Chapter 34

Chapter 34

Cassie

“Rashmi texting,” Sasha said, walking across the living room with her cup of coffee, dropping down in the sofa next to me. “Again.”

“What’s she saying?”

“Honestly, I’m not even sure. Some anecdote of when she was finding herself in South Africa?”

“I’m really happy for her, but maybe remind her that she’s supposed to be telling us when she’ll be ready?”

“Am definitely trying,” Sasha said, taking a sip of her coffee and setting it back down, turning back to her phone. She looked amazing today, in the new Agape dress with the houndstooth accent, a lengthening mascara and a slight winged eyeliner, but it just made my heart pound thinking of today’s recording session. Getting the whole squad together and doing a video.

“I literally never want to rush anyone, but I am kind of on a deadline,” I said.

“Twenty minutes,” Sasha said, setting her phone down face-up, hugging her coffee with both hands in that way I’d learned she did when she was nervous, her burgundy nails tapping the ceramic. “She said she’s sorry, with about thirty-five prayer-hand emojis.”

“Twenty minutes is totally okay.” I put a hand to my chest. “Also totally not okay, because I’m nervous and freaking out and scared out of my mind, crying, shaking, throwing up.”

Her eyebrows went up. “Do you need to see a doctor?”

“No, it’s… just a meme. I just want all of this to be okay.” I looked down. “And I wish Parker were here, you know?”

She put her hand on top of mine in my lap, squeezing tightly. “She’ll come back for you,” she said. “She loves you.”

“How can you know that?” I turned on her with my heart in my mouth. “What if she doesn’t come back, doesn’t want me to stay—what if she doesn’t love me?”

“What if she does?” She squeezed again. “Parker opens up about as easily as Fort Knox, and she’s just as hardheaded as a vault, but she’s been sharing things with you—intimate things. And not just her body.”

I looked down, fussing with my hands. “Her body’s great.”

“I’ll… take your word for it. Point is, Parker’s never done for anyone what she’s done for you. But even so, we can never know anything for sure. There is no safe decision in life. But some things are worth the leap, I guess.”

“Yeah…” I hunched my shoulders. “I know that should be the last thing to be freaked out about today, with literally a million other things going on, but I can’t help it.”

She gave me a wry smile. “Love messes with you. It’s natural. Whatever happens today, I’m proud of you. And…”

I looked over at where she had gone back to hugging her coffee, avoiding my gaze. “And?”

“I think I’m just being stubborn at this point,” she sighed. “I’m going to come out, too.”

I turned to her, heart leaping. “Oh my god, Sash. Are you serious?”

“Yeah. Just to the girls for right now. I’m not ready to come out publicly, and I don’t want to upstage you, but… well, you were braver than me, and you proved it was safe.”

My chest ached, and I felt like I could cry. Coming out and having the other girls accept it was one thing. Being able to blaze a trail and make it feel safe for someone else too?

I was so used to feeling like a burden, a drain on everyone else, I’d never even realized I had been feeling that way until I stopped and looked at it from the outside like this.

Maybe me, just being me, could make the world a better place.

“I think they’re going to be so excited for you,” I said, putting a hand on her back. “Although… you should be prepared. They’re really going to go wild trying to find you a girlfriend. I think Rashmi and Lindsay are extra upset they didn’t get to set me up with girls.”

Sasha winced. “I’m… thrilled.”

Her phone buzzed with another text, and I saw Ellie’s name on the screen before she picked it up and unlocked it, but she didn’t get to say anything before the door unlocked. My heart jumped into my mouth and picked up beating away like a hummingbird’s wings as the door unlatched, and Parker stepped inside, freezing at the sight of me and Sasha.

After a second where all three of us were frozen in place, Parker said, “Cass, if you’re going to bring a girl home, you might as well tell me first.”

“Oh my god, Parker, it’s not like that and you know it,” I said, shooting to my feet. “Where were you? I came home looking for you and you were gone, and you didn’t answer your texts, and—”

“I was drinking bad coffee.” She dropped her bag on the floor, shooting Sasha a look. “Why’s Pinky here?”

“It’s a long story,” I said, voice small. “I wanted to talk to you about it. We’re leaving in twenty minutes to meet up with the others, and I need to talk to you first.”

A look flashed across Parker’s eyes—something hopeful, and just like that, it spread to me, and I thought for the first time since the contracts were bought out that maybe everything could be okay after all.

“Just let me cleanse my palate first,” she said, heading for the coffee machine. “I can still taste the cloves.”

Sasha stood up. “Ellie wants to meet up with me before this all goes down, anyway,” she said. “I’ll head out while you two talk. See you soon, Cassie.”

