You’re too much of a well-behaved type.”

She was quiet for a minute before she said, “I know how to misbehave sometimes, too.”

That was hot. I wasn’t about to tell her that. “Do whatever you like,” I said, not looking away from the screen. “I’ll let you know if your wild lesbian orgies are getting to be too much.”

“Okay. Thanks.”

I paused. “You were supposed to react to the wild lesbian orgies. Is that actually the plan?”

She smiled. “Well, you’ll let me know if it gets to be too much.”

I squinted at her. Of all people, Unicorn Girl wasn’t supposed to be the one able to give me the runaround.

“Well, have fun,” I said, turning back to the TV. “Save some girls for me. The hot ones, specifically. You can have the rest.”

“What? I’m not giving you the best and just taking your rejects. I’m keeping the hottest ones for myself.”

“Shame,” I said. “Guess we’ll have to go to war over the hot girls.”

“I bet you I’ll win.”

“I bet you won’t.”

She laughed, and I had to catch myself from laughing too. I wasn’t going to sink to Unicorn’s level by laughing it up with her watching TV, or the next thing I knew, I’d be out ordering unicorn drinks and saying like, oh my god every time a molecule of air hit me.

“So,” she said, a second later, “what are you doing Christmas?”

“Ugh. Dealing with family.”

Her face fell. “Oh… I’m really sorry.”

I waved her off. “Probably not as bad as you’re picturing. They’re not homophobic or anything. They just want me to shape up and be a nice, respectable woman and marry another nice, respectable woman already. Me being gay is about the only thing they’re cool with.”

“Well…” She grimaced. “I mean, that’s not a great start, but it’s a start.”

“My dad is going to try making small talk. He’ll sit down next to me, and you can see the one squeaky little gear in his head turning as he tries to come up with a conversation topic, and it usually takes him about four, five seconds, and then he just says, you see the Badgers game? and I have to tell him again that I don’t watch sports.”

“Well… merry Christmas, I guess,” she said.

“Yeah. I was planning on telling them I had a girlfriend to get out of it, and probably just send a picture of me and my roommate, but I’m not doing that with you, I have standards.”

She scratched her head. “You say that like I can’t hear you.”

“Nah, I’m aware my voice carries well for how quiet it is.”

She turned back to the TV, pointedly avoiding eye contact with me while she said, “I’ll be at the apartment for Christmas, so let me know if you need anything.”

Unicorn Girl was smiles and rainbows all the time, so the slightest drop into something vaguely neutral felt like a thermonuclear warhead. I chewed my cheek for a second. “I’m sorry if it’s a hard topic for you,” I said, and she sighed, still not looking at me.

“I don’t want to bother you about it. It’s nothing. I just don’t really have anything I’m doing for it.”

Maybe I was a little weird, but I liked hearing people complain. I hated pretty people, perfect people. They were all lies, paintings hung up over cracks in the wall. When people got pissed off, broke down, and cried for the universe to just give them something, that was a real person, and I’d always had this fascination with people’s grime. Their grunge, their ugliness, the cracks on their walls.

“Do you want to do something for Christmas?” I said, and she shrugged.

“Everyone I know’s got plans, so I’m kind of just doing my own thing here.”

I sank back on the sofa, turning back to the TV. “I’ll stay here, too. We’ll decorate the apartment and crap. It’ll be festive. Basic white girls like you love sparkly lights and garland.”

She stopped, and slowly, she turned towards me. I ignored it, just watching as Valentina’s character on the TV yelled at her boyfriend, because god was she hot when she yelled.

After a minute, Cass said, “You were just saying you can be basic, and as far as I can tell, I think you’re a white girl too.”

“Yeah, I love sparkly lights and garland.”

She laughed, an odd look on her face. “So… I guess it checks out.”

“I’m eating your entire bowl of popcorn. Don’t tell me you have some trendy fad diet where you can only eat two pieces of popcorn.”

She pursed her lips. “You really don’t need to go out of your way to keep me company. I’m honestly okay. But… thank you.”

“Dude. Please. I’m begging you.” I handed the popcorn back to her. “I need you to be really sad and sappy about it, so I can tell my family my poor roommate has nowhere to go for Christmas, and it’s my noble duty as a good respectable woman to cherish an important female friendship by celebrating Christmas together with her. You’ll be saving my ass from four days of my dad’s small talk.”

