Chapter 20

Chapter 20

Cassie

“Guess I’ll catch you after work,” Parker said, looking over her shoulder at me. She looked so right there on our sofa, legs kicked up on the coffee table, Wynnona Earp on the TV, her sleek white laptop open on her lap and a big cup of Komodo’s Den coffee in her hand. “Have fun selling kombucha.”

She looked so right there, but that look in her eyes was so haunted. Something happened after she’d left to walk home from Crescent Point Harbor the other day, but she’d never told me what it was. When I’d gotten home that evening, after a long while spent in Strawberry by myself, Parker had been shut up in her room, and I hadn’t seen her all night.

I’d been heartbroken, thinking she just hated me now that it was out in the air that I liked her—even though she up and admitted herself she liked me too—but the next morning, when I’d woken her up for our morning miracle together, she hadn’t complained once. She just went along with it all quietly, barely even speaking the littlest acknowledgements when I signaled poses, and when we’d finished, she’d just gone back to her room without a word.

It wasn’t too much to ask, just for her to talk to me, was it? I spent hours anguishing over what I could do to make her feel comfortable enough to talk to me, over what I might have been doing that made it too hard to share things with me.

She barely spoke to me that whole day. That evening, once I’d gotten home from a trip out with the other Insta girls, doing photoshoots on Aberdeen Hill, I’d heard her on the phone sounding more upset than I’d ever heard her before.

“My business is going bankrupt if I have to pay that much upfront,” she’d said, and it turned my blood to ice. “Can’t we work out a payment plan or something? Right now is the worst possible timing.”

I slipped past, trying to get to my room without eavesdropping, but I still heard one more thing before I got to my room.

“I know I owe you. You’ve seen the reports. I’m on track. I’ve been working on paying it off for the past nine years.”

Nine years? It left my head spinning as I fell into bed, Parker’s voice turning into an indeterminant mumble through the wall. Parker was twenty-five. What was this debt she’d been paying since before she was legally an adult?

It took me until somewhere hours deep into the night to realize—the ever-growing expense Tatiana had told me about. Parker brushing it off when she’d asked about it. Was it all just this secret debt Parker owed? For what?

I didn’t know how to ask. And I knew if I tried, I’d scare her away. So I just lay there in bed, trying to remember how to fall asleep alone in my own bed again. It was too big without Parker in it, nestled up in my arms still watching Netflix while on her phone as I fell asleep first—all just quiet now.

“Every bottle of kombucha is sold with your compliments,” I said, lingering at her side next to the sofa for no reason, for every reason.

“Gross. This is personal slander, and I will not stand for it.” She looked up into my eyes, and we just held there for a moment—just staring at one another before I looked away, an uneasy feeling in my heart.

“Enjoy your show, Scruffy,” I said, heading to the door, feeling heavy. “I’ll, um… see you after work.”

It was bright and sunny and warm today, like the world was just having a great time in the face of my little misery spiral. The walk to Crystal Road was surrounded by laughter that felt lightyears away, people out walking with friends and family, the sun warm on my face, and when I stepped into Hummingbird, for once I was relieved to find it bursting with a line back to the door. Busy days meant quiet minds, and I really needed it.

I clocked in seven minutes early and queued up on front register, handing off drinks to where my quiet coworker Desirae was on bar with her head down and three cups already lined up in front of her, and the time melted away into small talk with customers. Once the line finally cleared, Desirae slipped her apron off, heading towards the back.

“Thanks for staying late,” I called after her.

“I’m not leaving you alone with that kind of line, you’d spend half an hour talking to each customer.” She pushed through the swing door, her voice still trailing out from the back as I prepped myself an iced white mocha, trying not to think of Parker as I did. “Oh, we have new honey pistachio croissants in. Josiah will tell you all about them tomorrow, but there’s a few ugly ones back here you can sample up. Give it a try.”

I saw off Desirae over my drink and a plate of croissant, waving as she slipped out the door, and I was still working through the croissant—sweet and flaky and buttery, with the complex warmth of pistachio on the glaze—when the bell jingled, and I looked up to where Sasha was leaning over the counter looking at my croissant.