“See you, Sash,” I said, watching her head out the door, pulling it shut behind her with a click. Parker spoke the moment she was gone, not turning away from where she was steaming milk.

“Did you spend last night with Pinky?”

“Er—yes, but it’s not like that,” I said, feeling a prickling feeling breaking out over my skin. “Really. I promise.”

She hunched her shoulders. “It’s weird that you’re doing that.”

“I’m really sorry. I should have cleared it with you first, but—”

She turned back to me with a latte in hand, but she didn’t meet my eyes. “Not that.”

I stopped. “What am I doing that’s weird, then?”

“Making me feel jealous.”

And just like that, I melted a little. “Parker,” I said.

“Ugh, no mush. I just want to make sure you aren’t sleeping around. That’s very reasonable and nothing to get mushy over.”

“There’s nothing to be jealous over, sweetheart,” I said, putting a hand on her shoulder. “I’m all yours.”

She hunched her shoulders tighter, sipping her coffee. “You’d better be,” she muttered. “I’m finding myself annoyingly possessive, so I’m really glad you didn’t take yesterday as a breakup. If you left me for Pinky, I’d have a fit and throw things.”

God, I wanted to just hold her and cry and laugh all at once. Even using the word breakup implied what we had was a relationship, and saying yesterday wasn’t a breakup? Did that mean we still had a relationship?

I took her coffee from her hands, ignoring her grunt of disapproval, and I pulled her into a tight hug, burying her face into my collar. She sighed, sinking into me and squeezing.

“God, this is annoying,” she mumbled.

“The hug? Just, like, one more second.”

“Not the hug. I like those, too, for whatever damn reason.” She sighed. “I like you so damn much, it’s weird. The other night at Sugar Kiss, I was watching you go off with the other girls thinking how much I wanted you to be talking about me to them, how much I wanted to come up in your girl talk about everyone’s partners, how I wanted to be able to swing by the group as yours… I swear, you have destroyed Parker Ferris and replaced her with some strange, poor impostor who does yoga in the mornings and wants to be an influencer’s girlfriend.”

I think my heart missed a beat. I think it missed the next beat, too. I started wondering if it was going to find the beat again, or if I was just going to die like this.

Neither of us had ever dropped the G-word until just now, and it felt like an atomic bomb. I drew a sharp breath, and Parker stiffened.

“Don’t get any ideas,” she said, stepping back from the hug. “I still want to stop the morning miracles as soon as possible.”

“Parker,” I said, voice crackling, and I found myself tearing up a little because I was just that ridiculously mushy and sappy and so in love with this woman. “Do you really mean it?”

“Completely. I would quit the morning routine today, if I had the chance.”

“Not that. About wanting to be my… girlfriend?”

“Oh. Did I say that?” She rubbed the back of her head, picking up her latte and looking away as she sipped it. “Guess that one slipped out. Let’s pretend it didn’t.”

“No, I don’t want to pretend it didn’t. Parker—”

“Oh, good lord. Yes, I want to be your girlfriend. Have you had blinders on this whole time, dude? Of course I want to be your girlfriend. No matter how hard I try not to want it. It’s a pain in the ass.”

I laughed awkwardly, cocking my head. “I, um… am not sure if you’re actually happy about it.”

“I am positively livid. I want to keep you all to myself forever, and that pisses me off.”

I chewed my cheek. “Because of everything with Gary?”

“That too.” She sipped her coffee. “But mostly because you’ve infected me with feelings, and I don’t appreciate it.”

I brushed her hair back, fixing a flyaway strand. “You’ll do okay. Feelings are pretty fun.”

“You’re not sleeping with Pinky, right?”

I never would have thought someone grilling me on if I was cheating could feel so warm and fuzzy. “Nope. I promise. I’m all yours.”

“You know she’d love to bang you, right?”

I winced. “I… am not thinking about that, actually, because she’s my friend, and that’s weird, but if you must bring up the subject, then yeah, I don’t think I’d be surprised to know that.”

“She’s got a nice butt. Are you sure you don’t want her?”

I folded my arms. “Were you checking out her butt?”

She pouted, looking away. “I’m scoping out my competition.”

“Parker, you…” I felt tears prickling at my eyes again. “Your butt is amazing. Like, literally perfect.”

She scrunched up her face. “It’s changed a little after all this yoga, and I’m mad about it.”

I laughed, tears still warm on my eyes. “You’re always mad, darling.”

“I met with Tat the rat,” she said, and I stopped, blinking the tears away.

“What? Just now?”