She blinked. “He talks to your ass?”

“Might as well, for how much I listen.”

She stared at me for the longest time before she broke out into a big smile, turning back to the TV. “Well… far be it from me to abandon a damsel in distress, then.”

“If you ever call me a damsel in distress again, I will break your Live Laugh Love sign in half.”

“I don’t have a Live Laugh Love sign,” she laughed.

“First thing I’ve gotten wrong in my read of you.”

She looked away. “You thought I was straight.”

“True. And now you’re planning your next lesbian orgy.”

She sank back into the sofa. “Um… thank you. I really appreciate it.”

“You can talk about it if you want to. But you don’t have to. I know sometimes talking about it just makes it worse.”

She nodded, and then she was quiet for a long time before she said, “My Christmas thing, or the lesbian orgy?”

“Now I’m starting to wonder if maybe you are planning a lesbian orgy.”

She laughed. “Well, I wouldn’t plan a straight orgy, would I?”

“I mean… fair.”

She kicked her feet up on the coffee table and looked out the window. “It’s just a lot of family nonsense. They hate that I left my ex-boyfriend, even though he was literally the devil.”

“Oh, you’re one of those people who uses literally to mean figuratively.”

“Yes, but I wouldn’t be surprised if he were literally the devil.”

I nodded. “Are they in Port Andrea?”

“Canderson.”

The next city over. I was starting to get the picture—a breakup to protect herself, no one on her side, heading out to the closest place she could take refuge in. “Gotcha,” I said. “Can I ask how long ago?”

“Three years.”

“Thanks for telling me.”

She shifted awkwardly on the sofa. “You’re really nice, you know that?”

I scowled to myself. “I am no such thing.”

“Sure.” She took literally—literally—one piece of popcorn from the bowl, ate it, and pushed the bowl back to me.

“I mean it. And eat more damn popcorn.”

“I am eating popcorn.”

“Are you planning to be eating it for the next month?”

She stuck out her tongue. “So I take my time eating.”

“Oh, one more roommate agreement,” I said. “Let me just get the status reports from you on Hummingbird’s espresso machines so I don’t have to slog over there all the time.”

“Don’t like Crystal Road?” she laughed, and I shook my head so hard it hurt.

“Ugh. No. It’s full of artsy-fartsy types. Makes me just want to reach down my throat and rip my skeleton out.”

“That’s a bit violent, don’t you think?”

“I don’t do things in half measures. Is that a yes to the agreement or not?”

She grinned. “On one condition?”

“I am not letting you paint my nails.”

She laughed. “Something more your speed, I think. Take me back to Strawberry? I don’t know if I have the guts to go alone again.”

I arched an eyebrow at her. “You want me to help you pick up women.”

She flushed. “I don’t know about all that. But I just want to… you know. Get to know the scene.”

“Really? You want to do some kind of lesbian apprenticeship?”

“I haven’t had any gay community or anything. I just…” She shrugged. “I’m kind of keeping this part of me on the down-low, and you’re the only person I’ve trusted with it. You and my friend Sasha, because, you know, she spotted me at Strawberry.”

Sasha must have been Pinky’s name. She was forever Pinky in my mind. “Little baby-gay.”

“Yeah. I feel like there’s this whole side of me I’ve never gotten to live out. And I don’t know where to start.”

“Hell, you could have started the other day with Pinky. She was about ready to make out with you on the spot.”

She went bright red again. “I… well…”

Baby-gays like her were so precious. I wondered how she’d react if I asked to make out with her. She was hot. I wouldn’t have minded.

Probably a bad idea with a roommate.

I sank into the sofa, looking back at the TV. “You know… sure, yeah. We can go to Strawberry. Hell, we can go tonight.”

She rounded on me. “Tonight?”

“Sure. If you’d like.”

She blinked. “Are you always this spontaneous?”

I grinned. “You’ve got seven months of it ahead of you, Unicorn. Better get used to it.”

She stared for the longest time before she broke out into a smile. “I didn’t say I didn’t like it.”

Well, maybe she wasn’t all bad, then. I bit back a smile. “Tonight, then?”

She let out a long whoosh of breath, falling back into the sofa. “Tonight,” she said, a little nervous quiver under her voice. “I can’t wait.”