“That’s a new one,” she said, and I just stared at her for a while.

“Well, hi,” I said, swallowing my mouthful of food. “Are you even allowed to come in here? It’s not, like… a violation of Gary’s contracts?”

She sighed, rubbing her forehead. “I knew it was going to turn out like this.”

“Like what? With me asking you why you’re here when you’re signed up with the other guys?” I was surprising myself by actually saying it all. Maybe it was just because ever since Parker and I had our… incident at Crescent Point, I felt like I couldn’t give a damn about anything. What did it matter if I made Sasha hate me, too? Just another one for the list.

“I told you, I don’t work with Gary. It’s just the company we get our espresso machines from, Cassie. I’m not even involved in that level of business.”

I sipped my coffee, just watching her. “And you never told me.”

“Because—because I knew you’d be pissed off,” she said, putting her hands up.

“Do I look like an angry person?”

She sighed, slumping over the counter, staring out the window. “I just didn’t want you to… push me out and hate me.”

I stared, wordless, for a minute, before I said, “Do you want to sample the new croissant?”

“Oh…” She blinked fast. “Uh, sure.”

She was still quiet when I brought out a piece of the honey-pistachio croissant for sampling, and a couple had come in, so I left Sasha alone with the croissant as I rang the two of them up and made their drinks, handing them over with a big wave before I found myself in the quiet again with Sasha.

“It’s good, right?” I said, watching her pick at the croissant.

“Look, I just don’t want you to think badly of me.”

I sighed, leaning against the counter. “Sash, I wasn’t going to be mad at you for your manager at your part-time job signing a contract with someone in competition with my roommate. I’m just… I wish you’d told me, you know? I hate when people keep things from me. You, Parker…” I looked down. “I can’t take it when people are all keeping secrets from me. Am I doing something wrong? I try to be as friendly and open as possible so people can trust me. I’ve been trapped without friends, with no one to turn to before, and I try—I really do—I try to be friendly and have people open up to me, but every time I try getting close to somebody, they close me out. They keep things from me. What am I doing wrong, Sasha?”

She pursed her lips, staring down at her food. “Hey, um… can I order a drink, too?”

“Oh. Yeah. I forgot you were a customer.”

She flashed me a quick smile. “I’ll just do a medium iced latte, if that’s okay.”

A minute later, I had her medium iced latte set down in front of her, and she stared back out the window as she took a sip.

“I love spring,” she said. “Warmth finally coming in… feels like an opportunity to start something new. To start believing in new possibilities, I guess.”

I followed her gaze, watching as people strolled by along the walkway, moving in small groups, laughing and talking together. The brightness in the atmosphere was something I wasn’t picking up myself. “I like spring, too,” I said. “I can wear shorts again. That’s not as deep as your reason, though.”

She hung her head. “I’m sorry, Cassie.”

I didn’t respond, just sucking at my latte. She drank hers, too, the slurping of straws the only sound around, before she set hers down.

“You’re not doing anything wrong,” she said. “Just… when I found out you were the same as me, you know—also hiding it in the closet while you keep your whole brand separate—I felt like I finally had someone who got it. I guess I got jealous of Parker.”

I furrowed my brow. “Jealous?”

“Yeah, I guess. She pulled you away and started putting herself on your social page, and…” She shrugged, looking back out the window. “I don’t know. Forget it. I just knew she didn’t really care that much—that she never really connected with anyone. I’ve seen all your posts and things together,” she mumbled. “You two look so close. But I’ll bet she still hasn’t told you anything about herself, really.”

I closed my eyes, taking long, measured breaths. “Sash, I really don’t want to talk about that.”

She winced. “I’m sorry. This is a bad time, isn’t it?”

“I don’t want to keep you. I know you’ve got a lot on your plate.”

She looked down. “Cassie…”

“I guess I don’t really see the point of it all.”