“Yeah. Over in some pretentious coffee shop for uppity white people who want to look like they know about coffee while they’re actually drinking bilge. The coffee tasted like licking molasses out of a tailpipe.”

“Ew.”

“Yeah, it was bad. But most importantly, I met with Rat-iana there, and she got us contracts.”

I stopped. “Um… contracts? Like, supply contracts? For Express?”

She turned back to her bag, rustling through it before whipping out a sheaf of papers and handing them to me. “The terms are shit, so I wouldn’t expect us to make any new sales, but we can keep in business and continue servicing the places we’re in right now. It’s better than nothing.”

“Tatiana got us these?” I took them reverently, reading over the terms. I didn’t actually know enough about the business to know if they were shit, but either way, she was right—it was better than nothing. “Isn’t she still with Morning Magic?”

“Yeah, but she hates it. Apparently she’s only been sticking around because Gary’s threatening to out her girlfriend if she steps out of line.”

“Jesus.” I let my arms fall. “That’s horrible.”

“I hate that man. I would pay forty-five dollars to watch him fall down a staircase completely covered in mousetraps.”

“That’s, um… specific.” I put a finger to my chin. “But to be fair, I would, too.”

She took the contracts back and set them down with her coffee, and she stepped forward into another hug, sinking against me. “Cass… I really want to make this work. I don’t want to go without you. I know getting rid of this debt was what I always wanted, but what I want more now is to figure this out together with you. And I would never be able to live with myself letting you go work with Gary again, especially knowing what he’s done to keep Tat in line. At this rate, if you joined him, I’d go James Bond my way into Morning Magic headquarters, break you out, and kick Gary down a stairwell covered in mousetraps while making a daring exit.”

“I mean… I can see you doing that, honestly,” I said. Something felt tight in my throat, and I held her close to me. “That’s what I want, too, Parker. That’s what I was working on last night. I met with Sash and the other girls to, um…” I took a sharp breath, stepping back from the hug to look her in the eyes. “I’m coming out.”

She blinked. “I know you’re gay.”

“Not to you. Publicly. On my page.” I let out a breath slowly. “To the world. Because Gary can’t out me if I’m already out.”

She narrowed her eyes, slowly, studying me. “Cass… I don’t want you to do it because you have to. I want you to come out on your own terms.”

“I know. I’m ready.” I took her hands and squeezed them. “I already came out to the other girls, the other night at Sugar Kiss—I told them all.”

Her lips parted a little, and she just stared at me for a minute before she said, “No joke?”

“No joke. They were really wonderful. They’d even already been speculating on it!” I laughed wildly, my heart racing too much. “Some of them were in Camp Straight Cassie, some of them were Camp Gay Cassie—Rashmi even won twenty dollars on a bet with Krystal—”

She kissed me.

It knocked the wind out of me, Parker coming up onto her tiptoes and falling against me, her lips crashing into mine. I let out a muffled grunt, hands going up not sure what to do with them, but after a second, I closed my eyes and just held her, savoring the feeling of her lips against mine.

When she pulled away, she had a distant smile on her face, and she brushed my hair back from my eyes as she said, “Unicorn’s come a long way.”

“Just unicorn-bounding through my flowery fields,” I laughed. “Where I’m also the evil empress, I believe?”

“The evilest.” She kissed me again, a quick peck on the lips. “I’m happy for you. And glad I don’t have any new enemies today. If any of them had given you shit, they would have been on my list, and they don’t want to be on my list.”

I wrapped my arms tighter around her waist and squeezed her. “They’ve seriously been so good. I’m meeting up with them soon to record my coming-out video for my page, and they’re all so on-board with helping me.”

She sighed, burying her face against my collar. “You’re really sure about this? I’d hate if you had to come out too early.”

“I’m really sure. I was already hoping to do it sometime soon when I told the other girls, and that was before we lost the contracts. I promise, sweetheart.”

She played idly with my braid. She had such a gentle hand, tracing over it without messing it or loosening it anywhere. She’d picked that up over the past few months with me, and that made me irrationally happy. “I am annoyingly proud of you,” she murmured.

“I wouldn’t have been able to do it without you, you know.”

“Yeah, after me fucking you against the wall so many times, you’ve realized there’s no way you’re staying in the closet, huh?”

“Parker.” I swatted at her arm, laughing.

She kissed me again, swiftly, before stepping back. “I’m going with you.”

I paused. “Um… where are we going?”

“To shoot that video. I want to be a part, too.” She wrinkled her nose. “And see your… squad.”

“Oh… you don’t need to,” I said, my heart jumping again. “I mean, I’d love it if you did, but—”

“If… you would have me,” she started, avoiding my gaze as she fussed with my braid. “I was thinking it could possibly… streamline the announcements if… well, you know.”

I blinked. “I actually don’t know, so you’re going to have to tell me.”

“If we just announced our relationship,” she blurted, staring fixedly out the window. “I mean… if you don’t mind a girlfriend who doesn’t have a skincare ritual and just throws her dirty laundry on the floor.”

Dammit. Maybe I wouldn’t have been coming out after all, because my heart just melted so much I figured I’d just stop breathing, collapse into a puddle on the floor, and die. I felt every part of me flush with warmth, and I just—I didn’t even know what to say, I just started laughing, tears prickling at my eyes. Parker winced.

“Ugh, I ask one girl to be my girlfriend, and she just laughs. I give up.”

“No—no, no, no, that’s not it at all,” I laughed, tears hot in my eyes, and I grabbed her hands when she tried to turn away. “I just—Parker. Oh my god. Yes, please yes. A million, trillion, billion times yes.”

“You know, normally reason dictates you go up, million billion trillion—”

“A hundra-ga-zilli-trillion times yes.”

“That’s not even a number—”

I kissed her. She didn’t seem to mind the interruption, just grunting in surprise and then melting into me, holding me, her hands on my hips as we swayed slowly there in the living room.

She pulled away, and she cleared her throat, looking away. “Also, I feel obligated to say this now, get it out of the way before we have to face it anywhere else, but just so you know, I love you, and—now, let’s go grab Westwind before we head over—”

“What—Parker,” I choked, all my thoughts dashed like a house of cards, my heart in my mouth. “Are you serious?”

“Yeah, I know I’m drinking coffee right now, but I’m… gonna need more.”

“Not that. Oh my god. You said—”

“Oh, Westwind in particular? Yeah, I’m craving a donut too.”

“Parker.”

She put a hand over her mouth, looking away. “Can we just… be done with the mushy part?”

“You love me?” I whispered. She let out a heavy sigh.

“Yeah. Trust me, I’m mad about that, too. Of all the people to fall in love with, why did it have to be Sparkle Unicorn Emperor?” She rubbed her forehead. “But here we are. I love you. It’s annoying.”

I laughed, tears hot in my throat. “Oh my god, Parker. I cannot believe…”

“Me neither. I tried really hard not to fall in love.”

“Not that. That too.” I wiped my eyes, sniffling. “I cannot believe you said it first.”

She scowled. “What, because I’m emotionally stunted? Is that what you’re trying to say here, Unicorn?”

“No, just that you like to try convincing everyone that you’re emotionally stunted, and you know it, Marshmallow.” I cupped her jaw in my hands, smiling until my cheeks hurt. “You know I love you, too, right?”

She let out a harsh, heavy breath, hanging her head against my hands. “Honestly, I wasn’t sure. I tried pretty hard to be an unlovable little drowned rat in the corner who hisses every time you come close, but I guess that’s your type.”

“Parker, you have no idea how perfect you are,” I breathed, resting my forehead against hers, “or how lucky I am to be the one you love. I love you so much, and I want to be your girlfriend—really, really, really want to.”

She pinched her lips in a tight smile. “And if Express goes under? You know I can’t really offer you anything.”

“You don’t need to offer me a thing, sweetheart. Just to be with you is all I want.” I kissed her forehead, kissed the tip of her nose, pecked lightly on her lips. “Whatever happens with Express. We’ll figure it out together. I’m not going back to Gary. If you really want to figure it out together with me—whatever it ends up costing you—I’m yours.”

“How much do your followers like drama?”

I paused. “Um… we’ve been girlfriends for two seconds. Are you already thinking of relationship drama to stir up?”

She grinned. “Nah… too much work. I just have an idea. How about I tell you while you fix your mascara you just cried all over, and we can hustle to make it to meet your friends before they start wondering if you’re dead?”

“Oh, god, I forgot all about the meeting,” I blurted, pulling back. “Oh my god. My mascara is literally everywhere, isn’t it? Oh my god.”

“Your lipstick’s a mess, too,” she said. “Made out with your hot girlfriend too much.”

“There’s no such thing as too much, but I see what you mean,” I groaned.

“Chill out, Unicorn. Just give me your phone and I’ll text your girl squad while you fix your makeup.”

I tugged her in for one last kiss before handing her my phone. “Thanks, Scruff-ball,” I said. “I, um… I love you.”

She quirked the tiniest smile, not looking up from my phone, doing a bad job fighting the smile away. “Yeah, guess I love you too. Get a move on.”

I’d go anywhere in the world and do whatever weird idea Parker might have dreamed up, if it meant being hers.