With a sigh, she pushed back from the counter, turning to the door. “I just wished we could have gotten more time together instead. But I guess Express comes first. I respect that. Just…” She glanced back over her shoulder at me. “Make sure you’re doing it for yourself, and not just for Parker, okay? It’s really easy to let yourself do everything trying to get a person to look at you.”

The words hung heavy over me long after she’d left, and I felt like I was moving in slow motion cleaning behind the bar.

Why was I doing this? Express—it had revitalized my brand, brought a purpose I hadn’t had before into what I did. But I knew that somewhere deep down, everything I’d done had been to be closer to Parker.

Was that all it was? Just trying to make Parker return my feelings? Because here we were—she did, and it still wasn’t enough.

I was still lost in my thoughts when I pushed out from the back maybe half an hour later and found myself face-to-face with the low glower of Gary Founders, and my stomach dropped into my feet. I nearly dropped the tray of clean dishes I was carrying.

“Hey, Cassie,” he said. There was no one else in the café right now. My heart thrummed, senses instantly on alert.

“What can I get you?” I said, carefully, neutrally, heading up to the register.

“You could come around the counter and run away with me,” he said, and I flinched, nose wrinkling. He laughed. “Hey, you don’t have to look so put-off by it. Wouldn’t be a bad offer for you.”

I closed my eyes, took a breath, and I visualized curly text. You don’t need to run the race. You just need to take the next step forward. Just one word at a time, I told myself to push through the conversation. “I’m on my shift right now,” I said. “What can I get you?”

“Morning Magic has expanded. We’ve made some big hires, and we’ve opened a whole new division to start selling new kinds of machines. I’d like you to spearhead it for us.”

People just kept walking past outside. Internally, I was screaming for someone to come inside, to see this, to pressure Gary into placing an order and moving along. This should have been busy hour. The weather was nice. Why was no one coming in? “I’m with Express Coffee Logistics, Gary,” was all I could manage to say. His name felt like leather on my tongue, heavy and oppressive.

“My assistant Tatiana has helped work out a whole transfer strategy for you to switch over to Morning Magic,” he said. “You’re going to leave Express and build slowly towards an announcement—”

“Are you going to place an order?” I said, surprising myself with the way I cut him off, and it surprised him too—and it turned into an ugly scowl right after.

“Cassidy. Don’t interrupt me.”

“I’d like to get your drink started,” I said, standing still, one hand on the counter, playing it cool, like I wasn’t sick to my stomach with my heart hammering.

“You left Tatiana hanging,” he said. “You promised her a meeting at Market Corner. You never showed up.”

“I didn’t promise her anything. She said I could see her there if I wanted—”

“Let me finish, Cassie.” He leaned over the counter, and I backed up against the opposite side. “You’re going to meet with both of us this time. And you’re going to be there.”

I shook my head, feeling lightheaded. I tried to say something, to say no, but words—I couldn’t do words right now.

“Do you think you’re better than us?” He leaned over the counter. “I’ve heard some interesting news about Express from Tatiana. Seems like Parker is hiding her personal expenses by the thousands. If even Tatiana didn’t know what she was using these secret purchases for, you don’t, either, do you?”

I squeezed my eyes shut. “Do you want your latte? Medium, extra-hot?”

“Come see us at Market Corner, Cassie,” he said. “Tomorrow. Four o’clock. Otherwise, people might learn something new about you.”

My blood ran cold. “What are you talking about?” I heard myself breathe, but I already knew. My head was spinning. He grinned like a cat over a mouse.

“I had to wonder what I’d done wrong when you’d left me. I thought to myself, I swear, I was so good to her. I gave her every last little thing. I took it personally, you know. You know how to hurt somebody.”

I gripped the counter tighter. My lungs hurt like they were full of molten metal.

“But turns out I can’t take it too personally after all. Should have known you were a lesbian all along, but you did a good job hiding it.”

“I’m not…” My head spun, but there was no use trying to deny it. “You’re threatening to out me.”

“Tomorrow at Market Corner, four o’clock,” he said, turning back to the door, raising a hand over his shoulder in a wave.